Shame
A.N: I love messing around with the stereotypes of the Edwardian age and creating these types of fanfics!
"Ah, and this is our newly promoted 3rd officer, Miss Melody Chase." Thomas Andrews greeted me in the captain's quarters of the Titanic. I was newly promoted, yes, having been able to pass my master's certificate. I walked into the dark oak-paneled room of the captain's quarters and nodded at the officers gathered there.
I was introduced around, though none of the names stuck in my head. I sat down next to the 4th officer and tried to concentrate on what was being said. I had just found the ship here in Belfast after passing my exam and some personal problems had come up, forcing me to postpone my day of boarding the ship until April 8th. Still, that was enough time to get to know the other officers and try to find my way around the ship.
Mr. Andrews had already given me the same spiel when I first came aboard about 20 minutes ago, so I duly tuned him out and looked around to see what the other officers made of me. The chief looked a bit amused like I'd told him a joke and I pegged him as one who didn't think that women had a place on board ships. I hoped I was wrong, as I liked the look of him. First officer what's-his-name had deep blue eyes like his friend the second and he was giving me a gentle look for some reason. I smiled at him with my eyes and my first impression was that he was the one to talk to if I had any trouble. Mr. Second officer was regarding me with a wary eye, like he expected me to get all girly and ask him to do things for me because it might break my nails, etc. I wouldn't have been promoted if I was that girly!
My juniors were all very sharp-looking like the senior officers were. The fourth officer was movie-star handsome and I did not doubt that he had the ladies chasing after him for his good looks. He saw me looking and gave me a little smile which I returned. The fifth and sixth officers didn't notice me looking but both had the lines of good humor around their eyes, both had steely blue eyes as well. Correction, the sixth officer had hazel eyes which was more endearing to me, as I had that color as well. The fifth officer leaned into the light and I could see clearly his eyes were a deep brown.
"I think that concludes our meeting, everyone." Mr. Andrews packed up his folder and left. The officers stood up and began conferring to each other about technical bits and pieces, so I took that as my cue to exit.
Retracing my steps to my room, I pulled off my officer's jacket and hung it up, glad I did not have to wear a skirt on the job. There had been some talk of feminizing the officer's uniform as more ladies like myself were getting seafaring jobs, but that was still in the talking stages. In the end, I'd asked to wear the same uniform everyone else had and that was good enough for me. My hair was in a chignon in the back so it didn't interfere with my eyes, and I was happy with how I looked.
Still, there was one anomaly that I would definitely cover up until I got to New York and saw a specialist doctor. I untucked my white shirt and undid a few buttons, leaving my belly bare in front of the mirror. It was a very small bit of rounded flesh just at my navel, no bigger than a tennis ball. Concealing it would be tricky before long, but I wasn't very concerned. It was relatively early days yet.
Yes, I was pregnant, about 4 months now. I was quite grateful that I wasn't sick anymore but I still looked a bit gaunt in the face and paler than I had been in years. The past 4 months had been quite unkind to me, what with one thing and another coming up...
A knock sounded on the door. "Miss Chase?"
Damn! I hurriedly tucked in my shirt and threw on my jacket. "Just a minute!" I buttoned the only button over my stomach and opened up the door. "Yes?"
The second officer stood there, gloves in one hand. "The captain wants me to show you around the ship and answer any questions you might have." he explained with a friendly smile. I didn't feel like smiling, but the second officer did exude a certain amount of charm which I found myself responding to with a slight smile.
"Is she identical to the Olympic?"
"Yes, Miss."
"Then I shouldn't have much trouble finding my way around, Mr.?"
"Charles Lightoller."
"Sorry, I'm not usually this bad with names." I explained, embarrassed.
Lightoller laughed. "That's all right. I wasn't either for a long time. You served on the Olympic?"
"Yes, with Captain Haddock for about 4 months." why was I prolonging conversations?!
"You don't say. Mr. Wilde did as well." Lightoller eyed me, concern becoming apparent in his handsome features. "Pardon me, but are you all right? I noticed how pale you were in the board room and I wondered a little bit."
"Well, maybe you can enlighten me later, Mr. Lightoller. Hopefully I will get out to see my doctor before we set out for the open sea. I have some rather urgent correspondence to send before we get to Southampton." I gave him the polite apologetic look. Lightoller had sharp features, piercing blue eyes, dark brown hair. He didn't look like the type of person that would let much get past him in way of his duties, though thankfully I wasn't part of his duty roster!
"I understand, Miss Chase. I will see you later at suppertime then." he nodded a good-bye and left.
I shut the door behind him gently and turned, exhaling a sigh that seemed to erupt from my very soul. Nobody could find out about my pregnancy or I'd be off the ship in no time at all. It was still relatively early days so I could squeak by without anyone noticing my condition. I'd never subscribed to the popular opinion that all women were just there to produce children. That belief was as outdated as the Puritan regime in my opinion.
Back to my correspondence. I crossed to the desk, taking off my jacket and allowing the unbuttoned shirt to stay that way as the little bulge in my midsection was permitted to poke out freely. I pulled out some paper, inkwell and a pen, then began to write.
"Dear Dr. Anthony,
"My name is Miss Melody Chase and I hope you can help me. I was betrothed to a man about 5 months ago who did not love me as much as he loved his alcohol. The man, who is not worthy to name, came home one night and under the influence of his whiskey-sodden mind, proceeded to violently beat and rape me. The result of which, as you can guess, is an unwanted pregnancy.
"I found out this 4 months ago and subsequently am 4 months along in the gestation. I have no choice but to abort the child, as I have no finances capable of providing the baby with adequate care during its lifetime. I am but a poor sailor and I pray you can help me by aborting this poor thing as soon as possible. It will be much better, and I would not be able to put it up for adoption. My parents are very strict and they do not know about this pregnancy, as they would become overbearing and very controlling. It is far better for me to be by myself.
"Nevertheless, this must all be taken care of quietly. I am due in September and as per my understanding, abortions cannot happen any later than 5 months. I cannot give it the life it deserves and I cannot bear to keep it, as it would remind me of my unbearable betrothal.
"I remain hopeful that you will be able to help me abort this child, the sooner the better.
"Sincerely, Melody Chase, 3rd officer RMS Titanic."
Simple and direct. I sealed up the letter, making sure nobody would be able to see the ink from the outside, then put a stamp on it. Standing up, I caught sight of the bulge in my belly as I reached for my officer's jacket. It always seemed to entrance me when I saw it and now was no exception.
Putting my hands on the bump, I looked at it sideways in the mirror. When my mother was expecting my little sister, I was about 10 years old then and it fascinated me to watch the progress of growth. Even when there was hardly any bulge in her figure, I would look down to where she told me to and I was amazed after about 4 months that something inside her was growing. It was too easy to believe that nothing was growing when there was no evidence of it, but now there was some. Ma watched me watching the bulge one day and told me to put my hands on it to see if I could feel anything moving. I waited for a few minutes, her belly was about the size of a small soccer ball then, then I got impatient. Ma told me to keep waiting as it would happen, I asked her what would happen, and then it did. My baby sister kicked my hand from inside my own mother! I was thrilled then and told Ma I couldn't wait to play with my sister.
