Author's Notes:
Hello, I'm The Cool Kat, and this is the third entry in "The Wolf and the Panda" series. As you can probably guess by the rating, this is another light-hearted fluff piece. I did a soulmates fic in the first, a porn-without-plot (kind of) in the second one, and now a silly fluff story where the characters are deliberately written out of character.
Since you've seen the title you can probably see where this one-shot is going from a mile away, but even if it doesn't have the element of surprise on its side, I wanted to write it anyway, if only to answer the question of what Po and his friends do when they're bored. This fic is inspired by one of the opening chapters of "Dark Side of the Moon" (by Animation Universe), where Po and his friends pass the time asking each other silly questions to pass the time.
Would You Rather?
"Would you rather walk over a bed of hot coals or cross a rope bridge blind-folded?", Monkey asked.
"Hmm…that's a tough one. Rope bridge or hot coals", the simian's friend mused. Po's fingers drummed the kitchen table, while his friends' waited eagerly for his answer. Well except for Tigress and Zhong, who looked bored as usual. Both of them would rather be training right now than playing child's games, and the only reason Po had been able to talk Zhong into this was because the wolf felt like he was going to go stir-crazy from being cooped up in the Jade Palace all week.
"How deep is the cliff?", the bear asked.
Monkey thought about that for a moment. "A couple hundred feet", he shrugged.
"Oh, well that's easy then. I'll take a few burns over falling to my death any day", Po grinned.
"Okay Po, it's your turn", the monkey said.
The panda turned towards his feline friend. "Tigress, would you rather…try to fight off an entire army by yourself, or watch over an entire orphanage by yourself?", Po asked.
"The army", the feline said quickly.
Po blinked. "Well that was fast", he thought. "You sure you don't wanna think about that question any longer? I mean, I would pick the kids", Po reasoned.
"Nope", Tigress replied, shaking her head and leaning back against her chair.
Po scratched the underside of his chin. "Note to self, next time ask a question that doesn't involve children", he thought.
And so the game continued, cycling around to the entire Furious Five. The questions got more and more ridiculous with each round, and Zhong's head started to slip further and further down with disinterest. This did not go unnoticed by his friends.
As Monkey tried to think of an answer to his question, the langur frowned at the seventh member of their team, since he looked like he was close to falling asleep. Why did he even join in their game in the first place if he thought it was too 'childish' for him? Monkey had a question for him that he was sure would wake him up.
The chance for him to play his little joke came when it was finally his turn to ask a question. "Zhong?", he said.
"Yeah?", the wolf replied.
"Tell me, would you rather, kiss Tigress…or Po?", the simian asked, grinning like, well, a monkey.
Except, no one else found it funny. Especially Zhong, who looked like he had just a bucket of cold water thrown in his face.
Po and Tigress stared at the langur, mouths hanging wide open as they wondered if they really heard what they thought they heard.
"What?", Tigress asked, shell-shocked.
"Dude…what?", Po repeated.
"It's a simple question, Tigress or Po", Monkey replied, completely relaxed as if he hadn't just dropped a bombshell the size of China on all his friends.
The rest of the Furious Five didn't say anything; they just glanced worriedly from Po to Tigress to Monkey to Zhong. Two out of those four animals were known for having very short fuses, so there was no telling how this would all turn out.
"Why would you even ask something like that?", Po demanded.
"Zhong looked like he was bored, so I decided to give him a lively question. Speaking of which, what is your answer? Out of both your teammates, which one would you rather give a little peck on the lips?", Monkey asked, wagging his eyebrows mischievously. Darn that monkey for being so persistent. He obviously wasn't to going to move on until he got an answer.
Po and Tigress, still too numb or too angry to say anything else, glanced at Zhong to see how the once-bored, now wide-awake canine would react. He didn't say anything either; he just looked at Monkey, then Tigress, then Po, as if he was actually thinking about answering. What was there to think about? Obviously he wouldn't kiss either one of them, right? Right?
