Disclamer: Oh I wish I wish I wish I were a fish, then I wouldn't have to worry about being sued.
Summary: Who knew that mixing the dreamless drought potion with a little fire whiskey and preforming a body bind curse on oneself could be so disastrous. After a long night, Draco wakes up with a unique gift. Or is it a curse. What do you do when you can't find the answers? You go to the person who knows it all.
Draco couldn't move. Well, technically he could move, he simply did not want to.
His head ached. In fact his entire body ached. There was an incessantringing in his ear and the back of his eyelids were overly illuminated.
The ringing simply could not stop - wait, that was his alarm clock.
It was morning, hence the sun in his eyes.
The ringing continued.
Draco, with all might he could muster grabbed the alarm clock, and very slowly (without lifting his head from his pillow- an art form that took him years of hangovers to muster) through the alarm clear across the room. Yet, apparently his strength was not enough, as it continued to ring, albeit louder now.
He had two options now -get out of bed and turn it off, or let it ring.
The ringing was starting to get to his head. The movement would also get to his head. So Draco did the most sane thing he could think of at the moment. He lifted his head and pulled his pillow out from over him and smothered his ears until the ringing died out and he fell back asleep.
He woke up an hour later, feeling somewhat better (and quite relieved to realize that the alarm had indeed stopped ringing).
He could now deal with the events of the previous night that had led him into the sorry state he was in at this very moment.
If only he could remember.
He and Goyle - or had it been Crabbe? - had snuck into -the kitchen perhaps, no wait the infirmary, drunk off their arses of course - under the pretense of stealing some anti-aging potion.
Why two teenage boys would need anti aging potion, or where they conceived the notion that the infirmary of a school, where the population consisted mostly of hormonal teenagers -non of whom would ever require the somewhat flimsy potion (which relied heavily on telling old wrinkly women that the potion would revitalize them to their youthful age of 21 – something about turning that old bat McGonnagle into a beautiful vixen?) Is a mystery beyond Draco's slightly sober comprehension.
They did not find the anti aging potion, but did, for some unknown reason bring back a bottle of dreamless draught and...a potion for back acne.
There had been some sort of altercation over who would be allowed to consume the dreamless draught potion as opposed to the back-acne cure, resulting in Draco being bound by the body bind after he childishly downed the entire bottle rather than let Goyle (Crabbe?) have any. The rest was, well blank. He assumed he was asleep.
Draco decided that for the remainder of this beautiful (and overly bright Sunday) would be spent in bed, with a pillow over his head.
His stomach and bladder eventually got the best of the blond boy and he forced himself out of his very comfortable bed.
He wobbled slightly through the halls, not really focussing onanything in particular, and wishing the other people would be more considerate of his hang over and shut the hell up. He approached a familiar face, also making her way towards the great hall.
"AH I hate this time of them month. These cramps are Killer"
"Well you don't have to be so bloody public about it" Malfoy announced to Pansy. She turned to look at him
"Public about what Draco?" she asked.
"Your womanly time of the month, common now, use common sense. "
"What the. . ." Her cheeks flamed as she stared at him, her mouth agape, "Well you don't have to announce it to the whole school thank you very much."
With that she walked away. "Stupid Git, if he wasn't so readily available whenever I needed a casual shag, I'd dump his ass hard on the street. . ." He didn't get to hear the end of her rant.
"Hey Draco, Wait up." He heard from behind him. He really did not feel like dealing with Nott at the moment.
"Stupid wanker, don't pretend like you didn't hear me, turn around"
Draco turned sharply, regretting the action immediately as his head began to spin. "What" he snapped.
"What crawled up his ass and died?" Theodore took a step back. "Sorry mate, just wanted a word about the Transfiguration homework. But it can wait."Beside, Blaise is better in that subject than you are anyways."
"Well if Blaise is sooo much better go find him then" Draco snapped, turning around. He walked away in a huff.
"Common, notice me, please, Josh, just look at me." A little girl was staring intently at the person walking in front of him.
"Say if a little louder and he'll probably notice you." Draco snorted.
"OH GOD, did I say it out loud. I can never show my face again." She turned on her heels and ran in the opposite direction.
"This is the night, this is the night, this is the night. . . I'ma gonna get some tonight" Said a boy, probably fifth year, as he gently stroked the hand of the girl he was holding.
Draco looked at him, how could she not slap him for what he just said?