There was no doubt Ma was pleased to hear that from me. She had been in her sixth month if I remembered right, and let me feel her bulge anytime I wanted. Even when she was asleep in bed or napping on the couch, I would just watch. Often times I would take the blanket off of her and marvel at the fast growing sibling inside of her. In her ninth month, I was astounded that she had gotten so big and the movements got much bigger as well. Even times when she was asleep on the couch the baby gave her no peace at all. My mother's stomach would move and shake, kick and punch like it was possessed. Strangely enough, if I talked to it, it would calm down. Ma said I had the magic touch and often called me in to talk my future sister down from the 3 ring circus it was making inside the uterus.
As a child, I had wanted all of that. To feel the baby moving inside of you, as Ma had said it was a wonderful feeling, to get bigger, etc. I did not comprehend then how difficult it was to be a young lady merchant marine officer trying to climb the chain of command. I simply didn't have time and I was ambitious to gain ranking. Times were more progressive and we women were working outside the home, yet still we ladies faced bias from stupid people-mostly males. I studied and worked my ass off and finally I was on the most luxurious ship in the world with a fine class of merchant marine officers and it felt like things were starting to go right again. Mr. Andrews had no clue of my condition when he hired me and I was going to keep it a secret for as long as possible.
I held up my shirt and ran my hand over my smooth skin and the small bulge, watching as goosebumps rose up in my flesh. Well, the baby would start moving any day now. I would be back in a week or two and then Dr. Anthony would sort me out. One of my friends had him for an abortionist and recommended him to me. I was willing to trust him, we both would work together to keep the abortion secret. If word got out it would destroy his practice. I didn't think it would do much to my career as nobody knew about my shape beforehand, but I was taking every precaution that I could.
I ran my hands down the bulge, almost hoping to feel it move, but it stayed motionless. Oh well, there was enough time for that later. I grabbed my coat and buttoned it up, not bothering to button my white shirt. Nobody would ever see it under my coat. Picking up the letter, I made my way down to the post office and posted it for Southampton. We were going there tomorrow and the mail carrier would deliver the letter then. It was likely he'd contact me by sending me a wire, though I wanted to make sure he had space enough for me.
"Miss Chase!" the chief officer greeted me. "It's a pleasure."
I turned around and smiled politely, taking the limp strand of my hair that always fell out of my chignon no matter what I did, and tucked it behind my ear. It was cooler down in the mail room and I could feel the breeze from the gangway doors as the stewards loaded in the supplies for the kitchens washing over my bulge. Why didn't I button my shirt?! Silly me, I guess.
"...so you'll find she's very much the same as her sister ship, the Olympic," the chief officer finished up. "by the way, my name's Henry Wilde."
"Charmed." we fell in step together as we walked back to the bridge. "Is my first watch starting tonight?"
"No, tomorrow night. Today is our day off so we can get other things organized."
"All right. Where would you like me?"
He sized me up with those keen blue eyes of his. "With Mr. Lowe in the forward cargo hold."
"On my way, sir." I gave him a salute and left him.
The afternoon was spent checking off supplies and cargo that the White Star Line wanted shipped to their New York offices. The 5th officer, Lowe, was a smart and funny guy. Had I been feeling anything other than tired and pregnant, I would have engaged him more. He had the demeanor of someone very easygoing, he had sharp wit and a great sense of humor. His brown eyes locked onto mine for a moment as we watched the stewards stack crates in one corner of the big breeze was also blowing in and I felt goosebumps tickle my skin stretched over my bulge. It was a bit uncomfortable and I did not take the chance of using the public loos to button myself in, for fear someone would find out.
I duly checked off everything on the list, made sure it matched, made a copy of it, then put it in the folder that also contained the passenger manifest. Lowe complimented me and I him, then we walked up to the officer's mess for supper. I attended but had little, thankfully no attention had been called to it. The chatter was lively and I did not respond to it very much, only chipping in now and then so they wouldn't think I was a total dunce. I wanted to appear friendly but distant, as it had worked for me on the Olympic and the Majestic. I only fraternized with the other officers enough so that it didn't seem like I was arrogant. I had come off as friendly and a bit aloof, which was the demeanor I wanted. It wasn't a good idea to get too involved with the other officers, as I needed to keep my professional distance anyway.
It went over well. I excused myself and went onto the bridge to familiarize myself with all the equipment and where they were stored, then went back to my quarters. Tomorrow we were off and it would be something indeed. In a way, I envied the other officers as Lightoller, Boxhall and Murdoch knew each other, Wilde knew Murdoch and Smith, etc. Only Lowe, Moody and I were the complete strangers in the ranks. Lowe would make friends easily, I saw many parallels between him and Lightoller and they were already getting friendly with each other. The penchant for playing pranks Lightoller was never short of a word to say to anybody which was impressive to me. Murdoch was different, a little more restrained in his humor, but once Lightoller got Murdoch going, they both wound up laughing.
I was just unbuttoning my jacket and had my door ajar when I heard the first officer, Murdoch, and Lightoller talking about me. Murdoch's cabin was across the way from mine and Lightoller's was next to his. Approaching the door, I eavesdropped shamelessly and wondered what they both thought of me. I had a desire to impress them but I knew on this voyage, probably nothing would happen that would cause me to use my other talents to such a degree that they would be impressed by it. I always had the desire to show off my stuff, impress people and establish a group of fiercely loyal friends. Like a mini celebrity or something. One of the popular crowd.
"A bit aloof, don't you think?"
"True, Will. She doesn't seem to want anyone to get to know her."
I took off my coat and hung it on the back of my chair as they went on. "She did well on the Majestic. Melody really knows her stuff. A master's certificate at her age is an impressive feat."
A grinding sound like a key in the lock of a door came to my ears and I heard a clicking sound, then a faint whine as a door opened up.
"I agree. She looks sick to me, though. Has she been ill on board ship before?"
"No, Charles. She has an iron constitution. Melody had family issues 5 months ago. Her sister died, I believe."
"Poor girl."
"Ever since then, she's looked sick. I've heard that she's spent some time in northern Africa, Accra. Perhaps she picked up the malaria bug like you did."
"Ugh." Lightoller didn't want to go back there, I could tell.
"Goodnight, Charles." they left the hallway and I heard their doors shut.
I never had the malaria bug. Whenever my shipmates went down with it, I had always been the one helping out the doctor on board the ship. I had earned some commendations for my services, yet I'd never been sick with malaria myself. Funny how things happen sometimes.
Time to remedy the shirt problem. I pulled at the tails a bit, then started to button the rest of the buttons down but found I could just barely button the one over my bulge. That didn't inspire a lot of confidence! I had put in a supply of white shirts, a few graduated sizes just in case, though. My belly jutted out a bit like it was proud of giving me a hard time and I swore under my breath. As long as I could keep it concealed under my coat, I'd be fine.
Changing into my pajamas, I buttoned up the top few buttons but when I tried to button up all the way down, I was met with stiff resistance. Muttering to myself, I got into bed and glared at the small indent the bulge-no, the alien inside me made. I'd call it the alien now, as it felt so alien to me in so many ways it was very appropriate. Wanting to feel it kick, I watched for a long time and when it didn't, I grew annoyed and poked at it, trying to encourage a reaction.
Still nothing. I sighed and went to sleep.
A knock at my door made me blink awake suddenly. I shifted aside the covers and mindful of the alien, I wrapped up in my big bulky bathrobe.
"Telegram for you, Miss." Harold Bride chirped.
"Thank you, Mr. Bride." he cheerily said I was welcome and left.
I shut the door and tied my sash, then swore when I realized it wouldn't work anymore. The alien had made tying the sash leave an indent right where it was growing inside of me. I untied it and sat down on the edge of the bed, opening the envelope.
