A/N: So. This is SasuSaku oneshot. Stupid Sasuke, I don't even like the guy and he manages to worm his way into my fics. Maybe I'm denial? Or I just like writing him because I'm dissatisfied with his character in the manga and anime. AU, non-massacre Sasuke's okay. I like my version here because he has emotional issues. And his older brother got both their senses of humor. (Itachi's not exactly an S-class nin here... be warned)
Sakura's OOC too. Because I strongly abhor fangirl-y ninjas. And this is an AU where a lot of things happened and a lot of things didn't so you really can't expect everyone to turn out exactly the same. How do I put it...? They're reacting to different stimuli? Psh, I dunno.
Warning: the mentioned OOC, AU in which Konoha 12 are college age, Akatsuki working at a strip mall, some Uchiha and Hyuuga parents dissing, a teasing Itachi making life hard for our favorite little duck-butt-head, and NaruHina/KibaIno/YahikoKonan side pairings. And an outraged band of mimes.
So maybe I'm not the curviest girl in the world. And maybe I was wearing some of Naruto's old clothes. My hair may have been cut short. So what if I didn't exactly look feminine?
Heroines in fairy tales never get mistaken for boys, so I don't see why I should.
It all started when I stayed over at Naruto's. No, wait, that's wrong. It all started when I got in a fight with Ino and she got her gum in my hair and I had to cut it... no, that's wrong too. I suppose it never would have happened if I hadn't gotten a job at the Akatsuki Plaza Strip Mall.
To start with, I work in a clothing store with Konan, whose boyfriend works over at the tattoo and piercing parlor with their best friend, Nagato. Yahiko managed to coax me into getting these awesome piercings, but not any tattoos. But that's beside the point.
Because of my getting a job, I met Hinata Hyuuga. The sweetest girl in the entire world, who happened to attend the same high school Naruto and I did. Apparently she wasn't really in her family's favor, which is stupid because she's too nice not to like, so she got sent to a public school while her sister was in some private school with uniforms and everything. Eugh. Her cousin attended the same school too and her dad got seriously pissed when he was the top student and she was just average.
But I digress. So, I met Hinata and wouldn't you know? She had the biggest crush on Naruto I've ever seen. And Naruto is like my brother. What could I do but set them up? I'd suspected that Naruto liked me, and there was the perfect way to circumvent that!
Anyway, so Hinata and Naruto started dating and they'd been together about six months when I got into a fight with Ino. A real fight. Like she has a-bloody-nose, my-hair-is-pulled-out fight. During which my punch made Ino's mouth fall open and her gum popped out and into my hair. While she pulled my hair, she managed to get it very tangled up and the gum worked its way through.
So I had to cut my hair -it fell just slightly above my earlobe, layered because of the stupid gummy tangles- and I ended up staying the night at Naruto's because I honestly didn't want to put up with my mom and her incessant questions about what happened to my beautiful hair...
The second day of my new haircut was a Saturday, and I fully planned to stay at Naruto's until Monday morning, and go home after my college classes. This is where Sasuke Uchiha comes in, and messes up all my plans.
So I was re-wearing my skinny jeans (because Naruto wears his clothes baggy and so his jeans would fall right off my shapeless hips) and Naruto's shirt, with my converse. Naruto and Hinata had plans for a picnic that day, so I tagged along to the park and left them in favor of watching the skaters on the ramps rather than watch some sickeningly romantic couple enjoy each other's company and feel like a third wheel.
I don't know why I had worn small silver hoops in my ears the day before. If I'd worn dangly earrings than I would never have been mistaken for a guy. But with my un-feminine appearance, it was all too easy for one devastatingly handsome guy to come walking up to me and propose the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life.
"If you are free tomorrow evening, I will pay you $500 to pretend to be my gay partner at my parents dinner."
At first I hadn't realized the guy was speaking to me, but the words were ridiculous enough for me to snap out of watching some dude performing a complex trick on the half-pipe. I looked around to see who this guy was talking to, and found that the only person in hearing distance of my bench was a guy staring straight at me with very, very dark and serious eyes.
"Are you talking to me?" I asked. The man huffed and scowled, looking very awkward.
"You are the only other person in the vicinity," he said.
