"If you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones;
'cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs"
from Youth by Daughter
Once Upon a Time
There was a little girl
at the age where- you know- back then stonedust of Two is something to trace patterns in
and make little piles and cities with
and nursery tales were sweet
and she could pretend the tramp-tramp-tramp of the peacekeepers
was the clip-clop of the billy goats gruff
"Who's that clip-clopping over my bridge!" the troll roared
But back then
there weren't any trolls
and the bridge of herthen to hernow was so long
she didn't even have to think about it.
...
Then she grew
They made her a
bloody-killer vicious-brute
Career
(the word drips off your tongue like poison)
Career
(she'd been so little)
Career
(never going back)
But she was still young
you know- back then animal backpacks were the rage
and shiny Victor figurines were to die for
and she was still the littlest billy goat gruff
the troll wasn't there
and the bridge was still long.
...
Then she got older
older in body
older in mind
It's something she learned- animal backpacks are ludicrous
all you need is powerpowerpower
and there isn't a figurine or shiny toy in sight.
They showed her how to
killkillkill
and said she would be perfect for the Games
and the troll under her long bridge arrived.
"You'll go far sweetie," he smiled, words dripping off his tongue
like poison honey
The instructor.
The Victor.
The killer.
The troll.
And the bridge shrank
But she was still the littlest billy goat gruff
although barely.
...
"You'll go far sweetie," the troll said,
and she did
if killkillkill is how to go far.
She grew- into the medium billy goat gruff.
Because the littlest one said "Don't eat me, troll, the medium goat is better"
and abandoned her
and left the medium one to face the troll
and be eaten up- well,
all traces of the littlest one (all the goodness and sweetness of true honey).
The instructor-Victor-killer-troll ate her up
And there wasn't much left
because she was
a Career (poison)
a fighter (monster)
someone who would be great for the Games (killer)
and though she had fallen in love (with a great big goat)
the troll took control
and the bridge was nearing its end.
...
"I volunteer!"
She wanted to kill
(pain over stonedust, little goat)
She had no more will
(knives over backpacks, medium goat)
And the troll had his fill
(Games over love, big goat)
And she couldn't even stop after her love came in with her.
And she was the biggest goat now
who should have kicked the troll off the bridge (but she couldn't)
And she went over the bridge
To the 'berries'
(only knives and suffering, big goat)
She was in the Games.
...
"Stay with me!"
She couldn't. Even big goats can't survive forever.
"Please!"
He chose her, after everything, but it was too late (of course, dear, love never ends well).
"Don't die!"
Everything she cared about: Water under the bridge.
No more stonedust
Or backpacks
Or shiny toys
Or even love
Only poison honey
Corruption from the troll
(can't breathe, poison honey everywhere)
And cold, hard fact.
Too late for anything.
And the little girl who liked nursery tales was gone.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Clove."
Once Upon a Time
There was a little girl
at the age where- you know- back then the diamond mines of One were pretty
instead of caving-in oppressive-heat death-traps
and she could pretend lying still and silent in that darkness
was being Snow White instead of lost and afraid
and fairy tales were lovely
"I want to be the fairest in the land!" the queen shouted
"Here's a (poison) apple, dear."
But there was no Queen back then
There wasn't any (poison) apple
And she didn't need to be (and wasn't) the fairest in the land.
...
Then she grew
They didn't show her knives, it was
witchery witchery witchcraft
Because if she could be the fairest in the land
She could work witchery on anyone
And they started to make her clothes tighter
which hurt
But she didn't tell anyone
because Capitol clothes are to die for at that age
and to be the fairest in the land you needed to also be brave
and besides
the Queen wasn't there yet with her wicked (poison) apple
and she wasn't the fairest in the land yet (but close).
...
Then she got older
far older in body (almost fairest in the land)
but still young in mind "You mean I can't read fairy tales any more?"
"No, fair one.
No fairy tales, you can't play Snow White, and all you may wear is Capitol clothes,"
the Queen said.
The jealousQueen
fairQueen
trainerQueen
CapitolQueen
And her clothes got still tighter
which hurthurt
But she needed to work her witchery witchery
She was almost fairest in the land.
The Queen gave her the (poison) apple
Which was pretty and shiny on the outside (like the almost-fairest-girl)
But corrupted and rotten on the inside (like the Queen was making the girl)
Even though she had a best friend (most handsome in the land)
she listened to the Queen
"Witchery, dear. It's the only way
To be loved
You must be fair
A witch
Work your magic
And be beautiful
For the Games.
Smile for the cameras, dear."
She wanted to be loved
and beautiful
so she worked her magic (whyever did you eat the poison apple, dear?).
...
"I volunteer!"
Witchery witchery witchcraft was the only way
(Witchery over diamonds, little girl)
Her heart, cold as clay
(Beauty over stories, almost-fairest-one)
On that one wicked day
(Fairness over pretend, fairest in the land)
And even though her best friend came in with her
She still had to work her witchery witchery witchcraft
And even though her far-too-tight not-just-right clothes hurthurthurt
She ate her (poison) apple and listened to the Queen
"Smile for the cameras, dear."
Because she was in the Games.
...
Screaming
(nobody there for her)
hurting
(nobody cared for her)
dying
(nobody aware of her)
Was she still beautiful?
Was that stung away?
Why did the firegirl just break her fingers, like it wouldn't even hurt?
Tell me, please, am I still the fairest in the land?
Am I still beautiful?
Why isn't my best friend here for me? What a Marvel.
No more diamonds
Or stories
Or pretending
Only the (poison) apple
And corruption from the Queen
(can't breathe, clothes too tight, heart not right)
And the fact she never wanted to face all along:
Just because you're the fairest in the land
Doesn't mean anyone will love you.
And the little girl who liked fairy tales was gone.
Am I still beautiful? Do I still Glimmer?
Troll and Queen: one and the same
corrupters
poisoners
killers.
Clove and Glimmer: one and the same
Little girls missing pretend stories
And ending their own.