Selfish Wishes
Mamar: For as long as we can remember, Bowser has been making wishes like, for instance… "I'd like to trounce Mario" or "I want Princess Peach to like me." Of course, Stars ignore such selfish wishes. As a result, his wishes were never granted.
- Paper Mario 64
I never thought I'd see the day when I didn't mind a crowd.
The lobby of Princess Peach's castle was alive with movement, the dance floor lit up not only by the colorful strobe lights and the disco ball hanging from the ceiling, but also by the warm and happy smiles on the faces of the party guests. Their expressions were no indication of the aching pain and suffering we'd recently endured: the castled ripped from its foundation? The Princess kidnapped? An entire kingdom's worth of hostages held captive in the sky by Bowser? It was all nothing more than a bitter memory now, the consistency of a half-forgotten nightmare. This was the best of times, the Toad Town News bulletin had read, and it was true.
And only one thing can make this week even better…
I tugged at my dress, a red spaghetti strap gown, my back pressed up against the cool, stone castle wall. He's gotta be around here somewhere… Craning my neck and standing on tip-toe, I scanned the faces twirling around on the dance floor. Heels or not, I didn't have the greatest view; the castle lobby was filled to the brim with well-dressed party guests, everyone dancing energetically to the upbeat pace of a remixed pop hit. What if he's looking for me from the other end?
"Kit T.!"
It was my cousin, Dot T., sporting a sparkly, frilly costume that was magenta around her stomach but faded progressively to a light pink around the edges.
"Hey, D-"
"What are you doing?" she interjected accusingly. Her arms were folded across her chest, flattening her pink, peach blossom corsage.
"Nice to see you, too," I said dryly. "You look like a giant flower."
"I'm not kidding!"
Dot was the best cousin in the whole kingdom, but sometimes, she just drove me crazy.
"You're gonna mess up your corsage," I told her flatly, gesturing to the peach blossom sandwich on her wrist.
Dot glanced downwards and then unfolded her arms, brushing the flowers back to life with a quick swoop of her hand, before turning her attention back to me. "At least everyone will see that I have one. Show yours off!"
"It doesn't count if you bought it for me." Like Dot, I wore a corsage on my wrist. It was made up of daisies, dyed red to match the hue of my gown. It had been a thoughtful gesture on her part; she was trying to make me feel better.
A strange expression crossed Dot's face, like she couldn't decide if she wanted to hit me or hug me.
"Well, you're never gonna get one for real if you sit over here like a hurt puppy!" Dot nudged me towards the dance floor.
"That's not what I'm doing!"
"What are you doing, then?" she demanded.
I couldn't muster up a convincing lie.
"Kit!" Dot groaned, rolling her eyes. "I knew it! I knew you were standing over here, praying that, by some miracle, he'd come looking for you!"
I rolled my eyes.
"Are you sassing me?" she asked, only half-jokingly. "Kit T., I haven't seen you in three months, all of which I spent in a jail cell up in the sky, and this is how you treat me now that I'm finally home? Don't take your frustration about Gil out on me!"
I sighed, tugging at my dress again. "Sorry," I mumbled.
Dot watched me carefully for a minute before sighing herself. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I know you like him, but you can't sit here all night waiting for someone who isn't coming for you."
"You don't know he's not coming."
She gave me a look, one of those exasperated, jaw-dropped, are-you-serious faces. "When a guy says he's not looking for a relationship, he means it."
Gil had said that; I couldn't deny that much. He just hasn't realized his feelings yet, I told myself. Besides, Dot barely knows him! She doesn't know what he's really like. Things are different now; I can feel it!
The last time I saw Gil, our relationship had changed. We'd been talking at his house and listening to the radio when a breaking news bulletin cut in. As it joyfully broadcasted the news of the Mario's triumph and the hostages' safe return, he and I had jumped up from the coach. We exchanged exuberant glances, our smiles lit up with relief and excitement. He didn't stop there, though; in a surprise movement, Gil threw his arms around me and planted a messy and animated kiss on my lips.