"Wait... so, you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend? But I'm a girl!" His eyes briefly scanned me, and a hint of confusion showed in his expression. I glowered at him.
"Yes, I'm a girl. I promise. So look elsewhere if you want a date."
I turned around and went back to watching the skaters. But I didn't hear anything like footsteps to signal the guy's departure and a strange, prickly feeling between my shoulders was making me tense. It was like I could feel the dude's presence behind me and his eyes boring into my back. Not a pleasant feeling at all.
I stubbornly refused to turn around, and he was the first to break the silence.
"That... does not matter. I only need someone to pretend to be my partner for a dinner at my parents. As long as you can pass for a gay male then your gender is no problem."
"Okay, Mister, why would you need someone to pretend to be your boyfriend?" I asked sarcastically.
"I have an older brother, who my parents used to give all their attention to. They were very proud of him. But when Itachi dropped out of college and took a job at a less-than-reputable store, and they got over their disappointment, they turned their attentions to me. At first I thought I would be able to deal with it but they have become very overbearing and I wish to be rid of their constant... affection," he sneered the word, as if it tasted bad in his mouth, "My father is an old-fashioned and stern man and the last thing he would approve of is my bringing home a punk skater and introducing him as my boyfriend at a family dinner."
It actually made sense. And even if the guy seemed very negative, I could understand wanting your parents to back off a little. As much as you love them, sometimes they don't understand that they need to let you live your own life and let you make your own decisions. So his cause seemed to be a worthy one. I found myself actually debating over helping him before I caught myself.
I hardly knew the guy and I was going to go run off to who knows where and pretend to be his boyfriend? Ha! Not likely.
But then, I sort of felt bad for him. He hadn't said anything about being jealous but I could hear the tones of bitterness in his voice when he spoke of how his parents favored his brother. That could really mess someone up. But then, that would only mean there were more chances of him turning out to be insane!
I wanted to help him, I did, but I didn't want to end up kidnapped by a serial killer or anything either.
And there was that $500.
"Uh, well, can I speak to this brother?" I asked. The guy looked startled, before his eyebrows drew together angrily. I thought he would refuse but he gave me a short nod and tossed his phone to me, after dialing a number into it.
"Thanks..." I muttered, and pressed send before holding the phone up to my ear.
"Hello, little brother. Is this about the box of my belongings? Because I told Father already that I didn't want anything I didn't take with me," said a familiar voice.
"Itachi?" I asked, recognizing the sound of Nagato's friend's voice.
Konan often had me join Nagato, Yahiko, and her so that things would be less awkward for Nagato and a few times we'd stopped by a certain adult store at the end of the strip mall to ask Hidan, Kisame, and Itachi if they wanted to join us. Those were the times that I became the designated driver as the only underage person in the group, and I'd often had Itachi sitting next to me in the passenger seat. He was good company because he always appeared sober no matter how much he drank, in comparison to Konan, Hidan, and Kisame who were the wildest of our group.
"Sakura?" he asked, "Why are you calling me from Sasuke's phone?"
I turned to the guy. "Your name is Sasuke? Sasuke Uchiha?" He nodded. "Itachi Uchiha is your brother?" He nodded again. "Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? Of course I'll pretend to be your gay boyfriend!"
He only stared wordlessly at me.
"Sakura?" said Itachi, catching my attention, "Did you just say that you were going to pretend to be my brother's boyfriend?"
I nodded, then realized he couldn't see me. "Yeah."
"So that was his plan. But why you?"
"He, uh, thought I was a guy. You haven't seen my haircut yet. And I slept over at Naruto's so I'm wearing his shirt..."
Itachi's laughter followed my words. I scowled at him through the phone.
"Shut up!" I said, "Next time I'll make you sit in the back between Hidan and Kisame when we go out again."
My threat seemed to work; Itachi stopped laughing, but I could tell he was smiling.
"Tell Sasuke he's chosen well, even if it was under a misunderstanding at first. Oh, and as for the reason why you called... No, Sasuke's not a serial rapist or anything. You're fine."
"How do you do that?"
"My secret. Kisame wants to know if we're still on for Friday?"
"If Nagato's stupid car ever gets out of the friggin' shop," I grumbled.
Apparently Itachi took that as his sign to hang up.
