A Time For Tenderness
A/N: Well, the season finale of House left MANY questions unanswered. It was also unbelievably sad... ( I noted the scene in which Thirteen finally tested her blood for Huntington's and it came up positive. I decided to make up a continuation of that scene...
Mood Music: Syndicate - The Fray
Disclaimer: I don't own House MD or the Fox network.
Summary: Major spoilers for the season finale. Kutner teaches Thirteen that it's okay not to be objective, sometimes.
!#&()+
She held her breath. She held it as though she didn't need it to survive, as the machine clicked and beeped, feeding a paper with her fate printed on it. She grasped it with trembling fingers, closing her eyes as she brought it into her field of vision.
She let her eyes move slowly down the list of diseases, seeing the abbreviation 'NEG' in red print to the right of all of them. But these weren't the diseases she was looking for.
Her blue eyes finally fell upon the word 'Huntington's', and she scanned over to the right, her breathing intensifying. Her heart leapt into her throat, as her worst fears were made her reality. Right there, in small, green print was 'POS'.
Thirteen's chest rose and fell with ragged intensity, and her eyes filled with tears. Regardless of how much she struggled not to fall apart, her attempts were worthless. The only possible silver lining in the situation was that there was no one there to see her reaction, or to even see what she was reacting to.
And that's when she heard it. The door to the lab clicked, as though someone had closed it. Thirteen whipped her head around, to see another one of House's fellows, Dr. Lawrence Kutner. He looked upon her with wide eyes, not expecting her to be in there, and also not expecting her to be crying.
"Oh, I'm sorry...I didn't expect anyone to be in here," he said approaching her cautiously. She really didn't want him to get any closer, so she turned away from him, and back towards her test results situated on top of the table. She turned the paper over so he couldn't see what she was doing.
"That's all right," she replied, as emotionlessly as she could.
"Something wrong?" He asked her, nearing her slowly. She shook her head roughly enough so he could see.
"Why are you crying?" He continued, finally reaching her side, so he could look her in the face, despite how dark the room was.
She turned from him once more, busying herself with vials and beakers on the opposite table.
"I'm not," she answered him forcefully.
She couldn't allow him to see her face fully. As obnoxious as he was sometimes, he had become more perceptive as House's fellow, and would be able to see right through her facade. He would know that all of her bad feelings at that moment had to do with that paper she had been hiding. That paper...
She'd left it on the table he was standing right in front of. She turned around quickly, only to find him reading down the list on the paper she'd idiotically left behind. His eyes widened in shock, as she assumed he'd finally reached 'Huntington's'. He mouthed silent words for a moment, as she just stood there and fidgeted with her hands, for she had no earthly idea of what else to do.
He held up the paper so she could see it, before speaking, which Thirteen didn't want.
"You told me you didn't have Huntington's," Kutner reminded her, saying one of the few things she didn't expect. He actually looked hurt that she'd allegedly lied to him. To be honest, Thirteen had no idea what he was talking about.
"What?" She questioned, sincerely wanting to know.
"Back around Christmas, when we had that Maggie girl as a patient... We'd just got back from checking out her place, when I asked you if you had it. I remembered House calling you Huntington's, so I asked if you really had it. You said no," Kutner struggled to say coherently, as the shock still wore on thick.
Thirteen thought back to that time, and she finally understood what he meant. In all fairness, Thirteen hadn't known that she'd had it for sure at that time. It was also none of his business. But still, she felt the sudden urge to spare his feelings.
"Those aren't my results. I was testing a patient's blood," she lied, trying to look him in the eyes so he wouldn't suspect anything.
He chuckled, and his eyes fell back on the paper. Thirteen sighed, relieved, thinking she didn't have to lie anymore, as he'd bought her story. She was mistaken.
"Your name is on this paper," Kutner noted, before laying it back on the table and crossing his arms. Thirteen looked back and forth from her test results to Kutner, before seating herself on a stool. Her shoulders tensed, and she let out a loud breath, looking down at the floor.
"So?" Thirteen mumbled, not really knowing what else to say.
"So? That's the only explanation you have at your disposal?" Kutner wondered out loud, exasperated that she still tried to keep things hidden, even when they were in plain sight.
"I don't owe you an explanation. This has nothing to do with you," Thirteen retorted, annoyed that he thought his feelings were more important than hers.
"Why don't you accept help? Why do you always try to hide things that people might actually be able help you with?" He argued back.
"You're not offering me help. You're trying to make me feel bad for not telling you something that was none of your business in the first place, when I feel bad enough already," she replied, her voice raising, and her eyes moistening. She had a tightness in her throat that unveiled to her that crying would soon follow this pointless disagreement. She could not cry in front of him. She'd be damned if she would show her weakness to him. Doing that would assure him that he was right on the subject of hiding her illness.
Kutner neared her, sensing her impending emotional breakdown.
"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make things worse. It's okay to cry," he said softly, trying his best to be considerate. He'd never realized what a horrible situation she was in.
Thirteen trembled softly at the sound of his naturally comforting voice. It was an odd response, and she tried not to let it happen again.
"No, it's not okay to cry. I-I need to be objective," she stammered, gasping for breath.
"You can't be objective to your own disease," Kutner replied, trying to talk quietly and gently, as to calm her down. Thirteen whipped her head up at him with wild eyes.
"I have to! I couldn't be objective with Amber's case, and I screwed up! I can't fall apart again," she yelled, beginning to cry softly, despite her words.
"What happened to Amber wasn't your fault. But, the more you distance yourself from patients and people in general, the harder you fall when you actually let yourself get close enough to make a mistake," he reasoned, allowing his words to sink into her like pebbles in a river.
It hurt to think that Kutner understood Thirteen more than she understood herself, sometimes. Mysterious as her actions and emotions were, Kutner saw right through them, when even House couldn't.
At his words, she gave into the lump in her throat, and began sobbing into her hands. He finally closed the space between them, and pulled her off the stool, wrapping his arms around her in a comforting hug. She struggled to get out of it, not wanting him to see her so upset.
"Feelings aren't important when it comes to doctors. Intellect is what you should use--" Thirteen wept incoherently, trying to say anything to carry her away from this lab full of strong sentimentality.
"There's a time for intellect and objectivity, and then there's a time for tenderness and emotion. This is one of those times. Just forget everything having to do with being cold and apathetic. Let yourself feel..." Kutner responded, holding her tightly, feeling her violent sobs shake his own body.
Although she put up resistance, and tried to appear indifferent and stoical, Kutner knew that what Thirteen needed right now was someone who knew a little something about emotions. She needed someone to be there for her, and he intended to be that person.
A/N: Just a little diddy. Hope you enjoyed.