Dot, however, didn't agree with my optimism.
"What about Flynn T.? C'mon, don't you think he looks striking in that tux?" Dot nudged me. "He's hot!"
I glared at her. What part of me liking Gil did she not understand? I wasn't going to go off dancing with another Toad, not when I was this close to winning him over.
"Dot!" It was her fiancé, waving her towards others wearing similar costumes. They were part of Princess' Dance Corps., hired to put on a show for the celebration (hence the giant flower outfit). "We need you over here! Show starts in twenty!"
She sighed, clearly exasperated. "Okay, one second!" She turned back to me. "There's a slow song coming up next… I'd better see you out there on the dance floor with someone!"
"Yes, Mom."
Dot stuck her tongue out at me as she walked away.
I couldn't stop myself from smiling a little as I watched her back disappear into the crowd. I'd really missed her over the past few months. I wish she gave better advice, though…she doesn't understand what it's like to have to wait for the guy of your dreams to realize he likes you. Her fiancé had fallen for her the moment he met her, right in line with the rest of her perfect, storybook romance. Not all of us are that lucky… Like me, for example. My true love was taking his time.
A flash of red caught my eye.
That's him!
It was the first glimpse of him I'd gotten all evening, of the only Toad in the entire Mushroom Kingdom whose mere presence could top the Princess' and hostages' return.
His name was Gil T.
My feet lighter than air, I hurried to catch up to the Toad I'd been aching to see.
"Gil!"
He didn't turn around.
I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, louder than the beat in the remix that was playing. What if he didn't like me? What if that kiss had been, well, just a kiss? What if, when I caught up to him, Gil sheepishly told me that he had other plans for the slow dance?
Stupid nervousness…
I needed a sign.
"Gil!" I called again, my voice shaking.
He probably can't hear me over the music… As Dot had promised, the DJ began to play a slow song.
But my heart stopped as the first notes began to play; it was an old song, one often played on the Golden Oldies Radio Station. No way…! It was a song that both Gil and I loved.
That was all I needed. The Star Spirits had just delivered to me the greatest proof that he and I were meant to be.
Gil was no more than ten yards from me now, his back to me. He looked great- no, nothing short of fantastic- all dolled up in a stunning black tux, dressed to the nines like every other guest.
He's so hard to catch!
He weaved expertly between the other dancers as they adjusted their pace to accommodate the slower song; he was a Toad with a plan. As I caught up to Gil, finally found him within my grasp, he reached his hand out to a Toad with pink spots. I'd never met her before, but I knew who she was immediately.
It was his ex.
My heart froze, as if I'd just been plunged into a bucket of icy cold water. Everything seemed to stand still.
She accepted his loving gesture, throwing herself at him and bursting into apologetic tears.
...What?
Gil embraced her for the longest moment. The other couples twirled around them.
I choked awkwardly; I'd forgotten to breathe.
And then Gil turned to face the dance floor, to bring his ex-ex girlfriend to center stage to show her off, to whisk her away in his arms. In the process, he almost ran straight into me.
"Kit!" he sounded startled, but he didn't take his arm away from his ex.
My lower lip started to quiver. Was this really happening?
Gil's expression contorted as he bit his lip.
Run, I thought. Don't let him see you cry.
He groaned, smacking his free hand against his forehead.
I stared at him blankly.
"Crap, this wasn't supposed to happen like this!" His cheeks reddened with embarrassment. "About last week-"
I turned slowly, stiffly, away from him.
"Look at me, Kit."
He sounds so sincere, I caught myself thinking. He's clearly upset, and he sounds sorry… And then I remembered who his arm was around.
I ran.
"Kit, wait!"