CAN SEE YOU AT 10 AM STOP I HAVE A LAST MINUTE CANCELLATION STOP
That was good! I was up at 8, so I asked the captain if I could go and see my doctor. He granted it readily, buying the half truth that I had been ill for a week or two and wanted to follow up on it before we set out.
Using one of the tugboats, I was taken to the shore where I followed the address I had written down earlier. The office was a clean storefront with the words DR. JULIUS ANTHONY, PCP on the front in bold white paint. I opened up the door and checked in with the secretary. She had me fill out a questionnaire about my overall health and by the time I was done, Dr. Anthony came out.
He was a black haired gentleman with flecks of white and dancing green eyes. I would have been comfortable calling him my young grandfather, as he exuded confidence and was very personable. He led me to an exam room and had me take off my clothes to put a johnny on.
Hospital johnnies were legendary for their design, open at the back. In my case it would have been better to tie it off at the front, but I did as I was told. On the exam table, I had to put my legs up so he could perform the internal exam. It was uncomfortable for me, as I was worried I'd suddenly cut a fart in his face, but that never happened. Dr. Anthony lubricated his fingers and palpated me internally, checking to see how strong I was. When he was done, he told me that he thought I'd withstand the procedure quite well and after I redressed, he asked to see the alien.
"I call my bump the alien," I told him, parting my shirt and pulling my pants down a bit. "it's alien like to me." Dr. Anthony chuckled and manipulated my alien, asking me if I'd felt any movement yet.
"No, not yet."
"You are almost at 5 months. You'll feel it more sooner than you think." he assured me, helping me sit up and I pulled the pants back up to where they needed to be.
"I hope so. I've always been fascinated with that aspect of pregnancy."
"Many women are." Dr. Anthony and I made an appointment for about 2 weeks from now, as soon as the Titanic came back to perform the abortion. I thanked him and left.
The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that it was better my alien wasn't moving. I'd have gotten attached to it and refused the procedure if it did move, I was sure of it. I went back to the ship and accepted Boxhall's helping hand up. The fourth officer was looking at me curiously and I did not invite conversation other than the simple thank you he required.
"All right now, Miss Chase?" Captain Smith ambushed me in front of the others. Sly old devil!
All attention was on me now! I thought hastily an excuse. "Yes sir. I had the flu recently and I wanted to check that it had all gone."
"Well I hope it has. Forgive me, but you still look a bit sick."
"I know sir. I hate looking like this." they had no idea how true that statement was!
"No matter. We just want you well again." I thanked them and buggered off to my quarters before anyone could say anything else.
My room was feeling like my safety net. I removed my jacket and since I wasn't due on watch because we were anchored now, I pulled out my shirt and let it stay untucked, grabbed a book out of my travel case, then lost myself in the world of Jane Eyre until lunchtime.
The lunch hour was very informal so there was nothing wrong with my lunching in my room. I was ready to start another book that afternoon and reaching over to my travel case, I caught sight of the alien again in the mirror. I was going to have to cover that up if I wanted to stop looking and wasting time wondering about the baby I could never have. We were at anchor so it wouldn't matter. I opened up the shirt and let the alien peek out. Still no movement but I didn't expect that to happen right then and there. Impatiently I stared down at it, willing some movement but it was resolutely still. I gripped my alien in one hand and rubbed up and down, still nothing. I had thought it would respond to the mother's touch, but not so, apparently.
This alien was the unintended offspring of the drunken brute my father betrothed me to. Almost 5 months ago, my dad breezed in and announced he'd signed away my hand to a Max Westington, the heir of a gold mining outfit in Asia. I was speechless, my sister had been betrothed to someone equally of status and just a drunken idiot like Max. My dear sister had been beaten badly before the wedding and she died of her injuries as a result. Ma had tried to get Pa to change but that would never happen. Ma was in failing health herself and she regretted not being able to keep me out of my father's clutches.
I thought I could handle it myself, but I ought to have known better. I was sent to live with Max for a few days to keep house for him like a servant when on the second night, he came home roaring drunk and began to make advances on me. Before I knew it, he was ripping my clothes off and thrusting into me like I was his toy and he probably thought the same as well. I felt so ashamed of myself, though it wasn't my fault. When the lout was done, I struck him with a full wine bottle, gathered up my clothes and escaped. I'd sent a note to my mother to explain what had happened, and took up residence with my friend Hilda. She and I stuck by each other and when I started getting morning sickness, she suggested I see a doctor.
I was in a hell of a state back then. My body was bruised and sore, I had to have several bandages to cover up what that brute had done to me, plus a ton of makeup for the black eye I'd received as well. The diagnosis was inevitable and I was so horrified by it all I couldn't do anything for a long moment. Hilda recommended shutting it out of my mind for the time being, going back to work, which I did. She passed me the address of Dr. Anthony and told me to call upon him to help if I needed it.
When I told my pa about what Max had done to me, he'd just brushed it off and told me to stay out of the guy's way. It turned out later that Pa did know of Max's violent nature which explained why he was still single, but he just turned a blind eye and a deaf ear. He only thought of the money and when I talked to him, I grew very angry, yelled at him for killing my sister indirectly and trying to kill me off as well. He'd always thought my brother was the star child and the favoritism I was exposed to just made me more bitter. Disgusted, I left the household and by hell I was never going to return! My pa was somewhere in England now and I had to be very careful. A child out of wedlock would have had him force me to marry Max that much sooner so I was glad I divorced myself from him and very glad I was of age so I could think of myself. I put an ad in the paper which called off the engagement and I was done with the whole thing.
Unfortunately there was a growing reminder of the drunken idiot. Lying down on the bed, I tried to envision what I would look like as the alien got bigger. I had locked my door so nobody would come in, so I felt much more safe this way. I put my legs up on the bed and used them to lift my butt up into the air, raising the alien up higher. It gave the illusion that the alien was getting bigger and I had to smile as the higher I lifted, the more the alien got in the way and I couldn't see my legs anymore.
So I would get bigger and the alien would as well. I almost wanted to have the baby at that moment, just for the excuse of having a complete pregnancy. Mothers always talked about it like it was badge of honor, some exclusive little club. Ever since I saw my unborn sister moving in Ma's uterus, I'd wanted in. The next step in being in that exclusive club was the baby moving though mine was stubbornly refusing to move at all. I felt like I'd gotten short-changed. The defective baby who wouldn't move! I wondered if I could get a refund...
That night after supper, I was reading and had just changed into my pajamas for the night. I'd left my pajama shirt unbuttoned so the alien could hang out in all its glory when someone knocked at my door. I wrapped my robe on and opened it.
"Miss Chase." Moody was standing there.
"Mr. Moody."
"I came to talk to you. Might I come in?"
"Of course." I sat on the bed, he sat right next to me.
"I have been wondering about you and hope I'm not out of place in asking if you're really all right?" damn, his hazel eyes were cute!
"Certainly."
"Are you sure? You're so pale." he lifted up one hand and ran it down the side of my face. Moody had the type of demeanor I'd always been attracted to. I knew I had a crush on him and unrequited love was not healthy for me or the alien. I put my hand over his and smiled.
"I'm all right."
"You're not in trouble are you? Wilde and Murdoch were wondering about that since you look like prey being stalked by a hunter."
He'd hit a nerve on that one. "May I confide in you?"
"Certainly."
I told him the story of my rape and abuse. Moody turned pale then he was angry, the muscles bunching up in his jawline as he tried not to say anything inappropriate. It heartened me to see it, to know someone was on my side, at least.
