I do not own Mass Effect.
Tali'Zorah removed her face plate, and looked out over the bluff. Rannoch was arid on the best of days, and combined with the strong sunshine, the wide mesa in the distance shimmered through the heat haze. There was a function in each quarian suit that accommodated to sight by manipulating the material of the face plate to ensure vision was not affected, however...
She found very little compared to looking out at something with her own two eyes, and nothing in between. Each sensory experience was multiplied by the sensation of scent and touch; two senses that had seen very little use over her relatively short lifetime. In comparison to the other sentient species in the galaxy, quarian sensitivity to scents was very poor - and yet, each deep breath in was almost too much to bear after a life of smelling nothing but purified air. It was distinctly bereft of interesting smells.
Such a thing meant that when one considered scents... quarians were like children. They had to relearn all that had been forgotten upon the forced exodus from Rannoch centuries ago. They had to learn to recognise what each smell was, what it meant and how to recognise the connotations it brought with it. In the aftermath of the Reaper War, Tali learned the foul stench of rotting flesh; the sharp metallic tang that seemed to lurk on the tip of the tongue, brought by the pools of vivid magenta liquid that oozed out of compromised enviro-suits. She became unwillingly familiar in an academic way with the physiology of her species - an experience her immune system refused her and time did not allow her - yet not in the way that a young woman should. It was not with love and passion, with companionship.
No, Tali was serenaded with the tortured screams of her people, so newly brought back to their world and yet so cruelly denied the pleasure of knowing home. She was cursed with the knowledge that millions of her people died; their lifeblood seeped into the soil of the homeworld - a twisted fertility ritual forcefully demanded in recompense for their audacity to claim freedom.
Tali shook off a shudder that threatened to run up her spine. Despite everything, she rarely removed her face plate.
Quarian biological engineers were working well with the geth, and the treatment to boost their immune systems had begun (Tali being one of the first volunteers, ignoring the protests on the grounds of her being an admiral). So far, it appeared to be a modest success. No dramatic breakthroughs, but it was progressing steadily, with no setbacks. In time, the enviro-suits would become obsolete. And yet... she would most likely continue to wear it.
There were times, back when she had been young, not too long before her pilgrimage - it had only been four years since then, four years since she was twenty and knew nothing - when she had been desperate for the opportunity to escape the confines of the suit. She had longed for the sensation of touch, for nothing more than a finger on her cheek. She would have done anything for the poetic and greatly idealised concept of physical contact.
Afterwards, once she had left on her fateful pilgrimage which would lead to the redemption and salvation of her people - and her introduction to the world of touch from outside her suit was a chemical round through her abdomen. It took Tali a long time to admit, but that experience had caused her to be repulsed by touch for a long time. She flinched away from other people, even through the enviro-suit. She avoided them; burying herself into her work, especially aboard the Normandy and when avoiding them wasn't an option, she kept a wary distance.
Eventually this was resolved, mostly due to Shepard - but she never truly recovered from the initial, irrational sense of betrayal. Because it was irrational to accuse a bullet of ruining her romantic, childish expectations.
The wind blew, and she flinched, a spark running through the cybernetic implants on her face, transmitting the still foreign sensation to the rest of her body.
The resulting shudder was not unpleasant, even with her rather morose thoughts. She was tempted to smile in response, something that she would have done without thought when completely covered by her suit. It was something that all quarians would have to work on - due to the anonymity inherent in the nature of the enviro-suits, emotional control had simply never been necessary before. Very quickly, as more and more quarians made the decision to live exposed, they were discovering that being so open to read made interactions easier but significantly more uncomfortable.
Yet another issue to tackle on the ever-growing list.
Her legs dangled over the edge of the cliff, the drop quite far if she were to have a mishap. At the very bottom began the fields which had been designated for crops. At the moment they were still living out of the liveships, however with the assistance of the geth new crops had been altered to suit their needs and planted - all that was needed now was time to grow.
The higher ground she was sitting on was to the furthest edges of the community, graciously named Cheru'ut - 'freedom'. It was to be the new main city of the planet, located in a place where no significant civilisation had been situated before. A sign of new beginnings, but also an indication of just how thorough the geth were - they had preserved the old temples in a strangely sentimental act, but nearly all of the 'modern' urban centres which had existed before the exodus had been stripped of resources and dismantled. During the final battle of the Reaper War, a total of just below three million quarians had been killed - leaving a meagre fourteen million to rebuild an entire species. It seemed like a significant population, but when compared to the fact most other sentient species numbered in the tens of billions, the quarian species was in a sorry state indeed.