"He's so romantic, I'm just glad he understand that I want to wait for marriage before having sex." The girl said.
Neither of them had said anything. They both looked at each other with doleful looks in their eyes, neither noticing Draco staring intently at the couple.
Neither had moved their lips.
No sound had escaped their mouths.
"Bloody hell?" Draco shouted. The couple jumped back momentarily.
"What his problem?" The boy said, no, not said, the boy thought.
"Shit, Malfoy, I've heard bad things about Malfoy's. I hope he's not looking for trouble. It would not do to have Colin in the hospital wing tonight."
"Can we do something for you Mr. Malfoy?" The blond boy asked quietly, barely looking him the eye "Please say no, please say no."
"Uhh, no" Malfoy said turning around.
"What in Hades is going on" he mumbled to himself. People were not acting like themselves today. And Colin and his little friend had learned to speak, without actually speaking. What the bloody hell?
He entered the great hall, completely confused. He slowly made his way to his table, but the hall seemed louder than normal.
"What does he want with me? I'm only human, I can only DO so much homework before I crack"
"God, OWL's are this year, I'm not gonna be able to handle it. This is my future we're talking about."
"Draco , over hear!"
Draco stopped dead in his tracks, he wasn't sure what to do, he didn't know who called him, or even if someone had called him.
" Is it normal to think that way about another boy? I mean, he's a guy, I'm a guy. He's got a cute arse though. I should really stop staring at his arse."
"Flitwick is going to kill me"
"I don't know what to do about Katie, she's so pretty, I can't ask her out."
"Argh, I feel like crap, I hate being constipated."
"Is Draco just going to stand there all lunch?"
Draco realized who had been calling him earlier, and began to walk slowly over to the Slytherin table. Millicent gave him an odd look. It was unlike Draco to simply stand in the middle of the great hall with a look of confusion on his face. It was odd for Draco to have a look of confusion on his face period.
"Are you ok Draco?" she asked, Goyle sat on her right, Crabbe across from her. "He looks paler than usual, if that's even possible."
"Um, yea." he piled his plate slowly, the noise level increasing as more and more students entered the great hall.
" Stupid idiot thinks he can get away with cheating on me-"
"I wonder how hard the potions test will be"
"I'm famished"
"-the second moon of Jupiter is-"
"-Quiddich tryouts next week"
" I hope no one is looking at my pimple"
" He's so hot"
"Why doesn't anyone understand me"
"I want to go-"
"-school is going to be the -"
"- wonder if he remembers last-"
"-so sexy-"
"-never had a-"
"-alohamora-"
"-it was magical-"
"-home is where the heart is-"
"-horn crumpled-"
"Alohamora"
"-never pays attention-"
"Draco"
"Bloody wanker, cheater, hater, he'll never have-"
"Are you listening?"
"DRACO" Millicent snapped.
Draco lifted his head, the voices were growing louder and louder, more difficult to dicipher on from the next.
"I . . . " he started.
"Such a wanker-"
"Alohamora, Alohamora, Alohamora"
"Stupid potions"
"I wish I was a seer."
"I wonder if she would say yes."
"I hope he realizes-"
"ARGHHHHHH" Draco screamed as he placed his hands over his ears. He stood in his seat and bolted for the door.
He wasn't fully paying attention to where he was headed and ran straight into McGonnagle. He fell backwards, unable to brace himself for the fall as his hands were still over his ears.
"Mr. Malfoy?" she asked quizically. "Are you all right?" she bent over slightly, her cane still supporting her. "I do hope he's all right, I can't deal with another ill student today, I still have to grade the third year essays, and I was really hoping to have a go with Dumbledore tonight. Last night was simply spectuacular, I never realized how much his bear tickles down there-"
Draco never heard the end of her thoughts. He was to disgusted. Adults of that age should most definitely not be doing what he concluded they were doing. Furthemore, he himself should not be able to hear those most private details of a persons life.
He was certain people were not speaking to him, or at all for that matter.
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL" he screamed at the top of his lungs, to no one in particular.
"Draco?" he heard from the other end of the hall.
"Please, please, please leave me alone," he muttered to himself.
Two figures approached him, Crabbe and Goyle.
"You all right mate? Millicent sent us to check on you." Crabbe said eyeing Draco.
"I'm fine you dolts, I just needed to be alone." They both nodded, but neither turned to leave.
"As in, by myself , with out another person around." Neither moved.
