Hello, readers... The scene is taken from The Clone Wars, season 7, that never aired... or was fully animated. But it's out there... on YouTube, of course. Basically, what I've done with this is taken dialogue directly from the Utapau story reel of The Clone Wars and expanded on it.
Though it never officially aired, The Clone Wars is considered canon, so I'd like to call this story reel canon too... maybe it's debatable, but I say The Clone Wars is The Clone Wars is canon, whether it was completed and sent over the air or not.
So enjoy this mix of The Clone Wars/fanfiction.
Note: If you're wary of slash, don't worry - it isn't slash. But if you do like slash, feel free to lace up this story and wear it, because it can go either way.
Investigating a murder with Obi-Wan Kenobi on a foreign planet he had never been to was the closest bit of normalcy Anakin Skywalker had felt in a long while. It didn't matter where he was with Obi-Wan - if Obi-Wan was there, it felt like home. Maybe not quite as at home as he felt when he was with Padme, but pretty close to it, anyway. Running around with Obi-Wan almost made it feel like there was no galactic war going on at all. It was just the two of them and their endless banter.
Anakin knew that whenever another Jedi listened in to what he and Obi-Wan were saying, they disapproved. The whole Jedi Order disapproved of Anakin and Obi-Wan's camaraderie. They thought they were too close to one another, that they had an attachment, that their friendship was an oddity - something any ideal Jedi would look down on - but they wouldn't let the Kenobi-Skywalker team be split up, because in the end, the Kenobi-Skywalker duo almost always won against the Separatists. While there was still a war going on, Anakin knew they wouldn't send him away from Obi-Wan - the Republic couldn't afford it. But just because they were the dream team didn't mean the Jedi Order approved of their friendship.
Once Anakin had even overheard one Jedi mutter to another, "The Clone Wars isn't supposed to be this fun," after she had watched Master Kenobi (member of the Jedi Council, High Jedi General of the Grand Army of the Republic) and Knight Skywalker (also a High Jedi General of the Grand Army of the Republic) throw snowballs at each other on some icy planet whose name Anakin can no longer remember. Usually, Anakin didn't care what the other Jedi thought about him and Obi-Wan, or anything else, but that had irritated him. It irritated him because it was accurate in a way, insightful. Somehow, the Clone Wars was often a lot of fun... if he was with Obi-Wan.
He didn't really understand why that was. All Anakin knew was that the other Jedi looked at their friendship in a suspicious manner. He figured Obi-Wan was oblivious to this... but Obi-Wan wasn't. Anakin didn't know that Obi-Wan had been given lecture after lecture about them being too close.
Right now, Anakin and Obi-Wan were stranded in the middle of a savanna. They had no vehicle, no other Jedi to scold them, and no other reminder of the fact that thousands of beings were getting killed in the name of the Clone Wars right at that moment. They didn't even have any animal to ride on, since Anakin had rushed into an attack and gotten their unfortunate creatures shot. They were completely isolated with nothing more than the clothes on their backs, some ration bars, and their lightsabers. Obi-Wan knew it was only a matter of time before Anakin saw to it that they lost their lightsabers somehow, so fairly soon, they would only have clothes and food.
But for now, they were going to have to walk. Obi-Wan only slightly complained at the start, and then he dropped it. He was accustomed to Anakin always making their situation worse before he magically led them to the right place every time. Other Jedi viewed Anakin's reckless actions as sheer stupidity, but Obi-Wan preferred to believe Anakin just knew how to magically execute the will of the Force in an unexpected way no other Jedi could. All of Obi-Wan's focus now was on the tracks that were scattered along the savanna. He was all into the madness of their duo, no matter how seemingly dysfunctional and fumbling their team was.
"They slowed to a walk here," Obi-Wan was saying as he was crouched over tracks in the dry, grassy dirt below. "Their base must be close by." Whose base exactly they were referring to, they could not be certain of yet.
Anakin's mind wandered to a familiar decision that he had grown so used to reaching over the past couple years.
"I'll contact Ahsoka," Anakin blurted out without hesitation, spilling the words before he even realized they were going to come tumbling out. "Maybe she can..." he trailed off.
