Title: Blood Is Thicker Than Water

"The heart was made to be broken," -Oscar Wilde

Every day, I have to live with the fact that I'm not good enough.

That I will never be good enough.

For anybody.

Ever.

Sometimes.

I wish I could love.

And it would be returned.

But I could keep wishing forever.

And everything would still be the same.

She always said to me wishing would break you.

But I never believed it, I didn't want to.

And now I know that it's true.

Everything will be ok.

Wish upon a star.

Fox Dung to that.

~.~

The sun was setting steadily over the forest territory that the mighty four clans called home. Cats were retreating to their dens for the night, sharing tongues and prey, or trying to catch one last mouse before the sun vanished and darkness blanketed the sky. Light winds blew calmly, matching the serenity of the cats around the lake. It was Newleaf after all, and cats were getting plump on what StarClan had to offer them after a harsh Leafbare. All was peaceful, all was calm.

~.~

Ashflame trotted across camp nimbly. Night had fallen, but she had just made it back from a solo hunt. Hunting at night was one of her favorite things to do, and she had managed to be lucky, catching a mouse and two voles. She deposited her catch onto the fresh kill pile, smiling, and skipped out of camp again to make dirt.

However, another cat noticed this, and narrowing his eyes to slits padded out of his den after her. He approached on her quickly, and stopped her to talk. He had noticed that she had been out of camp the past nights a lot lately, about four times in the past quarter-moon, which normally wasn't allowed under his rule. He wanted to know what was up.

"Ashflame," he meowed curtly, dipping his head to the young she-cat. "Can we talk?"

She looked puzzled, but replied politely. "Sure Oakstar. What's on your mind?"

"Right this way," he motioned with his tail to a small clump of trees that were protected by the wind.

They sat down, and Oakstar wasted no time before diving into the question he had for daughter. He cleared his throat a couple times, trying to add dramatic effect. But Ashflame just looked awkward. "Ashflame," he began. "Why have you been sneaking out of camp lately at night so often?"

Ashflame met her father's eyes confidently with an ice hard stare. "I've been hunting for my clan," she snapped. "Feeding the elders and queens, helping my clan is not considered sneaking." The fur on the back of her neck was starting to stand up. "All you want to do is start drama. But can't I have a little peace and down time to myself while fulfilling my duties to ThunderClan, father? Is that a sin StarClan would frown upon?"

Oakstar opened his mouth to obligate, but realized his daughter had a point and had already gotten up to leave. Stalking off, Ashflame left her father sitting in the middle of the forest with his unspoken words.

For StarClan's sake, just because he's leader now doesn't mean Oakstar can get all up in my business. Ashflame thought bitterly. He has his own life, I have mine.

On her way back to camp, Ashflame slipped into the dirtplace and did her business. But before heading back to camp, she remembered that Willowoak needed some new moss for her nest. Her kits were due in about a quarter-moon, and she had just moved into the nursery heavily expecting Pinenose's kits. So, Ashflame easily found some moss clumped by a birch tree, and with a decent wad in her jaws, headed to the nursery.

She wasn't sure if Willowoak was awake or not, so she slowly peeked her head in. But the nursery was alive as ever. Mossybranch's kits scrambled and tussled with each other all over, and it the back she saw Willowoak gossiping with Furzethorn, whose kits were nearly apprentices. Ashflame made her way around the scampering kits to Wilowoak.

"Hello Willowoak," Ashflame purred. "I brought you some moss."

Willowoak blinked at her with sympathetic eyes. "StarClan bless her heart," she murmured to Furzethorn. "That's so kind darling. Thank you. And that's an apprentice job too!"

"I know," Ashflame admitted. "But I figured you could use it."

Willowoak purred.

"Well, I guess I'll leave you and Furzethorn to talking. Call me if you need anything,"

The queen sighed. "Ashflame, you're so sweet. You know, I could see you in here some day, raising kits of your own. You'd be a great mother." She commented light heartedly.

