The Object of My Affection
Ranma and Akane were sitting at a table in the Tendo Dojo place being knavish as usual.
"I can't believe our fathers and my sisters without us!!" said Akane.
"Whatever." Said Ranma. Then Akane overreacted and stomped out of the room. Then all of a sudden, the wall exploded and Shampoo drove in on her bike.
"Nihao Ranma!!" said Shampoo, getting off her bike. "Shampoo bring gift from China just for Ranma!"
"A gift?" said Ranma as Shampoo nodded and pulled out a ring. "…Oh goody, a ring."
"Is special ring!" Shampoo explained. "Is okay?" Then she handed the ring to Ranma and in her little thought bubble it said: "This magic ring make Ranma love Shampoo!"
"No, that's all right Shampoo." Ranma said, giving it back to her. "I was never much of a jewelry wearer. Maybe you can give it to Mousse."
"Shampoo no want give to Mousse!!" Shampoo yelled. "Shampoo want give ring to Ranma."
Just then, Akane walked in and hit Ranma on the head with a table. "So, you just got rid of me so you could be alone with Shampoo, is that it?!" she yelled. "Well that's just fine with me!!"
"Stupid girl!" said Shampoo angrily. "Why you no leave us alone?!"
"I'm GOING to!" said Akane EVER so knavishly.
"RANMA SAOTOME!!!" came the voice of Mousse as he barreled through the already exploded wall on a bike and landed on Ranma. "How DARE you seduce my Shampoo!!"
"I didn't seduce her!" yelled Ranma. "She came in here!"
"Like I'm going to believe that!!" Mousse yelled. "Prepare yourself for the fight of your life!!" Then he started shooting out all of his hidden weapons all over the place but then Shampoo came out of nowhere with a bucket of cold water and splashed it at him, turning him into a duck. YAY!!
"Oh no!" Shampoo shrieked, looking around. "Where is ring?! Shampoo so upset!!" Then she got on her bike and drove away. And then Mousse followed after her. Akane glared at Ranma.
"What was she talking about?!" she demanded.
"How am I supposed to know?" Ranma yelled.
"Is THIS the ring?" said Akane suddenly as she picked up the familiar looking ring on the floor and handed it to Ranma.
"Oh, why yes it is." Said Ranma, looking at it. Suddenly, Soun, Genma, Nabiki and Kasumi walked in.
"AN ENGAGEMENT RING!!!" yelled Tendo. "WEAR IT BOY!!! AS YOUR FUTURE FATHER I COMMAND YOU TO WEAR IT!!"
"I didn't give it to him!!" yelled Akane.
Genma plucked it out of Ranma's hand and observed it. "This ring appears to be foreign." He said.
"Who cares if it's foreign?" said Nabiki, taking the ring away from Genma and putting it on. "It looks REALLY expensive."
"Nabiki!!" said Akane. "That's not yours!" Then Nabiki paused and seemed to go into a trance. She glanced around the room at all the people standing around her until her eyes finally settled on Genma. Then her eyes seemed to gloss over as she opened her arms and leapt towards him.
"Thank you for getting me such an expensive looking ring!!" she yelled as she hugged him tightly. Everyone, including Genma, just kind of stood there for a few seconds as they watched Nabiki cling obsessively to Genma while retarded little drops hung next to their heads. Finally, Genma just kind of PUSHED Nabiki away.
"You're welcome," he said tentatively.
"But oh dear," said Nabiki, suddenly getting distraught. "I do not have a present for you. However, I shall grace you with an intangible present… MY LOVE!!!" Then she jumped into his arms again.
"This is where I draw the line!" said Ranma, pulling Nabiki away. She stared obliviously at Ranma, batted him away and then leapt towards Genma again and clung to him like a leech.
"I didn't even buy the ring!" Genma continued as he began to push Nabiki away again but his attempts were futile because he didn't want to break every bone in her body by pushing her too hard. Suddenly, Shampoo came back.
"Aiyaa!" she screeched, running over to Nabiki and Genma. "Is my ring!" Then she took it off Nabiki's hand. "Bad girl!" Then she hopped out the window in a hurry.
Nabiki's eyes suddenly returned to normal as she looked around the room at everyone staring at her. She cautiously let go of Genma and brushed off his shirt. Then, extremely quickly, she turned around and left the room.
"Well that was certainly strange." Said Kasumi. "I had no idea that Nabiki had such intimate feelings about your father, Ranma."
Genma coughed. "Well, I think I'll hit the hay now."
"But it's not even noon yet." Ranma pointed out but Genma was already walking away ever so quickly.
MEANWHILE!!!
"Aiyaa!!" Shampoo exclaimed. "Shampoo loose ring again! Shampoo thought she have in pocket, but no is here!" She pulled out a small scarf. "Huh? How this get here?" Then she tossed it behind her and continued walked into the Cat Café.
"Shampoo, take these deliveries out." Said Cologne as she tossed two bowls of Ramen at Shampoo.
"Oh Akane, someday I shall be able to confront you not as a pig but as a man and then I shall…"
thought Ryoga as he hopelessly walked down the by the Cat Café with his head hung low. Then he noticed a small scarf lying on the ground so he bent down and picked it up. "Hm, someone lost their scarf." He said to himself.Just as he said that, a cold wind blew by. Ryoga paused and shrugged. "It wouldn't be shame to just HAVE a scarf…" he said as he wrapped it around his neck. He blinked a few times and then his eyes glossed over, similar to what happened when Nabiki put on the ring. (In fact, it WAS what happened when Nabiki put on the ring! I think I'll laugh like Santa Claus. Here I go. HO HO HO!!!)