Emergency procedures had been put into place, and all population control measures were lifted immediately. In essence, the Conclave and the admirals were strongly encouraging everyone of childbearing age to procreate.
Unbidden, her dark grey skin flushed a deep pink, and she deliberately pulled her mind from such matters.
The community was growing, the crops were growing, the relationship and cooperation between her people and the geth were growing. These were all good things, and yet she still needed some peace from time to time.
Being an admiral was difficult, especially as her position went from being essentially honorary to fully fledged with responsibilities the moment they realised she was capable.
The wind continued to blow, and she sighed.
"Ma'am?"
Tali tried not to jump at the sudden arrival, but she was not entirely sure she succeeded. Abruptly, she remembered that she had her face plate off, and thanked the heavens that she was facing the other way. The old ways were still present to a certain extent amongst the survivors on Rannoch, and it was not entirely proper to allow another person who was not family to see her uncovered.
Despite this, she didn't move to reseal her suit. Let this be her foray into the new world they were building.
"Reegar, is there something requiring my attention?"
Kal'Reegar was an enigma, something Tali was not shy in admitting. He had a unique habit of surviving suicide missions (something they had in common, she mused), and a normal mission for him usually ended with him leading a team against impossible odds. Surviving the pointless mission to Haestrom; the futile campaign to retake Rannoch by force; the disastrous mission on Palaven where he and his team had been MIA for weeks after successfully repairing and guarding an essential communications tower in the turian front of the war; and lastly the devastating final battle in human space for the right to exist... he had an overwhelming will to live. Something that Tali found admirable, and rather intriguing.
He was a man of many depths, and yet it was not something he advertised. He claimed to be nothing more than a grunt; a marine who happened to be particularly good with a rifle, but there was so much more. Han'Gerrel would not trust the man so much if there were not intelligence to back up his physical prowess, and from what Tali had been exposed to, he had a keen mind which was very adept at strategy, and a knowledge base which could nearly rival Tali's own.
Although he was five years older than her, he maintained an easy respect that she could see was genuine. He respected her for her attitude and capabilities, and it was something she appreciated more than she could express. Instead, she became his friend.
"No, ma'am. You've just been gone a while."
"Reegar. Call me Tali."
There was a pause, and although she could not see him, she could sense his mirth.
"First name basis, then?"
She sighed in relief.
"Yes... Kal. Please call me Tali."
The relief melted into reluctant amusement at the slight chuckle he allowed himself.
"I might take you up on that offer one day. But that day isn't today, ma'am."
"I'll catch you one day Reegar."
"Not today, ma'am."
She huffed in frustration that was mostly forced, before letting it go.
"Am I sorely missed, is that why you came to fetch me?"
He walked closer to her and stood just behind her right shoulder. He seemed so very tall from where she was sitting, but she didn't look up at him. From his demeanour, she got the impression he did not know her face plate wasn't in place. She felt no need to enlighten him just yet.
"No, nothing like that. Everything appears to be running smoothly in your absence, as shocking as that may seem. Cheru'ut shall live to see another day."
Tali laughed quietly and accepted his teasing with grace.
"The work of an admiral is rarely finished, as you've no doubt come to realise over the past couple of months."
Reegar had come back to Rannoch from the Sol system, taken one look at the situation on the homeworld and declared himself her bodyguard/assistant. No one protested and Han'Gerrel had accepted the pseudo-mutiny from one of his best men without batting an eye - on the condition Reegar was still available for certain missions that called for his skill set, of course. She suspected her father's friend approved of her having some assistance from a person she could trust. Though Tali had little need for a bodyguard, and while an assistant would have been nice most of her duties had to be done by her personally - but she did not protest. Even now, she did not know why.
"Indeed, ma'am. Might I suggest a break?"
Tali frowned.
"I don't have time for a break, Reegar. There is far too much to be done here, and we have very little time to do it. The crops on board the liveships will not remain a viable food source for long, not to mention when coupled with the season due to change soon and the lack of population control. I fully anticipate a significant population within the next couple of years, and we need to produce and sustain a good crop yield in order to support all of these new mouths to feed. Also, many more homes need to be built in order to house the people we already have, never mind all of the new children. The geth are helping, but some of the Conclave are still wary of them, and that makes cooperation harder. In the long run, productivity is harmed. Someone needs to negotiate between them, and due to my... unique circumstances, that will most likely have to be me."