"So Max is still at large," I finished. "he'll hunt me down. My father went missing and nobody knows what became of him."
"Damn!" he spluttered. "At least you don't seem the worst for wear!"
"It's not as easy as that. I never had the flu, James."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, Max left me a token of appreciation. Just between us." I clarified as I opened my robe. Moody looked down at the alien, as motionless as ever, and he swore words I'd never even heard of.
"You're... you're!" he couldn't seem to speak now, eyes glued to my enlarged belly as it sat there, resolutely not moving.
"Pregnant yes," I said calmly. "these voyages are the only thing that gets me away from my personal problems. Please don't tell anyone."
"Of course I won't!" Moody looked insulted I'd think of such a thing. "The scandal, it'd draw more attention to you! What of the child? What will you do?"
"I can't keep it and adoption would cause unwanted attention. You know the press are vultures."
"What other option do you have?" Moody watched me as I pressed a hand to the alien, wordlessly asking if he could do it as well. I nodded. He took off his glove and felt up my alien some, making me go cool and hot at the same time. Nobody had ever done that to me before and I liked the feeling a lot.
"Abortion. I already have the appointment in 2 weeks."
"You would do that?! This baby was put in you for a reason! You'd make a wonderful mother! I mean, you were raped and that's horrible, but God meant for you to have a baby." he was still fondling my alien. "Does it move yet?"
"No." I said, disappointed. "God wanted this baby to have two parents and a stable home life. I can't afford to raise it."
"Melody," he sighed. "would you mind if I helped you?"
"We barely know each other, James!"
Moody cleared his throat and I could see a flush rising in his cheeks. "I am, I believe, attracted to you."
"I'll buy that." I felt the same way. He leaned in for a kiss and I met his lips, startled by the reaction it had on me. I went hot and cold, then light headed. He was a handsome man and he had eyes for me! Moody broke the kiss and looked at me.
"Did you feel it?"
"I did! You have me under a spell."
"I think it's the other way around." he said softly, kissing me again. "Strong chemistry in play here."
We made out that night, Moody worshipping every inch of me and I did the same to him. At 3 a.m. we were in the middle of our 3rd makeout session when he slid his hand down and asked if I was all right with it. I tried not to think of the rape and reminded myself that it was another person, one who was not drunk and was genuinely caring about me. He didn't do anything that I wasn't comfortable with so far and if I asked him to stop, he would without hesitation. Still, I shook a bit and was quite apprehensive. Mentally, I vowed that Max wasn't going to terrorize me again and I would ignore the past and just live in the present moment.
"Just be gentle." after he got me off, Moody laughed and kissed me deeply, wiping his hand off and massaging the alien. We kept up for hours with each other, not saying anything, but just feeding the physical attraction between us. He knew how to treat me right and I rewarded him by bringing him off a few times. Moody was wonderful, knowing what I could and couldn't handle, then told me when I was ready for the full on sex, just to let him know and we'd go from there. I didn't think men were so understanding!
Finally, we had to get up for the day. Moody helped me and I helped him, then I buttoned up my shirt and tucked it in, albeit with a bit of a struggle. Moody giggled, I scolded him, then I left my room first. He left and took a roundabout way so it looked like we just met up with each other on the bridge. Wilde greeted us cordially and told us it was sailing day so we had to be prepared. I stood with Boxhall and we checked the second class passengers into the ship and the stewards got them to their staterooms. I settled a steward fight, then I stood watch on the bridge for awhile. I had been appointed with Lightoller that night and I stayed an hour later to make sure Murdoch had taken over from the second officer smoothly. It was about time for me to go off watch when I felt something. I was all buttoned up, nothing was going to give me the Arctic air tickle over my alien, so it had to be something else. I wanted to put my hand up on the alien to figure it out, but I was still on the bridge and Lightoller was still there. Puzzling on it, I did my rounds and went to Moody's room where I found him lying asleep.
The relationship with Moody was so quick it did make me pause for a moment. So fast and sudden, but here it was, plain as daylight. If God had sent me James Moody, I would take him. He was sweet, caring, and a funny person to be around. He'd make a wonderful father, even if the baby wasn't biologically his. We could lie on that front but anyone clever enough to work the math-well no, we still could lie on that front as well. We could say Moody had met me during shore leave and we'd had some nooky.
Easy way to lie to prevent gossip. It would cause more gossip, but then you couldn't have everything.
Was it just me or did I get a little bigger overnight? I opened up my jacket, pulled up my shirt, then studied the alien closely. It didn't look any different, but something was happening that I could not see. I turned to the mirror, unbuttoning the shirt and exposing the whole alien. I wished it was Moody's child under my flesh, at least I knew or could accurately guess what the child would be like when it was born. Giving birth was something I wasn't looking forward to, as I remembered my mom's screams as she labored with my sister for a long time. She thought it would be good for me to witness a live birth, though I wasn't impressed by the whole thing. Now I had to go through it later on and to be honest, it terrified me.
I was running my fingers down my swollen belly smoothly when I saw something. A little outline of an arm or leg. Movement! The alien had just pushed me! It was like a flutter, but I didn't care! It moved! Happily, I got onto Moody's bed with him and lay down, waiting for more movements so I could see it all. A few more showed themselves and I giggled.
Moody woke up to that, regarding me with sleepy eyes. My belly seemed to have inflated more, as I could not see my feet if I did lie in a straight line. I wasn't really noticeably bigger but as it got bigger, so did the volume of my fluid and puffed my uterus out even more.
"It's kicking, James." I told him and of course he had to cop a feel as well. We both felt the alien punch his hand and Moody reached over to kiss me. We both went to sleep then, our hands resting on the alien. For the first time, I actually felt loved by Moody and that he loved the infant-in-progress that currently resided deeply inside me. It was a contented feeling and I think it was then I decided that if Moody would help me, I would let him completely.
The next few days passed without incident. The alien started moving about when I was on watch with Lightoller, fortunately I could keep a straight face through it. Lowe was on watch with me and I know he suspected something but he didn't intrude. It was very fortunate that I wasn't big enough to convey the fact that I really was pregnant, nor did the alien put on such a show that made my uniform jump with its games.
On April 13th, I was dizzy and lightheaded when I came off of the dog watch and took a spill down the gangway stairs near the officer's quarters. Luckily it was Moody who heard me fall, then helped me to my room and called the doctor.
Moody had concealed my alien the best he could and the doctor told him that I was anemic, possibly from my illness. Drugs were handed over to help me and the doctor left. Captain Smith, on advice from the doctor, had taken me off the morning watch so I could get some rest and recover properly. I would still do the watch with Lightoller the next evening. I spent the day taking medicine and reading, resting comfortably. Moody did his watches as I recuperated and Murdoch stopped by with Lightoller to inquire after me. They saw for their own eyes that I was a shade paler, but my color was coming back and they went away reassured.
On the evening of April 14th, Moody and I dined together and he kept me giggling with some stories of his life at sea. Back in the privacy of his room, he proceeded to take off his jacket and get a little sleep before hitting the dog watch at 9. I didn't know he was feeling frisky until he stripped off my coat and slid his hands in my pants. I giggled and allowed him to do this as he pulled my pants off and saw how the alien made my shirt ride up a little high now. The shirt moved with the alien's bouncing, making both of us laugh. We undid the buttons and watched as the alien had grown out a bit more-I was officially 5 months gone now-, and Moody took me to bed.
