AN: This story is very odd and weird, and relies heavily on in-universe shipping wars (for which I, for personal health reasons, stay politically neutral). If such things annoy and/or disorientate you, please leave now.

Otherwise, enjoy!

Oh, and since I am not Dan Brown, I have no problem saying, any and all errors made are my own.

Chapter 1

Marceline opened the door and gasped at the sight on the other side. It looked like she was still in the Land of Ooo, but instinctively she knew she wasn't. After all, Ooo was just made up of a bunch of light and magic to hide the fact that it was truly a dead world. This world looked as if it were still alive, or at least on its last chance before falling victim to a major catastrophe like the Great Mushroom War.

She took one nervous step through the door, only to nearly land on her back as a blue...thing...blitzed down the hall past her, wielding a paddleball like a sword and dancing on a fast-moving skateboard. "Try and catch me now, Lord Snooty!" he yelled behind him. Marceline turned to look, just barely managing to dodge out of the way of a rabbit in a top hat, bounding down the hall towards the blue thing, which Marceline now realized looked like an old-fashioned deodorant tube.

Quietly following the rabbit and the blue thing, Marceline found herself at the top of a staircase, which she descended, stopping at a landing with two other directions in which to go - straight ahead and upstairs, or downstairs to a large foyer, with a large double door marking what she hoped was the exit.

She made her way towards the door, opened it, and then stopped short. Sunlight was pouring down, and Marceline hadn't thought to take sunscreen with her when she left. Pulling her hat as far down over her face as possible, she attempted to brave the sunlight, but faltered as her skin began to burn.

Seconds later, a teenage boy walked past her, wearing a red-and-black striped hoodie. Spotting her, he turned and asked, "Who are you? Are you a new imaginary friend?"

"Imaginary friend?" Marceline repeated slowly. "Um, no. Tell you the truth, I'm actually kinda lost."

"That's okay," said the boy, pulling his hood off to reveal a light tan face framed with overlong, dark brown hair. Marceline tilted her head, the better to see the faint pulse of veins and arteries in his neck, but instead found her eyes drawn to his. The same color as his hair, the boy's eyes were deep-set and strangely hypnotic. Marceline found that they reminded her of the Ice King's genderswapped version of herself, especially with his all red-and-black wardrobe.

She shuddered as these thoughts entered her mind. Best not to think about what happened before, she chastised herself. What's past is past.

"Here," said the boy. "Let me help you get where you need to go." He took Marceline's hand and attempted to lead her out into the sunlight, but she held back, not wanting to fry.

"No, thanks," she said. Attempting to explain herself further, she continued, "I just need a moment to think. Maybe I'll remember where I'm supposed to go after a bit."

"If you say so, um...what was your name again?"

"Marceline."

The boy smiled. "Nice name. I'm Mac. Good to meet you." He was about to go inside, but then stopped. "Here, take my hoodie. If you're gonna be outside in this weather, best you stay warm."

Marceline hadn't even noticed that it was actually a cold winter morning. Being a vampire, she was totally insensitive to changes in temperature anyway. "Well, thanks," she said anyway, taking the proffered hoodie and putting it on. "You sure you don't need to stay warm?"

"Nah," said Mac, his breath shining in the sun. "I got a million spares at home. Nobody'll ever notice one's missing. Keep it if you like." He waved good-bye and disappeared inside. Marceline sighed and sat on the cold hard wood of the veranda, staring at her sneaker-clad feet. Was that a tear in her eyes? Sure enough, it was, unbelievably. Marceline decided to chalk it up to her bottled-up emotions, which had really been thrown through the wringer in the last few days. Silently, she cursed Princess Bubblegum and her stupid, rotten, useless experiments.

They were the reason she was in her current mess.

AN: Good so far? R&R please! Oh, and before you ask, yes, Mac is a teenager in this story, for reasons I hope to soon make clear.