"Suddenly I could go for some Ramen," he said as he turned towards the Cat Café and walked into it just as Shampoo was walking out. They crashed into each other and the Ramen spilled all over the place.
"Watch where you going!" Shampoo yelled, hitting Ryoga on the head with a tray. "Now we have make Ramen all over!"
"I'm so sorry, Shampoo!!" Ryoga gasped as he wrapped his arms around Shampoo and hugged her very tightly. She froze, wide eyed as Ryoga nuzzled his head into her shoulder.
Just then, Mousse strutted out of the kitchen and gasped when he saw them. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Mousse yelled as he jumped towards Ryoga and kicked him away from Shampoo and knocking him against a wall outside, creating a huge circular indentation in the wall. Ryoga fell to the ground like a limp noodle.
"Shampoo confused!" Shampoo said, standing up.
Suddenly, Ryoga looked up. "Shampoo!!" he said, recovering rather quickly and running back over to her.
"Oh!" said Shampoo, grabbing Ryoga's hand. "Bad boy must have Shampoo ring!" Then she looked at his fingers to see that there was no ring to be found. "Okay…now Shampoo confused."
"Get away from my Shampoo!!" Mousse yelled.
"YOUR Shampoo?!" Ryoga yelled. "Since when is she YOUR Shampoo?! She is MY Shampoo!!"
"Since when is she YOURS?!" Mousse yelled. "Since when have you even LIKED her?!"
"LIKE HER?!" Ryoga yelled as if he were appalled. "I LOVE her!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Mousse yelled as if this never happened as he fainted due to an overwhelmingly large amount of blood rushing to his head far too quickly.
"Now that he is indisposed, we can be alone!!" said Ryoga, turning back to Shampoo.
"No!" said Shampoo. "Where you hide ring?"
"Oh!" said Ryoga. "I'm sorry but I have no engagement ring! But fear not, I shall get one!!" Suddenly, Cologne came out of nowhere and splashed Ryoga with water so he turned into a pig.
"Shampoo, what is the meaning of this?" she demanded. "I thought you were going to marry Ranma."
"I is!" Shampoo yelled. "Ryoga just act funny! He no have Shampoo ring! Ask him what is problem!" She then doused him with warm water and for once, his clothes didn't magically appear on him. BWA HA HA HA HA!!! "Aiyaa!!" Shampoo said, turning her head away. Ryoga shrieked like a little girl, grabbed his clothes and ran into the bathroom.
"Huh?" Ryoga said as he picked up a third shoe that was randomly left after he had finished clothing himself. (Which he has to do so very often though he hasn't found a third shoe recently.) He walked out in the room where Shampoo and Cologne were waiting. "Are you guys missing a shoe?"
They both looked at their feet. "No," they both said in unison.
"Maybe it's Mousse's." said Ryoga with a shrug.
"Well then take shoe with you!" Shampoo said, pushing Ryoga towards the door.
"Wait, you don't suppose…that it's…AKANE'S do you?!" Ryoga said, acting all excited.
"You mean…you no more love Shampoo?" Shampoo asked.
Ryoga paused. "I'm sorry but the only one for me is Akane." He said solemnly. Then he put his backpack on and left.
"That sure was strange." Said Cologne.
Just then, Mousse regained consciousness. He lifted his head. "Shampoo?" he said but before he could say anything else, Shampoo hurled a rock at him, knocking him unconscious again.
MEANWHILE!!!
"So I thought that maybe the shoe was Akane's…" started Ryoga as he nervously held out the shoe he found to Kasumi who just so happen to be on a morning stroll and passed him.
"That's nice of you," said Kasumi. "But I don't think it's Akane's size. But do you want me to take it to her anyway?"
"Um…okay…" said Ryoga as he turned all red and handed the shoe to Kasumi. Kasumi smiled and looked WAY too content then she should be (after all, she's only holding a shoe) as she looked back at the shoe.
"I wonder if maybe it's mine?" she wondered. "I was missing a shoe after all." Then she looked down at her feet to see that, oddly enough, she was wearing only one shoe. SWEAT MERCIFUL HEAVENS!!! WHO WALKS OUT OF THEIR HOUSE WITH ONLY ONE SHOE ON?! She slipped it on her foot that DIDN'T have the shoe. (Just in case you thought she'd put it on the foot that DID.) "My, my, it fits just perfectly!"
"So I guess it was your shoe." Said Ryoga as he looked back at Kasumi who was now smiling at him with horseshoe eyes.
"Ryoga, would you like to come home with me for dinner?" she asked, grabbing his hand. "I'll fix up something special, just for you!"
Ryoga blushed and started twiddling his fingers. "Well I suppose…" he started. "I'm not one to turn down such a kind invitation…"
Kasumi smiled. "Oh YAY!!" she said, clapping her hands together. Then she jumped into his arms as he stood there looking all oblivious. "Carry me home please!" she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"WHAT?!" Ryoga squeaked.
"I WOULD walk myself but…my foot hurts," said Kasumi, lifting up her foot. "See?"
At this point, Ryoga could see down Kasumi's dress so he spooed out some blood out of his nose and passed out. "Ryoga my darling!" said Kasumi as she sprang up. "Now I have to carry YOU home!"
LATER!!!
"Welcome home Kasu---" started Akane but she paused to see that Kasumi was carrying Ryoga in the door. She got a retarded little drop.
"Look who stopped by for dinner!" said Kasumi, putting him down. "It seems he passed out in the street!"
"The poor…" started Akane as she began walking over but Kasumi stood in front of him protectively.
"Excuse me Akane," she said, glaring at her. "And just what do you think YOU'RE doing?"