They didn't need to have a Force bond for Anakin to feel that Obi-Wan had just tensed. Anybody - even strangers - could have easily identified the tension that now hung in the air.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan said as he rose from the ground. The way he said it made it clear it wasn't the beginning of a question. It wasn't a cut-off sentence or a word that ended in a sudden, awkward pause. It was just his name: Anakin.
And Anakin couldn't bear to look in Obi-Wan's direction as Obi-Wan carefully folded his arms behind him.
So instead, Anakin kept looking off sullenly in the opposite direction, his gaze slightly lowered. He continued to walk as if they even had a destination, and he heard Obi-Wan catch up by his side.
"Forget about it," mumbled Anakin, his face heated, as a combination of both intense embarrassment and overwhelming sadness cut through him like a knife. "She's gone."
He could practically feel Obi-Wan trying to make eye contact with him from his left, trying to see his face, but Anakin refused to look at anything other than a tree to his right. There was only a moment's pause before Obi-Wan said, "Anakin... do you want to talk about it?"
Anakin felt like a worm was suddenly snaking around in his stomach, but he found the sensation pleasant somehow. Anakin. Do you want to talk about it? Obi-Wan never said stuff like that. Ever. And definitely not in that soft, serious, concerned, completely not joking voice. But Anakin was only stunned silent for a moment before anger sprung into him. Anger at what, Anakin did not know.
"What's there to talk about?" said Anakin in a moody voice that made him sound like a teenager. This time he did look at Obi-Wan and met his eyes. Glared.
Obi-Wan backed down and looked away. "Nothing, I suppose," he said with confusion, raising a finger to his mouth as if he was thinking about something complicated. Now it was apparently his turn to feel embarrassed and uneasy. "Perhaps we should set up camp... sound like a plan?" he said in the most normal voice he could muster.
"Whatever you say, Master."
Master. Anakin still used that term over two years later. Sometimes he called Obi-Wan by his first name. And sometimes it was still just 'Master.' Obi-Wan never knew which one it was going to be.
The dusk descended on them. The view of the sky was beautiful - breathtaking. There were large moons visible, and the sky was ablaze with stars. Since Utapau was largely primitive, and Anakin and Obi-Wan were in the middle of nowhere with no lights for miles and miles, the night sky was one of the most extraordinary in the galaxy.
But neither Anakin nor Obi-Wan even took notice of it. Long gone were the days when Anakin would look up in the night sky in wonder, imagining that he would one day visit every planet in the galaxy.
Instead, Anakin silently made a fire and then stared into the flames with the most unhappy expression Obi-Wan had ever seen him wear. Obi-Wan could have sworn that Anakin had been pretending to warm his hands - one of which wasn't even real - over the fire for twenty minutes straight. And it wasn't cold. At all. Obi-Wan's eyes never left Anakin's face. He kept trying to get his former Padawan to look at him, but Anakin was as stubborn as ever. His face was even becoming flushed from the heat as he bent over the fire. Obi-Wan was wondering just how much longer Anakin could stand to sit so close to the fire in warm weather when Anakin finally pulled away, sweating slightly. But still, Anakin said nothing.
Obi-Wan had given his former apprentice plenty of time to start talking, and he wasn't. So he would talk first.
"Anakin," said Obi-Wan finally, breaking the silence that had lasted for nearly two hours. "Dwelling on Ahsoka's decision won't bring her back."
At least that wasn't a Jedi platitude or a lecture about attachment. Yet this fact did nothing to soften Anakin.
"I miss her, okay?" Anakin gritted out angrily. "Is that what you wanted me to say?"
Obi-Wan could feel the pain beneath Anakin's words, and he was momentarily brought back to the moment when Ahsoka met Anakin and Obi-Wan, how awkward it had been. Anakin hadn't wanted her. Obi-Wan had pretended he didn't know what was going on. He had immediately agreed to the idea that maybe Anakin should be assigned a Padawan. The thought had made him smile. Then he had told Anakin that it was actually he who was getting another Padawan, one to replace Anakin, and it had made Anakin jealous. Obi-Wan knew Anakin should have said, "That's nice," in an indifferent tone, that he should not have felt like Obi-Wan was replacing him, that feeling irritation was a sign of attachment, but Obi-Wan had secretly loved Anakin's disapproval.
