Anyways I don't own Star Wars or the song I Really Miss You so don't sue.
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I Really Miss You By Aiko "Kitty" SkywalkerDarth Vader leaned his head against the side of his helmet that was pushed up against the back of his seat. The chamber closed and his helmet was released. He allowed his hands to free themselves from the bonds of their captivity within his gloves.
He could not help but feel gruesome at the look of his hands. His twisted and scared hands. The rest of his body wasn't much different, not since the fight with his former master Obi Wan Kenobi.
However no matter how long he looked at his scars, they did not compare to the pain within his heart.
"Padmé…" he whispered solemnly. Her memory was the only thing that kept him even remotely human, the only thing that kept him from being a pawn, a pawn to the dark side. Sure he was a Sith, and yes he was a darkened warrior the enemy of the Jedi, yet deep inside, where he kept Padmé close to him, he was still Anakin Skywalker, Jedi master.
"Oh Padmé, my dearest Padmé, what ever happened to you?"
He searched back in his memories to the days of the republic, the days of old, the days where he was just a boy in love with a woman. He had been broken out of the bondages of slavery and taken on as a Padawan Jedi, his fate was uncertain, as it had stood until the day of his dual with Obi Wan, yet he was still taken on, he was still trained. He searched back in his memories, to the pits of the forgotten days of his youth that was where he found it, that was where he found her.
"Oh Padmé, my dearest Padmé, I never wished to hurt you, I really never meant to hurt you."
I really miss you - yes I do - yeah
I really miss you
Ohhhh yeah I do
Truly, Vader had never wished to hurt her, never in his life. He had been so full of hatred, blinding hatred, to see her standing there, and pleading at his feet. Now he couldn't remember why he had thought what he had thought, he didn't know why he left her there. He had accused her and his former master of having an affair, a deadly twist of fate that would turn his life around for the worst. How could he have thought so sickly about the woman he loved? Deep inside, outside of the burning anger, behind the anguish and hatred, the suffering and despair, beat a heart, a heart that still loved the woman that had stolen his heart on Tatooine when he was but a slave. That woman held his beating heart that he longed to distill when her image flashed before his eyes, yes deep inside he knew he held hers in the palm of his hands, and it always beat wildly when he was sure she was thinking of him.
He knew she loved him, he knew she still cared, just how much did she care? Was she willing to leave her daughter and her daughter's father to join him? Was she willing to give up a life that contained love and happiness to spend her days with him, in a life where he swore to make her happy? He doubted that her loyalty would ever allow herself to join him, although she had said her sacred vows to him, they meant nothing anymore, or at least nothing compared to her love for her child, even if it meant staying with Bail Organa, who he was sure she didn't love.
There was always a chance, he thought to himself. He had to try. After ours of decisive consideration and contemplation he reached a solemn conclusion. He exited his chamber to find his holocom. He would contact her, if even for a final time.
*
Vader pushed a few buttons on the holocom at watched as the holocom made connection with the place he wished to contact. He watched as the holocom ringed, obviously trying to get a signal to the other end, trying desperately to get someone to respond. Vader prayed desperately to the Force to allow Padmé to be there, to answer his call.
But alas all he got was a holorecorded message.
I'm writing to say I had a wonderful day
Hangin' with my friends
But the memory dies as the sun reach the skies
I'm alone again
I wanna tell you the weather is fine
When the night comes around you were on my mind
And I wish you were here with me
Don't you know
"You have reached Padmé Amidala's private line, I am not available right now but if you would leave a message I will get back to you as soon as I can."
Vader leaned over and hit the holocom off, shutting of the recorded image of his beloved. It was a brutal reality that flashed in front of his eyes for a moment, a reality that might not have been true. What if Padmé hadn't wanted to answer him? What is Padmé hadn't cared for him anymore? What if…?
His mind played over a million different possibilities to why she hadn't answered him, but none seemed possible. This pushed him away from consciousness and into a deep and restless sleep.
