#55 Invisible

Dougie's POV:

'Honestly! Sometimes I hate living with you two, but at other times, it's fucking awesome!' Harry laughed loudly to the other two as they skipped around the living room, holding hands and singing nursery rhymes, just for the sake of being weird. They stopped skipping around and leaped on Harry, tickling him madly, all three of them laughing, while I just watched from the corner. I was invisible to them, I knew I was, I was invisible to everyone, I'd made it that way. If I wasn't invisible, I was hated for making myself known and I was often beaten up for it, and sometimes other people got punishments for me too, and I didn't want to have to go through that again. And so instead, I just sat, being the weird kid that never talks, who is always just judged by his looks.

'Oi! Dougiekins! Come over here!' Danny shouted, using the nickname I had been christened with when I joined the band, as a kind of reminder to me that I would always be the baby, and the least useful member of the band. I stood up from where I was and walked over to the pile of bandmates that was now on the floor beside the sofa.

'Yeah?' I asked quietly.

'Why do you always sit on your own? Do you not like us or are you just being awkward? We don't mind if you do feel awkward, you've only been here for 3 weeks after all.' Tom said, at first sounding rather offended but then changing his tone to a comforting one. If only he knew, then he'd understand.

'Its just easier that way. It'll stop anyone else getting hurt again.' I murmured before walking off and up the stairs into my bedroom. I sat just crying for a little while before I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, when I climbed into my cupboard to hide from the questions of my bandmates. I closed the door and sat in silence. I heard my bedroom door open and I quietened my breathing, hoping that they wouldn't find me.

'Where is he?' I heard Danny ask, with a bit of a sad sigh.

'I don't know? He's got to be in the house, I mean, he didn't leave out the doors, and his window's closed, so he can't have snuck out.' Tom replied to him sadly.

'We've got to find him guys.. I'm worried about him.. He hasn't opened up to us about anything yet, he's spoken like 10 words since he arrived and he said something about getting hurt. Maybe if we just talk softer to him, he'd understand that we just want to help him, that we want to be like his brothers more than his guardians.' Harry butted in, sounding sad, but also kind of hopeful. I felt a twinge of guilt run through me as I heard him, he spoke softly and sounded caring, like he actually wanted to help me. I went to move, then hesitated a second.

-Would they hate me? Would they kick me out? Would they be angry?-

Before continuing and slowly stepping out of the cupboard.

'Dougs!' Harry said happily, pulling me into a hug.

'You really scared me Dougs!' He continued, keeping his tight hold on me.

'I'm sorry..' I muttered.

'Thats okay. We just came up to ask if you were alright, you seemed sad, and we heard you crying.' Harry said again, going quieter towards the end. The fact that they'd heard me made me feel ashamed, and without having time to stop it, I was crying again. Harry hugged me tighter as I drenched his shirt with tears, and he whispered small nothings into my ear. He pulled me over and down onto my bed, sitting down with me on his knee, making me feel even more pathetic. He was treating me like a child, like I was way more than just three years younger than him. Despite this, I continued crying into his shoulder and allowing him to gently rub my back to calm me down.

'I-I just d-don't wa-want y-you getting hurt or.. or...' I managed to stutter out nervously to him before breaking down in more tears.

'Or what Dougs?' Danny asked gently, sitting beside us on the bed, with Tom on the other side.

'O-Or k-killed...' I mumbled, almost not wanting him to hear me, not wanting to have to explain.

'Why would that ever happen Dougie? Why would we ever get killed because you opened up to us a little?' Tom asked gently, as I still had tears streaming down my face and I was refusing to move my arms from around Harry's waist.

'W-Well I had this friend I used to hang out with all the time. He never used to have any problems with bullies but then he became friends with me and he got targeted. Nobody wanted me to be happy, they wanted me to have a miserable life. I told him to leave me, but he kept taking beatings for me, but then one day... He took a beating and he lost so much blood that... That he... He...' I stuttered to them, more tears running down my face at the thought of the bullies. I was shaking now aswell and Danny had joined our hug.

'That he died?' Tom asked carefully and I nodded. The guys hugged me tighter and Harry gently kissed my forehead.

'I'm so sorry Dougs.. He must have been an amazing friend.' Harry whispered.

'H-He was the b-best I ev-ever h-had... He t-treated me li-like his f-family... Y-you know one t-time, h-he let me sl-sleep over at his h-house f-for a w-whole week b-because I-I n-needed to re-revise maths a-and h-he was t-top in our cl-class...' I said quietly, smiling slightly at the memory.

'I-I never ev-even g-got to s-say goo-goodbye. M-Mum a-and dad w-wouldn't l-let me go t-to his funeral in-incase i-it a-affected m-my school w-work...' I continued sadly.

'Do you know where he was buried Dougs? We can go and visit him if you'd like? You can tell him about everything that's happened to you.' Danny said softly to me, rubbing my back.

'I-I don't kn-know wh-what it's called b-but I know wh-where it is..' I replied, looking up at Danny.

'That's alright, we'll drive and you can direct us, yeah?' Harry said to me, smiling slightly.

'Y-Yes please..' I smiled up at him, wiping my eyes. He nodded and helped me up from the bed, we all walked downstairs and outside, climbing into Tom's car. I suddenly remembered something and told the guys to wait a second, I ran from the car and back up to my room, pulling a framed photograph from one of my drawers and running back to the car with it.

