1.
"Harry, there's something I need to tell you. I've been thinking about this for a long time, but I've never found a good way to say it. Also, I've never been sure of how you'd react, and I don't want to lose you... maybe this is a bad idea," Peter stated, only freaking out a little. Gwen laughed at him, shaking her head.
"It's not going to go well if you don't start out with what you actually want to say. You can blab all the rest afterwards. The confession is the most important part, and he'll lose interest if you don't say that first," she told him gently, when she'd managed to calm down again.
"It's easy for you to say. You don't have to tell your best a major secret that could end said friendship. You don't get to laugh at me," Peter pouted. He could tell she was trying not to burst out laughing again.
"It's your own fault for keeping it secret so long. Although I don't know how it's stayed a secret. You're really bad at hiding it," she informed him. He sighed.
"You're just too perceptive. I'm not bad at hiding it," he protested quietly. She nodded in mock agreement. "What? I'm not. MJ still doesn't know."
"The janitor knows. Just be happy that Harry seems to be blind when it comes to you and your 'secrets'," she said with a smile.
"I'm going to tell him! That's the whole point of what we're doing right now! You told me you'd help me figure out the right way to say it!" he reminded her, trying not to smile back. It didn't work.
"And I've told you what to do. Practice session over. Look, here he comes now. Harry! Peter has something to tell you!" she called over his shoulder. Then she grabbed her bag and left the lunch table quickly before Peter could grab her and make her stay.
"Hey, Pete. What's going on?" Harry asked, taking Gwen's seat. Peter was sure his face was bright red, and he wished the ground would swallow him whole. No such luck.
"Um... nothing?" he tried, wincing internally at Harry's disbelieving look.
"Gwen said you have something to tell me?" he pressed, not backing down.
"Gwen should mind her own business," Peter muttered darkly, stabbing at the chicken in front of him. Then he looked up at Harry and saw how unamused he was. "Sorry. It's just been a long day. I, um, wanted to tell you that-"
The bell rang, saving Peter from what was sure to be the most awkward conversation of his life. It wasn't time for him to confess to Harry, which is what he'd been trying to tell Gwen all week. The look Harry gave him said that this wasn't over, but Peter knew he'd forget by the end of the day. He'd do this in his own time and way. It wouldn't work otherwise.
2.
"Let me guess: you still haven't told him? Shocking."
"Not you, too!" Peter groaned into his phone, rubbing a hand over his face. He'd barely answered the phone before MJ was bothering him about coming clean to Harry. She and Gwen must plan these ambushes.
"Yes me too! This has been going on for over a year now. Doesn't it bother you that he doesn't know? You have no idea how he'd react! Maybe it would be what you've always wanted!"
"And maybe he'll slam a door in my face, or break my nose. I'm not ready to tell him yet," Peter said sharply.
"Tell who what?" Harry asked from behind him, making Peter wince.
"Ooh. I'll let you go so you can finally tell him. Text me the details later!" And then she was gone, and he was alone to face a curious Harry.
"Um... tell Flash what an absolute dick he is," Peter said the first thing that popped into his mind. It didn't sound even remotely believable to himself, and he knew Harry didn't buy it. He sighed again, rubbing his face in exasperation. Then he had an idea, and looked back up at Harry nervously. "It's supposed to be a surprise. Do you actually want to ruin it?"
"I want to know what's going on. You don't try to lie unless you're hiding something big. I know you, Peter. What's going on inside that head of yours?" Harry asked in return, raising an eyebrow.
"Fine, but you'll have to act surprised later. MJ and I have been planning a big surprise party for your birthday. It's supposed to be this weekend," Peter stated calmly, knowing his face wouldn't show anything.
Harry's face broke into a huge grin, and he looked more excited than he'd looked in days. He'd been itching to have a party since they'd started their senior year just a few months back. "Really? I promise I'll act surprised. I can't wait!"
Inwardly, Peter was cursing himself. Now he'd have to convince MJ to plan the party with him, and they only had four days to put everything together and find a place for it. But he wasn't ready for this confession yet. It wasn't time. MJ and Gwen would just have to understand that for now.
3.
This was it. He was finally ready to tell Harry. They'd moved in together just a month ago, and he'd been working up the courage to say it for two weeks. This time, he wouldn't be chickening out. There would be no excuses. He was going to say what he needed to say, and Harry was going to listen (and hopefully not hate him for it).
"Harry, do you have a second to talk? I have to tell you something really important," he announced, stepping into their kitchen. Harry, however, wasn't alone. Peter recognized the man from Oscorp, having seen him when he'd gone in to visit Harry on lunch breaks. Harry had taken over the company after his father died, even though he'd only been eighteen. This man was helping him run it, managing the finances and overseeing most of the more advanced projects. Harry was smart, but he wasn't very scientific. Peter had been helping him learn the basics he'd need to know soon.