*
Padmé's eyes wondered towards her holocom that ringed endlessly. The little red light on her holocom told her that her holocom receiver had kicked in and the holorecorded message she had left was being played to whoever it was. She thought for a wild and possible moment that it was Vader, her mind has dosed to him a lot lately, yet when the message stopped and the caller had obviously switched off their holocom she knew that it wasn't so.
I really miss you - yes I do - yeah
I really miss you - yes I do - I miss you
She had locked herself up in her chambers since Vader's appearance on Alderran. She had not wished to face her husband after her last encounter with her real husband, the one she had never truly lost. She loved him with every inch of her soul she had not wished to keep up such a fiasco when her mind was so lost on the image of Vader.
Padmé had not even allowed Leia anywhere near her during this period of contemplation. She loved Leia with every inch of her being, as much as she loved Ani, however she just couldn't face her in fear that she might blurt out Leia's fathers name or spill the information on who her father really was. Her heart ached to tell her daughter about her real father, to describe the truth about where he was, to tell her that Bail was not her father and that Darth Vader truly was.
But would she understand? Something deep inside her told her she would, yet another aching part told her no, that it wasn't a good idea. Yet somehow Padmé knew she wouldn't have to, Leia knew and if she didn't already, she would. Padmé's little force ability told her that and for some reason, it comforted her.
But still she wanted more than comfort she wanted love. She wanted to feel someone's arms around her holding her tight, she wanted the love that kept her warm throughout the cold winter nights, she wanted someone to hold her when she cried over her losses, she wanted someone to love and receive love from ion return, not the love of a child, but romantically.
Oh yes, Bail obviously loved her romantically and held her
in every nook and cranny of her heart, yet she on the other hand refused his
love. She did not wish Bail's love, although she knew he would hold her close.
She wanted Ani and if she couldn't have her Ani Skywalker than she wouldn't
have anyone.
I really miss you
Ohhhh yeah I do
That was why that evening she turned herself away from everyone, even refusing the comfort of her daughter.
Her windows and curtains were pulled shut and latched tightly together as the evening winds bellowed. She wrapped herself in layers of white blankets made of the finest marsha sheep wool from Naboo. Those blankets usually kept her warm and comfortable, wrapping herself tightly within them, but tonight she just felt cold. Nothing was right. She would often have nights like this living on Tatooine with Ani although the nights were usually as hot as in the day. Ani would always come in and wrap her in a blanket, although he knew how warm it was. He would always hold her close to him, whispering sweet nothings in her ear and hold her body next to his for the entire night, not stirring. Hi body had fit so nicely next to hers and in the beginning when he had first left her she could not sleep for it felt so wrong to sleep without Anakin beside her in the night.
With thoughts of pain and anguish in her head she slipped into slumber, a painful restless slumber that would last her the night.
*
The next morning Padmé awoke shivering underneath her blankets. Leia had snuggled her head into the side of her bed and was kneeling at her side, her arms slouched around her head. This was not the first time Padmé had discovered her daughter at her right side of her bed when she awoke. When she was sick Padmé often would not allow other's in to see her for days until she was better and after a period of two or so days she would discover Leia sleeping with her head on her bed. She would sneak in when a droid would come in to deliver Padmé's breakfast when Padmé did not wish to be disturbed. That droid was a very quiet droid, that was why Padmé choice her for this specific duty, and so was young Leia when she wanted to be.
I wanna tell you the things I've seen
I wanna take you to where I've been
And I wish you were here with me
Oh, don't you know
Padmé brushed her hand on her little child's head causing her to stir lightly. Leia sighed lightly and straitened, stretching her hands over her head while yawning heavily. Leia rubbed her eyes with tiny fists and then looked up at her mother who was smiling towards her daughter.
"Good morning baby," she spoke softly to her groggy daughter, "its nice to see that you've been standing guard all night at the side of my bed." Padmé laughed lightly at the sign of triumph and pride on her daughter's face. However she frowned when Leia's expression turned to that of concern.
"Mommy are you sick?" she asked crawling up onto her mother's bed beside her.