"Uh, bye..." I muttered, glaring at the phone.
"He does that," said Sasuke. I whirled around.
"Right..." The awkwardness of the situation finally seemed to sink in. "So, uh, what time should I be there tomorrow? Or, uh..."
"I'll pick you up," Sasuke said.
"Right. I, uh, I'll be at a friends until Monday, and picking me up at my mom's would be a bad idea, so, um... I guess you can pick me up there. I'll just check with Naruto." I fidgeted a little. I really didn't think that Naruto would mind but it still didn't seem right to not give him warning.
"Go ahead," said Sasuke. I sighed and got up, walking towards where Naruto and Hinata were sitting. Hinata spotted me walking and though her eyes widened at the sight of the tall stranger following me she said nothing but gently touched Naruto's shoulder, bringing his attention and azure gaze to me.
"Hey, Sakura!" He waved, grinning. "S'up? Who's this?"
I sighed. "Hi, Naruto. This is, uh, this is Sasuke Uchiha. He..." I paused, uncertain how to phrase it. Then I decided that wasting delicate wording on Naruto was pointless and just decided to spit it out. "He asked me to pretend to be his boyfriend tomorrow so his parents will stop breathing down his neck and so I was wondering if it was okay if he picked me up from your place tomorrow?" I blurted.
Naruto and Hinata were silent and I watched nervously as Naruto looked from me to Sasuke to me and back again.
"Dude," he said, "you really need to work on your pick up lines." He cracked up as Hinata smiled and shook her head. I saw Sasuke stiffen, utterly insulted, and couldn't help chuckling along with my idiot friend.
Eventually Naruto settled down and offered some of Hinata's onigiri to Sasuke, who reluctantly accepted. His smile when he bit into the delight that is Hinata's cooking (why can't I do anything to food but burn it?) made Naruto laugh once more and pound him on the shoulders in a friendly way. I grinned at Hinata, already seeing the signs of yet another friendship formed by Naruto, and she smiled shyly back, knowing exactly what I was thinking.
"So, you guys met at...?" Naruto asked. He'd suggested a cover story and was very eager to help, probably because he wanted to come up with something ridiculous.
"A park?" I said. Naruto laughed.
"No way, that's too boring!"
"Through the internet," said Sasuke.
"Boring-er," Naruto said decisively, "Think of something that will really make your parents cringe. How about a nightclub, where Sakura hooked you up with her friends to get a tattoo?"
Sasuke shook his head. "I do not have a tattoo nor do I want one."
"Well you're getting one. Temporary. But your parents won't know that," replied Naruto. I laughed.
"Okay, but that's all for the craziness. He's not trying to get disowned."
"What about Sakura's name?" asked Hinata, quietly. She was still shy around Sasuke but I detected a glimmer of mischief in her eyes.
"Satoru?" I asked, "It's fairly close to my name. Sort of. Well, they start with the same sound and have the same amount of syllables so I should respond to it more than if I just had a name like Arashi or something."
"That sounds reasonable," agreed Sasuke. I grinned.
"Great! So we have a name and where we met... how long have we been together?"
"I say two months," said Naruto.
"And a half," added Sasuke.
"Sounds good. Are there any important things about your or your family I should know?" I asked.
"As you probably guessed, I am the son of Fugaku Uchiha, who is CEO of Uchiha Security. Most of my family, though you would probably call them a clan, work there. If my father tries to intimidate you, stand your ground, because he's all bark and no bite when it comes to emotional things, like his sons. I attend college during the week so we would only meet on weekends. I am at the top of my class and I am majoring in Criminal Law. I am a black belt in two martial arts, but I do not like sports. I read when I have free time," said Sasuke.
"Whoa! You're really boring!" said Naruto. I whacked his shoulder. "Ow! What was that for, Sakura?"
"You're being rude," I said dryly, "So, if all you do is practice martial arts and read, how exactly did you end up clubbing?"
Sasuke smirked. "A business associate of my father's, Tsume Inuzuka, has a son my age. Because we get all of our trained guard dogs from the Inuzuka breeders, Father encouraged me to befriend Tsume's son, Kiba. He's been known to disappear for days only to be found passed out in a hotel in another state with three women and surrounded by empty liquor bottles."