"I was just…" Akane started nervously.
"I will be taking care of Ryoga!" Kasumi said angrily. "So you can just BACK OFF!!!" Akane cautiously took a step backwards as Kasumi began to stroke Ryoga's forehead.
"Are you sure you're feeling all right, Kasumi?" asked Akane. "Maybe since you seem to be feeling slightly psychotic at the moment…"
"Is there something wrong with my methods?" Kasumi asked as she began to take off her shoes. She suddenly paused and stared at Ryoga. "Oh my! What happened here? Akane, fetch me a towel!"
"…What?" Akane said, kind of confused.
"You're right," Kasumi said. "I'll get it. You stay with him since he's more of your friend than my friend." Then she got up and went to fetch the towel, leaving Akane there to be all confused.
Then she came back and handed the towel to Akane. Akane glanced over at Ryoga to see that there was one shoe and a pair of bright red pants lying next to him. "Kasumi, were you only wearing one shoe when you went outside?" asked Akane.
"Why yes, I was." Kasumi replied.
"Why?" Akane said, confused.
"Because I couldn't find my other one." Answered Kasumi. "I was planning to by a new pair but somehow…I must have gotten sidetracked. But oh well!"
"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Akane asked. Kasumi nodded all too happily. "And…are these YOUR pants?"
"No, they're not." Kasumi replied. "Perhaps they're Ranma's." Then Soun walked in looking all knavish. "Hello father! Will you take these pants up to Ranma's room?"
"Um, okay, whatever." Said Soun as he took the bright red pants up the stairs and tossed them onto Ranma's bed and then went downstairs again. Just then, Kodachi dropped down from the ceiling of Ranma's room to do some spying around. She picked up the bright red pants.
"My Ranma certainly does have strange taste!" she said with a laugh. Just then, she heard some footsteps so she jumped back up on the ceiling as Ranma walked in with an empty kettle and tossed it across the room. He was all wet because he was probably JUST a girl but now he's a guy so HURRAH!!!
"Stupid old man," he muttered under his breath as he searched through his closet for something dry but couldn't find any pants. Then he spotted the bright red pants on his bed. "What are these? Well whatever, it's not like I have a fashion sense ANYWAY." Then he put them on.
At this point in time, Kodachi came down from the ceiling again and hugged Ranma. "Ranma darling!" she said. He pushed her away, turned around and grabbed her into a real hug.
"Kodachi darling!" he said.
"Oh Ranma, so you DO love me!" she said as they both stood there enveloped in a big bear hug.
And wouldn't ya know it? Akane walked by and saw Kodachi and Ranma hugging each other. She stormed in and threw a lamp at Ranma. "What'd you do that for?!" he demanded.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!" she yelled.
"It's MY room!!" Ranma yelled back.
"No, I mean with HER!!" Akane said, pointing at Kodachi who was hanging all over Ranma.
Ranma looked at Akane as if she were stupid. "Hugging her?" he said as if it were obvious.
"I know that!!" Akane said angrily. "WHY are you doing it?!"
"Because we are madly in love with each other," Ranma replied as he took Kodachi into another hug. She swooned all over his hug.
Akane started fuming. And maybe if her brain wasn't so clouded with rage, she would have noticed the fact that Ranma's eyes were all glossed over just like Kasumi's were when she had just walked in the house.
"Akane, I've decided that you shall be the first to know." Said Ranma. He sighed. "I'm going to marry Kodachi."
"OH RANMA!!!" yelled Kodachi.
"Is it all right my darling?!" Ranma said, turning back to her. "I know I haven't told you yet but I MUST marry you and if you say no then I cannot go on and may be forced to commit suicide."
"Don't worry, I love you Ranma!" said Kodachi.
"RANMA!!!" yelled Akane as she hit him over the head with a table and he fell to the ground. Then she turned to Kodachi who seemed unfazed by this course of TERRIBLE action. "What did you do to him?!"
"Nothing!" Kodachi replied. "I just came in and he decided to marry me! It's not like I'm going to COMPLAIN or anything."
"Am I supposed to believe you?!" Akane yelled.
"Am I supposed to care?!" Kodachi yelled back.
"Well I don't care either!" Akane yelled as she stomped out of the room leaving big indentations in the ground.
She stomped down the stairs and sat on the couch in between Kasumi and Nabiki being all grouchy.
"What's the matter, Akane?" asked Kasumi.
"Nothing!" Akane snapped. Just then, Ryoga sat up.
He saw Akane sitting there. "Akane!" he said. But then he saw Kasumi sitting next to her. And then he looked back at Akane. "Nothing happened!!"
"What?" Akane said, confused.
"Maybe he hit his head." Nabiki said.
"Well he was unconscious." Kasumi pointed out. "Are you feeling okay now Ryoga?"
Then Ryoga squeaked and curled up into the fetal position in the corner of the couch.
"Maybe he hit his head really hard," Nabiki said with a sigh.
MEANWHILE!!!
"Mousse, you steal Shampoo ring!" Shampoo yelled as she kicked the door open and kicked Mousse in the back of the head.
"Ow!" said Mousse. "Shampoo! That hurt! Why did you kick me?"
"You stole Shampoo ring!" Shampoo answered.
"Why Shampoo, I would never steal anything from you!" Mousse answered, grabbing onto Shampoo's hands. Before Shampoo could clobber him, the sound of those obnoxious little bells that ring when you open the door rang.
"Customer!" Shampoo said as she ran back to the front room to see Ranma and Kodachi there. "Ranma!!" she yelled as she jumped into his arms. "You come to see Shampoo!"
