Hi! In 2014 I made a ChitaHitsu fic called "Justice or Love: why now both?" that was a mix of both the anime and the manga. I did that because I wasn't satisfied with both version, but I come to accept the manga as main canon. So here's kinda of a reboot, only based on the manga version. Also, my views of ChitaHitsu had really changed since 2014, so expect something darker and more angst than the original fic. I hope you'll enjoy it ^^
Ah, before you read, I suggest you to read Koakuma no Riddle 4 and KnR epilogue first. KnR 4 is on dynasty while I posted a link for KnR epilogue on the AO3 version of this fic.
ps: Special thank you to tumbler user kanrose for proofreading this fic!
Why couldn't it just be a bad dream? She could have woken up and nothing would have happened, it would've just have been a nightmare. But unfortunately, it was reality.
Each time she woke up, Namatame Chitaru wished it was just a dream. But waking up each time in the same hospital room was just a cruel reminder that it was real. She tried to kill herself by drinking poison, and now she was hospitalized. She did this out of guilt, thinking she had killed the girl she loved. But fate had a dark sense of humour and decided to allow both of them to survive.
Kirigaya Hitsugi was Angel Trumpet. Her arch enemy, the person she swore revenge on. The ruthless assassin who murdered her teacher's daughter. Yet, she was also the sweet girl she came to fall in love with. But Chitaru knew it was only a facade. Hitsugi was a cold-blooded person, not the innocent girl she fell in love with. Yet despite knowing that, she couldn't stop her heart from loving her.
But she couldn't forgive her either. What she did was simply unforgivable. But Chitaru knew she was no better. She felt so weak. She continued to have feelings for the girl she was supposed to hate, and she felt regret over what she had done. She didn't know what was right and wrong anymore. All she wanted was to be with Hitsugi, yet she couldn't come to forgive her. Being with Hitsugi was causing her pain, and she wasn't about to let her suffering end.
"Good morning, Chitaru-san."
The swordswoman sat up in her bed and looked at Hitsugi. She came into her room, smiling. But Chitaru could see that there was sadness in her eyes. It was always the case. She may be smiling, but she was still sad in the inside. And so was Chitaru.
"Hello, Hitsugi."
"The doctor told me you could go for a walk, and it would help you with your rehabilitation. But he doesn't want you to go alone, so I'm coming with you. If...you're fine with it."
Chitaru sighed. She knew where this was going, Hitsugi acting like she was giving Chitaru a choice, while in reality, she already knew her lover wouldn't refuse. And Chitaru didn't have the strength to actually refuse anyway. Deep down, a part of her didn't want to hurt her. She already hurt her once, she didn't want to go through the same guilt once more. Even if it meant falling for Hitsugi's manipulation over and over again.
"Of course," Chitaru simply replied as she stood up, grabbing her cane and leaving the room with Hitsugi.
"The weather is pleasant today, isn't it?" Hitsugi said.
"Mmhm."
Chitaru had nothing to say. She let Hitsugi talk about nothing and everything while she simply mumbled from time to time. They were walking outside the hospital, in the park, holding hands. It wasn't a romantic gesture though. It was simply to help Chitaru, who was still weak from the poisoning, to keep her balance. But the taller girl felt comfort in that physical contact. And she felt guilty to feel that way towards Angel Trumpet.
But there was something on Chitaru's mind, something she wanted to ask her for a while. But she was afraid to ask. Afraid that it might worsen their current situation. But she needed to know. She knew it was the right thing to do. She felt like a sinner for loving her enemy, so the least she could do was doing what was right for once.
She waited for them to be far enough away from others before asking her question.
"Hitsugi...why did you become an assassin?"
This question seemed to have taken her partner by surprise. It didn't seem like she wanted to answer, but she still opened her mouth.
"Why do you want to know that, Chitaru-san?"
"I just need to know...why she was killed."
Hitsugi looked like she was hesitating. Her eyes looked so sad yet, Chitaru saw no remorse in them.
"I was just raised to be an assassin since I was a little girl. Datura took me in and trained me. I always thought it was my vocation, so I did everything necessary to succeed as an assassin. And I eventually became their ace. But it changed when I met you. Thanks to you, I understood that I was wrong. I deeply regret my action, but I understand if you can't forgive me. I'm just a disgusting little bug after all, while you're such a great and decent person."
Chitaru suddenly had an unpleasant feeling in her chest. Hitsugi was back at her self-deprecating act. So many lies. The beginning could have been the truth, but the rest was all lies. Chitaru knew she didn't regret anything. Hitsugi didn't change. She was still the same as before, still Angel Trumpet. But even though she knew that, she was still in love with her.
"Why her? What had my teacher's daughter had done to deserve this?"
"It was nothing personal. She was defending someone who was against our cause- one of our victims. She was a threat to us. So I was asked to take care of her. It was just another mission to me… but I regret it. If I knew she was your friend, I wouldn't have done it, I swear."
Lies. Even more lies. Not all of it, though. Now at least Chitaru knew why she was killed. She died due to Hitsugi's ambition, her desire to succeed in her group. Her teacher's daughter was just collateral damage. She should feel angry, yet she couldn't bring herself to be mad at Hitsugi, no matter how awful she was. tears began to fall from her eyes upon this realization. Hitsugi immediately looked sad, but not surprised.