He'd told me not to fall in love with him, that he wasn't in the right place to start a real relationship. But these past few months, things had changed! He'd been giving me all the right vibes, been flirting with… he'd kissed me, for Star Spirits' sake! Gil only thought it was his ex he still loved; if he just stopped for a second to think, he'd realize it was me he'd fallen for. I'd been waiting right here for so long; couldn't he see how perfect we were together?
As I pushed the heavy castle door open, I imagined he was chasing after me, yelling, "Someone stop her!" He'd be panicking, his heart beating at twice its usual speed in his throat, as he realized that the greatest Toad he'd ever met was running away from him.
The castle grounds were dark and quiet. As the front door to the castle clicked shut behind me, the music sounded muffled and distant, and I could hear the silence outside as my ears began to recover from my standing too close to the speakers on the dance floor.
I imagined that Gil would be looking for me in a panic, and when he spotted me out here in the courtyard, he'd chase me and grab my shoulder to stop my flight, his hand tightly gripping me.
"Kit," he'd choke out between breaths. "Let's talk about this. I thought it was her that I wanted, but it's you that I love, and it took me until now, until I almost lost you, to finally realize it."
I stood close to the castle door, willing my scenario to unfold.
No dice.
How many wishes had I made, how many times had I sat up half the night longing for things to be different? I wish Gil T. would like me; I wish he'd get his act together and get over his ex… can't he see how perfect we are together? I'd bargained everything, promised the Star Spirits (and whoever else would listen) that I'd do anything if he'd just realize that I was the Toad for him!
If I waited a little bit longer, I kept telling myself, he'd realize how much he liked me. Guys don't just kiss any random girl. All I needed was a little patience. Any day now…
But he's in there dancing with his ex.
I was trying not to cry, tears threatening to burst out of my eyes. Maybe if I just gave him one more minute…
"Hey, are you okay?"a male Toad asked me. In my stupor, I hadn't even noticed him standing nearby. "Oh, whoa, Kit!"
It was Art, a Toad I'd grown up with. He and I had gone our separate ways after school ended, and I hadn't seen or heard from him since, not that I cared right now.
Gil wasn't coming for me. Dot was right.
"Are you waiting for someone, too?" Art T. asked, his brow knitted with concern. "Hey, are you crying? …Is everything okay?"
No, it wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. It would never be okay.
Breezing past Art, I tore my heels off and started running, straight towards Shooting Star Summit as the startled Toad tried calling after me.
When the Princess' castle was ripped from the ground and all of our friends and family were stolen from us, Gil and I were two of the lucky ones who managed to escape. He'd started panicking as we watched the castle disappear into the sky, and, not knowing what to do in the wake of all that had happened, I started talking to him out of reflex more than anything else. What can I say, I ramble when I'm scared.
But our relationship blossomed from there. A year apart in age, it turned out we had a number of things in common that went far beyond the temporary loss of our families and friends. We both loved old music (especially the Golden Oldies station!), hanging out at Club 64 (not that it drew much of a crowd during the Princess' absence), and we'd spend the days together, talking about anything and everything. We were both on the adventurous side; together we'd hiked through Dry Dry Desert and ventured into the Forever Forest while we waited desperately for news of our friends and family. "My ex never would've done this with me," Gil had told me once. "You're amazing, Kit."
Very quickly, Gil went from being a Toad I barely knew to my best friend. Maybe more. As time passed, his ex's name came up less and less, and we began to look like a real couple. It felt that way, too, and I found myself wishing that things could be different, that we could be a real couple. He was everything I'd looked for in a boyfriend, but what was really amazing was that, even in the worst of times, he'd managed to change me for the better: I've always been a traveler, constantly roaming around Mushroom Kingdom, but as Gil and I got closer, I actually started to think about settling down. My patience had grown exponentially, too; I didn't even hate crowds the way I used to!
And then the Princess came home. We shared that beautiful kiss, and I knew things had forever changed for us. I lost touch with him briefly; the past week had been so full of teary, beautiful reunions that I hadn't seen him, not until tonight. But even in the excitement of family and friends returning home, he hadn't been forgotten.
