Root confuses you most of the times.
Sometimes she's making you feel things you never felt before. Like your heart wants to burst out of your body, your insides are burning in a different way than you're used to.
Sometimes she's making you frustrated and angry. You'd hurt her if you could. If your body would allow it. But the one single fact you've learned is that you'd never hurt her. You want to protect her instead.
Sometimes she's making you worry and you hate it. You hate it when she doesn't respond most of the days and you do not care how busy she is. You did not come back to watch her die, just because of her own stupidity.
That's the thing though, Root is far from stupid. In fact, her intelligence scares you. That stupid voice inside her brain scares you. So sometimes, sometimes she's scarring the living hell out of you.
She doesn't wait a second when she comes home. She's surprised at first, seeing you in her borrowed apartment but suddenly her confusion disappears and there's something else. Something more primal.
She's claiming your lips as soon as the doors behind her close and you're letting her because you need her just as much.
Moments later, she's moving in your arms, your kisses are frantic and messy. Its like she's tasting water again, after so much time.
Its been long, so so long since you've touched another in this way. So long since you felt the familiar burning on your skin. Her nails are digging into your flesh and you try your hardest to not moan but the unwanted noise escapes anyway.
She's moving against your fingers, grinding your hips, teeth sunken deep into your neck, probably leaving marks. She's unbelievably wet and needy and you want to give everything to her, no matter how alien the feeling is to you.
She's claiming your skin, your other hand moves to her head, fingers raising her chin so she can look at you, worry written all over her face and you stop her for a second, your eyes examining her deep, troubled pools. She's shaking. At first you thought it was because of her excitement but you've been horribly wrong.
Now that you see her eyes however, something in you breaks.
Somewhere deep inside you feel pain and it just hurts to see her this way.
You've been gone for a long time. She's changed so much.
Her smile has been keeping you sane in your private little prison.
You crave to see that perky smile again. You need to see it.
All of this still feels like a nightmare. You're still locked, interrogated, this is all a nightmare. Root's not here. You're not here. You pushed her away and you died. This is not happening. She's not naked in your arms, her mind isn't threatening to give away, her body isn't broken, scarred and you're not holding her.
You never hold anyone..
"Lie to me." she whispers against the skin of your neck, her troubled and tired voice breaking you away from your trance and you're confused, taken back. You're not sure what she means but when she looks at you, you want to break something.
You don't do emotions. You don't do this. You don't want this...
But she's here. She's in your arms, tears gathering in her eyes and you just..
"What ?" you ask and there's that broken smile on her face again, telling you that nothing matters. You can feel how close she is but for some reason she doesn't want it. Her fingers lands on your jaw, caressing you, running over your lip and burning your skin.
Her fingers are ablaze. "Lie to me. Tell me you love me." she whispers and her silent words feels like daggers and bullets and it hurts so much. As much as you've come to tolerate pain, this is far too much.
She's waiting and your throat is dry and your voice is stuck. "Root I-" you try but she's claiming your lips the very second your voice escaped your tired and hungry lips. "Sam..Please." she begs and you've never heard her so desperate. It makes you want to kill something.
But she wants it.
She wants a lie and you know there's no way around it.
So you tell her.
The same lie you've been telling yourself for weeks now.
"...I hate you."
And when she hears your raspy voice, she's gripping on the sheets so tightly you're sure she's tearing them apart. Her inner walls clench your fingers and you know you've just send her over the edge. Her eyes are silently asking you to let her go but you're letting her ride her orgasm for as long as she needs.
You don't want to let her go. She's perfect this way. You're both perfect this way.
Joined together.
She falls away from you, showing you her back and for some reason you feel cold and.. "You should go.." you hear her whisper and its enough. Its enough to break the last remnants of resistance in you.
This path will no longer be the one you two follow. You could have died and she's ready to die the same stupid way.
You're not letting her die.
Its enough.
Your fingers are tracing a path over her skin, they land on her chin and you're forcing her to look at you, you twist her body so she faces you fully, you touch her forehead with yours and you're not good at this, you've never done this. But it feels natural.
With Root, it all feels natural.
"I'm not going anywhere."
She cries herself to sleep and your fingers are wiping out her tears, your arms are keeping her safe.
There's a weak sign of a smile creeping on her face and you allow yourself a small smile too.
She's not going to be alone anymore.
You won't allow it.