"Sorry, Pete, we're just finishing up here. Can it wait a few more minutes? I promise I'll have time as soon as we finish," Harry replied, giving him a distracted smile.
"Yeah... sure. Take your time," Peter relented, backing out of the room. He wasn't sure that Harry even heard him. It had been the wrong thing to say, anyways. 'Take their time' turned into three hours of waiting for Peter while the two went over numbers, then job applications, then discussed arrangements for some kind of benefit Oscorp would be hosting. When the other man finally left, he could tell Harry was exhausted.
"Sorry it took so long. What was it you wanted to tell me?" he asked, curling up on the couch beside Peter. Peter shook his head, wishing the world didn't hate him so much. "No, really. I want to know."
"I just wanted to tell you that I recorded that show you've been wanting to see. Got it last night, the first episode. Do you think you could stay awake to watch it?" Peter replied calmly.
"That's your really important thing you have to tell me?" Harry asked, sounding amused.
"In my defense, I didn't know there was anybody else here. I thought we were alone, and I was excited. I thought you'd be excited, too," Peter answered, making sure he sounded disappointed by Harry's reaction.
"I'm excited. I'm also very amused by your definition of important. And here I thought... well, it doesn't matter. Sure, let's watch it," Harry told him easily. Peter was sure he was imagining the disappointment in Harry's eyes. He was kicking himself for backing out yet again, wishing he had the strength to just say it already. He was fairly certain Harry wouldn't kick him to the curb or anything.
"I'll make the popcorn," he nodded, standing and making his way into the kitchen. Next time, he'd make sure they were alone before he even tried to start the conversation. He was ready, damn it!
4.
"This is getting sad, Peter. I'm actually sad for you," Gwen stated, frowning at him. MJ nodded beside her, looking concerned. "It's been years. Years. How much longer are you going to let this eat at you?"
"We're just worried about your sanity," MJ threw in helpfully.
"You're just being nosy. This is that thing married people do, where they want everyone else to be happy too, even if it isn't realistic. Telling him won't solve any of my problems, and might actually cause one or two that I don't already have!" Peter protested, glaring at them.
"You told me you wanted to tell him now. You're ready. So why haven't you done it?" Gwen demanded.
"Because the timing has never been right!" he snapped, glaring down at the table now. He fiddled with his phone, hoping they'd change the subject. No such luck.
"Call him! You can tell him right now. We'll even give you some privacy by going into the next room. I know it's not what you'd planned to do, but your plans have all been shit, Peter. They never work. Maybe listening to us this time will help you," MJ suggested.
"This isn't really something that should be said over the phone," he frowned. But he was actually considering it, and he knew they knew it. Every time he'd tried to bring it up since the recording disaster, Harry had either brushed him off or they'd been interrupted in the middle of talking.
"You haven't been able to do it any other way, have you? You're both always so busy. This is a quick and easy solution, and then you can discuss it tonight before you both go to bed. There won't be as much pressure, because the secret will already be out!" Gwen told him, smiling again. She and MJ high-fived enthusiastically.
"Make the call. We'll be in the other room when you're done," MJ told him, pulling Gwen along with her. He wasn't really sure he'd want to know what they were getting up to in his dining room, and he really didn't want to walk in on it later.
He hesitated for only a couple of minutes before dialing Harry's number and waiting. Harry answered on the third ring, sounding distracted as he gave his standard greeting. "Do you not even check the caller ID anymore?" Peter asked, amused. He could hear Harry's tired laugh on the other end.
"No, not right now. It's been crazy today, with three separate explosions and a fire. We've had to evacuate the building twice, and I haven't gotten any work done. I'll be home late tonight, so don't wait up or anything. I'll pick up food on my way, too. What did you need?" he replied.
"Nothing too important, I just had something to tell you. It can wait, if you're too busy," Peter offered, hoping Harry wouldn't brush him off yet again.
"Can it? Because if it actually is important, I can spare a few minutes. But if this is just another 'I recorded a show' important thing, I might have to throttle you," Harry teased.
"You know what? It's really not all that important at all. It's not a show, though," Peter replied, heart sinking yet again.
"Are you sure? You know I've always got time for you when you actually need me," Harry assured him.
"I'm sure. I'll let you go. If I keep you too long, it'll just take you longer to actually get home. You know I'm going to wait up, and I'd rather sleep at least a little bit tonight than bother you with something this stupid. Don't worry about it. We'll talk later," he told him, keeping his tone neutral.
"Okay, if you're sure. I'll see you when I get home. I'll try to be there by one at the latest, but I make no promises," Harry replied. And then he was gone, and Peter was left feeling more alone than he'd felt in a long time, even though he knew Gwen and MJ were waiting for him in the next room.
