Written for alianora, for Yuletide 2009.
It's Christmas Eve, and once again, Adachi has totally misunderstood everything.
Currently she is standing on an absurdly tall industrial ladder – how did she even get that into the school? – and nailing big shiny green leaves over the door to the council room. The leaves are splitting apart from the force of her hammering, and little flakes are raining down over anyone foolish enough to stand nearby. Himeji is holding the ladder for her, but at least she thought to bring an umbrella.
"WHAT," Shinagawa bursts out . He's only been in school for about two minutes, and already Adachi's made him wish he'd just stayed in bed. It's a new record.
Adachi looks over at him and beams. "We are decorating for Christmas!" she declares proudly, waving the hammer haphazardly in greeting. "We have already set up a tree and stockings! Now I am just putting up the mistletoe!"
"The – WHAT," Shinagawa says again, because prolonged exposure to Adachi has a tendency to short-circuit his brain. He's afraid to look inside the council room. "That's not mistletoe!"
"Really? It looks like the picture in the book," she says. She adjusts her glasses and peers at the leaves.
Himeji shows him the book, but Shinagawa doesn't do more than glance at it. "Why do we have to decorate for Christmas?" he says instead, glaring at the not-mistletoe as though this were all its fault. "That's not what the council is here for."
"Because we have to show that we CARE ABOUT THE STUDENTS!" Adachi booms, and she poses dramatically on top of the ladder. Shinagawa is certain that she's about to fall and he lunges forward, because she may be an idiot but she doesn't deserve to have her head cracked open, but Adachi's incredible dumb luck comes through again and she does no more than wobble slightly. Shinagawa, on the other hand, trips and lands right into the doorframe.
This, of course, prompts Chiba and Izumi to come out to see what the noise was, and Izumi laughs cruelly at him while Shinagawa tries to stop the flow of blood from his nose, and all the while Adachi is still hammering at the stupid leaves. All of them are covered in the little green flakes now.
Shinagawa officially decides that this Christmas can't get any worse when, just as he's about to punch Izumi right in his smarmy face, Chiba looks up and says, "Oh."
"Oh what?" Shinagawa snaps. Ordinarily he wouldn't have listened, because Chiba never says anything worthwhile anyway, but the look on the other boy's face is a mixture of fascination and horror, as though he's just seen something terrible but can't look away.
"Um," Chiba says. He points upward. "You're under the mistletoe, Shinagawa-kun. You and Adachi-san."
There is a long, horrified silence. Izumi and Himeji appear to have frozen in shock.
Then Adachi adjusts her glasses again (which is a sure sign that things are about to go straight to hell) and says, "So we are!"
Shinagawa's stomach bottoms out. He quickly lets go of Izumi's collar and backs away as quickly as possible.
"Oh, it's just Christmas tradition," Adachi says cheerfully as she hops off the ladder, landing neatly on her feet. Shinagawa is halfway down the hallway and hoping he can make it to the door in time. "Don't be shy!"
"I am not being shy," Shinagawa yells, and he's almost made it to the door when Himeji jumps on him and proceeds to drag him back by the hair.
"YOU WILL KISS HANA-SAN, AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!" she screams, and she gives him a shake for good measure. Shinagawa kind of wishes she wasn't a girl, because then he could just hit her and be done with it. Meanwhile, her screaming has attracted the attention of the other students, and some of the classroom doors are opening so the occupants can get a better look at Shinagawa's total and utter humiliation.
And that's how he ends up standing there in front of Adachi, under the freaking not-mistletoe, staring down at her and trying not to die of embarrassment as a crowd of students gathers around them. A couple of them try to egg them on, but Shinagawa just glowers at them and they fall silent.
"I'm not going to kiss you," he tells her, straight-out. "It's not like I like you or anything!"
"But you have to," Adachi says, apparently genuinely amazed that he doesn't realize this. "We're standing under the mistletoe!"
Himeji stands behind Adachi and makes a threatening motion. Shinagawa isn't scared of her at all, but his scalp still hurts, so he starts to think maybe, maybe if he does it really quick and pretends that Adachi's someone actually cute –
Well, it's not like Adachi isn't cute, because she's short and skinny in the way that Shinagawa likes, and she's got huge eyes that look even bigger behind her glasses. She's looking up at him now with an expression of such heart-melting sincerity that for a moment, Shinagawa actually believes in all this stupid Christmas tradition stuff, because even if Adachi's a complete idiot her heart has always been in the right place, and she just does what she thinks will make people happy. It's not her fault that she's so clueless, and she's really kind of sweet, in a weird way, and if Shinagawa were to be totally honest with himself, he kind of likes hanging out with her, just because at least she's not boring.
That doesn't mean he wants to kiss her, though. Especially not in front of the entire school. Especially not when she's standing there with her eyes closed and her lips puckered, waiting for him to lean down and looking kind of stupidly adorable and why is he actually kind of leaning down what does his body think it is doing.
Shinagawa's perspective shifts. Just a little, just enough for him to see what's been there all along, and the sudden realization is enough to freeze him right where he is.
Adachi opens one eye, to see what he's waiting for. Shinagawa thinks he might have turned to stone.
"You're really red," she says, when he still doesn't make a move. "Are you constipated?"
Somehow, that little Adachi-ism is enough to break Shinagawa out of his horror-induced trance. It takes all of his willpower, but he manages to turn away and mutter, "It's not really mistletoe."
"But it's Christmas," Adachi pleads, and Shinagawa realizes that the little twangs in his chest that he gets around her are not just coincidental heartburn. Oh god, what has she done to him?
"Actually," Chiba interrupts, because Chiba's a moron who's never been able to tell when to shut up, "he's right. It's not mistletoe."
He holds up the book, but Shinagawa isn't paying attention. No, he's too busy trying not to freak out. How did this happen? When did this happen? There has to be some mistake. Adachi's just an idiot who won't leave him alone, there's no way he could ever actually –
It's then that he happens to glance at the book that Chiba's holding. His sudden revelation makes way for another sudden revelation, and he takes a closer look at the leaves that Adachi's been sprinkling them all with.
"Oh," Adachi says. "I guess I didn't notice the page folded over."
"HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE THAT," Shinagawa shrieks, but of course she just adjusts her glasses and laughs like it's funny. Shinagawa grabs the book from Chiba, knocking him over in the process, and gestures wildly to it. "How did you not see the big line that says poison ivy? Are you blind? How did you even manage to fold over all the pages between mistletoe and poison ivy, anyway? They're at opposite ends of the book!"
"I did think it was weird that there was a big crop of it growing behind the school," Adachi says cheerfully. Shinagawa wonders once again why he's dumb enough to like this girl.
The student council spends Christmas at home, with nasty rashes. Still, it's probably not the worst Christmas Shinagawa has ever had.
Probably.