One year.

It'd been one year since Nick had been able to breathe. It'd been one year since Nick had been able to sleep.

Now, all he could do was either weep or search.

Weep for her. Search for her. Weep for what they all lost. Search for answers.

Weep and search. Search and weep.

Elijah and Kol were no better off than he was, there one lone caregiver, Rebecca, tried to get them all to eat. He'd only ever eaten one small meal a day, the most was a sandwich. He knew his brothers hadn't had much of an appetite either.

Rebecca scolded them all whenever she'd come over, saying that it was no good to waste away when looking for her, if they were to be of any use, they had to have their strength.

But Nick couldn't be strong anymore. Not without her.

He gave himself yet another moment of pure weakness now, as he sat at the kitchen table; his elbows resting on the table, a dull ache beginning to form in his joints while his face was in his hands.

He'd been sitting here for at least half an hour, letting his grief consume him when he heard the front door swing open and the definitive sound of heels on the floorboards. Almost immediately, his head jerked up, he knew Elijah and Kol wouldn't walk that way and Rebecca was a sneakers type of girl.

Maybe she was back. He thought to himself as he stood from his seat and sprinted to the door, a hope building in his chest.

His heart dropped back to its familiar place in his stomach as he saw it was Rebecca, wearing a sundress and white heels. "What are you doing here?" He asked, the disappointment in his voice was harsh even to him.

"It's two in the afternoon and you haven't answered your phone, Elijah and Kol are nowhere to be found either. For a while I thought that you three had run off too."

Nick visibly flinched at that remark, "Kol is out drinking I think. Elijah is looking around the city…"

"Nick…It's been a year…Do you really think we're going to find her? And if we do…do you think she'll even be al-"

"Shut up! Just shut up, Rebecca! Don't you dare even say that!" Nick snapped, interrupting her before she could voice his worst nightmare.

"Nick, you're wasting your life away. She isn't coming back…no matter how much you want her to, no matter how much you search for clues, no matter how much Elijah searches the streets, no matter how much Kol gets drunk, she isn't coming back to this family." Rebecca said with a sad shake to her head, "I'm sorry, but I can't handle it anymore. It's been a year and you're still here, searching for anything that would lead you to her. We all read the note…she wasn't happy anymore. The best thing you can do for you and for her is to just let her go."

Nick shook his head slowly, his throat tightening as he tried to hold back the burning tears. "I can't let her go. We promised we would always be there for one another and I can't…I can't just abandon that and move on without her, I can't." He whimpered as his legs gave out and he sunk to the ground, shaking as he was overcome with choking sobs.

Rebecca bit her lip and knelt in front of him before wrapping her arms around him, "I know you can't…but she did…She left us on her own accord. It breaks my heart to see you this way, but please, let her go the way she let all of us go when she left."

The only answer she got was his sobbing getting louder as he let out the emotions, the heartache, the guilt, the loss that has been building up inside him ever since he discovered she'd left, since he'd discovered that she was…different.

One year and three months ago

Caroline was finally back at home, out of the hospital and completely healed from the injuries she received in that wretched basement. She knew that she should be happy, but she wasn't. She hadn't been happy since the day before they told her she could go home, that was only two weeks ago.

As soon as they told her that she was well enough to leave and return to the place she had been kidnapped from, the nightmares began and her anxiety grew. She didn't tell Nick or her father, she couldn't tell anyone.

She saw how the whole family was at ease now that all the people who meant them harm were dead, she couldn't disturb that by saying how she felt. She didn't want to make a fuss. Not again.

But she didn't know how long she could handle this alone, she felt as if she were going crazy. In the back of her mind, she knew that there was nothing to be afraid of anymore but her heart wouldn't stop racing, her mind wouldn't stop conjuring up these horrible memories. She tried not to sleep, tried to escape the nightmares that plagued her, but she was so tired.

She lived with the nightmares, the lack of sleep, the fatigue, the loss of appetite for a whole month. One entire month before her family realized how…sick she was.

And it scared the hell out of her because she didn't realize she was having a hallucination, a waking-dream, something she read about online on one of those nights she was avoiding sleep. They said it was a normal side effect from lack of sleep, but they didn't say how real it would feel.

It happened in the evening, one month and three days after the nightmares began, but this time, the nightmare happened while she was awake.

Caroline had just finished taking a shower, only wanting to be in the bathroom for no more than five minutes. She realized, after all this nightmare drama began, that being in the bathroom made her remember the time when she discovered what Mason had done to her. She didn't like to be reminded about that.