All Anakin wanted at first was for Ahsoka to get back aboard the ship and fly back to Coruscant. Obi-Wan had hoped Anakin training a Padawan would have helped him with his attachment issues. But now, Obi-Wan knew that all Anakin wanted was Ahsoka back. Attachment all over again. Loss all over again. The Council's plan had backfired.
Obi-Wan said nothing and waited for Anakin to continue.
Anakin gave a small sigh. Then he looked over at Obi-Wan and said, "I still don't understand how she could've left the Order."
Obi-Wan swallowed carefully before saying, "It was a surprise decision to all of us."
"Well, it was wrong!" said Anakin loudly, throwing a stick to the ground angrily. "She's a Jedi - she belongs with us!" Then he stood up, apparently too agitated to remain sitting anymore.
Obi-Wan's gaze followed him. Anakin looked off into the night for a moment before looking back at Obi-Wan, his long hair unruly. He looked exhausted. Then Anakin said, in apparent disbelief, "She's one of us."
"She made the decision, Anakin," said Obi-Wan calmly.
"Well, what choice did we give her?" ranted Anakin. "The moment there were any suspicions about her loyalty, the Council turned their back on her." And then Anakin turned his back on Obi-Wan, anger smoldering.
Obi-Wan could not help but feel as if he was being blamed. Accused of something.
"I will grant you mistakes were made," Obi-Wan admitted in that same careful tone, feeling himself reverting back to the only thing he knew, "but she chose to leave. Part of the Jedi way is not letting emotion cloud your judgment, and that's precisely what Ahsoka did."
Oh, finally! thought Anakin. A Jedi platitude! I knew that was coming! Anakin shook his head from side-to-side a few times. This wasn't what he wanted to hear from Obi-Wan.
"... even in her most critical moment," finished Obi-Wan lamely. He didn't know what more to say. He knew that Anakin wanted something from him - something specific, but he didn't know what that was. There was a very long moment where Anakin looked out into the blackness of night and Obi-Wan tried to figure out what to say next. He wanted to help Anakin, but he didn't know how. He didn't know what to say. Anakin was not the typical Jedi. He just wasn't. Other former Padawans would be comforted by what Obi-Wan had said, but Anakin was anything but.
"Why don't you get some rest?" offered Obi-Wan finally, feeling defeated. Nothing he ever said to Anakin was the right thing, no matter how hard he tried. Two men speaking two different languages, always.
"I'm not tired," said Anakin insolently, sounding as if he was a four-year-old protesting nap time. "You can rest, Master. I'll keep first watch."
There was a lot of things that came to Obi-Wan's mind. The first one was, Yes, you are, Anakin. You're exhausted. Then the second one was, Don't call me 'Master.' Obi-Wan didn't really know why he noticed Anakin called him by his title here. Anakin always called him a mixture of both. So why did he notice that he was 'Master' in this exchange, and not 'Obi-Wan'?
Stop thinking of me as your former Master and think of me as your friend, and turn around and face me. Obi-Wan pushed this thought away and didn't say it. A brief memory of Yoda speaking to him over two years ago flashed through his mind before it could be pushed down: "Great are the challenges your Padawan will face. To be his friend your heart will urge you. But Obi-Wan, a mistake that would be. A friend young Skywalker does not need. A Master he needs, and a Master you must be."
Yoda had said that to him the night after Anakin lost his arm. Obi-Wan didn't like thinking about that memory, so he tried to forget it as fast he could.
Obi-Wan heard himself say, "Then I'll accept your kind offer," in a resigned voice. He settled down on the dirt on his side, facing away from Anakin's back. He was nearly as exhausted as Anakin, but his mind was racing, and he wasn't sure if he would be able to fall asleep by the time Anakin decided to wake him for second watch.
Looking away from Anakin made it easier to speak with him. Maybe it was easier for Anakin that his back was turned too.
"You can't take responsibility for Ahsoka's decision, Anakin," said Obi-Wan in a tired, but soft, voice. He knew Anakin blamed himself for what happened to Ahsoka.
For a second, Obi-Wan thought Anakin wasn't going to say anything, but then he said, "How would you feel if I turned into a major disappointment?"