"Chitaru-san, why are you crying?"
"Because...I love you, Hitsugi."
A soft yet sad smile appeared on the shorter girl's lips.
"I love you too."
Hitsugi stood on her tiptoes and gently wrapped her arms around Chitaru's neck, before stealing a chaste kiss. The grief-stricken redhead did nothing to prevent it... and part of her even enjoyed it. But deep down, she felt disgusted by herself. She was a sinner. The kiss felt so warm, yet there was a bitter aftertaste in it. Hitsugi eventually broke the kiss, softly stroking Chitaru's shoulders.
"Let's go back inside, okay?" Hitsugi proposed.
The shorter girl softly led her into the hospital, Chitaru offering no resistance. She could still feel Hitsugi's warmth on her lips, and she couldn't help but think about her soft lips.
Yet, she could still feel the bitter aftertaste.
"Chitaru-san ~" Hitsugi said with a hushed voice.
The swordswoman didn't expect that sight when she woke up. It was still dark, so it must be the night. The room was weakly lit by the moon outside. Chitaru had been awakened by something somewhat heavy on her. Hitsugi was straddling her, looking at her seductively.
"Hitsugi…?"
"Shhh, don't be too loud. It may be night, but there are still employees around. It would be bad if someone happened to hear us, wouldn't it?"
Then suddenly, before Chitaru could say anything, Hitsugi pressed her lips against hers. Her soft and warm lips, yet so bitter... their taste was so intoxicating. Chitaru let herself get charmed by them, giving up to her desire, feeling Hitsugi's hands dangerously approaching her chest. But a part of her suddenly woke up, realizing that it was wrong. She suddenly broke the kiss, nudging Hitsugi away.
"Hitsugi, what are you doing!?"
The shorter girl looked stoic for a moment, before she gave a fake smile, tears in her eyes.
"You're right, I shouldn't. I'm a disgusting bug after all. I have no right to touch Chitaru-san like that. You must hate me right now. I'm unworthy of you. I should just leave..."
Chitaru knew it was best if she didn't do anything. She knew Hitsugi was just manipulating her yet, she fell for that same trick again. She couldn't bear to see her sad. She grabbed the shorter girl's arm, preventing her from leaving.
"Don't go," Chitaru asked, almost begging.
Tears were rolling from Hitsugi as she continued to smile on. There seemed to be something else in her eyes. It looked like...guilt? Chitaru wasn't sure. Hitsugi wiped away her tears and leaned on her, suddenly adopting a lustful expression. She then grabbed Chitaru's hands and guided them on her hips, helping them to find their way under her clothes. Chitaru simply followed her lead, letting Hitsugi do as she please with her, as usual.
"Who knows, maybe it'll help your body to recover," Hitsugi whispered sensually.
Hitsugi took joy in removing both of their tops before going in for another kiss, pressing herself on Chitaru. The latter wrapped her arms around the shorter girl's hips, wanting to feel her even more. She wanted to be closer to her. She wanted to feel her warmth all over her. The temperature of the room seemed to rise and rise as they continued to kiss passionately, until Hitsugi suddenly disappeared under the blanket.
Chitaru was putting her usual clothing, her school uniform. It was the only spare clothes she had. She felt like she was floating in her uniform. She had lost so much weight due to her hospitalization. She remained for such a long time in coma and motionless. But it was over now. She was free to leave the hospital. She was done with her rehabilitation.
"Chitaru-san?" Hitsugi called, shyly popping in the doorframe.
Chitaru finished up packing her things, before turning back to Hitsugi.
"I'm ready to leave, now," Chitaru said.
The shorter girl looked unsure, as well as nervous. Chitaru didn't like to see her that way. It caused her pain to see the girl she loved looking so troubled.
"Where are you doing to go now?" Hitsugi asked as she entered the room.
She said it with such a sad expression. Chitaru felt pangs in her chest seeing that look on her face. It only made her want to gently hold Hitsugi to comfort her. But all she managed to do was to smile weakly, in the most comforting way she could.
"I've already told you, haven't I? I want us to live together, Hitsugi. I want to stay by your side."
This declaration made Hitsugi smiled with relief which somehow appeased Chitaru. She put her bag on her back and joined her shorter girl, before softly holding her hands.
"Are you...really fine with me?" Hitsugi asked.
"To be honest… no. But… right now, this is what I want."
This answer brought tears in the short assassin's eyes, yet she was still smiling. Chitaru ended up feeling bad, but she wanted to remain truthful.
"I understand. Let's go home now, Chitaru-san."
"Yes, Hitsugi."
And they left the room, hand holding, Chitaru wondering for how long she could keep this act up. She first chose justice, yet she was now following love. But this love felt sick, and she was worried that one day, justice would come back to bite her. But until this day came, all she wanted was to be with Hitsugi… for just a little bit longer.
So, at least for the time it will last, Chitaru Namatame will choose love over justice.
Kinda more pessimistic than the original fic. Well, with what was revealed in the official doujins I can't help but see this ship as potentially toxic. Yet, I still want them to be happy so eventually, it will get better. But before that, expect angst.
I intend to continue this so if you're interested let me know! Thanks for reading ^^
btw, there is a AnR discord server. If you're interested to join, add me: RickyOtaku#5402