In another life, I would be your girl. We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world. In another life, I would make you stay. So I don't have to say you were the one that got away.
oOo
[He whispered nightly, kissed my stone cold lips. Melted me, mauled me, maneuvered me.
He spoke blunt endearments, what he'd do and how.
I heard the sea, I drowned him out. I heard him shout.]
oOo
I was angry at Ron. No, I wasn't just angry. I was everything; I was bitter, I was raging, and more than anything I was offended. Ron just flittered off with Lavender like he didn't have a clue about our relationship. Our pointless, imaginary relationship. We were supposed to have a connection, a friendship, why did he have to be so dim-witted to make me do what I did? Because what I did ruined everything. Everything I would ever be.
I chose McLaggen out of all the boys in Hogwarts to insult Ron with. I knew it would irritate him the most, because of his reaction when he had asked Ron if he would mind "introducing us". I hated Cormac McLaggen. He was repulsive, slimy, arrogant, and presumptuous. Everything Ron wasn't. So when I invited Cormac to Professor Slughorns party, I expected to have to hold a smile on my face until my jaw ached. I was cold, like snow and ivory. Remained stone-deaf as Cormac muttered to me; blunt endearments. Stories of a million spectacular Quidditch saves, I couldn't care less. I drowned him out. I had to get away. I ran behind the nearest stream of curtains and banners, straight into Harry Potter. "Harry!"
"Hermione? What are you doing? Aren't you with McLaggen?"
"Yes, I just escaped—I mean, I've just left Cormac, under the mistletoe. Oh no, here he comes!" I dashed out from behind the curtain, and flitted through people across the party. Luna Lovegood stopped me in my attempt to get to the other side of the room. "Hermione!" She gestured towards a tall, emaciated man beside her. Pale skin, and sharp teeth poking through his otherwise kind smile. "This is Sanguini, you must meet him. He's ever so interesting." I reached out my hand and shook the vampires, smiling.
"Please to meet you, Sanguini, but I really must…"I looked over my shoulder, spotting Cormac, who was also looking around for me.
"Please, Hermione, it's nice to meet you." Sanguni replied. I smiled again and dropped his hand. Then felt another hit my shoulder.
"Come on, now, Hermione, what you running off hiding for?" I turned around and looked at Cormac. He was tall, burly and athletic. His eyes were blue and bright, and his smile was even brighter. Maybe he wasn't as slimy as I presumed. Maybe it would be nice to talk to him. And it would wind Ron up, I knew. So I let Cormac lead me out of the party and into a reclusive archway in the corridor outside, where we could still hear the music from the Slug Club. For the first time in what seemed like years, I was listened to.
I told him how upset I was. How upset I had been, over Ron. I told him how I knew it was one of the least important things at the moment, with all the stuff going on with Voldemort, but I explained to Cormac just how significant it was for me just to stop being so awkward around Ron, and Ron being so awkward around me. I explained how seethingly jealous I was when Lavender Brown jumped on him after Gryffindor won their first Quidditch match of the year, all because of Ron. It should have been me, me that put my arms around his neck, me that latched my lips to his, and me that would become his girlfriend, just without calling him "Won-won". I admitted to Cormac that I only invited him to be my date to Slughorn's party because I wanted to make Ron feel how I felt, when he eloped with Lavender. I wanted Ron to feel. I didn't realise that by taking one life and stabbing at it, I was effectively hitting two birds with one stone. Cormac.
Cormac looked at the floor as he retaliated, and told me his tale. He told me how he put up this firm exterior because he was really so scared, so horribly terrified of his life. He explained to me that his mother ran away with a muggle man when he was only a boy, leaving him with his father, who was unmistakably bitter about what had happened, so he blamed it on Cormac as well. Cormac didn't have a typically bad childhood, but missing out on the mother figure in his life led him to become the brutal, arrogant athlete he was. He hated how cocksure he was. He hated that he had to keep up this superficial personality, because he wanted to be kind, he wanted to have a happy life, he didn't want people to hate him and think he was horrid. "Like you do," he finished, looking at me briefly, then back at the floor. I felt even worse than ever.
"I'm sorry, Cormac."
"It's okay. You weren't to know."
"Thank you for listening to me. I didn't know you could actually listen." I smiled, and put my head on his shoulder. He hooked an arm around me and rubbed my back.
And after that, we went crazy. I knew fate wanted me to be with Ron, and I didn't even believe in fate. It was what had to happen; the Golden Trio, the perfect couple, childhood sweethearts, and all that. Harry wanted us to be together. He was with Ginny; it was only natural for me and Ron to marry as well. But my heart was still with Cormac.
After that conversation after Slughorns party, we met many times after that, even after Ron and Lavender broke up. Stealing kisses in the hallways, I'd sneak up to the Gryffindor boy's dormitories late at night, glancing over at Ron's sleeping form, but huddling in with Cormac anyway. I felt fireworks when I was with Cormac. He intoxicated me, made me feel like I didn't have to be the Chosen One's best friend. As much as I loved Harry and Ron, I hated the fact that I couldn't just be a normal student at Hogwarts – I had to be involved in these timeless events. I wouldn't ever say I wasn't going to go along with Harry and Ron, because they were my best friends. But being with Cormac gave me the opportunity to pretend that I wasn't Harry's best friend, and gave me the chance to realise what it was like to be normal. I loved that. He made me feel so alive, so real, so beautiful, when we were in his bed, when he had his big hands all over me, the muscles in his shoulders and chest rippling as he pulled me this way, that way, moulded me into him. When we were together, like this, intimately, was when I really got to know Cormac, when we danced this dance and whispered our ecstasy into each other's mouths. He created me, sculpted me, and painted me. I was warm, was pliable, melted into Cormac, was soft, was heated, kissed back. Was hot, was wild, arched, writhed, coiled—begged for his child.
But I never dared tell Ron. I never dared to tell anyone. It wasn't like it would have mattered. Harry and Ron were my best friends. They would have accepted my life choices. I could have been with Cormac. I could have lived with Cormac, married Cormac, bore Cormac's children. I could have been Hermione McLaggen, not Hermione Weasley. But I left with Ron and Harry in my Seventh year, to chase Voldemort and smash Horcruxes. I still dreamed about Cormac, and what he did to me. I still wished. I still hoped. Then I saw him, when we returned to Hogwarts, when we were all fighting. He was wretched, torn, broken from fighting. He sat in an archway with his head in his hands. The same place that we had our first proper conversation in. I wanted to run to him, kiss him everywhere, take him in my arms and run away from this, from all of it. For a moment I didn't care if Voldemort took over the world, so long as I could be with Cormac.
But I did nothing. I turned and went with Ron. That's just what had to happen.
oOo
A.N: This entire fic is based on the poem "Pygmalions Bride" by Carol Ann Duffy. You should check it out :) Thank you for reading, please leave a review.