Ranma blinked and then dropped Shampoo. "We are here for no reason other than to celebrate our love." Ranma said, taking Kodachi's hand. Shampoo stood up with tears in her eyes.
"Shampoo no understand!" she whined. "Ranma no more love Shampoo?"
"Ranma never love Shampoo." Ranma replied in a scoff tone as he placed his other hand on top of Kodachi's hand.
"Now quickly, fix us up a nice lunch for we are getting married soon!" Kodachi demanded.
"But…but…Ranma!!" Shampoo cried as she ran out of the room in tears.
Just then, Mousse walked in to see Ranma and Kodachi. He blinked a few times and adjusted his glasses. "Ranma, I have two questions," he said.
"Yes?" Ranma asked.
"First one, why are you suddenly so interested in Kodachi?" Mousse asked.
"Well, I've just realized that there can be no other," Ranma replied. "I cannot see myself growing old and having children with anyone other than my beloved Kodachi."
"I see," Mousse said. "I will not argue seeings how this leaves Shampoo all to me. Second question…unless I've suddenly become color blind as well, you are wearing a hideous pair of bright red pants."
"I love Ranma's pants!" Kodachi said protectively.
"Then so do I." Ranma agreed. Mousse shrugged.
"Okay," he said. "I will not sink your boat."
All of a sudden, Akane walked in with a bucket of cold water and splashed Ranma with it so he turned all female.
"What'd you do that for?!" she yelled.
Kodachi suddenly started looking around. "Ranma darling?" she said obliviously. "Where did you go?!" She turned to FEMALE Ranma. "What have you done with him you hateful girl?!"
"No!" Female Ranma said. "This is horrible!! Kodachi, go back to Ranma's house and you two shall meet again there!" Then she ran out the door.
"Anything for my Ranma darling!!" Kodachi said with a laugh as she hopped through the window on her way back to the Tendo Dojo.
Akane turned and looked at Mousse who was standing there obliviously. "Akane, please, tell me," started Mousse. "Am I the only one who finds that Ranma's pants are THE most hideous color in the entire world?"
Akane thought for a minute. "I didn't notice." She replied.
"I would certainly never wear them." Mousse continued.
MEANWHILE!!!!
"OH NO!!!!" Ranma yelled, looking through all his drawers. "I HAVE NO DRY PANTS!!!!"
Just then, Genma walked in.
"What's the problem, boy?" he asked.
"FATHER!!!!" Ranma yelled dramatically. "I cannot find any dry clothes!!"
Genma glanced at Ranma's red pants. "My, my, my," he said. "I suggest that you don't wear those. I guess you could wear a mine."
"No way!!" yelled Ranma. "Yours would never fit me!!"
"Ask Ryoga then." Genma suggested.
"Yeah, how does THIS sound; 'Ryoga, may I borrow your clothes?' Especially considering our relationship."
"Well then STEAL them!! I DON'T KNOW!!!"
A light bulb appeared above Ranma's head. "What a good idea!!" he said as he ran downstairs. He began searching through Ryoga's backpack. Ryoga turned and looked at him.
"Excuse me, Ranma," he said. "What do you think you're doing?"
"You don't MIND do you?" he said.
"Actually…" started Ryoga but then Ranma splashed him with water, being very careful in NOT getting his lower half wet. As he stood there in his little mound of clothes, Ranma laughed at him.
"Seeings how these don't fit you right now, I'll just borrow them!!" Ranma declared as he grabbed all of Ryoga's clothes and ran away laughing diabolically.
Just then, Kasumi walked in. "Oh my!" she said. "Where did Ryoga go? Why hello, P-Chan! Akane will be so happy when she sees you again! Come here, P-Chan!"
Ryoga's eyes widened as he ran away from Kasumi. "Wow, you certainly are rambunctious!" said Kasumi with a laugh.
Suddenly, the door opened and Kodachi was standing there. "Ranma darling!!" she yelled.
"Why hello there!" said Kasumi. "Ranma's upstairs right now."
"Thank you!" said Kodachi as she laughed foolishly and jumped up the stairs. She swung the door open to see Ranma standing there in Ryoga's clothes.
"Kodachi?" he said. "What are you doing here?"
"Ranma, that wretched girl told me to meet you here!" Kodachi replied as she jumped into Ranma's arms.
"I don't know what you're talking about!" Ranma said as he nervously dropped Kodachi. "But I'll uh…see you later!!" Then he jumped out the window.
"RANMA DARLING!!!" Kodachi yelled as she suddenly began to cry. But then she noticed a bracelet sitting on Ranma's bed. "My darling Ranma's taste gets stranger and stranger every day." Then she tossed it down the stairs and ran out the door.
Soun walked over and picked it up. "Where ever could this have come from?" he wondered. But then he shrugged and put it on the table and walked away.
Akane walked in the door just at this point.
"Why hello Akane!" said Kasumi. "P-Chan is somewhere around the house! He seems to be enjoying himself in a fun game of hide-and-go-seek with me! Maybe you'll be able to find him!"
But as soon as she said that, they suddenly heard pathetic whimpering coming from the bathroom. "Ryoga, is that you?" asked Akane, knocking on the door. "You shouldn't be up in your condition."
"Akane, it's terrible," he said. "Ranma stole my clothes!! I was just lying there and he came up from behind me and stole my clothes!!"
Akane raised an eyebrow. "That sounds…" she started, looking at Kasumi who only shrugged. "Ryoga, do you have any idea WHY Ranma stole your clothes?"
"Um…no." he replied.
"How about I go upstairs and talk to Ranma then?" suggested Akane.
There was a short pause. "Um…okay." Ryoga said finally.