I ran straight to the top of the summit, standing in the center of it as I screamed to the stars.
"What did I ever do to you?" I cried to the heavens. I could see every star glistening across the sky, and I wanted an explanation.
"I did everything right, I was the perfect Toad for him, and you let this happen?" If I hadn't known better from listening to news of Mario's adventure, I would've doubted the existence of a higher power all together.
"Do you hate me?" I yelled. "He was all I ever wanted! He was perfect for me! He was kind, sweet, handsome, caring, we had everything and anything in common, there was chemistry, and I bet everyone else thought we were the perfect couple, too! And he kissed me! Doesn't that mean anything, or was that just a tease?"
"For once in my damn life, I wasn't itching to get back on the road and start travelling again! I thought that, maybe this time, things would work out for me!"
Why had I expected this to be any different?
But I had, and I hated the Star Spirits for it right now. I hated them for not granting my wishes, for breaking my heart, for making me watch as Gil so foolishly went back to his ex…
I fell to my knees, sobbing.
"What did I ever do to you?!"
There was a flash of light, accompanied by the strangest, most sparkly noise, a heavenly harp mixed with a xylophone and a grand piano.
I looked up from the dirt.
Surrounding me as I knelt on their summit were the seven Star Spirits.
My breath caught in my throat, and I jumped to my feet, gaping. Was I supposed to kneel in their presence? Stand? I bent one of my knees awkwardly as I stood, a failed attempt at compromising.
"My child," the first Star Spirit spoke gently, softly to me. His eyes looked kind, endearing even, over his moustache, and he was easily recognizable as Eldstar.
I opened and closed my mouth, trying desperately to form words.
"Cheer up, sweetheart," the second one said gently, her voice floating through the air. It was Mamar.
"There are many more Toads in the world," the third remarked, his color a deep purple. Skolar.
"But it's not fair," I squeaked, barely able to muster a sound.
"Things will work out for the best," Musklar added.
"They always do," added Misstar, as I spun around, trying to see each one of them in turn.
"There's more to life than this one boy," Klevar interjected.
"What about your family?" returned Kalmar. "Aren't you glad that they made it home in one piece?"
I was. Dot was a second mother to me, and I'd been devastated when she'd been captured. But rejection didn't just roll off my shoulders; it wasn't something I could stomach that easily. In fact, it was turning itself inside out right now as I thought of Gil dancing with that stupid, pink-headed bimbo of a Toad back at the castle. Why can't he see that I love him?
"It's hard to accept, I know," Mamar noted, as though she could read my thoughts. "Sometimes, these things just aren't meant to be."
I gaped at her. How could she say that, after he kissed me like that? And then the Golden Oldies song- our song- at the ball!
"You don't know Gil," I told her, told all of them. My voice was shaking. "He's not like that, he's gonna realize he loves me. He can't stay with his ex forever; they're terrible together…"
"Maybe he's not the right Toad for you," Skolar suggested.
I could feel my breath catch in my chest. But we've always seemed so perfect for each other!
"No," I argued. "If he wasn't the right guy for me, then you," I pointed at all of them accusingly, "you guys wouldn't have let him kiss me like that! You wouldn't have played our song at the dance! You wouldn't have made us perfect for each other!"
The Star Spirits collectively sighed, and Skolar shook his head, frowning.
"Maybe it's time you let go."
I'd thought about that once. But I knew my luck- the minute I changed my mind and started to let him go, he'd change his mind and realize how much I meant to him. That's why I had to wait a bit longer, hold on just a little more! That kiss had all but sealed the deal!
"Maybe you'll meet someone even better… or reconnect with an old friend," Klevar suggested innocently.
Impossible.
"Maybe the right guy for you will actually love you back."
There was a murmur of assent at Kalmar's words.
I couldn't listen to this anymore.
"No!" I cried, bursting suddenly. "I don't want anyone else! I love him!" I was shaking. "I just wish he would love me back!"
