My fifth submission to the Everlark Prompt Week. My take on the memory of the Rooftop Scene that took place prior to the Quell. I hope you enjoy it :).

I wish I could freeze this moment right here, right now, and live in it forever…

Was that me? Where did that thought come from? Those words, uttered in an awed whisper on an orange hued roof, somehow managed to break through the crazed howls and screams that seem to crowd my mind during every minute of my dying existence. I clench my eyes shut, or maybe I open them wide? I'm not sure, as all I see between visions of death and torment is the absolute darkness of my cell in the Capitol.

I have lost the concept of time, space and rationality and with every passing moment I grow weaker, and the visions grow stronger, clearer, longer. Katniss sawing a hive of tracker jackers off a tree straight over my head, Katniss taunting me in the cave, Katniss handing me nightlock.

Katniss.

Katniss … smiling wistfullly at me as she lay on my lap, her dark, long hair in my hands, soft and silky as a result of the improved lives that our victory of the Games had led sun setting in the horizon, and the feeling of happiness and peace.

The vision lasts just a second, before loud screams jarred the gnawing darkness around me. Was that Johanna Mason? Or was it me? I cannot tell the sounds I make from hers anymore. The torture, hunger, thirst and violation of our minds and bodies have removed any semblance of difference between us. There is no Peeta or Johanna, no male or female, 12 or 7, but only two broken, croaking human wrecks, pliable toys of the Capitol. Dead enough to fight a rising rebellion, alive enough to deliver the final blow to its perpetrators.

I stopped pleading for death weeks ago. I realise that my fate is meant to be far worse than that.

I claw at the blood sodden walls that slowly crush me, waiting for a respite from the visions, for that second where I could freeze that sunset, and live in it forever … until it is pushed away by a dusk made of venom.

I wish I could freeze this moment right here, right now, and live in it forever…

There are no sunsets left in my life anymore. No sky, no woods, no sun, no colour. Everything is gray in the underground of District 13, and everything is black in my soul. Peeta is gone, lost to me, just when I had finally managed to find myself for him. The venom washed away his unconditional, selfless love, and replaced it with the disgust, distrust and loathing for me that I share with him even without the poison.

When he had expressed the desire to freeze that sunset on the roof forever, I had told him that I would allow it. But I had not kept my word that day and failed, just as I had failed in keeping him safe, sane and true to himself, by being the one rescued from the clutches of the Capitol. The sun had not waited for us, that day on the roof, and had set behind the Capitol skyline, leaving us cold and pale, throwing us back into reality.

There are no sunsets for me anymore. The walls in the closet where I hide slowly crush me, and I wait for a respite from the despair, for that second where I could freeze that sunset, and live in it forever … until it is pushed away by a dusk made of loss.

Our daughter is born on an early summer morning, just as the sun rises over the misty beauty of District 12. A light dew settles over the window pane, and I move her in my arms so that she can see the sun rise over her, our, family. I turn to Katniss, who slips in and out of sleepy consciousness following her long labour, but who still finds the strength to reach out for both of us.

"Thank you," I whisper as I kiss her gently.

"I love her," she replies. "I love you."

I wrap my arms around her small frame, and in so doing I can cradle our daughter's little dark head in my hands as Katniss nurses her. "Every day I love you more," I reply staring at my girls in awe.

"What should we call her?" she asks, unable to take her eyes off her.

I look at the sun as it continues its ascent from behind the mountains and, for some strange reason, the sunset in the Capitol of so many years ago, comes to my mind. Somehow, I had managed to freeze that memory in mind in such a way that it had remained salvaged in my subconcious against all odds.

It was now time to let it go.

"We'll call her Alba," I reply. "It means sunrise." And as I look at the two people who fill my heart with love, I realise that I will never feel the need to freeze a moment and stall it forever anymore. Katniss and Alba have become my life, and every second of my time with them needs to be lived in joyful motion.