Akane trudged up the stairs and couldn't find Ranma. She searched in the drawers but couldn't find any dry clothes so she went to the laundry and looked in the clean place and found a nice little Ranma-ish outfit for Ryoga to wear.
Just then, Shampoo walked in and was soon followed by Mousse. "Akane steal Shampoo ring!!" Shampoo declared, pointing dramatically at Akane as she came around the corner with an armful of Ranma's clothes.
"Not now, Shampoo please." Said Akane with a sigh.
"Yes now!!" Shampoo yelled. "Shampoo need ring!!"
"Well I don't have your ring!" Akane said as she knocked on the door of the bathroom. "Ryoga, I have some clothes for you! Just open the door a little bit and I'll give them to you!"
Mousse, meanwhile, was snooping around since he was board. He noticed the bracelet on the table. "What a nice bracelet!" he said, picking it up. "I can give it to Shampoo!!"
He skipped over to Shampoo who was still arguing with Akane.
"You best not interrupt them." Said Kasumi, grabbing onto his arm and pulling him back. She noticed the bracelet in his hand. "What's that?"
"A bracelet for my Shampoo!" Mousse replied. "Unless…it's yours… since I DID find it in here…"
"No, it's not." Kasumi replied. "I don't think I've ever seen it before. You can have it."
"Oh JOY!!" said Mousse happily as he turned around, grabbed Shampoo and swung her around. "Shampoo, I brought you this bracelet!"
Shampoo was just about to yell at Mousse and then splash him with water when she realized that she liked the bracelet. "Why thank you Mousse!" she said. "Is nice bracelet!" Then she took it and put it around her wrist.
"Do you like it Shampoo?" asked Mousse. Shampoo paused.
"Like it?" she said, sounding somewhat astounded. "Shampoo LOVE it! Just like…Shampoo love YOU Mousse!"
"Sh…Sh…Shampoo!!" Mousse stuttered, wondering why the words 'love' and 'Mousse' were used in the same sentence by Shampoo. Everyone else was amazed as well.
"Hug me, Mousse!" said Shampoo, grabbing Mousse and hugging him.
"OKAY SHAMPOO!!!" Mousse answered as he hugged her back. Just then, Ryoga walked out of the bathroom in Ranma's clothes. He noticed Shampoo and Mousse GETTING ALONG.
"Wow." was all he had to say.
"Oh, Ryoga," said Akane, turning around. "I'm glad Ranma's clothes fit you okay."
"Uh…yeah!" said Ryoga as he laughed humorously.
"Mousse, we get married now, is okay?" asked Shampoo.
"Is very okay Shampoo!!!" Mousse answered. "And then, we can move back to China, visit Junsekyo and cure ourselves!! Then, Shampoo, I will father your children!!!"
"I so happy Mousse!!" Shampoo squealed as the two joined hands and skipped out the door all-too-happily.
"Well I'm glad they're finally getting along." Said Kasumi with an oblivious sigh. Just then, Nabiki walked in.
"Am I the only one who has noticed that everyone has been acting really strange lately?" asked Nabiki.
"I haven't noticed." Kasumi said.
"Well I certainly have!!" Ryoga said suddenly. "I've noticed that everyone has just been randomly falling in love with each other!" He didn't more than GLANCE at Kasumi.
"What do you mean?" Akane asked. But then she paused and thought for a minute.
"I don't understand Ryoga," said Kasumi. "I think that Mousse and Shampoo just decided that they are right for each other."
"You, of ALL people, saying this to ME?!" Ryoga said, jumping back.
"Um?" said Kasumi.
MEANWHILE!!!
Mousse and Shampoo burst in the door of the Cat Café. "Great Grandmother!!" called Shampoo. Cologne walked out. "Guess what Great Grandmother!!"
"What?" asked Cologne unenthusiastically. "Mousse decided to go back to China?"
"Yes!" Shampoo replied. "And I go with him!!"
"Wh…what?" Cologne said, confused.
"That's right!" said Mousse. "Shampoo and I have decided to get married, go back to China and visit Jusenkyo again!"
"Shampoo, is this true?" Cologne asked.
"Yes!" Shampoo replied, nodding.
"You're giving up on Ranma?" Cologne tried.
"Yes!" Shampoo replied with another nod.
Cologne tried to think of something else to say but she stopped. "All right." She said with a sigh of defeat. "Whatever works for you. You want to go back to China right now?"
"Yes, but first I'm going to exchange Shampoo's engagement bracelet for an engagement ring." Mousse said. "Come Shampoo!!"
"Okay Mousse!!" Shampoo said, grabbing Mousse's arm as they both strolled out the door.
Cologne stood there for a minute, trying to contemplate what just happened. "That must have been a really nice bracelet." She thought. But then she stopped. "Ryoga suddenly loving Shampoo…Ranma suddenly loving Kodachi…Shampoo suddenly loving Mousse…this can only mean ONE thing!! They've gotten a hold of the 'Affection Item' somehow!! The item in which changes form whenever it's used!! If I remember correctly, who ever wears the item instantly falls in love with whoever touched it last and when they take it off, the spell fades away! That BRACELET that Shampoo had must have been the Affection Item! Mousse must have given it to Shampoo!! And why I'm talking to myself is just beyond me!!"
She suddenly turned around to see Ukyo standing there.
"Oh, that's probably why," said Cologne as she watched Ukyo dash off.
MEANWHILE!!!
"Do you like that one Shampoo?" Mousse asked, pointing to a nice looking ring in a display case.
"Shampoo like this one!" Shampoo said, pointing to a very expensive looking ring. Mousse walked over and looked at it.
