WHY???
Sometimes she wishes she could understand what he is thinking, what he feels and how she could help him. It hurts every time he pushes her away. She wants to feel cared for she wants him to be in her life and for her to be in his. If she just tries to near him just an inch, he makes sure that she ends up further from where she started. If only he knew how much it hurts every time he does that but she knows he does. He has felt pain and he fears it. She knows what pain is why he doesn't believe her? Why doesn't he trust her? She has done nothing to show him that pain will enter his life through her help.
When he looks at her she wonders what he is thinking. Where is it that he holds her in his mind? Is it anywhere near as those that he loves? Longing for his understanding she forgets that he is nothing more than a kid who grew up faster than he should have. Why did she have to meet him? He is sweet but yet he knows how to get under your skin. All he has to do is open his moth and he makes you fear every word that is to come out though those lips.
He wants to help her he told her once to show her that being alone is not what is best for her.
"You have to talk to someone you can't be alone for the rest of your life" he told her. She knew that he didn't need to tell her twice. She let him in to her mind to a certain extend. Allowing him to help her, but when ever she asked anything about his life all she ever received was a cold shoulder. Why?
"Why is it that I have to open up when he is the one with the fear of pain?" she asked herself. Maybe it's just her. It hurts not knowing but what hurts more is the fact of not understanding why it grabs hold of her so. She is used to isolation but lack of trust was never a problem for her. Anyone she ever met would tell her their whole life story. She never expected him to do that but she also never expected him to tell her that he doesn't trust her and right to her face.
When those words came out of his mouth, at that moment she wanted to run far as possible and hide somewhere under a rock, tree anywhere just away from him. She felt so struck and so betrayed. She has told him of her pain, trusted him and for what to just simply find out that there was no trust offered to her at any point. Why can't he trust her? Is it from what he learned? Is she really that unstable or is it just his disgust for what she is.
"What to do" she thought it to herself.
"No don't show him that it hurt you don't give him the benefit of doubt. Just look at him and say something to anything she told herself" As he tried to tell her that it's not her that he just doesn't give his trust to anyone she picked up her head and looked at him and she heard the words come out from her own mouth she felt her lips move but she didn't understand why? "I DON'T CARE that you don't trust me!" They started out so loud and clear but at the end they turned to a mumble. For the rest f the time she couldn't make her self look at him. They parted with nothing more than a "Good Night."
By Ushi Oni