As she made her way out of the bathroom, her pajama top riding up slightly as she towel-dried her hair, she felt a hand grip her waist and pull her into the bedroom. Her first instinct was that it was Nick, but these hands were far too rough to be his and it was too dark in the room for her to make out the face hidden in the shadows.

"Did you miss me, Caroline?" A voice whispered against her cheek, making her shiver in fear.

"This isn't real. I saw you die." Caroline whimpered, tears clouding her vision as the light flicked on.

Indeed, she recognized the shape of Michael standing before her, "You also saw your dear little mommy die; that didn't stop her from visiting you, now did it?" Michael taunted her as he gripped her waist tighter as she tried to squirm away.

"What do you want?" Caroline cried out, her heart constricting in fear. She could've sworn she was having a heart attack right this second, this had to have been a dream. It just had to.

Her mind raced as she tried to remember where the hell she could've fallen asleep and chanted to herself to wake up, but it was like she was trapped in this hell, unable to escape, unable to wake up.

"I'm going to kill you like I wanted to do so, so very long ago." Michael said with a smile that could make a demon quake in fear. Slowly, he raised the gun so it rested against her temple, "One small little pull of this trigger and you'll be dead; your brain splattered all over the wall. And by the time they realize you're dead, your body will already be cold on the ground."

Caroline's breathing picked up faster and faster as each of his words registered in her mind, she heard the click of the gun; the safety being switched off and squeezed her eyes tight. She faintly heard a scream and it took her a few seconds to realize it was hers.

Nick and Elijah had heard her from downstairs and she could hear them running up to her, shouting for her and asking what was wrong. She opened her eyes and Michael was gone but her heart still hurt from the fear and panic; as quickly as she could, she ran out of the room, screaming and crying.

She collided with Nick, who wrapped his arms around her protectively, "What's wrong?" He asked in alarm as she clutched to him, sobbing into his shoulder.

"He's in the house. He's here. He tried to kill me!" She sobbed, her voice breaking in odd places.

Elijah, upon hearing her words, grabbed one of the bats they left sitting in the hallway, "Who's here, Caroline?"

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force the memory away, "Michael."

Nick and Elijah both exchanged confused glances, "Michael?" Nick asked, "Honey, I killed him, remember? You were there."

"I know that." Caroline cried, pulling away from him and wiping her rapidly falling tears, "But he was there, I swear. Please, please believe me."

Elijah didn't know how to respond, he just quietly went into the bedroom he saw her run out of and, humoring her, checked every nook and cranny for any signs of the man that killed his wife; he found nothing out of the ordinary besides the damp towel lying on the ground. "Caroline, no one's here." He said as he rejoined her and Nick in the hallway, "Maybe you were dreaming…"

Caroline shook her head slowly, still crying, "No." She whispered, "I know what I saw. He was there. I wasn't dreaming, I just got out of the shower!"

Elijah and Nick shared yet another glance, one that Caroline noticed. She coughed out another sob and shook her head, "I'm not crazy! I saw him!" She shouted, hopelessness overwhelming her.

"No one is saying you're crazy." Nick chided gently as he laid his hands on her shoulders, bending down slightly to look her in the eyes, "Maybe you're just under a lot of stress, I know you're not sleeping a lot."

"And when you don't sleep, little nightmares or…hallucinations are expected." Elijah continued, "I hear you roam about the house at night, Caroline. You don't sleep at all."

"Hallucinations. Meaning I'm crazy and my mind is just making things up." Caroline surmised, anger in her tone, "And my sleeping patterns are of no concern to you, Dad."

"Okay…Okay…" Elijah said in a slight surrender, trying to calm her down, "Whatever or whoever it is you saw, we'll get to the bottom of it, okay? For all we know it could be someone who just looks like Michael."

Caroline, angry that they had been thinking she was just a loon, nodded, "Maybe." She said in a clipped tone, not wanting to tell him that he said things only Michael would, what was the point? They wouldn't believe her. She glanced at the clock on the wall, nine-thirty, and sighed, "I'm going to bed."

Nick sighed and dropped his hands from her shoulders, "I'll join you."

"No, I want to be alone." She snapped before going back into the bedroom and slamming the door shut, locking it behind her.

She leaned against the doorway as her knees began to shake, her anger was dissipating, leaving behind an overwhelming feeling of sadness and betrayal. She slid down the door, resting on the floor as she pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them, her mind was spinning and her tears now would not stop flowing.

Now that the anger was gone, she couldn't blame them for not believing her. She sounded crazy.

