Disclaimer: Don't own Star Wars. All belongs to Lucasarts, except my OCs if any are in here at all... Meh.
AN: This idea has been circulating in my head for a while, so here we go! Let's do this thing!
Ch 1: Premonitions
1 Month Since Leaving the Jedi:
Padawan -wait, scratch that. Former Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, sighed piteously. 'Bored,' she thought. As the sun rose on a new morning in Coruscant, the 16 year old Togruta sat atop a tall building across from the front of the Jedi temple, legs crossed in an attempt at settling herself. Meditation. Was. Not. Her. Shtick.
But then again, she was far too stressed to meditate properly. It had been a month and two weeks, give a few days, since Ahsoka had left the Jedi Order, and it had been no party. That she would attest to. She considered herself lucky at having found a small job as a restaurant waitress, even luckier at the fact that the place was run by an amicable and kind chef. It really was amazing to her how much each Jedi relied on the Order for funds, now that she thought about it. Even so, she still barely made enough to live off of; it was pretty pathetic.
Yet another thing Jedi didn't contemplate. Oh right, she wasn't a Jedi anymore! Ahsoka had chosen to rebuff the Council's attempts at accepting her back into the Order. Accepting her. Bah. They actually had the gall to blame their own ignorance and stupidity on the 'will of the Force', calling it her great trial.
Her faith in the Jedi and their teachings had been shaken dramatically by their betrayal. Loyal to their own? Sure didn't seem that way. How quick they were to judge, to condemn without making any true effort of their own to save her. What the kriff could the Senate know about Jedi matters and the Force? Whoops, those kinds of thoughts led to the Dark side. She wasn't acting any better than they had. Another sigh.
The Dark side... That was yet another thing that worried her. She had felt its pull several times during her venture to clear her name, and yet again earlier this morning. The nightmares had started the same night she left. They were vivid but vague; although, some scattered bits became clearer, as they went on. She had come to conclude that they were most likely visions. She hadn't approached any Jedi about them though. Call her petty, but Ahsoka wanted to do this one thing on her own.
Two blue blades clashing in a sea of darkness. Jedi maybe? There had been more, but she didn't remember any of it. Eventually one snuffed the other out.
The second week had somehow seemed terrifying, even though she couldn't make out anything.
The same sea of inky blackness. Many vibrant rods of all varied colors and sizes stood out. Lightsabers, obviously. Then, there was a single, blue one, suddenly alit in their center, glowing with something. Malice? Hatred? Foreboding. The blue proceeded to clash with each saber, and each one was snuffed out in a second. What?
This continued on, till none were left, but those that scattered. And those that scattered were brought down a second later by flashes of blue and red.
After this, was again the vision of a single blue saber clashing with the one that had dispersed the others. It was hard to discern which had been that one, such was the speed of their movement, but still, there was only one victor.
The third week had been no better.
There was a new scene. In this one, four lightsabers ignited, two blue, one green, one purple. Not many had a purple lightsaber. The crystal for one was rare. Master Windu? Moments later, there was a blazing red lightsaber. A Sith for sure! In a flash, three of the sabers were gone, leaving only the purple one -Windu?- to face the red. A brief duel ensued. It looked like the purple saber would win, when, suddenly, it was struck down by the blue saber from before. It was clear now that this blue saber represented some rogue Jedi, a very powerful one at that. It scared Ahsoka.
The scene of one saber against many became clearer. Now there were vague shapes: humanoids, some with lightsabers... and many more with blasters. The result was no different than before. Those with blasters aided the lone blue saber in eradicating all the others. The many Jedi stood no chance.
Again was the last two lightsabers. But this time, there was fire and heat all around. This duel was more clear than ever, the environment was all black as were the duelists. It was clear enough now that she could see. The rogue Jedi, whoever they were, lost. It was over.
The fourth week put things into even more perspective.
The fight with the Sith now was a shadow scene, duelists and environment slowly coming together. Ahsoka told herself something was vaguely familiar about this place, but she couldn't recall what.
The next scene was the one vs. many fight, but it was suddenly horrifyingly clear. Everything was still black with no color or sound, but she now knew where this was and could begin see recognizable shapes. The Jedi temple. It was all too clear now what was happening. A massacre. A cloaked and hooded figure with the blue lightsaber led an army of shadowy Clone troopers into the temple, and killed every Jedi. None were spared. Ahsoka was somehow glad that the vision was not clearer.
