You still remember the time before he got sick. How he was always sweet and lovely even in his own ironic way.
It was clear to everyone that you loved one another. You like reminiscing about those times when he could lift you like a child and carry you around.
When you were carefree.
When you both were.
You still sit there on Friday nights watching his favorite shows, even if you've seen them a million times.
On Saturdays you lie in bed re-reading every Pesterlog, even though you know basically all of them by heart.
On Sunday night you drink AJ and listen to his amazing music.
On Monday night you drink more AJ and read SB and HJ comics he used to love making.
Everyone is still worried about you. "not social anymore", "still mourning", and "depressed" were words they tossed around about you.
It was strange to have everyone's sympathy. Always being offered things to do even though they knew you'd decline.
It wasn't that hard to tell that you missed him. You didn't mind admitting it. He was your best friend and lover so of course you missed him.
What you didn't miss is how bad he broke the last few months of his outnumbered battle. The two of you were hopeful in the beginning.
The numbers were on your side. He had over a 91% chance of survival. But you found out quickly that the numbers were never on your side.
The way he broke is always ever present in your mind.
What you don't miss is how he'd been reduced to a skeleton in a matter of weeks. Or how they wouldn't let him wear his shades indoors. You don't miss how he couldn't even lay there in comfort, his eyes always stung from his lack of melanin.
You don't miss how his voice broke, or that he could never speak above a whisper towards the end.
You will never miss how his will snapped, how he went from an ironically cool man to a scared oversized child.
You can't blame him for being scared but seeing Dave like that tore you up inside. Being the scared kid was your occupation. Dave kept you grounded.
You like to go to his childhood home, and you've been so many times Dirk has given you a key.
Normally you're alone in the apartment. Dirk's usually at his job or at Jake's house. Sitting in his room makes you feel overwhelmed, but you don't care. When you're in here you can almost feel his hand on yours.
All the things in his childhood room smells of him.
More often than not you lay in his bed and think of him and all the memories in this very room.
"Please come back Dave..." you softly whisper , getting up before the tears.
You hate crying. Mainly because your boyfriend wasn't here to hold you and make it all okay. Another reason is because you feel all self conscious when you snivel and your eyes get all pink.
Walking to the once shared apartment four blocks away you retrieve a text.
"John."
"yeah?" you reply, still walking.
"Would you like to come over and visit your old friend Rose?"
You begin to text back a polite declination but in the middle of it you get interrupted
"Please do come. It's important.."
"okay. i'll see you in 30." You answer after a moment. You always found it difficult to say no to your boyfriend's ecto sister and your long time friend.
Once home, if you can even call it that now, you grab the keys to your light blue Corolla, tempted to take Dave's red Nissan.
But that would be too much for you. Your beat up car will do.
The drive settles and unsettles you at the same time. You never went really anywhere without Dave.
Once pulled into the white driveway, you take a moment to take in the well styled home.
Taking a deep breath you exit the car and walk up to the door.
After a soft knock on the door you hear footsteps. The door opens and you're met with your almost sister-in-law.
A soft smile on her lips, she hugs and you hug her back.
She invites you in and you follow her. She leads you into the open living room where she softly sits on the dark couch, then patting the fabric next to her.
You sit. She turns and sets her hands on your knees. You lower your eyes to the well managed nails.
"John.." You look into her lavender eyes. "We both know you aren't coping." Unable to speak you once again lower your eyes.
"It's alright John, you're just worrying both of us." Her hand goes to your chin and moves you so you're looking into her eyes.
"And we can't lose another." She adds after a moment. Bursting into tears your hands cover your face. Your old friend pulls you into a hug.
She begins to murmur things very softly. You continue to cry but now you're blubbering about Dave.
"I know dear." She softly coos. Kanaya had came in and left in a flash. She was never one for emotional interventions like this.
"I just can't do this anymore." You cry out, still hugged up against her.
"John we've all been through much, much worse."
"But he's gone for good now. No one's dream selves are alive anymore. The god tiers stopped a long time ago. Jade said that even the dream bubbles are gone."
"I want to show you something." You look up at this woman who looks painfully like your boyfriend, aside from the eyes and obvious femininity. You move so she can get up.
Following Rose up the stairs you come to a closed door.
She opens it and on the floorboards lay a large, leather bound book opened to a page, and two purple and black candles sit around the book, lit giving off an eerie green glow.
"Rose... What is this?"
"I still have the magic John. And I want to use it for something good."
"But...how would you do this..?" You question her.
"The spell calls for one that cares deeply about the individual and.." She looks away.
"And?" She turns back with a creepy gaze in her eyes. One that you haven't seen in a long time.
"A body for the spirit." She states moving her gaze right into your eyes.
"No Rose. You aren't doing this."
"I am the only eligible person. He can come back and will have little to no problems adjusting."
"Rose, I know you want me to be happy. Thank you so much for that, but it was Dave's time. That terrible game ruined so much for us. Don't you remember how many times he died and was brought back? He deserves to be happy and I know that he is, or will be soon where ever he is. And anyways, you can't just leave Kanaya." You say.
"I understand. Would you like to stay for supper?" She says with a soft sigh.
"No thanks," you shake your head. "I have some business to take care of.. And Rose?"
"Yes John?"
"Get rid of this stuff. That's in the past." She leads you down the stairs where Kanaya is sipping tea in the living room. She stands and smiles at you.
A good bye hug is exchanged with her. Then you turn to Rose. You hug her and softly whisper, "Goodbye."
She looks into your face with the saddest of looks.
You open the door and walk to the car. Getting in and turning it on you see Rose and Kanaya standing on the front porch. Kanaya's arms around Rose. You and your old friend share a glance and you can tell she understands. She nods at you and you turn on the car and pull out of the driveway.
You drive to the spot that you and Dave used to go to as teens.
Parking a handful of yards away from the peak you walk to the edge of the cliff. You look down at the waves crashing against the rocks.
You close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Slowly you step off the edge. Falling, feeling weightless. You haven't felt like this since you reached God Tier, but you gave that up a long time ago.
Hitting the water hurt but you open your mouth and breathe in the water, willing yourself to sink.
Sinking you feel your lungs start to burn, down, down, down to the bottom of the sea.
You can feel your body dying. But you also feel something grab your hand. Finally you open your eyes. Your glasses abandoned you at the surface of the water. You glance over and see Dave.
Not the broken Dave but the one you were going to spend the rest of your life with.
He's smiling and so are you. He finally pulls you out of your body. You're free of the burning lungs and the terrible sadness.
He pulls you close and kisses you. Whatever happened now didn't matter, you had Dave. And he had you.