The Lover After Me
by
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, they are Joss Whedon's. The song and title of the fic are Savage Garden's, 'The Lover After Me'.
Author's Note: This is my first song fic, so be gentle with feedback.
Summary: Spike and Buffy got together, and when Riley came back, she broke it off with him. This is about Spike.
Rating: Light PG-13
A solitary figure paused on the steps of an abandoned building. He was seeking release, seeking something in this tiny hell-blessed town, that didn't remind him of... someone. Of someone who walked confidently, with her back tall, and her blond hair swirling...
Damn! He thought.
Here I go again
I promised myself
I wouldn't think of you today
It's been seven months and counting
You've moved on
I still feel exactly the same
Buffy had fallen. Come, hook, line and sinker. Spike was not just a hopeless wannabe-boyfriend of the Slayer, but her ex-lover. Somehow he wasn't sure which was better. At least when it was just one-sided, there hadn't been all this pain.
No, there had. It hadn't been any different. It hurt just as much now, as it did when she had repeatedly rejected him before she'd fallen. Anyway you looked at it, Spike's unbeating heart pumped with pain.
He pushed her unashamedly out of his mind, forcing his reluctant head to concentrate on something else. Mindlessly wandering the city, he thought about anything but the blond Slayer.
And then he found himself by the Bronze.
It's just that everywhere I go
all the buildings know your name
Like photographs and memories of love
Steel and granite reminders
The city calls your name and I can't move on
Forcing himself away from thoughts of all the times spent, good or bad, but at least together, in that crowded nightclub, Spike pushed on. Still wandering the small town, his feet managed to unconsciously carry him onto the Summers' lawn, where he had spent many a night hearing that same cry, that cry that made him want to beat up Riley Finn so bad.
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
And now, the ear-splitting, gut-wrenching sound was the same. "Riley!" The Slayer called, and Spike could see her, small frame tensed in release, in his head, wishing to a God he didn't even believe in that he was the one making her make that sound.
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
Funny, that the 'lover after me' would also be the 'lover before me', Spike thought. Riley had returned without a clue, and the Slayer had launched herself from the platinum-blond demon's arms into his before he could ask what was going on. Riley, for his part, had been angry and sullen, but from Spike's point of view, it didn't look like it had been too hard for Buffy.
She didn't want him. Fine, he could deal with that. She was the bloody Slayer, he was supposed to want her dead, and indeed, he remembered the days when he had. But the passion was gone, and the thought of harming Buffy now made his stomach roil. Now, that boyfriend of hers, that was another matter...
Spike felt a compelling loneliness in his gut. The Slayer didn't want him, Drusilla didn't want him, Darla had always looked down her nose at him, hell, was there nobody in the world who cared if he lived or died?
Am I alone in the universe?
There's no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway
The world sure as hell didn't want his love. Spike had poured more love than any demon should have been capable of giving into this friggin' place, and still, it rejected him. Left him no reason to be happy, no reason to live.
Why had he wished to live for so long, but now, could not muster the wish to see the next day?
So this is my new freedom
It's funny
I don't remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
Checking his watch, Spike decided that the sun was about to begin to rise. But he no longer cared. If the sun blasted him, nobody would care, and maybe the world would be better off.
Actually, he knew it would be. He was a demon.
Without you I'm always twenty minutes late
Spike's walk brought him around the block from Buffy's house, the rear of her house facing the rear of the house he was in front of. The cries were softer, but still split the air like a fog horn.
Only fifty times more beautiful.
Retaining his sense of dry humor for a moment, Spike wondered what the parents of children living in surrounded houses told them when they were awoken by the screeches of the Slayer. Who not only had superpowers, but superlungs, too, he decided.
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
Riley's name echoed once more in the otherwise still night.
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
Spike moved around the buildings, intent on going home, and forgetting the Slayer. He'd killed two before, and gotten off on it. He'd told Dru that the blood of a Slayer was an aphrodisiac, but now, older and wiser, he was pretty sure it was the adrenaline which had served that function.
Anyway you thought about it, Spike couldn't get the blond girl out of his head, and the walk from the block where he stood seemed agonizingly long as he thought constantly about his ex-lover.
He shivered slightly, aware that he couldn't be physically cold, and annoyed that some pesky girl, and a human and a Slayer at the same time, could have this effect on him. Had he really sunk that low?
And time goes by so slowly
The nights are cold and lonely
I shouldn't be holding on
But I'm still holding on for you
He took the forbidden path.
Here I go again
I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today
But I'm standing at your doorway
I'm calling out your name because I can't move on
"Buffy!" Spike's hollow, emotion-filled voice spread into the night, sounding loud in the silence of the quiet neighborhood.
The light winked in her room, and the yellow glow filled the window. The shadows of herself and Riley filled the drapes, dark shadows. For a moment, Spike thought she had heard him, but his hopes were quickly dashed as she and Riley dressed, without acknowledging him.
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The lights winked off, and Spike was close enough to the house to hear her say softly through the open window, "Good-night, Riley."
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
Spike turned, and left, his shoulders slumped with the same defeat that had filled him for the last seven months.