Belle sat down in her chair, took a deep breath, and opened the cover with one slow and careful motion.
The book had been sitting in the desk drawer, now hers. It wasn't long after Regina's departure that Storybrooke had been left in her care. Those first few days, and the weeks that had followed, had felt like months. She hadn't been under pressure like this since the Ogres attacked her town so many years ago.
On top of that, she found herself facing a problem she thought she had conquered already. Her first time away from Rumple – between her departure from the Dark Castle and her capture by the Evil Queen – had been spent at the bottom of a tankard. The opportunity for bravery and adventure, meeting Mulan and defeating the Yaoguai, then choosing instead to return and free her beloved Beast had somehow pulled her out of it.
Then, her imprisonment, and her worries for Rumpelstiltskin and her people while she sat caged and her lack of memory under the curse that had brought them here…none of that had brought her thoughts for a drink. If she could get through that isolation without one, she assumed it would never be a problem again.
Her time as Lacey proved her wrong.
Even though that was behind her now, all the liquor and recklessness, carelessness, still haunted her. She found herself yearning for it. It pulled at her exhaustion, the pain of missing her True Love, not knowing whether or not he survived. Her new, tenuous peace with her father, her doubts over whether or not she could manage the safety of this town and its people. Something in her seized that, told her she could find relief from all of it at the bottom of a bottle, if she just drank long enough.
Her heart, however, remembered how badly she had behaved, and she knew it couldn't face her challenges for her. Even so, resisting that temptation was suddenly so difficult.
The book had been in the library, of course, amongst a new order she had placed before she'd lost her memory again. The only one she'd place for a long time, it now seemed. She didn't even remember choosing that particular one, but there it was, among the self-help books and the others she had selected to update the library. When she found it, she'd been trying to seek refuge from her new responsibilities by unloading that shipment, something she hadn't gotten to before she was shot. No matter what was happening, she wasn't about to let her dream of opening the place fall short, and had hoped that focus would clear her head for a while.
The rest of the books made their way to the shelves just fine, but this one found its place in her bag, then into a drawer in her new office.
Uncharacteristically, she left it there for almost a week, afraid. What would the people of Storybrooke think, if they saw their new leader with this kind of a problem? Though the title itself promised anonymity, she still worried. People – or more specifically, appointments – came and went. She made decisions as best she could, and tried to brighten up the space Regina had designed with some small additions – nothing permanent; she hoped that when the others returned with Henry, she could return to a simpler life. Grumpy visited and left a scarf over that dreadful lamp to try and change the lighting. She'd asked her father to bring in some bookshelves, small ones, and she topped those with a few of her favorite items from Rumple's shop. The small lamps on the wall she replaced entirely, along with new curtains. After a few days, she began to feel more comfortable there. Once she ran out of small changes to make, however, her thoughts turned again to that other relief from her stress. But the book still stayed in its drawer.
Then one day, after another trying discussion with the Nuns about how the Dark One's spell might prove dangerous instead of protecting the town, she finally chose to face it. A drink sounded fantastic, but Lacey's wreckage still lived in her, and she knew it wouldn't be pretty if she chose that path. So, still nervous and slightly doubtful, she pulled out the book and started reading.
Only a few chapters in, she already felt it might save her life.