"I'm crazy." She whispered under her breath as she started to rock back and forth. "He's dead. I'm just crazy." She said it over and over again, hoping that if she admitted it and accepted it, she could cope with it.

Present Day

Elijah rubbed his face in anguish, he had been searching the entire city every night for his missing daughter and each night, just as this one, he felt completely useless.

He walked briskly toward one of the several bars on this block, the same one that he and Kol met up at nearly every single night. When he walked in, he cast a searching glance across the entire bar in hopes of seeing his daughter, just as it happened every night for the past year, he didn't see her, and just like every night, his heart dropped down to the pit of his stomach.

"Over here." Kol called out from his spot on the bar, Elijah turned and saw his younger brother waving to him. He sighed and walked over to him, "Anything?" Kol asked him, even though he knew the answer.

"Nothing." Elijah said, deflated before calling out to the bartender to hand him a beer. "As usual, not a damn thing. Maybe she's here and I just miss the sight of her…"

"It's been a year." Kol declared, absent mindedly tracing circles on the bar counter. "Do you really think she would stay in the city we live in if she wanted to get away from us?"

Elijah dropped his head in his hands and nodded, "I'm aware of how much time has passed. I don't know what to do anymore. Stefan has the police stations in the surrounding cities have her 'missing' posters on their boards but…I don't think anyone will be able to find her, not if she doesn't want to be found."

"That's true. But she'll slip up; like her psychiatrist said, it was inevitable for her to run away, it was inevitable for anyone who went through all the trauma as she did."

Elijah nodded again, "I just blame myself for not noticing how sick she truly was…and you can't say she wasn't sick. She was imagining Michael and Mason trying to kill her. She was imagining Katherine yelling at her. She was imagining all these things and I deluded myself into thinking they were just nightmares that would pass."

"You say this every night…"

"And I won't stop saying it until she's back home and I can say it to her face. I should've been a good father and helped her, instead I made her feel crazy and like she couldn't come to me for help." Elijah rambled on, "If Katherine were here, she would've been so much better at this, all of this. She would've pieced it all together and would've helped our daughter the way I failed to."

"Elijah, it's been a year, you can't keep blaming yourself for it. If it's your fault, then it's mine too. And Nick's. We all were there for her and we still didn't see it, not until it was too late to do anything about it. Hell, I'm…I'm her best friend and uncle and I didn't help her either." Kol said, his shoulders sagging with guilt as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Best friend?" Elijah asked, this was the first time he had heard that from his brother, it was kind of odd to hear. "I thought Rebecca had that spot."

Kol shook his head, "Rebecca lost that title the moment she betrayed her, Caroline's words, not mine. And, as odd as it may seem, your kid is the closest thing I have ever had to a best friend. I just regret not helping her in time, I was too damn drunk and hazy."

"What are you talking about?" Elijah asked curiously.

Kol had a faraway look in his eyes, he was remembering, he never confessed this to anyone. The guilt and self-hatred gnawed at him every day and he knew if he told his brothers, they would be just as angry. But, after a year, he knew it was way overdue in saying this. "The day she left…She came to me that early morning and just broke right there, and I was lying on the ground with a cut hand. All I could do was hold her like the little girl she was and tell her to fucking leave. There's nothing I regret more than that what I said to her."

One year ago

It was another one of those nights where she just couldn't sleep and just couldn't stay in the house; too many reminders.

She had dressed quietly as to not wake Nick up, she didn't want to explain to him anything that she was still experiencing. He had thought that the waking-nightmares were something of the past, she didn't want to burst his bubble.

Creeping down the stairs, she found herself grabbing her shoes, coat and keys. She didn't know where she was going, but she needed to go out.

The night air, riddled with scents from her childhood, helped clear her head.

If she just stood here, at the sidewalk's edge, closed her eyes and inhaled, she could fool herself into thinking that she was still a little girl. She could pretend that none of this happened, that her mother was still alive and in the house behind her, she could pretend that her life was normal and whole again. She could fool herself into thinking that her heart didn't hurt, that memories didn't destroy her deep inside, she could pretend she was happy again.

The scent of the maple tree behind her, in her front yard, reminded her so much of the times that she would climb up and watch life happen underneath her. She gasped in pain as she remembered watching her mother planting the flowers that were now dead behind her.

Her eyes snapped open, tears falling from her pained eyes, she hated herself for pretending. It just made her hurt more. She clasped her lips together tight, to hold back the sobs wanting to escape, and wiped away her tears.