'What's that Dougs?' Danny asked softly, looking down at the frame in my hands.

'Its a picture of me and Nick. Nick was my friend, the one we're going to visit, it was before he'd had any beatings. That's him, and that's me on his back. We'd been to the beach with his family that day.. I remember because my hair's all wet in this photo, and that's because I couldn't swim, so Nick and his dad taught me. He'd prefer this to flowers, he always said that when he died, if anybody brought flowers and I saw them, I should take them and put them on somebody else's grave, because he had hayfever and he didn't want to annoy God with his sneezing. ' I said calmly to Danny, pointing to the both of us in the picture, laughing lightly remembering some of the random things he used to come out with. As I said it, my eyes welled up again and a single tear ran down my face. Danny saw it hit the photo and he took hold of my hand, stroking it gently. Soon enough, we arrived at the cemetery and walked around it, looking for his grave. Eventually, I saw it, but my legs stopped moving and I froze.

'What is it Dougs?' Harry asked quickly.

'T-The g-grave is th-there..' I stuttered, pointing over to the small stone hidden away among many others.

'Well, come on Dougs, should we go and see it?' Danny asked quietly, taking hold of my hand again.

'I-I don't kn-know i-if I c-can... Wh-what i-if he d-doesn't want me t-to?' I said nervously, my hands beginning to shake.

'I'm sure he'd love to know that you're there Dougs. I bet he really misses you.' Tom said comfortingly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I nodded and walked over, kneeling beside the grave of my friend. A weird feeling rushed over me, almost as if he was there, back with me, even though I could see his grave sitting infront of me. I broke down in tears as a sudden realisation hit me. He was gone, and he was never coming back to see me again.

'I miss you Nick. I never got to tell you, but I always loved you, I mean, not like that because I'm not gay but I loved you so so much as my brother and my best friend. And I remember the first day I met you, and I was stressing out because I'd failed my maths exam and I thought I was going to get kicked out of school, but then you came over to me in the corner, and we'd never spoken but you sat with me and you held my hand, and then you did the most amazing thing of all, you made me smile. And then you never left me, you stayed beside me, right till the end, you were there, and I'm just so sorry that I never got to return the favour because you just meant so much to me and I just never meant to leave you. I didn't want to leave, but I went to get you help and then I came back and you'd already gone. And I'm still not ready to accept the fact that I'll never get you back just because I need you Nick, I viewed you as family more than I did my mum and my dad and Jazzie, and you never left me. And I just.. I'm only here to tell you that I just love you so much and I'm so sorry that I left you and that you had to lose everything because of me because all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.' I cried to him. I started in a calm kind of tone but by the end I was blabbering to him almost incoherently and I lay down beside his grave, with my hand lightly grabbing onto his head stone. I lay beside him, crying, shaking with sobs and feeling a sort of chill over my body, half from the feeling of loss inside me and half from the bitter winter air. I lay there for what must have been over two hours, occasionally muttering more words and stories to him, not stopping crying once, before I felt a small shaking on my shoulder.

'I'm sorry Dougs, it's time to go, we need to go home now.' Danny said to me softly, keeping his hand resting on my shoulder.

'C-Can't I st-stay here for a b-bit longer and w-walk b-back later?' I asked quietly, shuffling closer to the grave and stroking the side of it softly with my fingertips.

'I'm sorry, we can't let you, you'd get cold and ill. We'll come back and see him again I promise, and you can talk to him more and tell him everything thats happening.' He continued, still in a soft and sympathetic voice. I gave in and nodded.

'Good boy Dougs. You say goodbye, we'll wait over there for you.' He replied once more before standing up and walking over to where the other two were standing. I sat up where I was and stared at the headstone.

'I'm so sorry Nick, I have to go again, but I'll be back I promise and I'll bring you a skateboard because you always used to love skateboarding and I'll stay for longer and I won't cry as much I promise because you always said you thought tears were small drops of the heart, and the more of them that fell, the more of the person inside of you got lost. You were so strong, you never cried, not even in your last few moments. I love you mate, I'll never stop loving you and nobody will ever replace you. Goodbye Nick.' I said quietly to him, planting a small kiss on the top of his headstone before I Ieft, and then standing up and walking over to my bandmates, collapsing in tears in Harry's arms once I got there, my brave front having fallen the moment I left the grave.

'Its okay Dougs.. You're okay.. He's in a better place, he's more peaceful now.' Harry comforted to me, causing me to cry more. He walked me slowly back to the car, my legs barely being able to move, somehow still in shock from the fact that my best friend was gone and he'd never be coming back. I cried the entire way home and when we got back, I was so weak and tired that Harry had to carry me back inside. I lay down on the sofa, and it was then that I saw it. I had to blink and rub my eyes to make sure that I wasn't imagining it, but when it didn't go away, I smiled. It was the body of my former best friend, standing in the corner of the room, smiling at me like he always used to, all teeth showing and his eyes curled into tiny half moon shapes. I sat up, making sure that none of the guys were in there, before waving slightly at the figure. To my surprise, be raised a hand and did a small wave back, before fading and going away as quickly as he had appeared. I let out a small laugh as more tears made their way out of my eyes and down my cheeks. Soon enough, I was laughing hysterically, remembering my friend, knowing that although we'd be unable to talk as we used to, I'd always have him, and he was no longer invisible.

Leave me numbers between 1 and 95 please :D