Summary: What if Magnus didn't show up at Alec's wedding. It's sad, like majorly sad.
'Endings are not always happy.' Alec thought as he watched Lydia approach, she looked beautiful, in the same way Alec knew Isabelle and Clary were beautiful, but he knew he'd never be able to love her like a man was meant to love his wife, the way his mother and father assured him would come in time.
Alec took Lydia's hand in his and let her place her gift on his wrist before he placed his around her neck and then she was lighting her Stele and marking his hand with the Wedded Rune and he did the same.
A steady thrumming blocked his hearing as the Silent Brother announced them as husband and wife, the sound in his ears beating in time with his racing heart and he glanced at his smiling wife and forced a matching one as his heart slowed but the thrumming continued while they walked down the aisle towards where the reception would be held.
Lydia's parents congradulated them first and then his mother was hugging him.
"I'm so proud of you, Alexander." SHe told him with a smile which he returned, though it didn't quite reach his eyes, not that his mother noticed or cared.
"I can't wait to be a grandfather." His father said as he shook Alec's hand.
Alec's heart stopped for a moment as he realized what being married meant to his parents.
"We'll talk about that later, we're not rushing." Lydia told them and Alec forced himself to breath again as his parents moved on and Isabelle and Jace replaced them.
"Alec." Jace began, "Are you...?"
"I'm fine, Jace." Alec said as he hugged his Parabatai.
"I can feel other wise, buddy." Jace whispered in his ear.
"I'm fine, I have to be." ALec returned as he pulled away to hug Izzy.
"I'm sorry, Alec." Izzy said softly.
"Why?" Alec asked.
"I thought he'd come."Izzy said, stepping back.
Alec frowned in confusion.
"Magnus." Izzy elaborated.
Alec's eyes darted to his wife but she was seemingly wrapped up in a conversation with a Clave Representative and Alec allowed himself monet to imagine what his life moght have been like if Magnus had shown up.
Jace looke startled at the surge of happiness from Alec and just as suddenly as is had come it was gone as Alec shook his head.
"It's best that he didn't." Alec lied, "It's better this way."
"Aled..." Izzy tried.
"Izzy, we have other people to greet and thank for coming."
"Okay, Alec." Izzy said and moved along for others to take her place.
There were congradulations from Clary and Simon, words of honoring family from the Clave representatives and other things but Alec couldn't remember them for the life of him and soon enough Lydia was escaping, dragging him along among laughs and giggles from the guests.
They made it to the room they'd been given for their new married life together and Alec couldn't breath when Lydia shut the door behind her.
"Alec, calm down, nothing has to happen." Lydia said softly as she hugged him.
"I can't, I'm sorry." Alec told her quietly.
"That's alright, we'll do invetro for children then." Lydia decided as she sat on the bed.
Alec breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you."
Lydia smiled sadly, "I wish you'd had the chance to be happy."
"I can be happy with you." Alec insisted, "I can try."
"But not the way Magnus could have made you happy."
"He said he wouldn't ask again." Alec curled his arms around himself, "I didn't expect him to chase after me."
"But you wanted him to."
"I..." Alec didn't know what to say as he sat beside her.
"You wanted someone to want you and try for you." Lydia said quietly, "I know how that feels."
"I always knew I couldn't have what I wanted." Alec whispered.
Lydia wrapped her arms around Alec's shoulders, "You can cry, I won't tell, mourn what you've lost. I understand it's okay, Alec."
And Alec let himself cry, for himself, for the chance at happiness he'd given up for his siblings to be happy and free, for his parents and thrie honor and for the lie the Clave had forced him to make, keep, and live.