Stuffing her hands into her coat pockets, she trudged down the street with nowhere in particular to go to. She let her feet take her wherever it was they wanted. And she ended up here, at her uncle's house. He lived no more than three blocks from her house, but her feet were already aching. She knew she couldn't waltz in at this time of night – or morning, so she sat at the foot of his porch steps and just thought over everything.

She knew she had to sleep eventually, she could feel the repercussions of sleep deprivation taking its toll on her. She felt dull, like if she looked in the mirror close enough, she could see the outlines of herself going hazy. Dropping her head into her hands, she allowed sleep to take over her for several minutes; she felt her body sagging against the old wooden steps in exhaustion and let it, just a few minutes of sleep was all she needed.

Before she could let herself fall into a deep sleep, something she was just seconds away from, she heard a crash coming from within the house and sat up straight in alertness. She listened closely and heard a loud groan coming from in the house, a groan of pain, and it was her uncle.

Without a second thought, she ran up the porch steps and used her key to swing the door open, it was only three in the morning; as far as she knew, her uncle should have been in bed snoring at this hour. Her only conclusion was that something was terribly wrong.

But as she stood before the threshold, the door swung wide open before her, she hesitated; fear gripped her like an iron vice. She was afraid of what she would find in there; memories of how she couldn't defend herself against Mason, almost around the same time in the morning, plagued her.

She shook her head hard and fast, trying to dispel the horrible reminders. She felt sanity return to her once more as she realized that, again, there was no one to be afraid of anymore. With that last rational thought in mind, she forced herself into the house and looked around.

It was then, as she passed the entrance to the living room, that she saw her uncle lying on the ground with an empty, broken bottle next to him. He was lying on his stomach, groaning in either drunkenness or pain, maybe both.

"Oh my god, Uncle Kol, are you okay?" She asked in concern as she made her way to him and knelt next to him. She noticed he had a small cut on his hand and stood, walking briskly to the kitchen and grabbed a washcloth.

When she returned, he was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. She recognized that look in his eyes, she found it in her reflection every morning, he was here with her but his mind was somewhere else. She said nothing as she wrapped his hand with the cloth, in the back of her mind she knew that she should've put some type of disinfectant on it but didn't know if he owned any.

"Why did she leave me?" Kol asked, his eyes sparkling with tears, "She just left. I was with you in the hospital. I came home, expecting her here. And all I found was an empty dresser and closet and a note. 'I can't stay here. I killed someone and I can't handle it. I'm sorry.' is what she wrote to me." He shook his head in bitterness, "No I love you or forwarding address. Just a pathetic apology. As if we all haven't hurt someone in our pasts."

"Maybe the guilt and pain just hurt her too much. Maybe you, maybe all of us were bad reminders and she had to leave. Maybe leaving was the only way she found to cope. She was strong enough to leave, if I were her…I don't know if I'd have the strength to leave everything behind for my own sanity." She whispered while picking up the broken pieces of the bottle, cupping them in her hand. She didn't know if she was speaking of Bonnie or herself at the beginning.

"But look at you, Caroline." Kol whined, "You're so strong. You were kept in a damn basement by a psychotic grandfather and you survived it. You got shot and watched your mother –" He trailed off, seeing her close her eyes in pain, "You survived. You were stalked and harassed, taken again and beaten. You were shot, lost a child, you were dying. I saw it." He rambled on, replaying the memory in both their minds, "I saw the light leaving your eyes and I was terrified that we were going to lose you. And then you came back. You survived, once again."

Caroline looked away and hid her tears from him. He was right, on some level, but she didn't feel very strong right now.

"You always survive everything that this twisted life throws at you. All Bonnie did was kill someone, someone that was trying to kill us, her family. You'd think that would be a little gratifying."

"A life is still a life." Caroline whispered while wiping her tears. "And I'm not strong."

Maybe he wasn't as drunk as she had first assumed, because he propped himself up on his elbows and looked at her, "You're not barricaded in your room underneath covers all day. You're still living a life. That's being strong, Caroline."

She shook her head, "I'm breaking inside." She whimpered, "My heart doesn't stop hurting. I'm always scared. I can't sleep. I imagine people that aren't there." She confessed, her voice choked with tears. "It sounds nice, how you surmise it like that, but I'm not as strong as you think I am."

"What are you talking about?" Kol asked in concern as he sat up straighter.

"It doesn't matter. You're drunk and need sleep." Caroline said as she stood and offered her hand to help him up, "Let's just get you to bed."