Mamar smiled sadly. "Dear, you know we won't grant wishes like that. As hard as it is to hear, that's a purely selfish wish."
"If we granted every wish we heard like yours, the world would be a mess," Skolar noted.
It wasn't fair.
"Did you think…" Eldstar began slowly, "that we would let you suffer for no reason?"
I answered with a resounding yes.
Misstar chuckled a little, behind me, so I spun around to see her. "We're the Star Spirits, not Bowser!"
"Honey," Mamar spoke gently, "didn't you think that maybe his rejection was a sign to move on?"
I didn't want that to be the answer, not when things had felt so right between us.
"But what if he changes his mind? We're so good together! And the kiss!"
Mamar didn't respond. I looked to Eldstar, and then to the others in turn, until eventually I got to Misstar.
"If he was the boy for you," she told me as I pleaded with her to answer, "he wouldn't have rejected you and gone for another Toad, now would he?"
"But the kiss! Our song… it was a sign!"
Misstar shook her head.
"What do you mean, no?" I demanded. "You can't just-"
"Kit," Mamar interrupted, "did that seem like a romantic kiss to you?"
I paused.
"A romantic kiss?"
"Was that a kiss that said 'I love you,' or a kiss that said, 'Yay our families are safe?'"
I'd never thought of it that way.
"Maybe he led you on!" Misstar interjected.
I breathed in sharply.
There was a sigh from Mamar, but she allowed the other female Star Spirit to continue. Misstar's expression was completely unapologetic. "If he hadn't, he'd be dancing with you right now."
"Everything happens for a reason," Mamar noted, frowning disapprovingly towards Misstar.
"Maybe there's a lesson to take out of this," Skolar added.
Klevar nodded. "Maybe you need to learn when it's time to let go."
Silence.
"You deserve better," Musklar promised, and Misstar nodded.
"You'll get better."
Really?
"But what if he changes his mind?" It didn't seem that farfetched…
The Star Spirits exchanged glances.
"Then that'll be your decision," Eldstar said. "But right now, he looked content with Pat T., didn't he?"
"And you don't want to waste your life away pining over a boy who may never even change his mind, do you?" Kalmar pointed out.
"What if he marries her? What if he never comes around as you insist he might?" A worthy question from Skolar.
"I… I don't know," I whispered sadly.
"Don't you dare wait around forever," Misstar demanded suddenly. "There are so many boys out there worthy of your love and attention. Don't you waste it on the only one who refuses to accept it."
"You're stronger than that."
"You deserve more."
Did I? Could they be right?
Maybe they sensed my hesitation in believing that. "Trust us, Kit T.," they murmured as they began to fade, "you deserve better."
My eyes flew open.
I was lying on the ground on top of Shooting Star Summit, staring up at the sky. I was completely alone.
My neck cracked loudly as I sat up, and I winced. What just happened? The Star Spirits… I'd seen the Star Spirits!
Or had I? Maybe I'd just passed out up here, after throwing myself on the ground in hysterics and crying until my poor body couldn't take it anymore. … I highly doubt the Honorable Star Spirits would bother appearing to little ol' me, I thought dejectedly. I wondered if maybe I'd dreamt the whole thing, if it was some sort of hysterical hallucination.
A brilliant flash of light lit up the sky. A beautiful shooting star flew across the constellations, and I heard a voice say, "Trust us, Kit T."
It had happened!
I smiled softly, and picked myself up off the ground, rising to my feet.
Maybe I deserved better than Gil, who so thoughtlessly threw away all my love and affection like a used tissue. Maybe Misstar was right. Maybe it was time to give them to another boy, to a better one.
Maybe it was time to move on.
A brisk breeze tugged at my gown as I stood atop the summit, gazing at the stars. I shivered again, the chill brought on by both the breeze and the memory of what had just happened.
It was a beautiful night, but it was time to go home.