A/N: Sorry for the issues with my first upload. It was an issue with the website. My apologies. Thank you guys for letting me know about said issues. and thanks for the reviews! Glad you guys are enjoying the story. I am working on Chapter 2 as you guys are reading this.
If I should continue or just stop it! It was a typical Saturday night in the small town of Lima Ohio. Couples were dining at Breadstix. The movie theater and bowling alley were packed. Students from William McKinley High School were scattered throughout different parties. And yet, one Rachel Barbra Berry was stuck home alone.
Maybe I'm just not good enough, she thought. Maybe I should just give it all up. That's why I am constantly harassed with slushie facials That's why I didn't get invited to Santana's party tonight, while the rest of the glee club 's why the rest of the club hates me. Most importantly, that's why Finn broke up with me.She thought, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her eyes were puffy from all of the crying. Just a day before, right after the Friday afternoon glee club meeting, Finn pulled her aside to tell her he wanted to break up. His excuse was simple: He still loved Quinn and she was a horrible girlfriend. She hadn't done enough for him and she was bringing down his rep. That was what really hit home for Rachel. It wasn't the fact that the love of her life, Finn Hudson, was breaking up with her for his ex, one Quinn Fabray. She understood that. After all, Quinn was the prettiest girl she'd ever seen. Not to mention, she was popular. Even after cheating on two of her boyfriends, getting pregnant and getting mono, she still managed to be one the most popular girls in school. But, she was gorgeous so Rachel kind of expected that. What really got to her was Finn pointing out how bad of a girlfriend Rachel was and how much it was affecting his popularity. This got to her because she knew it was true. Rachel knew she wasn't good enough for Finn. In her mind, she wasn't good enough for anyone. Hence her unpopularity.
She was sitting in her bathroom, looking down at the package of razor blades that was laying on the floor. She'd promised herself years ago that she would never stoop that low again. Not after it landed her in the hospital in middle school. She wished in that instant that her dads were home, but the two Mr. Berrys were almost never home. Usually they were away on some type of business conference, leaving Rachel to take care of herself. The next three weeks however, they were away in Hawaii, taking "a much needed vacation." A vacation that didn't involve Rachel, none of them ever did. She felt so pathetic. Not only was she a pariah at school. Her own friends couldn't stand her. Her boyfriend broke up with her. Her own fathers couldn't even be around her for more than a weekend.
She stood up, with the package of razor blades tight in her hand, looking in the mirror. She was listing in her head all of her terrible features: her nose, her stomach, her boobs. In her mind, nothing about herself was attractive. All of the cruel names the kids at school called her just played on repeat in her head: RuPaul, Manhands, Tranny, Bait girl on to catch a predator. I'm the ugliest girl ever. I have a terrible personality. Why would anyone want me? That's just it. They don't.
With that thought, her mind was made up. She slowly opened the package held tightly in her palm, pulling one blade out and holding it to her arm. Without a second thought, she took a deep breath and pushed the blade hard against her wrist, breaking the flesh and making a deep line across her arm. As soon as she saw the blood escape her arm, she exhaled in relief. She soon took the blade back her her wrist, making another deep cut. She felt as though a major weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. In that moment, she was the happiest she'd been in a while. Sure Finn had made her happy, but it was always wrong. She knew he didn't really want her. The only time she'd ever really been okay was all those years ago when she was cutting. She was just going to have to make sure she was much more careful about getting caught. There was no way in hell that she, Rachel Barbra Berry, was going to get locked up like a crazy person again. No one ever really understood, but it helps her. Who else was going to be there for Rachel besides Rachel? With that thought, she took a piece of toilet paper and held it tightly on her arm, before walking back to her bedroom and laying down comfortably in her bed.
For the first time in a while, Rachel got a full nights sleep.
There he was, Artie Abrams, spending his Saturday night in Santana Lopez's basement. The girl who stole his fucking girlfriend right out from under him. He really did love Brittany. His feelings for her more than surpassed what he'd felt for Tina during their brief relationship. He thought that him and Brittany were perfect together, but apparently Santana could give her things that he couldn't. That kinda made sense to him though, girls like Brittany never end up with guys like him. He's in a wheelchair, he couldn't believe she'd seen past that to date him in the first place. But, by some miracle, she did and he'd fallen in love with her, much more than he'd thought possible.
Brittany seemed to have forgotten all about him. Yeah, it had been several months since they'd broken up, but that doesn't mean he likes to see her and Santana making out from across the room. That just made him want to throw up. He of course was already regretting his presence at this party.
