"What's your favourite memory?"
"Of us?"
"Not necessarily, just your favourite memory. The one you like revisiting the most. It can be anything really."
"Aa. I remember once coming come, it was night time and the electricity was out since I kept forgetting to pay the bills."
"Your favourite memory is you forgetting to pay the bills?"
"Not quite."
Sakura sat on the porch, head on her knees as she embraced them tightly, waiting for him yet again. He was running late. That was uncharacteristic of him. Had something happened on the road? He was coming from a long mission in the Wind Country to meet her in the Land of Tea. How much time has it been anyway? She tried remembering the last time she saw his face, felt his lips, smelled his skin, touched him, held his hand. Sakura could only remember the last time she saw him, it was 3 months prior when he left Konoha. Somehow she hadn't missed him once. This was uncharacteristic of her. Maybe they've changed just enough to alter their relationship to the point where they did not recognise each other. Maybe she was exaggerating. Surely she hadn't missed him as she was aware of the fact that he will return. He always did.
Yet as she waited on the porch of this house that once held so much importance to her, but now seemed more and more with each minute like an abandoned cottage, she realised this was all a bad idea. After all, she was not 25 anymore and neither was he. But it was tradition. Each year they would come to the house, their house as they called when they had first encountered it. The house sure looked better when they were young, but it had been a long time ago. She nonchalantly thought how the house resembles her failed marriage. In the beginning beautiful and alluring, almost perfect. The house could hold no secrets back then, it was always warm, always a good escape, a place where no one could hurt her, her happy place. Now the house was almost broken down, cold, with wind taking everything the house holds and spreading it to the outside. The intimacy was gone.
"You're late"
Sakura did not look at him and neither did he. He stared absently in the distance and then went into the house. She was not mad, Sakura did not see the point. He simply didn't want to be there and it was fine, even understandable. She hadn't been the greatest company lately and more often than not found herself avoiding him to the point where she would spend days without seeing the face of her husband. Running away hasn't been her thing in a long long time, but she thought it felt better than confronting him about their broken marriage.
"Can we just fuck and get this pity party over with?" Her voice came out stronger than expected, she felt good. Never show weakness, guilt is never a good feeling. But they had stopped being honest with each other years before so there was no room for guilt. It was acceptable to fake emotions, fake conversations, fake orgasms, to fake a marriage.
When he did not respond she suddenly felt tired. Tired to pretend for the first time in months. How dare he have the nerve ignore her like this. Why were they here?
"I can't even remember the last time we had sex, you know?" She knew she was sounding pathetic and vicious at the same time as if she intended to hurt him. Maybe she did, ever so often she took pleasure in imagining him suffer, asking for a divorce just to see him struggle, just for a bit. After each season of said day dream she would feel terrible, could not look him in the eyes for days in a row. Sakura always took shift after shift at the hospital whenever this happened. Only Naruto knew about these incidents, yet he could never have the right advice to give or right words to soothe the pain. How egoistical she was. When Naruto told her that maybe they just needed a vacation, a way in which they could somehow spend time together, remember why they fell in love in the first place, she told him that if they needed anything it was separate vacations, just as far away from each other.
Eventually her friend gave up knowing she could not reason with him. Still, whenever they saw each other which was seldom these days, Naruto would look at her with pity and hurt an sometimes, just sometimes with a bit of judgement. Most of the times it was hurt. And it pained her because Sakura knew Naruto was in no point suffering for her, he was hurting for the best-friend, for the brother she was crushing each day with her fake smiles, late night shifts and men perfume that always tangled on her clothes. Her husband never asked though, it was either he did not care or he did not want to know the answer. She was conflicted, did not make any sense at all. It certainly complicated things enough that her and her husband hadn't had a proper conversation in more than a year now, matters discussed regarded the children or food, but that would be it. Naruto would never tell her anything, yet she knew her husband would confide in him. She believed Naruto did not tell him wither the matters they would ever so often approach. Whenever guilt took over her she would be happy her friend was discrete, but there were times she felt so tired she wanted her husband to know. Wanted him to know how she was not sure about her feelings for him anymore, wanted him to know that she was tempted to cheat more than once, wanted him to know how she thought he was not as great in bed anymore. Though there were times when she was sure he knew all these things. And really she was behaving like worse things were happening between the two of them, it was rather hard to miss the implications of her attitude. Even the children have noticed.
Seiji never asked directly but he stopped visiting after watching his parents drive apart. Sakura understood, he was never one for conflict, always a pacifist. She knew Seiji was coming to terms with the context of his parents' marriage, he simply needed time to adjust. Nishi was harder though. Nishi blamed Sakura for the situation believing she was at fault and more than once stating to her father how she thinks her mother is having an affair. And Sano, her dear Sano never failed to impress her. He had proven himself to be a great support for both her and her husband, never ceasing to be there, even if he never spoke about "it". Sakura appreciated this, felt lucky to have raised such a son.
"I don't think I'm at fault for this."
Sasuke's voice was hard, voided of any emotion. But as he stepped out of the house with a bottle of wine and two glasses in his hand, Sakura saw how his eyes were speaking all the words he would not let out. She could not resist the tears that formed in her eyes even though she did not let them fall, he was just as tired as she.