The Battle of Two -as Ahsoka had started calling it- was clear enough now to discern the planet. Mustafar. The rogue Jedi dueled furiously with what seemed to be the last one left. Nothing had color, except the sabers and the lava. For some reason, these two duelists were blurrier than the fighters in the Jedi temple, and she couldn't tell who either was. Their battle took them high and low, both fighting with a mixture of sabers and martial arts, and, again, the rogue Jedi lost.
All of this had her uneasy. Were these visions? Would they really come to pass? Were the Jedi doomed? Ahsoka resolved to see these visions through and try to prevent them. Hypocrites that they were sometimes, the Jedi did not deserve this. The fifth week did nothing to make her feel better.
The Sith fight was as clear as the temple scene now, but she could not identify the Sith, who was shrouded by the Dark side. She had been right though. Mace Windu led the fight against the Sith with Masters Kit Fisto, Agen Kolar, and Saesee Tiin. It scared Ahsoka now more than ever how powerful this Sith was to almost casually dispose of three Council members in less than twenty seconds. Soon, Master Windu had the Sith disarmed and prepared a finishing blow, only to be blind sighted by that damnable rogue, which resulted in the Sith blasting him out the large window beside them to his death.
The temple scene had sound. And Ahsoka nearly lost it at the screams of terror and cries for mercy, none of which were answered. It was made all the worse by the level of detail now shown. The blood and gore in black and white were everywhere, and yet she couldn't get sick in this dream. The Rogue slaughtered everyone with the assistance of the Clones, eyes burning the hateful, fiery, yellow of a Sith from beneath the hood of his billowing cloak. No longer a Rogue. Definitely a Sith. Though, she would still call him the Rogue for posterity's sake.
The Battle of Two was clear as day now in all its fiery glory, all but for the two fighters. The Survivor -the last Jedi she figured but hoped otherwise- was looking more familiar but was blotted out by the shroud of the Rogue. Eventually, the Survivor pulled off victory, seemingly cutting the Rogue in two and allowing him to fall to the edge of the lava. He shouted something indiscernible and walked away, the Jedi seemingly avenged.
That week had been the most suspenseful, waiting for her visions to evolve more detail, yet wishing they would just disappear altogether. Ahsoka never denied herself sleep, dare she miss something important otherwise, but she still woke up struggling not to scream or feeling sick, dry heaving uselessly. This was more important than her sanity she told herself. She could work to get rid of the dreams, when it all came to a head. And to a head it came on that fateful sixth week...
The theme of this night seemed to be full color, again except for both Sith. The Force apparently wanted her still guessing.
The Sith battle went the same as always, but Ahsoka now saw where they were, though she still couldn't remember when she had been there -or where there was, exactly.
The Jedi Massacre was, simply put, a nightmare of no equal. Masters, Knights, Padawans... Younglings. Oh dear Force, the Younglings! That had been the worst part, following the Rogue to the Council chamber and seeing the hopeful looks on the young ones' faces... only for them to all be cut down without pause or an ounce of mercy. And it was all in vomit and tear inducing full color. Yet still, frustratingly, Ahsoka could not identify the Rogue, even when a Master knocked his hood down.
This time, however, Ahsoka saw the Massacre happen in even more detail with brief flashes of places across the galaxy. Ki Adi Mundi, Luminara Unduli, and Aayla Secura: gunned down instantly. Plo Koon and Adi Galia: both blown up in transport. An explosion and Obi-wan, falling from a great height... Throughout it all though, one order was given: an Order 66.
The Survivor was finally revealed... Obi-wan Kenobi, the last of the Council, having apparently survived his troops' betrayal, took the fight to the Rogue on the plains of Mustafar in a spectacular and ferocious battle, that tore apart the Separatist base they fought upon and sunk it into the lava.
But Ahsoka felt something was wrong, even as she rooted for the 'last Jedi'. He would win, she now knew, but throughout the fight he was clearly holding back in some capacity. Why? Who could he be fighting to hold back in the slightest? The Rogue had wiped out the entire Order!
When Obi-wan gained the high ground near the sea of lava, he said as much. Their words became clear at that point.
"You underestimate my power," the Rogue said, eyes burning amber. His voice was terrifyingly familiar.