She took a deep breath to steady herself.
"There's also the work that the biological engineers are doing. They are making very good progress, but it's slow. We still don't know if the new generation to be born on Rannoch will be afflicted with their parent's weak immune systems, or whether growing up in a sterile environment was the only thing which caused our own lack of resistance. Due to the genetic factor being unconfirmed, we don't know if the immune response therapy will be transmitted from the treated parent to the child, or if the child will need their own individual treatment plan - or even if the child will need it at all. If they do need it however, more dedicated sterile facilities will need to be built in order to house the children until they undergo the treatment. That's another demand on resources that despite the aid of the geth, will slow things down further."
She halted for a moment. However he said nothing and remained a quiet but reassuring presence at her side. Her next words were said considerably calmer.
"There is also talk of developing a new form of government. Many believe that we should emulate the other sentient races of the galaxy, and integrate more democracy into our politics. Despite voting for our officials, there is little in the sense of making decisions that the general population can be involved with, and this is the part they are focussing on. Many believe that our current system of the Conclave and the admirals is antiquated, suitable only for the stringent life we had on the Fleet - not efficient or fair enough for a modern society with their own world. Of course, I agree to some extent, and I honestly would like nothing more than to quit being an admiral this very moment - but there are far more important problems which need to be resolved before throwing our planetary politics into disarray. It seems that the general consensus is that now we are back on Rannoch, our problems are gone. While that is true in some ways, we have been given entirely new ones, and no one seems to realise this! We have basic survival to think of, and reaching a consensus with the geth is vital; this is no longer just our world. They bring with them entirely new variables we will need to incorporate into any future political structure."
She trailed off, realising that she had begun to ramble, not to mention she was beginning to get heated once more as she thought of all of the difficulties waiting for her when she returned. It really was never ending.
She flushed in embarrassment at her outburst.
"I'm so sorry Reegar. I didn't mean for all of that to come pouring out."
She pressed a hand to her face in frustration at herself.
"... No need to apologise ma'am. Your determination to fix everything does you a lot of credit."
Her lips tilted upwards, and as they did so she felt him move to sit beside her. She looked off to her left as he mimicked her, his own legs dangling off of the ledge.
She knew the exact moment when he spotted her face plate sitting on her lap. His movements stuttered to a halt, and his posture stiffened considerably.
"... Ma'am?" His voice was steady, but she could still pinpoint underlying uncertainty.
"It's alright Reegar."
She steeled herself - Keelah, what was she doing? - and pursed her lips.
"The world won't end if you see my face."
She did not turn directly to him, but she moved her head to look straight out to the expanse before her, ignoring the way his bioluminescent eyes so very like her own bored into the side of her face. She felt her cheeks darken in a blush, but steadfast, she ignored it.
Minutes past, and her blush only got worse, as with each moment that past she wondered exactly what was going through his mind. If there was ever a moment she wished she was not quarian, it was then - for she would have given anything to have the mental gifts of an asari.
Tali was not entirely sure what reaction she had been expecting (or what she had been hoping for), but it was not the one she received.
His gloved hand reached up to his own face plate and his fingers deftly flicked the latches open. A loud click and the hiss of air, and suddenly his own face was as bare to her as hers was to him - and Tali discovered she did not have the self control she believed she did.
She turned completely round until her eyes were staring directly at his face - it was the first quarian face which was not her own that she had ever seen, for the ones before did not count, they had been screaming and dying and their grey skin was coated in a thick layer of cerise which marred any beauty or even definition they might have possessed once - and she found she could not move.
His skin was grey too, however it was much lighter than her own. He had the same cybernetic implants along the surface of his skin and subdermally, as she did - thin strands of silver that reflected in the light and occasionally flared a faint light which proved they were still functional. There was a strange mark below his left eye that she took a moment to identify as a scar - no doubt caused by his face plate smashing during a battle. He had a strong jaw which she assumed was typical of male quarians - but in truth, she had no idea, because how would she know? - and his skin had some faint pores, which she did know was how quarians began to show age. This mattered not at all to Tali - he was a twenty nine year old marine who had been through countless fights and had suffered many injuries, it would have been more surprising if he looked untouched by the passing of time.