The question hung heavily in the air, and Obi-Wan felt more uncomfortable than ever. When had this conversation's topic turned from Anakin and Ahsoka to Anakin and him?
"It's not the same," Obi-Wan said more forcefully than he intended. Anakin had just done a rare thing: he had put himself in Obi-Wan's shoes and hit him where there was weakness. Weakness because Obi-Wan knew that Anakin could tell if anything bad ever happened with him, Obi-Wan would have felt completely responsible. If Anakin became anything less than one of the most extraordinary Jedi the Order had ever seen, Obi-Wan would conclude that he himself was not a good enough Master for the Chosen One. He was aware Anakin didn't believe he was the Chosen One. He was aware that insecurity was buried deep inside Anakin, covered up by a false arrogance that seemed so real sometimes, even Obi-Wan was convinced. He was aware Anakin secretly thought he was a big disappointment to the Jedi Order. But Obi-Wan believed Anakin really was the Chosen One. Obi-Wan believed he personally was not a good enough mentor to Anakin. Shortcomings.
"It's precisely the same," countered Anakin immediately, knowing he had just shaken Obi-Wan. "You took me under your wing and practically raised me... I'm your Padawan, just like Ahsoka was mine. How well would you sleep knowing I failed you?"
Obi-Wan was both touched and uneasy at the same time. There was the sense of foreboding to those words that didn't rest well with him.
Maybe Obi-Wan felt he was not good enough for Anakin at the exact same time Anakin felt he was not good enough for Obi-Wan. The idea that Anakin thought so little of himself and so big of Obi-Wan was mind-blowing.
Head spinning too fast and drunk with fatigue, Obi-Wan admitted, "Not very well, I imagine..." Then his voice became softer again, and he said, fully believing what he said was true and would always be true, "Luckily, that isn't true... and never will be..."
Obi-Wan knew he would always be right about this. If either of them were going to fail the other, he knew it would be he, Obi-Wan, who had failed Anakin. Not the other way around. Anakin could never fail Obi-Wan, whereas Obi-Wan believed that he failed Anakin at least three times a day. And that was how it always would be. Forever...
Believing that he was the failure in this relationship was bizarrely comforting, and so Obi-Wan drifted off to sleep, completely unaware that Anakin still stood looking into the dark with tears coursing down his face as he silently wished Obi-Wan would say more.
But then the moment was over, and Anakin could tell Obi-Wan had fallen asleep. After a few minutes, he silently walked over to the fire again and sat near Obi-Wan. He sat there for a little over an hour, but it wasn't long until Anakin started to feel tired. He knew that he should've woken Obi-Wan before he risked falling asleep, but Obi-Wan was just as tired as he was, so he kept letting him sleep a little longer... a little longer... Fifteen minutes and I'll wake him up... Ten minutes...
Just as Obi-Wan had predicted, by morning Anakin had saw to it that their lightsabers were confiscated by primitive villagers who thought the two sleeping Jedi were the most idiotic beings in the entire galaxy. What morons didn't have the sense to keep watch?
And just like Obi-Wan had also predicted, Anakin managed to get them into the precise place they needed to be.
A little less than one year later, Obi-Wan found himself in hell. Red, rock white with heat, lava flowing all around the two Jedi - no, one Jedi and one Sith... and Obi-Wan was suddenly transported to this memory of that time he and Anakin were standing on the plains of a planet light years away, just the two of them for miles.
'How well would you sleep knowing I failed you?'
'Not very well, I imagine... Luckily, that isn't true... and never will be.'
It still wasn't true. It was Obi-Wan who had failed Anakin in the end.
You should've stayed up with your friend that night rather than falling asleep.
Wow, that was depressing. This scene in The Clone Wars really messed me up a lot. Credit goes to all the people who worked on creating the TV show. I just took it and wrote it. If you're interested, just search for Utapau story reel on Youtube, and you'll find it. This came from episode 2 of that story reel. This entire arc is actually pretty hilarious, so if you can manage to get past the fact the animation looks really bad, you'll probably enjoy it.
ALSO, yes, Yoda did say that to Obi-Wan... at least, he did in The Clone Wars: Wild Space by Karen Miller.
I hope you all enjoyed!