"Don't try it," Obi-wan warned. Truly, the Negotiator was willing to give anyone a chance at surrender it seemed.
The Rogue ignored him and leaped, subsequently losing both legs and his left arm to Obi-wan's blade. The Rogue gave a shout of pain, as he rolled to the edge of the lava, only just stopping himself from sliding in with his remaining arm.
For a moment both were silent, but for Obi-wan's harsh, deep breathing and the Rogue's groans and cries of agony, as the harsh environment did his open wounds no favors. Then Obi-wan screamed something, looking even with all his Jedi training to be on the verge of tears, that made Ahsoka's breath catch and her blood run dead cold. "YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!"
From then on, Ahsoka could see through the shadows to Anakin in every part of her visions. Yet still, the mysterious Sith lord, who Anakin helped, could not be seen. And his reasons for this travesty remained unknown.
That week, Ahsoka couldn't stop herself from bolting up screaming. She didn't want to believe the visions; she refused to believe them. He had been her only light in that place; how could he do this? Even still, the dreams continued.
Ahsoka shivered. For all the horrors of her premonitions of the Jedi and her master's fate, the seventh week so far had somehow managed to be the hardest on her. She had remembered her time on Mortis... all of it. Ahsoka had lived it out in fast forward, slowing down where her memory was blurry, where she had been tainted and completely controlled by the Dark side, till nothing was forgotten. What was most scary, though, was how much absolutely bone-rattling pleasure she had been getting out of the experience -how completely and utterly drunk on power she had been in that moment, fighting so wildly and sloppily against her master.
Despite the horror of her earlier visions, the idea of losing herself so completely and actually liking it -loving it- was an entirely different brand of terror that surpassed even those witnessed atrocities.
And just yesterday morning at a merciless 4 A.M., Ahsoka had woken up to her trashed apartment, immersed in and emitting the Dark side of the force. She had immediately wrenched herself out of it, difficult though it was. The experience terrified her to no end. What if she became like she had on Mortis? Ahsoka made a silent vow -upon pain of literal suicide- then and there to herself to never become that twisted person again under any circumstances. It was just that horrible of a concept to her.
Still though, her teachings were helping little. She needed to look into this further, and only the Jedi temple might have the answers she sought. Even as she meditated on a roof across from the building, she felt that part of her prodding at her being, the Dark side nudging at her to let go of her control. But she stalwartly smashed it down and corked it.
Ahsoka almost felt the Force groan in disappointment, and perhaps it had. The Force was alive in a way, after all -though she was unsure of to what extent exactly, but this was just scaring her. Ahsoka could feel it creeping into her bones and the midichlorians in her blood. Her body, the Force itself, or maybe even both had gotten a taste of what the other offered and wanted it badly, no matter how much Ahsoka, herself, felt to the contrary. It was a constant struggle.
So here Ahsoka found herself, hoping that being near somewhere familiar would help her. It had not. It had instead caused her to reminisce on basically everything she came here to forget! She sighed. Why the kriff was her Dark side so kriffing strong? She shook her head. Was it even strong in comparison to other Force sensitives'. Was she just weaker than others? For surely, it didn't require other Jedi -force sensitives, she corrected herself- this much conscious effort to suppress it.
"Hrm, troubled are you, young one?" came a scraggly, deep voice from behind her.
Ahsoka couldn't stop herself from jumping in surprise, even though she already knew who it was subconsciously. She must really be on edge... "M-master Yoda," she said, turning to him. Great... a stutter. That confirmed his question for her, and meant those nightmares were getting to her more than she thought. Never mind that fact that he'd even caught her here in the first place and the things that could be inferred about her mindset and intentions from that occurrence alone.
The diminutive, green alien gave her a knowing look. "Wish to tell, do you?" He tapped his cane on the roof with a smile, and turned to the stairs. "Come."
Ahsoka blinked but stood up anyway. "Uh~, how'd you find me?" Stupid question she told herself. Of course, she knew the answer to that. The Force. Yoda's quiet, hearty chuckle told her he knew she knew that as well. "But... I'm... not a Jedi... anymore..."
"Can not help a troubled person can I? A poor Jedi, I would be then." Yoda replied simply. "A living and certainly troubled being you are, are not you? Your elder also I am. Think perhaps you may benefit from some knowledgeable company, I do." Ahsoka allowed herself a small smile and followed the Jedi Grandmaster.