And then Po saw something in Zhong's eye change, like a new thought had appeared in his head and it briefly flickered onto his face. The wild dog's lips curled upwards weirdly, and he turned back towards Monkey. "I can't tell you", he said.
"I thought so", Monkey replied, satisfied.
"I'm going to show you", he added, before leaning across the other end of the table and grabbing Po by the fur on his chest.
The top half of his body now bent over the table, Po could see up close and personal the devious look in his friend's eyes. "You're gonna kiss me, aren't you?", he realized.
"Yep", the lupine said simply, before he went in for the kill.
Monkey, Mantis, Tigress, Viper and Crane all tensed at the exact same movement as they witnessed the impossible.
Po's eyes bugged, and the panda's arms flew out from his torso as Zhong's lips were suddenly pressing against his', pushing in on the bear's face. What the hell was happening?! And why was he opening his mouth and allowing Zhong passage? Why was he letting his friend rub tongues with him? And most of all, why was he moaning like a little kid kissing his crush under a bamboo tree?
He had so many questions. And ironically, he realized he didn't care about any of them. All he cared about was the wild dog shamelessly sucking his face in front of all their teammates, like they weren't even there.
The moment was…wonderful, but fleeting. Because all too soon Zhong pulled away from him and turned his attention back to Monkey, smirking at the bewildered simian. "Does that answer your question?", he asked sarcastically.
Monkey slowly reached up and closed his mouth with his paw (which had been hanging almost all the way down to the table).
Zhong's smirk turned into an all-out grin when he realized all of the Furious Five, fearsome warriors who had seen all kind of horrors in their lifetime, had been reduced to speechless staring.
The wolf chuckled, and elbowed Po in the shoulder. "Look at these guys. It's like they've never seen two men kiss before. I saw it all the time back in the guard. People used to do it for fun, to pass the time", he said nonchalantly.
Po blinked, and touched his lips. He had just kissed a guy. A guy had just kissed him, on the lips no bars-held, for a solid half-minute and he let him do it. A dude kissed him…and he liked it. No, he loved it. He actually loved it. And he didn't want to stop now.
A devious thought of his own appeared in the bear's head, and he knew if he wanted to go through with it he'd have to do it now before the window of opportunity passed him by.
"Maybe it takes a while to sink in. We'd better show it to them again", he suggested before he grabbed the large canine and practically slammed their lips together. Zhong suddenly wasn't the only one who could be shameless.
The panda eventually pulled away him, and whispered something into one of his floppy ears so their friends couldn't hear him. "We've gotta do that again sometime", he requested.
Zhong smirked. He didn't know where boring Po got this new adventurous streak from, but he liked it. If he had known kissing Po would bring out this side to the Dragon Warrior, he'd have done it a long time ago. "Why wait?", he offered.
The two pushed back their seats, and got up from their table. Zhong noted the others still weren't talking, but instead following their movements with their wide eyes that spoke a thousand words. "Well Po, I guess the game's over, and we won. We'll have to find another way to pass the time", he said.
"I've got an idea", Po said, grabbing the wolf's paw and leading him out of the kitchen. According Zhong, soldiers like him used to get…involved with other soldiers all the time, for fun. And he figured there was a lot Zhong could teach him about kissing.
Thank goodness Shifu was out of the Valley that day. Something told Po that he wouldn't be as quiet as his students if he had seen this himself.
Speaking of his students, once they were gone, Monkey finally cleared his throat (which was now dry from his mouth being open for so long) and straightened in his seat. "Well that put me off this game for life", he sighed, and his smallest pal, Mantis, nodded in agreement.
Author's Notes:
Yep, the 'silly fluff' thing I told you about was the classic scenario of two guys kissing to tease their friends, and it escalating from there. Yeah, it's a classic fanfiction staple and it's completely overdone, but it's one of those things you've just gotta do once (just like how there's an endless amount of 'falling off cliffs' jokes in "Legends of Awesomeness"). As usual, this one-shot is dedicated to Joe 'Po' Navark, Animation Universe, That Nerd Next Door, Red Aigh, Sindalstar, and Wolflover111.