At 10, I had to help Lightoller out with his rounds. Moody was on watch and I dressed and went up to the bridge. It was super cold outside and the alien objected to this, violently pushing me a few times. The entity inside me seemed to react to Lightoller's voice more, as every few minutes it would move about and make me uncomfortable.
I knew Lightoller was a bit concerned for me, as at the end of the rounds, he suggested taking me to the sick bay and having me checked out. I overrode him on that, telling him that I was more susceptible to cold and would be fine once I was back inside. He bought it and bid me goodnight as 11:30 rolled around.
Vainly appraising the alien in the mirror, I saw a shadow that looked like the whole baby had flipped around in me, as my whole belly shook with the motion. I giggled and pressed my hands on it, feeling another push from inside. Now I was seriously rethinking the abortion I had planned. Moody would make a great dad, he'd know the baby since before birth, nobody would know that it was illegitimate. I had wanted to go through the whole pregnancy before and now I had further reason to and his name was James Moody. The alien kicked under my hands as if it was agreeing with me.
"Enjoy your amniotic playpen," I said in a low voice. "another 4 months and I'm hauling your butt out of there."
A particularly hard poke jutted out the skin on my right side. It was a puppet show under there!
Something scraped along the side of the ship's hull and I ignored it, too enthralled in the alien I was carrying to let my mind get distracted. I was sitting down and reading a book when Boxhall opened up my door.
"What is it?" I drew a blanket over my belly, alarmed.
"We've hit an iceberg. Come on deck." he left.
"Blimey!" getting out of chairs wasn't as easy as it used to be! Expecting a baby really did have drawbacks. I had to sit straight up and rise slowly, no leaning forward like I would have done naturally. My lap space was slowly vanishing with my ever growing belly making it uncomfortable. I dressed in my warmest gear and went out on deck to help out. For the next 2 hours as the ship sank and panic increased, Moody and I stayed together as much as possible. I was in charge of one boat, he was in the other. We stayed together as the ship went through her death throes. All of us were in shock and awe as the mighty boat split apart and sank in 2 pieces.
"Oh god, she's gone." I sat down and put my face in my hands. Aboard that ship I had learned what it was like to be loved and rethought one of the biggest decisions in my life. Moody watched me from the next boat then took the tiller as I did likewise. Inside, I was sad and I think the alien had picked up on my mood, as it only moved once or twice before we were rescued.
On board the Carpathia, we were tended to and I was looked after by Moody vigilantly. I felt like an empty shell, unable to grieve over the loss of the ship. The days just melted together until we were told that we would arrive in New York that night.
"Mel? How are you and the baby doing?" Moody brought me another woolen blanket in our stateroom. I just nodded dumbly, still in shock. He kissed me and looked at me in the eyes, concerned. "There will be an inquiry, you know." I nodded. I would handle it when we got to it.
We were put up in the Astoria hotel and made to answer question after question for a solid month. Fortunately I had been called to testify only once and that was it. I found it tricky trying to conceal my alien in front of the others and when I was called to testify. Hiding my shape behind a bulky or loose peacoat or jacket, nobody was none the wiser, thankfully. Moody and I spent the nights alone, comforting each other and giving our impressions of a quaint life back in England. A trip to Washington where we did the same thing, then they finally released us to go back to Britain. I was nervous about setting foot on my old assignment, the Majestic, but Moody convinced me an accident of that scale would not happen again. I was still not able to reveal my alien belly, just about at the 6th month mark now, but I had gotten a bit bigger. Thankfully I could stand at the inquiry and I did, using the excuse that I was ill and needed to sit down.
Boxhall had come down with a bad bacterial infection while we were on the Carpathia and it had gotten severe. I'd seen him in a hacking fit once and when a bit of blood showed, I convinced him to go into the ship's surgeon and see what could be done about it. The diagnosis was pleurisy or an inflammation of the pleura-the space the lungs were in, which explained his symptoms. The poor guy was quite ill and he was feverish. I volunteered to help nurse him and made sure he was taken to a doctor in New York. He didn't testify until a week later, still looking pale and shaky. Lightoller was shocked at his friend's appearance, doubtlessly feeling a bit responsible for Boxhall as he was the senior officer. I told Lightoller that we couldn't predict everything and not to try. He gave me a crooked smile and nodded.
"Come on now." Moody took my hand. "Let's go to my residence in London."
"OK." I had a bag full of meager belongings, a few must have maternity dresses, then I left for the house. We took a cab and while en route, Moody looked down at my alien belly which was noticeably bigger now, reached down, and lovingly caressed it, producing a few belly shaking rolls. I had to laugh, glad I could discard the disguises and stay incognito as a nondescript expectant lady.
Moody had a small one story house on the outskirts of London near Lightoller's home. It was painted bright white and looked cheerful enough. I allowed Moody to help me down from the car and we brought our bags inside to look at the house some more. It was quaint, 3 bedroom 1 bath house with an attic and a basement, living room, and a kitchen that doubled as a dining room. We would be quite happy here. I sat down on the couch and put my bag down with a happy sigh. A little cleaning up, some paint, yard and garden work, it would be a happy home to raise a family someday. The alien pushed me, reminding me that its due date would be in another 2 or 3 months. I massaged the area where it kicked as Moody came into the house, a happy smile on his face.
"There's still the matter of you having a child out of wedlock." he told me. "What do you think we should do?"
"I want to become Mrs. Melody Moody." I beamed at him fully, the first smile since I felt the alien kicking for the first time. I'd had to get into one of my maternity dresses as the uniform was too tight now. My alien threatened to burst out of my dress as it rolled and punched me. Moody put his hand on my alien, giggled, then kissed me. I was honored to become Mrs. Moody and right then, I was ecstatic for the first time in a long time.
"So when could we get married?"
"The White Star Line has put us on leave for another week. How about we call the other officers here and explain about you being pregnant. They'll keep a secret, trust me. Do you want them to witness the wedding?"
"Yes! I only want a small service, that's all. I don't like big to-dos." the house was nicely furnished and Moody had already bought a crib and a changing station for the spare room. All it needed was paint. The master bedroom was oak paneled, comfy and spacious looking. I put my bag on the dresser and turned to Moody. He was on the phone in the front hallway, telling our officer pals to come over for supper the next night.
During the next day, I went outside and began to garden, wearing a light green dress, garden gloves, and a broad-brimmed straw hat. The alien didn't seem to mind the outdoors now that it wasn't too cold, but I was apprehensive. That day I was 6 months gone and no longer able to hide my alien. I worried that the other surviving officers would misjudge me and I must have showed some of my anxiety, as Moody asked me to sit in the lawn chair next to him.
"Come on, Melody." the house sat back from the main road and we had lots of privacy. I got up, dusting off my skirt, then sat in the Adirondack chair next to my fiance. The alien stuck up like a soccer ball I had accidentally swallowed, and I had to be careful sitting in the chair now. Moody smiled at me and kissed my hand as I took my gloves off. I giggled, as he knew that gesture always made me smile.
"I should tell you something," he began. "even though he's dead now, Murdoch knew you were pregnant."
"How? I thought I was so good at covering it up." I frowned at my bulge. Had it betrayed me? The push I felt just then seemed like an answer to the affirmative. Moody put his hand on my bulge and looked me in the eye.
"He could see it in you. One day when you were on watch with him, the breeze blew just the right way and he saw the outline. He'd seen me exiting your room and asked me if I knew about your shape. When I said I did, we chatted about you a bit and even though he knew, he didn't betray you to anyone."
"Aw, that sounds like Will." the alien lobbed me one and I winced, putting my hand on where it belted me.
"Is your alien kicking again?"
