The rain poured.
For days and days it poured.
You would grumble about it sometimes, but in the end we both knew you liked it more then the sunshine.
The sunshine is the old you. It is the feeling of carefree warmth on your bare skin. The feeling of seeing the one you love's face alight with joy. The feeling of digging your toes deep into the warm, wet sand and letting your mind wander as you watched the ocean.
It isn't like that anymore.
The rain…the rain isn't only the new you. It is the new me, too. I feel just as trapped as you do. I feel just as sad as you. But you don't believe it. Not for one moment. I feel that same desperation inside…that same painful tugging at my heart.
The moment it happened, you changed. I thought it was temporary grief. But the days turned to months, the months to years…and before I knew it…we were strangers. I don't recognize you anymore, and you hate me. We don't talk anymore. We don't make love anymore. We don't look; really look, at each other anymore. Because we know what we will see, we will see what we hid from for all these years.
You don't understand me. You never did after it happened. He was your baby, but he was mine too. I loved him just as much as you did. But you blame yourself relentlessly. The more I try to talk to you about him, about how it was an accident, the more you hate me. You hate me for bringing up what hurts you so. I hate myself for it, too.
You're leaving now. Your bags are packed. You hand your wedding ring to me and close it in my hand. It hurts my heart as you look at me with tears glistening in your eyes.
"So this is it?" I ask you softly. Your dull, lifeless blue eyes were once alive with love and happiness. You're nothing now, just an empty shell of the woman I loved.
You nod slowly.
He was my son too, Miley! I want to scream at you. I feel bad about it too, but it wasn't your fault! I try to scream. Don't leave me! Come back, come back and be my angel again! Come back out from the cloud that's hiding your sunshine! I can't scream.
"I'm sorry," You say as you gently take my hand. The hand your wedding ring lies in.
"Are you though?" I ask you. I know you're not.
"Oliver," You whisper, stroking my face gently, "I will miss you."
No! Don't go! I want to cry. Please! Don't! I don't though.
You let go of me and grab your bags. We look at each other again for the last time as I clutch your ring in my hand. The silver band is cool against my palm. I clench my fist shut tighter. The diamond cuts into my skin, staining it ruby.
I want to cry for the first time since our son died. I want to show and tell you how I feel.
But I can't, because you won't listen. Your heart is closed now. So I take a big breath and for once I make a very mature decision.
I just look at you and reply with, "Goodbye, my sunshine."
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