At the mention of kits, Ashflame began to bristle. Although she tried to not let it show, she could tell it did. She gave Willowoak a tight smile before padding out of the nursery quickly, wanting to get out before she burst. She heard Furzethorn mutter something like "emotional she-cat," before she left though, and that didn't do much to help her unbalanced mood. Ashflame sat in the middle of camp, recollecting herself before somberly walking into the warriors den. She collapsed into her nest and tried to block out the memories. But they came flooding back as strong as ever. Like a river, they were trying to urge on the tears to come, to break the wall and stream down her cheeks. I can't do this anymore. Why doesn't anybody love me? Why? Am I ugly?

Ryewhisker did.

I don't want to think about Ryewhisker!

But you're thinking about him right now.

Shut up!

We're the same person! How can I shut up? I'm you!

Fair enough.

Ashflame argued with herself for a while longer before she thought of her memories again. She let out a soft wail as the memories played over uncontrollably, like a movie, in her head.

~.~

Ashpaw bounded out of the apprentice's den, excited for another free day. I hope I'll see him again! She thought. Ryepaw was the tom she was thinking about. Handsome Ryepaw…

Ryepaw was in her dreams, her thoughts, and basically on her mind every second of everyday. She had had feelings for him since kithood, but had always kept them a secret. Nobody knew about them except for her sister Dewpaw.

But that changes today, she bubbled in her mind. I have to tell him. I have to.

So Ashpaw set out to find Ryepaw and found him sharing a piece of prey with his brother Ripplepaw under the shade of a young pine tree. She approached him somewhat confident, but also really nervous because she was scared of what he would say.

"Ryepaw?" Ashpaw had said, her voice wavering. "Can I talk to you in private?"

Ryepaw looked a bit taken back but agreed. Ripplepaw gave him a teasing shove toward the she-cat and Ryepaw cuffed him playfully over the ear. Ryepaw and Ashpaw walked out the entrance of camp, side by side, but they both kept their distance.

"So, Ryepaw," Ashpaw stopped in the middle of the path suddenly. "I have something to tell you," she continued slowly.

Ryepaw's ears pricked with curiosity. "Go on," he encouraged her.

"I love you," Ashpaw blurted. "I think about you all the time, and I've loved you since we were kits. Just thinking about you makes me happy and seeing your face makes me feel a spark of magic. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I love you Ryepaw, I love you,"

Ryepaw said nothing but he moved closer and so that their pelts touched. He licked her soothingly over the ears that sent ripples of pleasure through her. It felt so good… Oh my StarClan! He loves me! Ryepaw loves me!

And then it ended.

"Ashpaw, I, I'm really sorry, but I, I don't love you," Ryepaw murmured. "I really like being your friend and everything, but I just don't see us like that. Please, I'm really sorry, it's nothing personal, but I love Honeypaw."

Ashpaw's heart literally broke into a thousand pieces, like Ryepaw took a leaf and ripped it into shreds. No, no, no, she thought as she almost broke down crying right then. He can't love her, he loves me…

"Fine!" Ashpaw spat in his face so that he recoiled. "Go be mates with miss perfect Honeypaw! See what I care! I hate you Ryepaw! I hate you!" As soon as she said it, she almost regretted it. Almost. But she thought Ryepaw deserved it for breaking her heart.

And Honeypaw's my friend... Ashpaw thought angrily. Not my best friend, but I still really like her. And she's nice.

They go perfect together…

They look like they were meant to be…

Like they were written in the stars…

Honey and Rye…

Without Ash.

With that, Ashpaw ran away, the tears running so fast they blinded her and snot filled her nose so that she was literally breathing in mucus. It became stuck in her throat like a lodged piece of fresh-kill, and she had to stop and catch her breath. She just remembered curling up against that oak tree shielding her soul from the leaffall winds that would chill her heart til it was black. The last thought that ran through her mind before she fell asleep was this;

You will never be good enough.

Author's Note

Poor Ashpaw, lol. XD Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. If you like this story, remember to follow and if I'm lucky I'll get some favs! Love y'all and don't forget to review! :D

Also, I wanted to thank Fires of Dawn for the idea. She didn't give it to me, but I was looking for a plot idea and I found it in her story An Unrequited Love. So thank you! :D