"Rather violently." I answered. "So Will knew."
"Yes. He told me that he and his wife had wanted children but it just never happened to them."
"Now he's gone."
"It's sad," he agreed. "now I hope your intended never finds our about this little bundle of joy in progress." I laughed.
"He was too drunk to remember anyway."
"I bet. Can we name him after Will if it is a he?"
"Of course."
"Great!" Moody-James now, kept his hand on my alien. "How'd you like to have me as your daddy, eh?" he received a kick in response.
Dr. Anthony continued on as my doctor, not minding that I had canceled the abortion. He told me that several of his abortion patients changed their minds and he was happy that I had as well. I was definitely bigger and it looked like I had swallowed a beach ball now, but if James thought I was beautiful, that was all that I needed.
That night, after some sex, I lay awake and saw that I could not see the rest of me beyond the alien mountain anymore. It was kind of scary! My belly turned, kicked, punched, pushed indeed like it was possessed. The same way my sister had done to my mother all those years ago. I was fascinated by watching my unborn child romp around inside me. The reality of having a baby was more pronounced, as you didn't say to yourself you were having a baby, see it in 9 months from now and not think about it until then. The baby occupied your mind every minute of every day. James slept soundlessly near me as I pulled the sheet off of me and watched the bulge for the longest time, seeing all sorts of movements.
When I'd first felt my baby sister kick my mother, I was sure there was something under Ma's shirt. I lifted it up and saw only the bump that was my sister. Insisting that it wasn't possible, I tried to hunt for the source of the movement, which caused my mother to laugh. She told me that the baby was inside her and I was wasting my time otherwise. Then I focused on nothing else but the growing bump that was my sister.
During the next day, James and I sat around on the couch and chatted for all the time before the others were to come in. My anxieties vanished when I saw Lowe with his merry smile and Boxhall coming up the walkway. Lightoller wasn't far behind and I had to remind myself that he had 5 kids of his own and was no stranger to what I was going through. The alien flipped inside of me and I sat down in the living room.
"Hello, James!" Lightoller said merrily. "Where is your wife to be?"
"In here, all of you." James shepherded in the other officers. They were surprised to see me looking so big and waited quietly while I explained the unusual circumstances.
"You were this way on the ship?" Boxhall asked me. His pleurisy had cleared up wonderfully and I didn't hear a wheeze when he spoke anymore. Lowe just smirked at me, as he was about to marry his sweetheart and start a family himself. Lightoller was blase, it was all old hat to him now as he had about 3 children.
"Though less advanced, yes." I replied. "Secrecy was paramount then as I did not want the drunken idiot to know what he had done to me."
"And now?" Lowe prompted.
"James has volunteered to be the father, to lie and say it was all his doing." I took his hand. "He's a saint to me."
Blushing, James nodded and looked over at the others.
"It's a noble thing," Lightoller said finally. "so when is the big date?"
"We have a civil service ceremony tonight. Nothing fancy."
"Is the pastor coming here?"
"Yes and we would all like you to witness."
Boxhall solemnly said he would be honored. The others said the same thing so when Pastor Wilson came in, we were all set. I was getting married! James and I didn't bother to change or follow any silly tradition, having both decreed them rubbish and went with what we wanted. James and I kissed, the pastor applauded and all was well.
The other officers told us to send word when I had the baby, of which I promised that I would.
Two days later, I was reading the newspaper while James was going over his seamanship guide in order to get his master's certificate, when I gasped and put the paper down. James looked up at me, immediately worried.
"What is it? Is the baby coming?"
"No. Look at this." I handed him the paper.
"Max Westington, 35, found dead in his house. Coroner declares acute liver failure from alcohol intoxication." he beamed.
"You hear that, kid? Your real douchebag sperm donor daddy is dead." the alien somersaulted in my uterus.
"The marriage is officially on record as you and me. Nothing can come between us now." James necked me, opened my dress and kissed the alien as well.
"James, you have a test to pass!" I mock scolded, giggling.
"In a minute."
The White Star Line had no problem granting me maternity leave for the next 3 months. I had a desk job which I could do at home, as our house was right in London. The White Star line needed an associate accountant and since I was well schooled in it, they kept me on in a different capacity. Now a mailperson stopped off twice a week to drop off and pick up records and my paychecks. James was happy as I had something to do, and he went back to the Olympic for the next month. He would be anxious until our child was born, though I told him I had a midwife on call to help me.
I didn't think it was possible but I got even bigger! The alien kept me up at night with the puppet shows under my skin and punching the crap out of my ribcage. I did not overtax myself and stayed lying around reading books now. My work was done at noon, I spent some afternoons at the library, then read until suppertime. After I was done, I often gardened outside, putting in perennial plants that didn't take much effort to grow.
One day when I was the full 9 months along, I was outside gardening, James was inside reading the newspaper, when a cab pulled up and out plopped a short fat man with a combover and mustache. Reeking of stale booze, he hiccupped and walked wobbily down the flagstoned pathway to me. I gasped. It was my father!
"Why hello, Melody," he slurred as I stood up. The drunken idiot who used to be my father pointed at my big bulge. "You know that Max is dead and he wanted any baby of his to be raised by his parents? No? Well, I'm here to take the child as soon as it is born."
"Oh, go away!" I tried to brush past him but he was strong for a drunk. Slamming me against the wall of my house, I hoped the noise was loud enough to distract James and he would come out to get me. The baby kicked hard, letting me know that it didn't like loud noises. I moved to stroke my big gut but my father-Piers-, brushed my hand away and began to run his hand over the dress fabric covering the overstretched belly. "Don't touch me or my baby!"
"Quiet, girl! I saw your picture in the newspaper saying that you married a common sailor! There is no way that he could have impregnated you that fast! The Westingtons want to raise their grandchild and bequeath it all the property and riches they have! Why would you object to that, eh?" he took a swig from his bottle and belched loudly. Piers practically drooled as he put his hands all over my unborn child, doubtlessly dreaming of gold, jewels, etc. I looked up to see James standing there, white with rage. Afraid to move for Piers might do violence to me or the baby, I nodded at James, who spoke quietly.
"Why do you think that the child is Max's?"
Piers turned on him, finally withdrawing his hands from my person and I went to stand beside James. "What do you mean, boy?"
"I mean the child is mine."
"You?!" Piers hooted and started to laugh. "Boy, you couldn't have even grown a pair yet!"
"Nevertheless, this is my child growing in here," James said calmly, one hand on my belly. "you are mistaken if you think that it is anyone else's."
"Is this true?" Piers rounded on me now, bottle still in hand.
"James speaks the truth, Pa."
"You whore!" Piers roared, lurching closer as James stood in front of me. "You dirty little slut! How dare you shag him when you were engaged?!"
"Because I wanted to and I don't regret it. Nobody forced me to shag James, I did it of my own free will." I emphasized 'free will' and smiled smugly.
Piers, red-faced with anger and drunkenness, muttered to himself, weaving down the path to the still waiting cab. He got in and he was taken from our lives forever.
I wiped the sweat from my face and sighed as James turned to me, asking if I was all right.
"Yeah, I'm at the point where I want my body back!" I said with a rueful laugh as we went inside. The baby rolled and kicked like it wanted out and I'm sure that it did!
My contractions started at about 10:30 p.m. at August 20th, 1912. Fortunately James was home and he summoned the midwife from a few doors down. Tradition barred the husband from attending the birth but that was a tradition I broke down. James and I agreed that if he could handle it, he could be there. The midwife was scandalized but when I threatened to throw her out instead of James, she relented.