"As in LEAVE!"
"Ok."
They turned to leave, when Malfoy said, "Wait, stop."
They stopped in their tracks. Malfoy listened, but heard nothing.
"Two plus two?"
"Uhh. . ."
"Quick, think something, anything."
"Uhhh. . ." they both scrunched their faces in concentration.
He still heard nothing.
"YES. It's passed."
"What's passed?" Goyle asked.
"Nothing, at all."
Draco walked past them, confidant that the anomily he had just experienced was over. He could get some peace and quiet.
"How can nothing pass?" he heard Goyle mumble in confusion.
"I'unno"
The three of them headed towards Slytherin Dormitories.
They passed a group of fourth year's, Hufflepuff, judging by the robes.
"He's so sexy."
"Why are always the hot ones the arrogant ones?"
"He's looking at us."
"Walk faster, please walk faster."
Draco stopped in his tracks.
Crabbe walked into his back, knocking him over. Sprawled on his knees, Malfoy turned to his two companions, he looked even more confused that they normally did.
"But, you. You thought. I couldn't hear your thoughts. You guys were silent. I didn't hear anything"
Silence.
"BLOODY IDIOT'S DON'T THINK DO YOU" Malfoy screamed at the top of his lungs. He got to his feet and ran to library.
"The use for Moonstone-"
"Wolfsbane is a commonly used-"
"SO YOU WANT TO BE A SECURITY TROLL TRAINER"
"His hand crept slowly up her thigh, stopping only short of her-"
"CAN"T YOU PEOPLE ALL BE QUIET I CAN'T BLOODY CONCENTRATE" Draco screamed as he passed a group of students, all quietly reading.
He moved passed them, and into the medical ailment section of the library.
The thoughts were coming out as only a whisper from this distance.
He leaned against the bookcase and rubbed his temple. Who knew other peoples thoughts could give a person a headache.
"Why do they ALWAYS put the books I need at the VERY top shelf." Draco heard. He was alone in the isle, but he could still hear the person, he recognized the voice, but didn't register the speaker.
He needed to find this book, and most certainly wouldn't be able to find it if someone kept thinking so loudly. He would simply scare them off.
He peered into the isle next to him, no one. He walked into the potions isle, there, on her tip toes, stood Granger, attempting in vain to reach a book on the top shelf.
"It's all a conspiracy I tell you." She was having a conversation with a person in her own mind, Draco mused. It would have been extremely comical, if Draco knew, just what the heck was going on. "It's a conspiracy against the medium sized people. Short people have an excuse not to be able to reach things, tall people have no problem, the world just forgets about the rest of us. Conspiracy!" She thought as she placed a foot on the first shelf to be able to reach the book a little better.
For some reason, Draco just couldn't turn himself away. He found the monologue in her mind rather interesting, wanting very much to see where it was going.
"Where's Ron when you need him. No, better yet, where is my tall, knight in shining armour when I need him?"
Draco leaned against on the bookcase and watched her struggle, listening to her thoughts.
"Stupid Potion's essay, I bet Snape purposely assigned the essay so that I would have to reach the stupid book on the top shelf. I'd love to stick this book up his ass."
"If I could reach it that is." she mumbled to herself. She stretched as much as she possibly could, fingering the spine of the book, finally grasping it. She fell to the ground with a slight tumble, but landed on her feet none the less.
She brushed herself off, "YES. Score one for the medium sized people"
She turned around, still praising herself in her head and gasped at the sight of Malfoy.
"Git"
"Enjoy the show Ferret?" she asked casually as she eyed him up and down. Attempting to work out exactly how long he had been watching her. "What the hell is he smirking at?"
Draco didn't even realize he had been smirking. As hard as he might he literally couldn't wipe the smirk off his face.
"It was rather amusing to watch your struggle Mudblood"
"Hasn't he figured out that I didn't grow up hearing the word, so it really REALLY doesn't have an effect on me?"
"Well, as pleasant as this has been, Ferret, I have something I need to do."
"I love how his face twitches as he hears Ferret." Hermione thought as she walked past him slowly.
"My face does NOT twitch." She stopped dead in her tracks and eyed him cautiously. "I mean . . ." Bloody hell, he thought, he painted himself into a corner.
" . . .all right?" she said as she walked past him. "Good for you." she mumbled.
"I have to fix this, I have to fix this now"
A/N -- Good? Not good? Continue? Or not?