"I'm not completely drunk, just depressed from a stupid breakup. Talk to me, what's wrong?" He insisted as he took her hand and gently pulled her down to sit back down.

She sighed and looked up at the ceiling, "I made Dad and Nick promise not to say anything. A few months ago, I imagined Michael attacking me. It felt so real that I just screamed and cried. Dad said he didn't see anyone and made me feel crazy, they both did. And then a few weeks later, I saw Mason. He was chasing me through the house and I swear I felt him shove a knife in my stomach." She cried and shook her head, "None of it was real. Nick just said I needed sleep; he thinks the trauma is just still stressing me out and I need to rest to forget about it. But it's not that simple."

Kol had tears in his own eyes as he listened to how broken she sounded, he reached out and held her cold hands in his, he didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say.

"I can't sleep. I have nightmares. I dream that I'm back in that basement with Michael and he beats me until I can't breathe. I dream that Mason rapes me until I can't even scream anymore. I dream that I really do die in that damn basement and I feel light and happy for the first time in a long time. And the worst part of that dream is that I wake up. I just want to sleep and not wake up ever again." She confessed with a sob, "I don't want to be here anymore. I can't live anymore. It's too hard."

"Don't talk like that. You're going to pull through this, you're going to fight through this like you've done everything else." He scolded while cupping her face in his hands, "You're strong. I know that. Nick knows that. Your dad knows that. Even your mom knows that. We all love you and believe that you can pull through absolutely anything. Now you have to believe it. You can fight this off like you've fought off Michael, Mason, death itself. I believe in you, kid."

"But I don't. I can't. There's nothing to fight except my own damn head. How can I escape being crazy?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure you of all people will find a way. Look at Bonnie, you said it yourself, she found a way to cope, you can too." Kol told her, trying to get her to realize that she was as strong as he knew she was, but he unknowingly gave her the worst idea.

In the moment he said it, her mind suddenly cleared and she felt a slight excitement at the prospect of leaving. She nodded and smiled a little, "I can…"

She left him no more than thirty minutes later, telling him that she was going to go home and sleep. She lied.

As soon as she walked into the house, she crept into her room and grabbed the empty suitcase from her closet. It was scary, how silent she was being, but she knew if she made a single noise, she'd never be able to leave this place.

This was her time to escape.

She emptied her drawers in their dresser, she grabbed every item of clothing in her closet and stuffed them all in her suitcases. Glancing at the clock, she was pleased to see that it was only four-thirty in the morning, she had plenty of time.

Leaving her overstuffed suitcases at the front door, she walked back to her room and grabbed a pen and paper from the little desk tucked in the corner.

She scribbled down a few words and looked at her husband, sleeping so peacefully. She knew that once he woke up, he would be angry with her and hurt. But her selfishness had taken her over, she needed to get away and she didn't care who she hurt.

She placed the note down on her pillow and leaned down to give him one last kiss, he stirred slightly but didn't wake. One lone tear escaped her eye as she stepped away from him, she felt one final tear in her heart before she walked out of the room and dashed down the stairs.

She stuffed her bags into her car and drove away into the night. As she passed the city limits sign, she let out a broken laugh; in that moment she understood why Bonnie left. It felt so good and, in her Uncle Kol's words, extremely gratifying.

"I'll be okay." She said out loud before turning up her radio and, for the first time in a long time, sang along to one of the songs that played.

"You told her to leave?" Elijah asked in muted anger after his brother finished reciting what had transpired between himself and Caroline that night.

"Unintentionally. She thought it up on her own. I'm sorry." Kol apologized with a broken voice, "When you called, frantic, I realized what happened and I've never felt guiltier, I'm sorry, Elijah."

Hearing how pained he was, Elijah couldn't even find it in himself to truly be angry with him, "Don't. We'll find her."

"Bonnie disappeared off the face of the earth, Elijah. Caroline followed suit, if we can't find Bonnie and it's been over a year, what makes you think we'll just be able to find her?"

A voice from behind them both sounded off, "Why look for me when I'm right here?"

Both of them turned in surprise and were shocked to see the person they had just brought up standing right in front of them.

Playlist

Let Me Go – Avril Lavigne ft. Chad Kroeger

Broken Arrows – Daughtry

Last Hope – Paramore

Beauty From Pain – Superchick

I'm back and continuing this story. I realized many moons ago that I was nowhere near done with this.

I hope you enjoy and I sure do hope you have some tissues. I mean, if I cried while writing this, that must mean that you're crying, too, right?

Love you whoever is reading this

- S