Labor was horrible. It was only when I could start to push that I felt I'd made any sort of progress. It was hard to believe that the alien, who'd been inside me when the Titanic went down, through the inquiries and now my homelife, would be there in the flesh and not under mine! James coaxed me like only he could and when I felt like I couldn't do any more, he was the one who talked me up, giving me pep talks and baiting me when necessary. I felt the baby's head slide down and engage the birth canal, then I began to push that sucker out!
Finally, we were rewarded with a high pitched wailing cry. I could tell something was wrong with the baby when I put my eyes on it. It wasn't a healthy pink but a sickly white color, the limbs were all blue and it was much smaller than I anticipated. James could tell too, as his eyes were riveted to the infant. The midwife clamped and cut the cord then turned the child towards herself and began to examine it, worry furrowing down the lines in her face. James took my hand and we exchanged a worried look as he spoke up.
"What's wrong with it?" the baby didn't cry again and we were really worried now.
"The father must have done some illegal drugs or something," the midwife had been taken into our confidence as well. "we call this crib death. I've seen these before."
As we watched, the infant died. The midwife cleaned me up, offered us condolences, and left us to our grief. The body was taken with the midwife to prevent it from upsetting us. She told us it was a girl anyway.
I was in a bit of a shock and James was heartbroken. He'd come to love it as his own in a surprisingly short period of time. Old feelings came back to me, glad that the reminder of the rape wouldn't be around after all. Though I wasn't motherly before, I was now and I held James and we mourned together. I cried as he held onto me, his own tears leaking out of his eyes and dampening my shoulder. We remained like that for about an hour until both of us managed to pull ourselves together somewhat.
"I should go and tell Charles and the other two." James sniffled as I nodded.
At the same time, the door downstairs sounded with a few knocks and James went down to open it, wiping his eyes. Lightoller stood there and I knew it was him by his distinctive voice.
"I had the feeling that something was going to happen today and I wanted to make sure the baby was all right."
"Charles," James said listlessly and Lightoller must have noticed how pale James was. "I'm all right, but Melody was in labor a few minutes ago."
"How is she?"
"She and I... well... the baby didn't make it, Charles."
"What?!" Lightoller almost yelled. "Can I see Melody?"
I summoned up my strength and shouted. "Charles! James! I need yo-" my voice broke and I broke down in noiseless sobs. Clothed and sitting on the bed, I wiped my eyes and heard the thuds of 4 feet hitting the stairs repeatedly. Lightoller made for me like a bee back to the hive and he gave me a huge hug. I'd been comforted by James now it was my turn to comfort him so I did, wrapping him up in my arms. Lightoller sat on the edge of the bed and hugged each one of us, saying words of encouragement and sympathy of which we really appreciated.
That day, James and I agreed later on that Lightoller had a bit of a sixth sense where we were concerned. He had been wonderful to us, making up supper and fast talking us into eating something, and in general, just being there. He let Lowe and Boxhall know what had happened and they were both similarly shocked and let us know that if we needed any help that they would be glad to offer their services.
James and I spent several days in numb shock and cried occasionally, then we went to pick out a coffin for the baby. We'd chosen an oak one painted with white paint and we named the dead baby Olivia Jean Moody. Burying her in the Moody family plot, Boxhall, Lowe and Lightoller stood with us, all were teary eyed. I hadn't seen Lightoller teary eyed since Senator Smith asked him about Murdoch during the American inquiry months ago. I squeezed Lightoller's hand and he returned it, staring blankly at the hole in the earth. A small granite tombstone had OLIVIA JEAN MOODY engraved on it with the etching BORN AT MIDNIGHT, DIED AT MIDNIGHT.
Two years later, I had just come off a tiring run on the Britannic for 3 months off the coast of Greece. I had hoped to get back on board the Olympic and had put in for a transfer. I liked dealing with the passenger class, not a hospital ship. World peace was getting tense and I felt safer working along the passenger class anyway, as I never had a good bedside manner. That was required of the ship's officers in any hospital ship, but I was too nervous around the ill and wounded.
Olivia was still very much on my mind and I know James's as well. We'd visit her grave on the day she was born and died and put flowers down annually. The pain had dulled a bit with the passage of time like everyone said it would, though the more one would dwell on her death, the more consumed with grief they'd become. Before we parted, James and I both swore that we wouldn't think much of Olivia anymore. It was very hard not to, as reminders of the Titanic were still around and I'd been pregnant with her while working on board the unfortunate ship.
It was on board that ship when I first felt her fetal movements, I'd fallen for James, I'd reconsidered the abortion that I thought I had wanted. Those momentous moments had all happened on that ship and I would never forget those memories. James and I both swore we'd remember the good times mostly.
Sometimes I caught myself standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom and I'd remember looking at myself when I was pregnant at any stage. It was a fond memory now and I ran my hands down the sides of my flat belly, half wishing it was all bloated and engorged with a child inside it again. I wasn't sure whether James thought it would be moving too fast or not so I decided to wait.
One night a few days after I got home, James arrived from the Olympic. He surprised me in bed and asked me what I thought about the two of us having a baby.
"I wouldn't mind, James. You're not on drugs or anything are you?" surprised, I studied him closely. It became evident that he'd wanted children right from the start and though we'd mourned Olivia, he hadn't ruled out the possibility of us becoming parents at all. I giggled as he started pulling off my nightgown and I stripped his pants off.
"I'm only high on you, love." James grinned and I could tell he was randy! We'd never really had full blown sex before, as James thought I might react badly since the rape. When we were intimate, it was when I was pregnant and he didn't want to hurt the baby at all. I'd told him that it wouldn't, but he wasn't about to believe me. I could see his concern, but we did everything else! The past 2 years we were barely in port long enough to see each other as the ocean liner service was booming and we were both needed on our separate ships.
It was May 6th 1914 when I discovered that I was pregnant again. This time it was vastly different, a child conceived out of love for two people. It was like a present we gave each other, but for 9 months it had to bake in my oven! I went home that night in a good mood, going inside, locking the door, then going upstairs as I got out of my clothes. It was dark as James was already asleep, but I didn't think he'd mind me waking him up for the good news.
"Oh James," I got into bed with him. "I have something for you."
"Oh, not now, Mel," he grumbled. "I have a 3 month stint on the Adriatic starting in 2 days."
"James, I'm having your baby." his eyelids shot open.
"Really?!"
"Of course, you silly!" I laughed. "I don't joke about things like that!"
"I'll be back at the end of July," James hugged me. "you'll probably start looking the same as you did when I first met you!"
"You come back after the morning sickness goes away which is perfect timing. I don't want you to see me like that." I admitted.
"Well, I'm not keen on seeing that to be honest."
"I'm glad!" we both laughed together and went back to sleep.
Three months passed and my morning sickness was going away and I felt much better. I had just graduated to the fourth month and I indeed had altered shape again. I looked like I had never given birth to Olivia when you thought about it enough. I was glad my firstborn had escaped the complications of being a drug and alcohol addicted spawn. Not that I was heartless, but I preferred a quick and painless exit than prolonged suffering. So God in his way had been merciful to our daughter.
On August 20th, the third anniversary of Olivia's death, James was on a ship again and I went to the gravesite with Lightoller, who'd become a dear family friend. He and I chatted as I deposited the flower bunch at the headstone. My shape hadn't dramatically changed much and when I told him I was going to make James a father, he giggled and asked when he thought it would happen.
