Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this story besides the plot, do yo really think I would be here ? No… I would be in England, laughing my ass off at how wrong everyone is about the sixth book.

Ok kiddies, I must warn you, this fic is an EXTREMELY random one-shot. I wrote this in February (don't ask me what I was on, because I seriously don't know) but I figured what's the harm in publishing it. I don't really know if "funny" is the word for it … thus "random" comes to mind. ;) hehehe. Reviews are appreciated …

This fic is rated for language.

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On the Way To Herbology Class

One snowy day, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking to Herbology class.

"Sooo," drawled a voice behind them. Needless to say, it was Malfoy.

"Potty, Weasel, and the – HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT!"

"Very funny, Malfoy," said Hermione.

"No – what the fuck – a platypus just – ran past you guys into the forest!"

A long silence greeted these words. Then Crabbe's face lit up. "Let's follow it!" he yelled abruptly, making everyone jump.

"Yeah!" said Goyle, and they both waddled as fast as they could into the forest and nearly knocked Malfoy down in the process.

"What the hell – NO, you idiots – it could have rabies!"

"I want to follow it too!" yelled Harry suddenly. Ron and Hermione tried to hold him back, but Harry yelled, "NO! No – shiny –" and they got scared.

"Oh, wow," panted Malfoy. "Granger! What the hell is a platypus doing HERE?"

"How should I know?" Hermione yelled.

"Because don't think I didn't see you toting around a huge box with holes in it!"

"That – that wasn't a platypus, that was a – FERRET!"

"I'M TELLING MY DAD!"

"No! A ferret just slithered past you into the forest!"

"Ferrets don't slither!"

"SLITHER SLITHER SLITHER!"

"You're an idiot!"

Ron, tired of the shouting match, screeched, "You guys are RETARDED!" and stormed off to the astronomy tower behind them.

"You're a ferret!" Hermione yelled at Malfoy.

"No!"

In the distance, they heard a yell of "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH…" and a THUD. They looked in time to see Ron falling to the ground from the Astronomy Tower. Then Ron shot them an evil grin and ran screaming like a madwoman – yes, a madwoman – into the forest.

"My homework is going to eat you!" yelled Hermione.

"Fuck off!" Malfoy yelled back.

"No, you asshole – look!"

And Malfoy was too late and it ate him. Then Hermione also ran screaming into the forest.

THE END.