Each meditation chamber in the temple was a small, circular room with pillows and chairs on the floor and unlit candles set in a corner to be used when one felt like it. The meditation chambers were all mostly set on the outer edges of the temple; thus, most of the rooms had windows with blinds. This room, in fact, did not have windows for privacy's sake.
Yoda seemed to sense Ahsoka's unease with traversing the temple or running into anyone she knew, which was entirely understandable considering the circumstances that she left under, and he'd led her to the room they now entered on the shortest path there swiftly and without event.
As they entered the dim, circular chamber, Yoda took a place on one of the five pillows in the room and gestured for Ahsoka to do the same. Ahsoka sighed heavily and did so, abandoning all pretenses and slumping as she took a cross-legged position. "Now," he began. "Sense I do, young one, distressing you greatly, something is."
Ahsoka sighed again. The energy seemed to drain from her body then. "I-I'm so tired," she said quietly. The Togruta lifted her head to Yoda, showing off the deep bags under her eyes that she tried to hide. "And don't get me wrong, it's nothing the Jedi or even myself have done." She paused, sighing deeply once more; she seemed to be doing it a lot.
"Go on," Yoda encouraged gently, sensing this was something she needed to get off her chest desperately.
"I've... I've been having dreams, nightmares really, of terrible, awful things, and I've been thinking for a while that they may be more than just dreams. Right now though, I don't think I can talk about them. I'm not even sure I should talk about them. What if doing that makes them happen," she said.
"'We often meet our fate on the road we take to avoid it' the saying you speak of, I believe is," Yoda rumbled, nodding slowly. "The will of the Force it is that you have these premonitions."
"Premonitions?" Ahsoka prodded, slumping slightly. "Are they really that? I had hoped not."
"Visions of the future, but never certain is the future," Yoda stated. "Works in ways we can never fully comprehend, the will of the Force does." Ahsoka shivered. "More there is, I sense."
Ahsoka nodded and gulped a little. What would the Jedi Grandmaster do if she told him? She decided, that if anyone could offer her advice here it would be him. The old, green, alien would surely be the most understanding. "I don't know... how much Obi-wan and M-master (The stutter was not lost on Yoda, who raised a fuzzy white brow) told you about Mortis, if anything, but..." The elder Jedi's eyes widened a bit, but he did not say anything. "I remembered everything... I remember what I did under the Son's influence, and now that I have..."
Yoda was quiet for a moment, then spoke. "Told me of your temporary affliction in private, Skywalker and Kenobi did. Shared the more sensitive details with me only, they did. If guilty you are, then not should you be. Your fault it was not. But perhaps... Yes, great fear I sense in you. Fear of yourself, of what be you could? Perhaps fear for others and what do you might? Temporary it was, not under your control. No fear you should have..." He trailed off at this with a curious look in his eyes.
Ahsoka only seemed to curl in on herself at this. "I-It wasn't temporary." She loosened her hold on the Dark side, allowing it to show through slowly but leashed tightly, drawn in as close as she could manage so as not to bring the entire temple down upon her. Ahsoka shivered a bit, as she felt her skin pale, veins becoming black and more pronounced; a brief stinging in her eyes let her know that they had most likely taken on the burning amber of a Sith.
Yoda looked very surprised, which was certainly not often the case, but to his eternal credit only slightly weary of her -the only sign an upward perking of the ears- and seemingly more inquisitive than anything else. "Hrm, returned then it has? The Dark side. Latched onto you strongly it has. In no small part no doubt it is, due to the Son's raw Dark side affiliation. Attracted to your potential no doubt."
Ahsoka hadn't bothered to reel in the Dark side completely yet. Letting it trickle out, even if just barely, felt worlds better than containing it completely. "My... potential? What could the Dark side of the Force want out of me? How could I be any more appealing than anyone else as to have it seek me out so directly? This isn't like any case of Dark side corruption I've ever heard of."
Yoda nodded. "Correct you are. Drawn to us all, the Force is, as we are to it. Connects us. Binds us together." He was silent, seemingly deciding on what to say, or rather, if to say something. "Worried your former Master was, upon returning from Mortis, concerned about lasting effects to you. Lied I did, to the results of a secret blood test. Not see coming did I this, but changes there were."
"Like what?" the Togruta ventured.