"Oh my," said Hinata. Our heads all swivelled towards her and she blushed. "I... I know Kiba. Before my father, uh, disowned me, he and I were friends... along with Shino Aburame. We went to the same Private Elementary School. I haven't seen him in years," she finished sadly.
Hinata hadn't been officially disowned until she turned eighteen, but her father made it clear from the time she was ten that she would not be inheriting anything nor did he consider her anything but worthless to him. Hiashi was a very cold man, ever since he lost his brother when he chased after Hinata's would-be kidnappers and was shot and when Hinata's mother died just two months after.
Naruto patted Hinata's back consolingly, and quickly changed the subject. Hinata didn't like to have attention on her. "So, Satoru is what kind of guy? His personality is what?"
"My parents would most dislike a rebel, which is why I chose you. Pink hair is definitely not their idea of appropriate," said Sasuke.
"Ooh," said Naruto, rubbing his hands together excitedly, "Sasuke's not the only one going to get tattoos!"
I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue. "Whatever, Naruto. I guess I'll have to talk in a lower tone. And if I'm supposed to be some sort of rebel punk I'll forgo the table manners."
"And stop saying words like forgo," said Naruto, wrinkling his nose. We all laughed.
The next morning Sasuke arrived and drove Naruto and I to the mall. I didn't really go there when I wasn't working, and it was an odd experience for me to suddenly realize that I wouldn't be ringing up any clothes I decided I wanted.
We first went to Pein's Tattoos and Piercings where Yahiko was only too happy to show us to their selection of temporary tattoos. Sasuke chose one of two flaming swords crossing each other and I chose a wide selection (with the help of Naruto) of patterns, stars, and stylized birds.
The next stop was the store I worked at and I greeted Konan cheerfully but ignored the others. I didn't know the girls who worked there on weekends, so that was okay.
While Sasuke would be wearing his general attire of black dress shirt and grey trousers, I would be wearing ripped up jeans and a baggy tee. I could have borrowed from Naruto again but he really wasn't my size. So I purchased the jeans, a black belt, and the tee and gave the employee a small smile before we left.
On the sidewalk I hesitated.
"Sasuke, if you wanted to... to see Itachi, he works right over there," I pointed down towards the end of the tiny strip mall.
Sasuke turned around, his expression unreadable, and stared at the store.
"No," he said, and quickly turned around and headed back to the car.
"Who's Itachi?" asked Naruto.
"Sasuke's brother. He's Nagato's friend..." I said.
"Oh," Naruto said.
We ate lunch at the place where Hinata worked as a waitress (and Naruto had briefly worked as a fry cook before deciding his true calling lay in becoming Jiraiya's editor. His godfather was elated, but Tsunade, his wife, had been less than pleased.) and left with her sitting next to Naruto in the backseat. Which meant we ended up staying at the restaurant for an extra fourty-five minutes while Hinata finished her shift and Naruto pestered Ayame and Teuchi, who'd known him since he was a puny little brat that ate there every day his godfather would let him.
Afterwards we headed back to Naruto's apartment (Jiraiya started travelling once he was sure Naruto wouldn't set the place on fire, and left his apartment to Naruto's somewhat clumsy hands. When he and Tsunade get back from Brazil, they're going to throw a fit at the state of the place!) where Hinata and Naruto headed off to make out on the couch while Sasuke and I applied our tattoos.
Afterwards I cringed, but obligingly ripped the sleeves off my tee, to show off the tattoos on my arms. I actually have biceps, thanks to my boxing lessons, and it slightly dismayed me to realize that I really could pass for a guy.
When I was dressed I used Naruto's aftershave to erase any feminine scents still lingering and turned to Sasuke.
"Well?" I asked, "How do I look?"
He eyed me, from head to toe, and gave a nod of approval. "Great. Now turn around and let me check to make sure your tattoo isn't crooked," I said. Sasuke decided that his left shoulder was the best spot for his sword tattoo and after seeing it (who knew that someone's back could be hot?) I had to agree.
Then we were left with an hour of which to go over the important details of our fake relationship, before we headed out in Sasuke's shiny black car.
I hadn't expected the mansion that Sasuke led me too. I immediately wondered if dressing so casually had been a mistake, then decided that it really didn't matter, because the point was to make his parents cringe.