5.
They were sitting alone in a cafe when Peter worked up the nerve to try again. They were the only two there, and had been for over ten minutes. Peter was pretty sure they wouldn't be interrupted this time, and Harry was paying full attention to him- something that never happened anymore unless it was for work purposes.
"Hey, Harry? There's something I've been meaning to tell you. I'm just not great at putting it into words," Peter started, making sure he had Harry's full attention still. Harry nodded for him to continue, but of course he couldn't be that lucky. There was an explosion across the street, and Peter's heart sank as he watched the Lizard make his way out of the rubble, holding something tightly in both hands.
"Ignore it. I'm sure Spiderman will take care of that guy, like usual," Harry stated, sounding calm despite the panic on the street right beside them. Peter glanced back and forth between Harry and Lizard before standing.
"I'll be right back, I promise. I've just... bathroom," he bit out, already moving for the doors. He heard Harry say something behind him, but he couldn't look back to see what. He'd take care of Lizard, and then go back and tell Harry. Finally.
The fight was short but brutal. Peter was pretty sure he'd managed to dislocate his shoulder and fix it in one move, which was one of the most painful experiences of his life. (He was pretending the broken ankle never happened, since it'd healed so quickly. Also the sprained wrist, the broken ribs, and the bruised throat. All past injuries were nothing compared to ones he had to suffer through right that second.) By the time he made it back to the cafe, Harry was gone. He'd left a note at their table saying he'd had to go back to work, but he'd meet Peter at the apartment that night to hear what he'd wanted to say. Forget what he'd said before; this hurt much more.
+1
Harry beat him home that night. He'd taken extra-long at work, trying to make sure he'd be prepared for the long conversation he knew he'd be having. There wouldn't be any interruptions; he'd spoken to Fury about making sure no villains interrupted his time that night. Fury had been surprisingly accommodating, which made Peter wonder if he knew exactly what would be happening to him. It wasn't a comforting thought.
"You're later than I thought you'd be. Did Jameson keep you late for a reason?" Harry asked, pulling a plate out of the microwave for him. It was his favorite pasta, which just confused him. He'd figured Harry would be mad at him.
"Yeah. I was editing pictures all night. He only let me go because he was leaving himself," he replied, taking a small bite to calm himself. "About earlier..."
"It's okay. You were doing what you had to do. I waited as long as I could, but my lunch breaks can only last so long. You weren't hurt, were you?" Harry said, sitting back in his chair and giving him a long look as if checking for injuries himself.
"No. Why would I have been hurt?" Peter asked, more nervous than he'd been before. It was almost like Harry knew...
"You tell me. That's what you've been trying to tell me all along, right?" he shot back, a small smile tugging on his lips. "You're not exactly subtle. And you're really bad at keeping secrets, Pete."
"How long have you known?" Peter demanded, flushing.
"At least since we moved in together. You didn't honestly think that I wouldn't notice, did you? The fact that you come home injured every other night from your photography job, the webbing I find all over your laundry when I do it to be nice, the fact that you're the only one who can get decent pictures... I'm not stupid, Peter," he said calmly.
"But Aunt May never noticed, and I lived with her for a few years like this before I moved in with you!" Peter protested.
"And I bet she knows, too. But just like her, I've been waiting for you to tell me yourself. I thought you were going to do it today. You had the perfect opening, but you ran. And that was your important thing from a few weeks ago, too, right? I'm a patient man, but this has been ridiculous," Harry smiled.
"So you know," Peter muttered, looking down.
"That you're Spiderman? Yes," Harry replied.
"And?" Peter asked, looking up again.
"And it doesn't change anything," Harry assured him, leaning in to kiss him gently. "I still love you. I'm not sure there's a thing you could do to make me stop loving you at this point."
They spent a long time just being together after that, sharing lazy kisses and eating, not really saying anything. It took Peter a while to think of exactly what to say, and when it occurred to him, he had to grin.
"You know, this is still better than that time it took you four years to tell me you've been in love with me since the day we met. It only took me two years to tell you my secret," he teased.
"Ah, but you never did tell me. I'm the one who told you that I knew. You still haven't said the words," Harry pointed out smugly.
"Damn it!" Peter groaned, letting his head fall back onto Harry's shoulder. "I'm never going to win, am I?"
"I think you win every time you come home. I always worry that there will be a day that you won't," Harry admitted.
"I will always come home to you. You're what I fight for," Peter whispered, pulling him into another kiss. Maybe he didn't get to confess, but it made him feel infinitely better to know that Harry knew anyways. He always did know the important things before Peter could even admit them to himself, usually. It just made Peter love him more.