"Higher your midichlorian count had risen. Your connection to the force as well as a result. Checked thrice the results also did I. Told no one. Chaos there would have been..." Ahsoka waited for him to finish. "10,000 the standard is for an average Jedi. In a cell of my blood, 17,000 there are. Higher still are Skywalker's 27,000... Previously, no higher count there has been. Proof this has been for him to be the Chosen One." Ahsoka gulped. Surely not! "In your new sample, 41,000... there were," Yoda finished seriously.
Ahsoka's breath caught and her jaw dropped. That number; it was staggering! It was hard to even comprehend that level of Force sensetivity! That would make her potentially more powerful than the Chosen One. "T-That's i-im-"
"Impossible?" Yoda finished for her rather cheekily. "Not so. Connected directly to the Force through the Son you were, even if for a short time it was. Then resurrected you were, with the life Force of a living, physical manifestation of the Light side. Bound to have changed you it was. A higher affinity for the Dark side you have still gained though as a result."
Ahsoka clenched her fists, the edges of her glowing, amber eyes glimmering with unshod tears.. "I don't want to change. I don't want the Dark side. I don't want to kill anyone! I don't want to become a monster!" The Dark side latched onto her powerful distress and flared dangerously.
"Calm yourself you must. Control your emotions you must, not let them control you," Yoda said firmly, putting one of his three-clawed hands onto Ahsoka's shoulder and sending calming waves of the Force into her, helping her press the Dark side down to a stable level, yet surprisingly not helping her lock it away, something Ahsoka noticed.
She blinked her amber eyes and sniffled a bit but took a steadying breath and nodded to the Jedi grandmaster. "Thank you." Yoda only nodded and waddled back to sit once more on his still warm pillow. Ahsoka furrowed her brow. "What do you mean 'control'? A Jedi, err- Force sensitive, should suppress their emotions. Why would I ever want to control them? Emotion leads to the Dark side, and my Dark side is already powerful enough as it is."
A small rumble of thought passed through Yoda's throat. "Very delicate your situation is. Ignore your potential, both sides of the Force can not. Drawn to you they are, not the other way around. Deny them, you should not attempt."
Ahsoka looked more than a little appalled. "What are you saying, to give in to the Dark side? How could you of all people even suggest that?"
"No and yes," Yoda answered cryptically.
Ahsoka raised a brow. "How so?" The Jedi Grandmaster was as wise as they come. Even the most asinine advice from him was worth a good deal if interpreted correctly.
"Give in? No. Wield? Yes," Yoda replied. He raised a hand to stall her argument. "Doing nothing good for you this resistance is. Control the Dark side, you must. Want you it does, and denied it shall not be at this rate. Let it control you you must not. Without acceptance, happen this will."
Ahsoka looked down-trodden. "Is there no other way? Do I really have to use it?"
Yoda sighed and ran a claw through his short, fuzzy hair. "Balance the key is. Use both sides together you must. Control the Dark with the Light. Several possible ways there are. Your own methods you must find, but in the end the same it will be. Balance within yourself you must achieve, or fall and be consumed you will."
Ahsoka could only nod at that. She sucked in a breath and bottled-up the rest of the Dark side, orange skin flushing with regained color and eyes becoming blue again. Yoda smiled and stood, sensing that this conversation was over, at least, for now.
The small Jedi led Ahsoka back out of the room and the temple, once again doing so without complication.
"One more piece of advice for you I have," Yoda said, as they arrived outside. "Inherently evil the Dark side is not. Intention what truly matters is. All things one through the Force they are, even both sides of it. So fear not you should. Answers I hope find you will. The best of luck I wish you."
"Oh..." Ahsoka blinked. "Uh, Thank you, Master Yoda. This... This meant a good deal to me, for you to talk with me and to be so... accepting."
"Nothing of it should you think," Yoda replied with a dismissive wave. "Till again we meet."
Ahsoka smiled warmly, feeling her heart lift a little. "I might just look forward to that. I'll do my best." She gave waved goodbye and walked away down the temple steps for the first time in over a month and a half.
Now then... How was she going to learn to channel and control the Dark side on her own?
AN: There we go. I hope Ahsoka or Yoda weren't too OC, if at all. Yoda has just always struck me as being the wisest, most understanding, and most open-minded of the Jedi, so if Ahsoka talked to anyone, it needed to be him.
R&R! I read reviews and eat flames! :D