Worse than the impressive house was his parents. His mother was beautiful, dressed impeccably, and she smiled at Sasuke with such love that it made me feel slightly guilty. His father was graying and his face lined but when he looked at Sasuke he seemed somewhat younger, as if watching his son took years off him. Their kind faces were enough to make me run back out the door.
Then his mother pulled Sasuke close to him and began fussing over him like he was six and his father began to lecture him on being late. When Sasuke tried to disentangle himself from his mother she let go, but joined in on their father. They concluded their joint lecture by insisting that if he were to move in back home that he would never be late again. I frowned the entire time, realizing they just really didn't want their twenty-one-year-old son to grow up, which was annoying, but definitely not uncommon.
What Sasuke was doing might have been a little heavy-handed in his attempt to get his parents to back off, but I could tell from the way he was handling his parents that he was genuinely unused to the affection they were giving him. His situation must have been like Hinata's, I realized, except this time the elder was the favored child. And he hadn't actually been disowned. And that was what provoked me to speak.
"Mr and Mrs Uchiha? Hello, I don't believe we've been introduced. I'm Satoru, Sasuke's boyfriend."
The resulting silence and tension could have been bottled up and sold.
"This better not be your idea of a joke!" said Fugaku, turning on Sasuke when he realized his son was not denying what I said.
"Believe me, Father," said Sasuke, walking around towards me and wrapping his arm around my waist, "This is no joke."
I had no chance to see Fugaku's reaction because Sasuke firmly pressed his lips to mine and without thinking, I kissed him. Surprisingly, despite the false circumstances, it was one of the better kisses I'd had. Sasuke didn't pull away when I deepened the kiss, and I did not deny his tongue entrance to my mouth.
The need to breathe made us separate. I glanced over at his shocked parents and grinned.
"So," I said, doing my best impersonation of Naruto, "where's the food?"
"That was a success, if your parents' farewell was anything to go by," I said sarcastically, as soon as we were out of the mansion. Sasuke turned back around and stared at me.
"Only my mother saw fit to hug me before we left, and it was the shortest hug I've had since..." he trailed off, and stared past me. I smiled sympathetically at him and climbed in the car.
"Well, I certainly had fun. Your father's face when he saw the tattoo... I thought he was going to murder me for corrupting his precious son!"
"Not in front of so many witnesses," said Sasuke. I recognized it as a joke (Sasuke's humor consists of sarcasm, sarcasm, and more sarcasm) and laughed.
"You know, you're quite a good kisser. You should find a girlfriend or something; can't let those talents go to waste," I said, flipping through my phone. Naruto texted me three times during the dinner to ask how it was going, but I wasn't going to text at the table. Not when the Uchiha family was much more fun to observe.
Sasuke made a choking sound as I flipped through my missed calls. One from Ino (hopefully to apologize -I'd have to listen to her voicemail) and two from my mom. I groaned and threw my head back so it hit the seat of the car. Hard.
"What?" Sasuke sounded so very shocked and incredulous that it made me pause, until I realized that he was really emotionally messed up and probably didn't quite understand the tone to use for concern.
"I have to go home tomorrow afternoon after class. Ugh. I really regret choosing community college over university, you know?"
"Don't ignore me."
"What? I just answered your question!"
"I didn't ask anything about your school!"
Oops. I flushed red.
"Oh, you were talking about the kissing thing. Well, I stand by my earlier statement. Unless you actually are gay?"
That choking sound again. I dialed voicemail, preparing to listen to Ino's voicemail. I was hoping it was an apology because as great a friend as Naruto is, you can't exactly talk about guys with him, and I really needed to have a good talk with Ino because she would never believe the story I had for her! When she finally apologized, that is.
"Hey, Sasuke, I'm probably going to end up telling my best friend about this, but I'll keep your name out of it. That okay?"
"No," he said. I frowned, and contemplated doing it anyway, "No, I'm not gay. And I could care less about what you tell people."
"Great!" I said, happily. Ino would be so jealous when she heard of my fake-date with the super-hot, incredible kisser that was Sasuke Uchiha.
"Just wait until she hears about the feeding each other dessert part..." I muttered, already sending a text to Ino, regardless of the contents of her voicemail.