His nose was sloped, and came to a very slight curve upwards at the end - it reminded her of Shepard's, despite her being female. Perhaps facial features were not entirely defined by sex, or perhaps they were, but they were different for Tali's own species... so many variables to consider.
His eyes were bright and piercing, much like her own, and when she caught them, she found him finishing his own exploration of her face. They shared eye contact for a moment, before he spoke.
"Forgive me ma'am, but I preferred us to be on equal terms."
The sound of his unfiltered voice was raw and unique, and she shivered upon hearing it. Her throat was dry, and she swallowed.
"Forgiven. I... prefer that also."
He seemed to react to her voice in a similar manner, and cleared his throat before proceeding.
"Have you ever... seen another face before, ma'am?"
She was distantly aware of the connotations her answer would have. Quarians typically did not reveal their faces to one another unless they were in a committed, intimate relationship - and those generally only happened once in a quarian's life. They were not the sort of people to have relations without thought, like other sentient races. Perhaps it was their suits, or their culture, or just their way.
If someone else had asked her this she would have been justly offended, yet it was Kal'Reegar asking her things and she knew him. He was not the sort to ask such questions lightly, and she knew he meant it in the most genuine of ways.
She did not hesitate to reply.
"No, Reegar. I haven't. Have... have you?"
His lips pursed, and she marvelled over how expressive his face was.
"A few times as a child... I had a younger brother once. I watched him as he grew up."
Tali's eyes widened - a sibling, how unusual. His parents must have won the lottery to have another child. However she did not miss his use of the past tense. She was hesitant to bring it up, but she could not ignore it without being rude.
"... used to?"
She watched as his eyelids drooped slightly, and his overall expression grew darker.
"He died when he was eight. The ship we grew up on, the Adara... he was getting ready to have his first suit fitted. He was so excited. Always bouncing. He thought it meant he could run around more, instead of staying in the sterile rooms."
Tali listened as he spoke about his long lost brother. He seemed both pleased and pained to speak of him, so she would not interrupt. He seemed to have forgotten his military demeanour, and she sensed it had been a long time since he had spoken of this. It did not have the tone of a well rehearsed memory.
"It was the night before... the damned night before. The Fleet hadn't been able to dock on any civilised planets, and the air filter to our section of the living quarters hadn't been replaced. He... he caught a virus. Just a common contagion; the sort that we should have been able to fight off easily. But four days later, it killed him. I was fourteen. It was so fast... sorry ma'am."
He collected himself as fast as he could, and had she not been watching his reactions, he might have gotten away with it.
Her hand reached out and grabbed his own, twining her long two fingers between his own larger ones, and hooking their thumbs together. He seemed startled at the contact, looking down in bemusement at their hands.
"I've... told you about my mother, I think. You..."
Her brow furrowed, and she frowned in contemplation as she considered how to word her meaning.
"You... are not- are never, alone."
She squeezed his hand tightly, and welcomed the returning pressure as she looked back into his eyes.
"You are never alone, Kal'Reegar."
Her words were earnest, and she fervently hoped he understood that.
"I- yes, ma'am. Thank you."
He turned away to look off to the side and she got the distinct impression he was ashamed of his break in composure as the faintest dusting of pink scattered up what little of his neck she could see.
Before she could help herself or think of the social implications, she reached out and brushed one finger of her free hand gently across his cheek. The contact was so soft she could barely feel it through the suit, however his spine straightened as if he had been electrocuted and he met her eyes in shock.
"M-ma'am-" He almost stammered, luminous eyes wide.
Tali flushed bright pink, and her hand flew back in mortification at her lack of control.
"Oh, Keelah. I am so sorry. That was so inappropriate and I just touched you."
Tali felt that she could very easily crumble into ash and die happily in that moment. How could she do something so appalling? She was a grown woman and a political leader, there was no excuse near good enough.
She made to detach her hand from his where they were still hanging intertwined in the air between them, when his grip tightened and he grabbed the hand she had retracted.
"Ma'am, just... wait. Just wait."
She stared up at him in horror, not understanding how he could tolerate her after what she had just done. He looked thoughtfully at the hand he had just grasped.
"You'll forgive me for being forward, ma'am?"
Without waiting for an answer, he lifted her hand to his face and rested her entire hand across his cheek. Despite her astonishment her fingers cupped the skin gently, and she stared in awe as his eyes shut at the sensation she was invoking.