"I don't know if I can afford that one!" Mousse said sadly. Suddenly, Ukyo ran in looking incredibly out of breath.
"Shampoo, I will give you ANYTHING for that bracelet!" she yelled. "ANY engagement ring that you want!" Ukyo knew, of course, that once she took the bracelet, Shampoo wouldn't love Mousse anymore and then she wouldn't even HAVE to buy the ring!!
"Hey, I want to marry Shampoo!!" yelled Mousse angrily at Ukyo.
"What?" Ukyo said. "No! I don't want to marry Shampoo!! I'll just buy the ring for you! And your wedding ring! And I'll pay for all your wedding arrangements! And your trip back to China! And your child support! And you can have FREE food for the rest of your life for your WHOLE family and you can even push me into a Jusenkyo spring of your choice!"
Shampoo and Mousse looked at each other. "Will you…miss the bracelet Shampoo?" asked Mousse.
"No," Shampoo replied as she took the bracelet off and handed it to Ukyo.
"Now Shampoo, we can live happily ever after with the help of our dearest friend Ukyo!" said Mousse.
Shampoo paused. "What?" she said, looking around.
"You want that ring, right?" Mousse said, pointing at the ring that Shampoo chose earlier.
"What? Mousse? This an engagement ring store! Shampoo no want to marry Mousse!!" Then she ran out of the store leaving Mousse there being so depressed.
"But Shampoo!!" he called. "Don't you want to push Ukyo into a spring at Jusenkyo?!" Then he ran after her.
Ukyo looked at the bracelet in her hand, though it wasn't a bracelet anymore, it was a hat. "I will give Ranma this hat and he will love me!!" Then she ran off to find Ranma and to her surprise, she found him pretty fast just walking around.
"Ranma!!" she shrieked, jumping towards him. "I brought you this as a token of our undying love!!" Then she shoved the hat down on his head.
"Ukyo…I…love…you…" said Ranma as he…but…no, it wasn't Ranma. It was RYOGA IN RANMA'S CLOTHES!!! ARGH!!! He turned around and hugged Ukyo tightly.
"You're not Ranma!!" Ukyo yelled as she jumped away from him. "Why are you wearing his clothes?!"
"Does it matter?!" Ryoga yelled. "As long as I'm with you, I don't care what I'm wearing!!" Then he started chasing after her with his arms outstretched.
"Ryoga, stop!" yelled Ukyo. "I have no feelings for you!"
"SO?!" Ryoga said as he jumped on Ukyo and knocked her to the ground. "Just picture it! Little boys that look just like me with your bow and my umbrella! Then there will be little girls with my bandana and your little spatula thing that you always carry around! Or…it can be the other way around but they'll look just like us! They'll have your cooking abilities and my…my…um…"
"Sense of direction?" suggested Ukyo.
"SURE!!" Ryoga said. "Why not?! That way, we can all be lost together and you'll be the ONLY one who'll know where we are!! Now…KISS ME!!!"
"Get off me!!" Ukyo yelled as she tore the hat off his head.
Ryoga paused. "Huh?" he said, looking around. "Ukyo! Get off me!"
"You're on ME!!" Ukyo pointed out.
"SO?!" Ryoga yelled. Then Ukyo kicked him off of her and stood up.
"Now that…" started Ukyo. "Would have been the funniest thing in the whole world if I wasn't so freaked out at the moment."
"Please don't kick me Ukyo." whined Ryoga like a sissy.
"Ryoga, you're such a pain in the fanny!" Ukyo yelled.
"Pain in the fanny?" Ryoga said, confused. Then they stared at each other and then started laughing at the odd funny things that the other person had said.
Then suddenly, Ukyo ran away from Ryoga who was still laughing foolishly. She looked down at what used to be the hat, and was now a red headband. She groaned.
"Ranma can't wear this…let alone for the rest of his life!" Ukyo complained to herself. Just then, Kuno walked up from behind her and yoinked the headband out of her hand.
"This is a nice looking headband." He said.
"No, don't put it on!!" Ukyo pleaded.
"I'm not going to put it on!" snapped Kuno. "I'm going to present it to my beloved Akane Tendo." Then he skipped off merrily.
"Great!" said Ukyo as she ran after him.
"AKANE TENDO!!!" Kuno yelled as he threw open the door to the Tendo Dojo.
"What is it Kuno?" asked Akane with a sigh.
"I present this humble headband as a token of my everlasting love." Kuno said, getting down on one knee and handing it to her.
"If I wear it, will you leave?" Akane asked.
"If you wish me to." Kuno replied. Akane shrugged, took the headband and put it on. "I am off now, Akane Tendo. I wished only to see you wear it! And I must say you look simply wonderful. Fare thee well!"
"NO!!" yelled Akane, springing up from her seat. "Don't leave me! I don't want to be alone!!"
"You're not alone Akane." Said Nabiki. Akane turned around to see Ranma, Kasumi, Nabiki, Genma and Soun all sitting there as well.
"Well I don't want to be LOST!!" Akane corrected herself. "And I shall be forever lost without my one true love!"
"I knew you'd come around and finally love Ranma!" said Soun as he pushed Ranma and Akane together. Akane fumed and pushed Ranma away, turned to Kuno and jumped into his arms.
"The one I love is KUNO!!" she said.
"OH AKANE TENDO!!" Kuno yelled, hugging her back. "Yes I WILL marry you!!"
"Nothing would make me happier!!" Akane replied.
Suddenly, the door flew open and Ukyo was standing there. "Akane!" she yelled, pointing to Akane. "That's MY headband! Kuno stole it from me! So give it back!!"