Though he tried to hide it, I picked up on the low chuckle from the driver's seat.
"Well, that was a lot of fun," I said, staring up at Naruto's apartment.
"I have your money," said Sasuke. I immediately flushed because after enjoying myself so much (especially with those kisses... mm...) it didn't seem right to take the money.
"Ah, just pay me back for the clothes and we'll call it even?" Sasuke frowned at me, dark eyes boring into mine.
"If you are certain," he said, obviously not believing me.
"Well, maybe your right. I suppose I should ask for another kiss, then," I teased.
I really should have realized that Sasuke's sense of humor is limited to sarcasm. Not that I'm complaining or anything! I'm just disappointed in my lack of observation.
"Thank you," I said, smiling at Sasuke. He nodded and turned back to the wheel. The darkness, however, was not sufficient to hide his faint blush.
I tried not to laugh, and cleared my throat, catching his attention. "You know," I said, "I wouldn't be averse to doing something like this again sometime... as long as I'm not pretending to be a guy, that is."
He stared at me for a long time, before gracing me with a small, hesitant smile.
I really spend too much time with Konan and Pein because for our second date I brought Sasuke along with us to their get-drunk party (Nagato's van was still in the shop and my co-workers really aren't patient people) and ended up receiving a very heartfelt and drunken confession of love from my favorite Uchiha, which Itachi did not hesitate to record and post on Youtube.
Ino and I made up, and traded boy stories. While I was pretending to be a gay male and falling for Sasuke, Ino was waking up in Paris with a handsome Inuzuka. Her voicemail had been a plea for me to rescue her from a band of mimes that apparently took great insult to something Kiba didn't remember doing.
Everything turned out alright, but sometimes I wish that my fairy tale romance (You try kissing Sasuke and describing it. The only word that will come out is magical. I guarantee.) had gone a little better. For instance: not being mistaken for a guy by my Prince Charming.
But all it takes is a look at my boyfriend for me to realize that I really, truly can say that I have what every little girl dreams of.
In the form of one Uchiha-shaped package, I got my very own happily ever after!
A/N: Ahh... the fluffiness of it all. My original fiction co-writers have gotten me hooked on writing it. Blame them for the sappiness.
So, I'll just take this space to blab on about the AU. If you don't want to read it, please scroll down and review.
Deidara and Sasori work in the art shop next to the adults only store. Sasori and Kakuzu (Kisame, Itachi, and Hidan's boss) regularly get into fights. And Deidara and Sasori argue all the time too because Deidara insists that art is in the making of it while Sasori says art is the finished product. The noise from both shops (the art store because of the artists' bickering) makes Kakuzu and Sasori start screaming at each other. Zetsu and Tobi work at the small plant shop that specializes in rare plants. Despite the fact that they deal in potted plants and the Yamanankas are florists that specialize in bouquets, they consider each other to be competition and a rivalry exists between the two stores, mainly between Zetsu and Inoichi.
The Hyuugas own some technology company (like cameras and computers and all that fun stuff) and Hanabi stands to take her father's place as head or CEO or whatever. Neji was accepted to an amazing college on a scholarship and he has plans to outdo his Uncle and cousin. Relationships between him and Hinata are strained, though Naruto plans to change that. Tenten's family owns a Chinese restaurant that happens to be a favorite of Neji's. Lee and his long-lost Uncle Gai live in the apartment above the restaurant. Gai owns a dojo directly across from Akimichi gym. Chouji and Lee are friendly with each other while Chouja and Gai have a long-continued contest of who can eat the most BBQ. Shikamaru and his father work at a wildlife preserve. The Aburames are Entomologists (bug scientists).
Kakashi is Jiraiya's agent. Orochimaru, Kabuto, Kimamaro, Tayuya and the likes of them are touring the world as the amazing band: The Sound Four! No one questions their misleading name. Orochimaru is the main vocalist and Kabuto is their manager. Asuma is the son of the mayor and is "involved" with his father's secretary, Kurenai. Iruka is the principal of the high school Naruto, Sakura, and Hinata attended.
As for the Suna nins? I have no idea. But if I write anything else set in this AU I'll probably come up with something.
If you've read this far, why don't you review? Have any thoughts on what the sand sibs are up to?