Oh Keelah, she was doing that to him, wasn't she?
"... Kal?" Her voice was hoarse, and she licked her lips as she tried to process what was happening.
A light hum escaped his thin lips, and she couldn't hold back a gasp. His eyes opened slowly at the noise, and Tali thought she was going mad when she caught a challenging glint in them. It was something she had never had directed at her, and she almost wanted to cower away from the intensity.
Instead, she stepped up to the plate.
The hands which had remained still and together this entire time moved under her direction, and she maintained eye contact as she resolutely brought his hand up to her own face. The moment that the soft material of his warm gloved hand met her sensitive skin, she unconsciously leaned in to it. The light from his eyes seemed to flare, and his strong fingers curved around her face, the tips tucking themselves under her realk. His thumb brushed over as much skin as it could reach, including her lips, and she felt them part under his touch. Her own hand was not idle, stroking from his forehead to his cheek, along his defined jawline and on the profile of his nose. He seemed to be just as affected by her touch as she was by his, and Tali found this gratifying.
She wondered, only for an instant, how inappropriate their people would find this as she shamelessly touched the bare skin of a male who she was not courting. That, nor her place in society, could wake even the slightest care in her.
It was when they both leant forward until there was naught but a few inches of air between them that she completely registered their situation, and that awareness was reflected in the male across from her. In that moment she could see the same understanding in him that she had reached; she knew that she had to but say the word and this would never be mentioned again.
And yet, she could not.
Her lips pressed gently to the scarred skin beneath his left eye. He let out a shuddering breath that licked across the skin of her neck, and elicited a similar response in her. She repeated her action, this time holding his face steady with her hand and pressing firmly.
He let out a sound not unlike a quiet groan and cupped her face in both of his hands.
"Will you forgive me for this?"
She moved her mouth to the side of his face, and whispered as close to his ear as she could.
"Forgiven."
The moment his lips touched hers, she grabbed a firm hold of his shoulder with her spare hand and pulled him closer. His lips moved slowly but insistently, and it gave her no time to think. She did her very best to return the movement despite the extent of her kissing experience and knowledge being the romantic vids that she used to watch with Shepard and Liara when they were free. It seemed, however, that her haphazard education in the art of romance was enough to see her through the storm.
One of his hands wandered down from her face to hold tightly to her waist, pulling her closer to him, and she suddenly wondered when her mild phobia of physical contact had disappeared. Or if it even had at all, and Reegar was just the exception.
It seemed to last for an age, but all good things must come to an end. With heavy breathing and no small amount of reluctance, they pulled away from each other.
He did not let her go however, and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She reciprocated the gesture, burying her bare face into his covered shoulder.
"... Tali, I-"
She pulled back and quickly pecked another kiss on his lips, smiling at his strong reaction to her touch.
"I thought you said not today, Reegar?"
The teasing in her voice was obvious, and when he finally smiled, wide and honest like she had a feeling he would, her heart felt like it could burst. The sparks raced through her nerves, setting her body alight on the way.
Marine Kal'Reegar gave Admiral Tali'Zorah a precise regulation nod of acknowledgement, and a painfully tender kiss to her lips.
"Too right, ma'am."
I honestly ship this ship with all of my heart. I loved their interaction in the game, and refused to accept the message detailing Reegar's death in ME3. Also, Tali deserves some happiness, I think. The quarians really do have it rough.
I tend to base quarian names, etc. on Hebrew. Quarian culture is a mixture of information from wikia pages, influences from dozens of other fanfictions and no small amount of my imagination. I find them to have a lot of potential, and I like to explore the possibilities - especially with regards to the suits. A thing like that would have profound effects not only on their culture but how their very race communicates. I hope I managed to portray at least some of that.
The title is 'chesed' - a Hebrew word which is often found in biblical texts, and has no direct translation into English. As I understand it, it is often translated as kindness, mercy, steadfast love and sometimes loyalty - but the full meaning of the word cannot really be grasped. Rather appropriate, I think.
My 'ending' to the game is basically 'everyone lives, reapers die'. I found it extraordinarily unfair that after all of the work to integrate the quarians and the geth together, as well as the level the game goes to in order to make you understand that synthetics are alive too; the best available choice means they are destroyed. I reject that ending.
This story has been edited (ignore the blue moon outside), however if you spot a typo, please let me know.