Disclaimer: I do not own FFIX or any of the characters. Those people would be Squaresoft. Damn companies.

Yoru: Okay listen up guys. In the game we all know how close Dagger and Zidane were. Therefore I decided to indulge in my sick and deranged fantasies and do the obvious: make them get married what else! Anywho they are married and have a daughter. Oh Kuja's kid is Derrick. Also Rusty (Steiner for you slow ppl) and Beatrix * gasp* got married. And the chaos begins!

"Ouch! Get off!" screamed a little boy with a tail.

"Derrick! Come back here! I never got to cast Soul Blade! My dad just taught me!" screamed the girl he was running from.

Dagger, Kuja, and Zidane come running around the corner into the courtyard. They stop and see Alexis chasing Derrick around the courtyard with an Ogre in her hands.

"Alexis! Stop right now!" screamed Dagger.

Derrick ran behind his father. "You can't get me now." He said taunting her.

Alexis turned and looked at him. "Wanna bet?"

Derrick shut up.

Dagger turned to her husband and said, "Were you teaching Alexis to fight again?"

"No. Well…not really…a little bit." He faltered.

Zidane turned to his daughter, "Alexis, what did I tell you about fighting?"

She twitches her tail and thinks for a few moments, "Umm…I can learn as long as I promise not to use it on Rusty although it would probably make him look better." She finished hopefully.

"No..well that was part of it but I also said not to use it unless it was an emergency." Zidane said.

Rusty came around the corner at that moment and not realizing her parents were standing there said, "Alexis, are you being a bitch again? I heard what you said about me."

"Mommmy...Daddy! Rusty called me a bitch!"

Steiner looked up and faltered. "Oh Your Majesties I'm sorry!"

Dagger just stared at Steiner. Zidane however reaches for his weapon.

Alexis squealed. "Yay! Daddy's going to kill Steiner. Can I help Daddy? Huh? Can I? Pleeease?"

Derrick joined in. "Yeah me too."

Alexis turned and glared at him. "You better run before I decide to kill you instead of Steiner."

Derrick hid behind his dad again.

"Alexis I told you no killing your cousin."

"Zidane I told you no teaching her how to fight and Steiner why are you calling my daughter anything!" Dagger yelled.

Steiner cowers into the corner. "Umm…I-I h-have to g-go! Bye!"

"Captain Aldebert Steiner get back here now!"

"Yeah. What she said." Zidane said.

Dagger threw him a look. " I'll deal with you later. Take Alexis and go inside!"

"Daddy? Why is Mommy mad at you? What did you do?"

"I don't know, but then I never do."

Kuja took one look at Dagger and said, "I think we'll be leaving now."

Derrick and Kuja quickly leave the castle.

"Why did you call my daughter a bitch?"

Steiner just looked at Dagger who was getting more pissed off by the second.

"I want to know why the hell you called my daughter the Princess a bitch Steiner, and don't give me any shit because I'm not buying it. And what do you mean again? Are you saying she has been a 'bitch' before? Answer me Steiner!"

"Daddy! Steiner's in trouble now. You wanna know how I know? 'Cause Mommy's cussing!" Alexis said.

"Yeah, I just hope she's cooled off before she comes back in."

"Zidane? Zidane? Dagger? Alexis? Where is everybody?" asked a voice from the hall.

"It's Vivi, Daddy." Said Alexis.

"Is that annoying boy Derrick gone yet?" Vivi asked coming into the room.

"Yeah, I was trying to cast Soul Blade on him! Then Mommy came and broke us up and Rusty called me a bitch and Mommy's about to kill him!" Alexis said. "And you know what else Vivi? Huh? Do you? Huh? Guess what? Come on! Guess! Guess!"

"I don't know how you deal with her everyday."

"Easy. I leave on 'important business' and Dagger deals with her until I come back and by that time it's time for bed, so I just take her upstairs, read her a story and leave." Zidane said.

Vivi looked at Alexis, still jumping up and down, and looked back at Zidane. "Can I?"

"Be my guest."

Vivi casted silence on Alexis and they both sigh.

Just then Dagger comes in looking even more pissed off (if that's possible). She took on look at Vivi and yelled "Unsilence her now!"

Vivi handed Alexis and echo screen.

"Now," said Dagger in her don't-mess-with-me-I'm-being-the-Queen voice, "Why were you chasing your cousin Alexis?"

"He touched my tail!" The little girl cried.

Then Dagger turned to Zidane, "Why did you teach her how to fight?"

Zidane looked at his tail. "Because I ummm wanted her to know how to d-defend herself if umm if she ever got into trouble or something like that." He finished.

"And…"

"And I'm frustrated. She's was being annoying and wouldn't stop begging and I'm not getting anything from you 'cause you're being pissy about something and I can't even catch my own tail even though it's attached to my butt and I'm bored because you won't let me leave the castle."

"And…"

"And I think I should be going now." He said. "Before I get hit." He rushed out of the room. Vivi following closely behind him, and behind Vivi, now talking a mile a minute, was Alexis.

Beatrix walked into the room. "Your Majesty, what's wrong?" she asked.

"I haven't had my period this month yet."

"Does that mean…" she stopped.

"I think it does."

"Well aren't you happy?"

"Of course I am if I'm pregnant."

"But?" Beatrix waited for her to go on.

"Well Zidane wants to leave and I need him here right now and life just sucks."

Dagger: Hey wait a minute. I'm a Queen and I don't use that kind of language. I use strictly diplomatic speech like a proper Queen should.

Yoru: Uh-huh. Right…whatever.

Zidane: She isn't very diplomatic in the bedroom.

Dagger: * blushing* Zidane!

Zidane: Well it's true. Come to think of it you're not all the diplomatic when you're angry either.

Yoru: Yeah well it doesn't matter 'cause I'm the authoress and what I say goes.

Dagger: But you make me sound like a common….street whore.

Yoru & Zidane: O.O

Dagger: Well you are. And don't you even look at me like that Zidane-

Zidane: *kisses her to shut her up *

Yoru: Thank you Zidane. Now where were we? Ah yes. Because I'm the authoress, what I say goes.

Dagger: *still flushed from the kiss * Okay.

Yoru: Oh and to all my readers please, please, please review. I need the reviews. They keep me going.