It was a typical glee club party, everyone was coupled up, spread out across the room. Well everyone except for Artie that is. Thank god for hard liquor, because without it, the party would be fucking unbearable. He knew that Rachel hadn't been invited, but he assumed that whatever she was doing had to be better than that stupid party. Even if she was just laying in bed in her pajamas watching Funny Girl, spouting off every one of Barbra's lines without hesitation. He could definitely see Rachel spending her evening like that.
As he began thinking about it, he realized how cute he thought it was that Rachel was so obsessed with Funny Girl. Also, her obsession with Barbra, as much as he claimed it annoyed him, was kind of adorable. If he was being completely honest with himself, he thought everything Rachel did was adorable, her smile, her outfits, even her crazy obsession with being better than everyone else.
Wait a second! Where was this all coming from? Why was Rachel Berry the thing going through his mind in that moment, a moment when the girl he loves is sitting across the room making out with another girl. She was definitely hot and now that his mind was going, he couldn't deny that he'd thought of her like that before, many times. Especially that one time the year before when Rachel shocked everybody by coming to school dressed as Britney Spears. Damn she looked good that day, not that she doesn't always. He'd never really understood why everyone was so mean to Rachel. Sure, she had a habit of being a bit overbearing, but that wasn't because she was a bad person, just the opposite. He honestly felt like it was just because she was desperate to be perfect, because she simply wanted people to like her. Besides no one else apart from Rachel would understand Artie's love for argyle. Did that mean that he, Artie Abrams liked one Rachel Berry, as more than a friend? He realized in that moment that that was exactly what it meant. But, he figured it didn't matter anyway. Why would someone as amazing as Rachel be interested in him, a loser who's girlfriend cheated on him with a girl.
All of a sudden, his thoughts were interrupted when he heard a part of Finn's conversation with Quinn. "No Finn. I don't want to be with you. I'm with Puck now, you know that." Quinn said quietly, clearly trying not to let Puck notice their little discussion. "Puck and I are really good together. I'm not going to mess that up. You and I never work out Finn. You said so yourself last year at Jean's funeral. Turns out you were right. We don't belong together." She added sweetly. That's when Finn finally spoke up. "No I was wrong before. You were right. Rachel looks like a fucking man. Someone as ugly as her should at least put out, to make up for the way they look, especially considering her horrible personality. She was a horrible girlfriend, who only thought about herself, not about my needs as her boyfriend. I'm so happy to have gotten rid of her. I just want you Quinn please." He begged.
Artie couldn't listen to anymore. There was no way he was just going to sit by and let Finn talk about Rachel in such a way. "What did you just say Finn? Did you just call Rachel ugly? First of all, Rachel is beautiful! Second, she is a wonderful person. And Lastly, she deserves so much better than you." Artie yelled, bringing every eye in the room to look at him and Finn, who was now standing up, towering over Artie.
"Oh come on Artie. Rachel's a bitch. That's obviously why she wasn't invited here tonight. No one likes her, we all just pretend to." Finn yelled back, leaning in a little too closely for Artie's comfort, making him roll his chair back away from Finn.
Just as Artie was about to speak once again, another voice piped up. "Don't talk about my hot little jew like that Hudson. I'm not afraid to kick your ass and you know that. You may be my 'best friend', but I would choose Rachel over you in a heartbeat." Puck said, getting close to Finn's face, even though Finn was still towering over him.
The next person who spoke surprised everyone. "Sure Berry can be annoying. We all hate it when she takes all the solos and she might be a little bit too full of herself, but other than that I really don't have a problem with her. The only reason I didn't invite her to this party is because she doesn't drink anymore, so she wouldn't have had any fun." Santana said, defending the girl who wasn't there to defend herself. Then with a sudden forced hostility added to her voice, she said, "And if you gotz a problem with that Finnocence, you can get the fuck out of my house, aforez I go all Lima Heights and get the razor blades out of my hair." With that, she slapped him fiercely across the face, leaving a red hand print blazing on his right cheek.
With that the party came to an end and everyone went their separate ways. Needless to say, no one had any plans of talking to Finn for a while. They did however plan to be a little kinder to Rachel. After how Finn treated her, she would probably need it.
There would be no way that any of them could have guessed to just what extent Rachel needed them. There was no way they could have known that at that very moment, while they all got into their cars to go home, Rachel was in her bathroom crying her eyes out, falling back into a habit she'd tried so hard to get out of many years ago. A habit none of them knew she'd ever had. A habit that almost killed her when she was only 12 years old. There was no way that they could have predicted that the next time they would see Rachel Berry on Monday, she would be a completely different person.
A/N 2 Please keep the reviews coming guys! I love getting y'alls feedback. 3 XOXO Rachel