"No baby, I'm alright."
"Than why is your door locked right now? You only do this when you're sick. Father said something about you needing your space since that nice man Lord Vader came to visit." Leia sat propped up on her knees beside her mother who was still lying underneath her blankets of soft marsha sheep wool. Padmé brushed her head along Leia's hair affectionately and smiled at the little girl.
"Well baby, I haven't been feeling like myself since Lord Vader left. You see he was a very good friend of mine and I can honestly say that I loved him very much. He and I were very close; I can honestly say I love him like I love your father. I miss him a lot Leia."
I really miss you - yes I do – yeah
I really miss you - I miss you
"Oh so you're feeling sad that he's gone?"
"Yes sweetie,"
"So why don't I go get father to bring him back? I'm sure he wouldn't mind calling Mister Vader to come back and visit with you…"
"No sweetie, you mustn't mention this to your father. He doesn't know the importance of Lord Vader's and my relationship you see."
"Why not?"
"Because he doesn't understand what Vader and I have relationship wise." Padmé answered her quizzical little girl. That look on her face, the soft, hopeful yet perplexed expression Anakin had held, that lovely face that would always make her smile, brought tears to her eyes. Leia was so much like herself, yet she held Anakin in her features, her faces, her emotions, her ideals, she was the two of them and that's what hurt so much.
Leia continued to look perplexed as her mother pulled her close to her. "Um…mommy, you look like your going to cry. Did I say something wrong because I didn't want to hurt you?"
I called you today just to hear you say
You were not around
When the message was through, though I wanted to
I couldn't make a sound
Padmé's expression lightened as she straitened her slopping back and sat up, bringing Leia along with her. She smiled and brushed a strand of chestnut brown hair from Leia's face and gave her daughter and affectionate hug of assurance.
"I'll be fine honey, now why don't we go out to the grasslands for a picnic? I'll bring along Threepio and Artoo and we can make it a day."
"Yay!" Leia exclaimed in excitement.
Padmé smiled gaily and accepted her daughter's gracious hug.
"I'll go tell the cook to make us a picnic lunch mommy! Can we leave in an hour?" Leia excitedly exclaimed and almost begged to go as soon as possible.
"Of course baby. Now go pop off and let Mommy get ready."
As Leia turned and ran off, shutting the robotic door behind her Padmé lay back on the cushions and sobbed.
*
Vader bashed his head endlessly against the wall of his small ship designed for long flights for one person. He sat distressing in the cockpit when he knew he should be back in his small cabin sleeping, after all his trip back to Alderaan would take nearly a day and he hadn't slept since his hour long sleep un his support chambers back on the main Corrillian ship.
I'm writing to say I had a wonderful day
Hangin' with my friends
He couldn't quite believe that he was heading back to Alderaan in search of his wife. Hadn't he given up on her when he turned his back and walked away from the palace of Alderaan? He had thought that he had, yet now he realized, his whole ideal of running away from her, getting over her was a load of bantha shit. A lot of things these days were turning out to be bantha shit to him, Bail and Padmé? There was definitely something fishy about their relationship. And Leia, Bail's daughter? He did not see Bail in her; in fact he saw Padmé and himself…
No, that was bantha shit to, probably just wishful thinking. But still, he saw no Bail in her.
Vader felt himself relax in the thought of Leia and Padmé, the two loveliest people he had ever met. Somehow he felt an attraction to Leia, as though he needed to protect her, care for her. It didn't seem to make any sense to him as he realized that he had spent his journey in deep concentration over the debate between who Leia's father was.
Before he knew it, he was there.
But the memory dies as the sun reach the skies
"Alderaan…" he whispered lightly in taking a sharp breath and then releasing it, grasping a hold of the controls while pulling the ship out of hyperspace. "Padmé…"
Anakin should have driven the ship on further and into the atmosphere but he froze at the controls. What if Padmé didn't want him? What if all his efforts to sustain his love for her were faulty and hadn't succeeded? What if she truly loved Bail? What if Leia really was Bail's daughter? What if Padmé wouldn't leave Bail? What is Padmé wouldn't leave Leia? His mind swam with doubts and rage. What if Obi Wan is Leia's father? He really didn't want to discover her real father's identity in fear of Obi Wan.
