Sweet Irony
By Jen De Salme a.k.a. Inuarai a.k.a. Mercedes
A G1 Transformers ficlet

Disclaimer: Again, Wheelie isn't mine. Hasbro won't mind if I borrow him, though… Also, do not blame me if this is a bit scary… As Arty likes to say, "I don't write the fics, I channel them."

Notes: The overwhelming response I received for "Cackle" inspired Wheelie to make a second appearance… oh my. O.o Happy Halloween, 2002, folks!
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I've discovered something recently. For moral-obsessed, naïve, reality-blind twits, Autobots can be unusually observant. Guess it's in the programming: dense as titanium ore, but with a keen sense when someone is trying to kill us.

Slag.

It makes offlining them damn near impossible. The best I've been able to pull off since I joined up with them is a couple of minor dents and scrapes. If it wasn't for the limitless number of fatal "accidents" I have yet to try, I'd be positively depressed!

So far, though…. Not a single near death experience!

Not even a limb decapitation!

Frustrating, frustrating, frustrating!

I actually considered joining the Decepticons, once… for about half a nano-klik before giving in to hysterical giggling. The 'Cons are about three chips short of a motherboard. They do more damage to themselves than they do to us!

Excuse me, have to act "normal." Jazz is passing by and I don't want him to think that "poor innocent orphan Wheelie" is starting to loose his marbles.

It's that "observant" bit again, don't ya know?

Whispered quietly for my ears, never would I want them to hear, "There goes a circuit-fried moron, wish to Primus he was gone."

Autobots are so gullible.

Reason number two to never join the Decepticons: they're suspicious of everyone and everything. Sure, it would be fun making them even more edgy and paranoid, but there's no challenge in trying to offline idiots who are trying to kill themselves anyway.

Who am I kidding, I could never join the 'Cons anyway. I'm an Autobot, through to the core! The Autobots are my people; my family.

As such, my right to offline them supersedes all others.

Excuse my giggling, the details are niggling, tickling my brain; thinking of fuel I could drain.

So many possibilities, so many ideas… Helps prevent my processor from overloading while I keep up the cutesy act.

Autobots are so naïve.

But they're all I have.

Mine!

Slip.

Spine.

Rip.

Burn!

Spark.

Turn.

Dark…