"I have never heard such lies!" said Kuno as he turned back to Akane.
"I believe you!" she said with horseshoe eyes.
"All right this is it," said Ranma as he walked over to them. "Now break it up you two." He pushed them apart.
"Who are you to butt in Ranma?!" demanded Akane as she leapt towards Kuno again.
"I accept your love Akane Tendo!!" Kuno said, embracing her. Ranma walked into the bathroom and then came out a minute later as a female.
"Kuno!" she said, looking awfully upset. "But…what about me? I refuse to continue to date you if you're going steady with another woman!"
"Will you just stay out of this?!" Akane yelled, kicking Female Ranma.
"What, so you can go off and marry KUNO?!" Female Ranma yelled. "What are you THINKING?!" She hit her on the back of the head and knocked the headband out of place. "I think this was too tight on your head." She said, taking it off.
"Huh?" Akane said, looking around.
"MINE!!!" Ukyo yelled, tearing the headband from Female Ranma's hand. When she looked down at it the next time, though, it was a necklace. "Wear this, Ranma honey!" she said as she went to slip it around Female Ranma's neck but someone else grabbed it. It was Cologne.
"I don't think so, my dear." She said. "Ranma is going to marry Shampoo, and not you."
"RANMA SAOTOME!!!" came the voice of Mousse as he crashed through the wall and kicked Female Ranma in the back of the head. (He landed right into a bucket of warm water because we don't feel like making him female anymore.) "How dare you take my Shampoo away from me!!"
"Give that necklace back to me!" Ukyo demanded.
"What is going on?!" said Shampoo as she came through the hole in the wall that Mousse had come through.
"Shampoo!!" Mousse yelled. "You left in such a rush, you didn't even get a chance to show me which ring you wanted!!"
At this point, the door swung open and Ryoga was standing there. "Ukyo, what kind of horrible treachery have you been planning lately?!" he demanded. And then very abruptly, Kodachi came in through the window.
"I think everyone is here," said Cologne, looking around. "Now, I think it's time to put an end to this Affection Item."
"Affection Item?" said no one in particular.
"Yes," Cologne replied. "When someone wears the item, they instantly fall in love with the last person who touched it. When they take off the item, the spell wears off. After the item is used, it changes shape. Meaning that, for example, it can go from a headband to a necklace."
Everyone stared at her blankly.
"Must you all have a demonstration?!" Cologne said, aggravated. Everyone nodded. Well, of course Cologne didn't want to be the poor victim of the demonstration so she looked around the room for the two people that she hated the most; Mousse and Akane. She handed the necklace to Akane. "Present this necklace to Mousse." She instructed.
"Why?" Akane asked. Cologne's eye twitched. "Fine!" Then she walked over to Mousse and handed him the necklace.
"Now put that on Mousse," said Cologne.
"But I don't want to!" moaned Mousse.
"You are being very difficult, Mousse." Said Cologne angrily.
"I, Mousse, do not wear girly objects such as necklaces!" Mousse declared.
"Fine, then present the necklace to Akane." Cologne said, annoyed. Mousse handed the necklace to Akane. "Now you put it on." She instructed Akane. Akane shrugged and put the necklace. She suddenly looked as though she were going into a trance, as her eyes glossed over and looked around the room for Mousse.
"Mousse!!" she said when she finally saw him. She enveloped him in a big ol' bear hug.
"Akane!!" said Mousse, trying to push her away. "The only one for me is Shampoo!!"
"Astounding," said Soun suddenly. "Then…what happens if the necklace is removed?"
"Mousse, take the necklace off Akane," said Cologne.
"Gladly!" said Mousse, taking the necklace off her. She immediately stopped nuzzling Mousse and looked around. She pushed him away.
"What happened?" she asked.
"Look, at the item," Cologne said. Everyone looked at the shirt that was in Mousse's hand. "It has transformed itself into a shirt now. But the effect is still the same as the necklace's."
Everyone looked at each other and then, all of a sudden, all dived for the shirt, them all wanting it for some reason or another. Kuno finally arose as the victor.
"Akane Tendo and the Pig-Tailed Girl shall be mine!!" he declared.
"Not on your life!!" yelled Ranma, kicking Kuno and then retrieving the shirt. He jumped out the door and ran down the street. "I gotta get rid of this or else I'll be jumping from fiancée to fiancée!"
"That Shampoo's!!" said Shampoo as she came from the sky and tore the shirt from Ranma's hand and knocked him to the ground. "Now Ranma belong Shampoo!!" She bent down at began stuffing the shirt over Ranma's head. "Hold still, Ranma!!"
"Yeah right!!" Ranma yelled as he pulled it off his head and held it away from her just as Mousse ran by and grabbed it.
"This is for Shampoo!!" Mousse declared as he held it up triumphantly.
Suddenly, Ryoga plucked it out of Mousse's hands and turned around looking all self-conscious. "But…do I really want to force this on Akane?" he wondered to himself as he saw Akane standing right in front of him. "Don't I want Akane to love me for who I am not and for some silly spell?"
"Ryoga…please…will you give it to me?" Akane asked, approaching him. "I…I think the only way to be perfectly safe is to get rid of it."
"I…uh…" Ryoga started as he held out the shirt to Akane. She reached for it but Ukyo ran by and snatched it away.
"Ranma honey!!" she yelled as she ran up behind him, hit him over the head with her spatula and then quickly stuffed the shirt over his head in his state of unconsciousness. "Now he's mine!!"
"I will never give him up!!" Kodachi yelled as she took it off him. "He shall be mine!!" But then it abruptly changed into a pair of sunglasses.