Yes, it was Obi Wan. He could see it, Obi Wan and Padmé making love on his and Padmé's bed back at the homestead out on Tatooine nearby the Lars Homestead. Yes, he could see the two making passionate love to each other throughout the night and when Obi Wan discovered her pregnancy he gave her to Bail. But of course her heart belonged to Obi Wan, or should he more appropriately be entitled Master Kenobi, or better yet late Master Kenobi. Yes, late Master Kenobi sounded fine to Vader as he swung his ship around.
Tatooine, a place that Vader knew Obi Wan would hide. He had a small place up in the desert foothills to the south of the Lars Homestead about twenty kilometers away. That would be where he and Padmé said their sweet and passionate farewells. How befitting that it would also be where Vader finally rid himself of Anakin Skywalker and the Jedi Order.
For when Obi Wan Kenobi fell, so did the entire Jedi Forces.
I'm alone again.
The End
Please review or e-mail me at aiko_kitty_skywalker@hotmail.com.
May the Force be with you!
Aiko "Kitty" Skywalker
Coming Soon:
Star Wars:
1. Fate is so Beautiful (touching and gripping epic full of love and romance focusing around alternate reality which takes places ten years after TPM, this story is focused around Padmé and Anakin and their blossoming romance along with his fall to the dark side)
2. Never Had a Dream Come True (sequel to I Really Miss You)
3. Happily Ever After (my take on Obi Wan's part in Anakin's fall from grace and turn to the Dark Side)
4. The Galaxy Is Not Enough (what if Anakin never turned to the Dark Side and was able to withstand the temptation of the Dark Side of the force?)
5. In the Memory of You and Me (a poem written in sections, in both Luke and Mara's POVs, this is focused around when Mara lies dying from cancer years after the birth of Ben, she and Luke must reflect on the love that they have and what they have lost)
6. The Dream Within (Anakin is starting his fall from grace, but with one last chance to save him, the force itself sends him, Padmé, (Siri or Sabé, yet to be decided), and Obi Wan to the future to grasp a hold of what shall happen to them all if Anakin falls from grace, focusing mainly around the characters in my Fate Series which begins with Fate is so Beautiful)
7. One Choice, Two Dreams (Obi Wan is once again reunited with Sabé when he is sent on a mission with his Padawan Anakin to protect Padmé. His feelings for her are beginning to allure is duties to the Jedi. But when he is once again reunited from a mysterious girl from his youth, Siri, he is forced to make the hardest decision in his life, which one does he love?)
8. The Way We Were (Luke is depressed over the loss of Callista, but can Mara bring him back to his senses or will she lose the love of her life to death?)
9. Yavin Online Episodes Three-Seven (maybe more) (keep the hilarity coming! Starting in Episode Three more familiar faces join in the chat lines with Luke, Leia, Han, Mara, Yoda, and Obi Wan including Anakin, Padmé, Sabé, Siri, Qui Gon, Emperor Palpatine and more!)
10. Crash and Burn (shortly after ROTJ Leia feels betrayed by all of those who she trusts and feels that everything she ever knew about herself was a lie. But what happens when Anakin appears in her dreams to explain what happened and why?)
X-Men: the Movie:
1. Sinners Walk on Egg Shells (sequel to Through Tear Drops and Sins, Wolverine has been contacted over Rogue's accident and is forced into reflection upon his relationship with Rogue as he flees back to New York to see what he can do to save her, realizing that he can't live without her.)
2. Eat for Two (after Jean and Scott's first time, Jean gets pregnant. However Scott cannot face the idea of being a father and doubts the truth. In a fit of fury he flees the mansion. Now Jean is forced to bring the child to term and face the hardships before her, being a pregnant, mutant teacher and doctor, who just happens to be single without a fiancée or anything of the sort).