"Sooner than you think." my belly poked out a bit from my dress and Lightoller noticed it at once. He congratulated me and asked me when it was due.
"February."
We chatted some more and when I got home and said goodbye to Lightoller, I lay down on my bed for a few minutes, looking at the little mountain poking out of my dress fully now. Olivia shot through my mind again and like I'd learned to over the years, just to push her out of my mind completely. This was a new baby, time to stop dwelling in the past.
When James arrived home from the Adriatic a few days later, he found me sitting at my desk and working on the accountant's books like I'd done before. The White Star Line expressly forbade pregnant officers and kindly turned me back to the work I'd done before.
"Hello, beautiful!" James gave me a kiss and had me stand up so he could appraise my new alien bump.
"Is it too early for movement yet?"
"A bit. Today's the 5th of August, isn't it?"
"Yes it is." The ship had needed a slight retrofit so James had been about a week late getting home to me.
"Then the alien will start moving at any time." I reassured him.
"I can't wait!"
Two days later, James had gotten sick. He'd returned from the African run and it wouldn't have surprised me if he'd gotten malaria as a result. My husband became very ill indeed and I nursed him the best that I could. On advice from Lightoller, who'd come up to see us for a few days, I tried to get James to break a sweat but my efforts were for nothing as he resisted it. He had delirium, cried out in his sleep often, distressing me. Lightoller knew of my condition, reassured me to go and lie down for awhile, then called in Lowe and Boxhall to help him. He was going to get James to break a sweat come hell or high water! The remedy was quinine and Lightoller had become the doctor in this instance. Quinine came in tablet form now so it was easier to take.
I left them to it, sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery. Everything had gathered dust and we hadn't even opened up the door in the past two years. Rocking myself to sleep was easy and I rested in darkness for awhile.
I was awakened by Lowe, who told me that James had broken out into a sweat and the fever was on the wane. Happily, I settled onto the lounger nearby the bed so James could reach me when he woke up, changed, and went to sleep. Lightoller would stay for a few more days but the other two bade me goodnight and left.
Two more days went by and James slowly recovered from his malaria. Lightoller wished us good luck and departed as well. I stayed with James and soon after Lightoller left, he put his hand on my alien bulge, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"All I thought about when I was sick was you and the baby. I had horrid dreams." James told me tiredly.
"I bet you did."
"Still no movement?"
"You sound like me! No there isn't any yet. Give it time." I looked forward to feeling movement again. It was my favorite part and I knew it was James's too.
The White Star Line had given James a week of convalescence and we used that time to clean up the nursery and frolic around. One day we had just finished up having sex and James was looking at me, the blanket covered my top half but the alien was uncovered. It was a bit bigger than it had been and James was enraptured by it.
"Something that big does command its own presence, doesn't it?" I giggled. He put his hand on it and squeezed.
The kick that followed was almost imperceptible. I saw the small indentation but I hadn't felt it. James whooped and looked at me with a big grin.
"Will you still think I'm sexy when I'm bigger?"
"I always have, haven't I?'
"Thanks." I play pouted, making him smile.
The months went by until it was approaching my due date. I was confirmed pregnant on May 5th, so I was due on February 5th, roughly. In my 8th month, it was Christmastime and our friends had been invited over with their families to share the festivities. There were a lot of questions from Lightoller and Lowe's kids about my big belly but I endured it in good humor. Eventually they went out to play in the snow and I exchanged stories with Lightoller's wife Sylvia.
We celebrated the new year with a big party and as soon as James and I got home, we had some fun sex which resulted in quite a big rug burn for James!
My alien bounced up and down more than Olivia ever did and I hoped that was a good thing. More than once I was sure my guts were ground up into putty from the unborn one's activities.
On February 10th 1915, about 5 days overdue, William Henry Moody was born. He was a tough character right from the start and we were a family at last. James and I both thought of Olivia but we banished her from our minds and raised Will the best we could. Will was about 6 when James and I decided that a sibling would be more suitable for him, so I got pregnant again.
It was 1921 or rather July of 1921 when I was confirmed. James asked me how to break the news to Will and I told him we'd wait until we felt movement as I wanted to see the look on Will's face first.
On Will's 7th birthday before his pals came over for the party (including Lightoller and Lowe's boys of which he was firm friends with), I called Will into the bedroom for a few minutes.
"Yes, Ma?" James was out attending to the presents and Will leaned on the edge of the rocker chair and looked at me. He had his father's hazel eyes, my unruly brown hair, James's even temperament and my boisterous nature. He was an even blend of us both.
"I have a present for you too but it won't be here for another 3 months." I smiled. "Can you guess what it is?"
"A bike?"
"No. How would you like a brother or sister to play with?"
"Really? Where are they?"
"One or the other, darling. Siblings don't come ready made, they need time. Your brother or sister is inside me."
"I don't believe you!" I brought his hand up to my big belly. "What was that?" he asked when he felt the kicking.
"That is your brother or sister."
"How is that possible?!" he hitched up my shirt in frustration but all he saw was the vast expanse of my overstretched skin. Will saw the baby pushing and leaped back like I'd shocked him with a cattle prod.
"It's in you?!" I started to laugh.
"Your daddy put a special present there that I said I'd look after for 9 months until its ready to come out." I told him as he ran his hands over my engorged uterus and watched the motions closely.
"How did it happen?"
"We'll tell you when you're older." I said instantly.
"Aw, Ma!"
"Come on, I think I hear your friends coming in." we went to the party.
Off and on during the next 3 months of my pregnancy, Will would come in and randomly start feeling my belly for movement. I encouraged this to get him to develop a bond for his sibling and James did as well.
He was home during my due date and ready for action whenever the baby was. It was sooner than I would have liked, for Alice Read Moody was born on April 14th 1922 at 2 a.m.
When Will was 10 years old and Alice was 3, James and I discussed how many children we really wanted and I said 3 was my goal and he agreed to it. He had 2 brothers and a sister himself and I had a sister and a brother. So, I got pregnant and by November, the baby was kicking and I was waddling around the garden, putting everything up for the winter. My son was watching me and when I came in for a drink, he sat down next to me at the table. James was on a ship again, I didn't know which one.
"Ma, who's Olivia?"
I almost choked on my drink! How could he have picked up that name?
"Where did you hear that, hon?"
"Pa. He was muttering in his sleep when I went up to go to the loo."
I sighed. James did talk in his sleep often and I teased him for it sometimes.
"Well, Olivia was your big sister, son."
"But I don't have any big sisters." he and I went to the couch where Alice was playing nearby and Will put his hands on my big belly.
"You did, son. About 13 years ago before you were born, I had given birth to a little girl we called Olivia. She was a bad man's baby and she died because the bad man did things to himself and her. You know I was on board the famous Titanic when it went down, but what I didn't tell you was that I was pregnant with Olivia the time I was on board."
Will's eyes widened. I felt the alien kicking hard and then it rolled over in my uterus, making it uncomfortable for me for a moment. "Your daddy was going to adopt Olivia if she had lived because even before she was born, he loved her very much." I ran my hands up and down my giant stomach as my unborn child number 3 made my entire belly jump up and down. I saw the head poke up then it went down like a shark going underneath the waves.
"So Olivia was what drew you and Pa together?" Will giggled as the head reared up again and overstretched my skin until it hurt.
"I haven't thought of it like that but yes." I beamed at my smart son. "I was ashamed of being single and pregnant, but I guess I am glad I got pregnant in the first place after all."
3 months after that, Michael Edward Moody made his appearance.
END