"Never!!" Ukyo yelled, grabbing for it. Kodachi tied it onto her ribbon dancer.
"If you want it, girl, you have to get it!" she said as she laughed maniacally and started twirling it around. Suddenly, someone grabbed a hold of Kodachi's wrist and stopped her twirling. Then the person took the pair of sunglasses. Kodachi turned around to see…DR. TOFU STANDING THERE!
"I heard everything." Said Dr. Tofu. "I was standing outside the window, stalking you all. In fact, I've also read about it."
"What you do with it?!" demanded Shampoo.
"I think the safest thing to do is…" started Dr. Tofu but then he turned around to see that Kasumi was standing there. "Here you go, Kasumi."
"Why thank you Dr. Tofu!" said Kasumi. "But…I'm not a big sunglasses wearer! Here you go Ryoga!" She handed them to Ryoga just because he just so happened to be standing next to her.
"AHA!!!" yelled Ryoga. "So you ARE trying to hit on me!!!"
"I am?" said Kasumi with an oblivious smile.
"YES!!" yelled Ryoga. "YOU ARE!!! NOW I SHALL TAKE THEM WHERE NO ONE CAN FIND THEM!!!" He ran around the corner only to be splashed by Mousse who came from overhead.
"These are for my Shampoo!!" he declared, picking up the sunglasses.
"You no own Shampoo!!" yelled Shampoo as she splashed Mousse with water and took the glasses away from him.
"No way I'm letting you get a hold of those!" Ranma said, splashing Shampoo with water and taking the glasses, and then running off to find somewhere to hide them.
"You can't destroy them, son-in-law." Said Cologne. "Why not just give them to me and I'll hide them somewhere."
"Yeah right!" Ranma said, taking a step backwards. "You'll just give them to Shampoo and then she'll put them on me in the middle of the night or something! Oh no! These are dangerous in my hands and in the hands of any GIRL!!"
"What about me, Ranma?" asked Akane who had come out of nowhere.
"You too, I don't know what to make of you anymore!" Ranma said. Akane foamed at the mouth and then exploded. JUST KIDDING!!! She just overreacted and stomped away like a knave. "I have to hide it because I seem to be the only one who doesn't desperately want it!!"
All of a sudden Mousse, as a duck, flapped by and took the sunglasses away. He flew up into a tree and laughed diabolically as everyone stood at the bottom of the tree shaking their fists at him.
"Now that is the second funniest thing I have ever seen," said Ukyo, pointing to Mousse who was laughing diabolically. "It's not every day that you see a duck laughing diabolically."
"Oh that wretched duck!" said Kuno. "What does a duck need with that Affection Item?!"
"Shampoo get sunglasses!" said Shampoo as she doused herself with cold water and climbed up the tree as a cat. She and Mousse just kind of batted at each other as everyone else watched.
"Third funniest thing," Ukyo declared.
But then the sunglasses suddenly dropped to the ground in slow motion. Everyone watched them fall and all of a sudden, Kodachi shot out her ribbon dancer, collected the sunglasses and then held them up triumphantly. "These are mine!" she said. "Ranma will finally be MY fiancée!"
But before she could try and force them onto Ranma, Mousse swooped down and grabbed them again. He decided not to sit in a tree this time so he flew off into the sunset where no one could get him.
When he thought he was far enough away from everyone, he splooshed himself with warm water. "Now, I must get these on my Shampoo!!" he said. He covered his eyes from the bright sunset. "That sunset is a bit too bright!" he said as he pulled out the sunglasses and put them on. "Ah…that's much better."
MEANWHILE!!!
"Well I guess we won't get them back for a while now." Said Nabiki with a sigh. "Oh well, I didn't really want them anyway."
"Curses, I thought the Pig Tailed Girl and Akane Tendo would finally be mine forever!" Kuno said as he buried his face in his hands and began to cry pathetically.
Suddenly, they saw a figure coming BACK from the sunset. "Is Mousse!" Shampoo said. But they all paused and to their dismay, Mousse was wearing the sunglasses. "Who last one to touch?" she said, turning around.
All of a sudden, Mousse jumped up into the air, came down and wrapped his arms around Kodachi who was just standing there obliviously. Everyone pointed at Kodachi and laughed right in her face as she tried to pry him off of her.
"Let go!!" she yelled. "I only love Ranma darling!"
"And I only love you!!" Mousse said, clinging ever so tightly.
"Shampoo think Mousse and Kodachi make good couple," said Shampoo as she patted Kodachi on the head. Kodachi ripped the sunglasses off of Mousse and then punted him as far as he would go. The sunglasses instantly turned into an earring.
"GIVE IT HERE!!!" yelled everyone as they dove for the earring. Ranma rose with it in his hands.
"Now to get rid of it!" he said but he was tackled over by everyone else and a dog pile was created. He pulled himself as far as he could out of the pile and noticed that Ryoga was standing there watching it. "Ryoga!!" he yelled, throwing it to Ryoga, knowing that Ryoga wouldn't try and put it on HIM. "Go into the woods and hide it!!"
Ryoga looked down at the earring, looked at Ranma and nodded. He turned around and started running.
"NO!!" came Ranma's voice. "THE FOREST IS OVER THERE!!"
"Over here?" Ryoga said, pointing off in some direction.
"No, THERE," Ranma said. "Look where I'm pointing! Now go!!"
And then Ryoga ran off. That was the last anyone ever heard of the Affection Item…or was it?
"I've…finally found it…" said Mousse as he picked the earring up in the middle of the Sahara Desert. "Now…Shampoo shall be MINE!!!"
EVIL LAUGHING ECHOES!!!!!!