MEAT TIME
Scene 1
A clean kitchen-type setting with a large counter at the front, an oven and sink at the side, and the words 'LUFFY'S COOKING SHOW' in the background. Enter Luffy, happily, and a miserable-looking Zoro.
Luffy: Hi, I'm Luffy! This is my vict- assistant, Zoro!
Zoro: ...
Luffy: (Prods Zoro) Say hello to the nice people, Zoro!
Zoro: ...hello (grumpily)
Luffy: Welcome to Luffy's Cooking Show!
Zoro: Which I only agreed to do because Usopp has stage fright, a tragic and debilitating disorder which he cannot help having, AND I WILL KILL HIM FOR HAVING AFTER THIS IS OVER.
Luffy: Today, we are going to make... MEAT!
Zoro: (Quickly, worried) With, um, this lovely sau-
Luffy: NO! WE ARE MAKING... MEAAAAAATTTTT!
(A short, cheesy jingle plays- "meat, meaty meat YEAH!")
Zoro: Luffy, remember what I told you about meat...
Luffy:(Opens a cupboard door in the counter) (Ignoring Zoro) Right, we're going to need all the usual stuff you make food with-
ONE SANJI!
(Brings a tied-up Sanji out of the cupboard)
Zoro: WHAT.
Luffy:(Untying Sanji) Now, to get meat, we'll have to speak the language of the Sanjis - it's something like this-
(To Sanji, slowly)
CRAP-Can CRAP-We MELLORINE-Have MELLORINE-Some EYEBROW-Meat!
(Zoro stifles laughter as Sanji makes a 'cuckoo' gesture to the audience, before being pushed off by Luffy)
Luffy: We wait a minute and...
(A pause, after which Sanji enters with meat)
Sanji:(Places meat on counter) GROWL...
Luffy: And that's how we make MEAT!
(Luffy begins to eat the meat. Zoro, looking bored, prods Sanji)
Sanji: WHAT DID YOU JUST DO, MARIMO FACE? (Angrily)
(Zoro falls asleep, and Sanji looks furious. Sanji brings out a comically huge fish and slaps Zoro, who wakes and draws his swords.)
Luffy: Remember to play with your food! Join us next time, when we make-
(Luffy stops - Zoro, just waking up, aimed wrong and hit Luffy, knocking him out. Loud snoring from Luffy, and muttering about meat)
Sanji: (Annoyed) Aw, Zoro-baka, we never got to hear what he was making next week!
(Zoro just looks at Sanji) (An awkward pause follows, broken by the entrance of Helmeppo, who is doing the Funky Chicken Dance)
Helmeppo: Trolololol-
Sanji: (Kicks Helmeppo offstage) No, Helmeppo, no.
(Relaxing music comes on)
Zoro: I guess this is when the show would've ended
Sanji: NE-VER, dumb marimo.
Zoro: (Angry) What was that, Dartboard Eyebrow?
(The lights go out as Zoro an Sanji begin to fight)
(Le End)