owo;; I hope i don't take over the tag by spamming so many of my fics owo;;
This fic is part of a MP100 series of semi-connected oneshots that I am writing. Alone is the first in this series but this can be read on it's own. Of course the entire series is also over on my AO3 as well.
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WARNING: THIS FIC CONTAINS VIVID DESCRIPTIONS OF DISASSOCIATION.
PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU COULD BE HURT FROM THIS.
Mob had always felt a little...detached from himself.
It wasn't by much...just...every touch took a second to process and every word took two...It's always been like this and it never really bothered him…
In the past few months however; this detachment seems to have increased and Mob noticed he was missing bigger and bigger moments of his time. He didn't think there was anything wrong with it though; he just assumed that this was something that came with psychic powers...
Until Teruki had told him otherwise.
Mob sat on the right side of Teruki's couch, pulling out his math book and sorting out his studying materials before he and Teru started another one of their study sessions. Mob always felt a little guilty for intruding and apologized every time they did this. However, Teruki always said that it was fine, and that helping Mob was helping his own grades improve as well.
This was usually the end of that conversation until the next time they did this and Mob apologized again.
Teruki spoke up and Mob snapped back to reality. He had missed the first part of what Teruki said but he nodded and gave a small smile as the phrase "wanna start?" processed.
For the next hour, or perhaps it was just a few minutes, they focused on math and Teruki explained to Mob just what exactly a polynomial was. Mob was thankful for this and made sure to remember this bit of information so he could avoid another...incident .
Thinking back on...the incident , caused Mob to zone out for a few moments as his explosion meter rose by three; but before he could have a repeat of the incident, he managed to force himself to look at Teruki's lips to try to catch his words so he could return to reality.
However, he must've been too obvious as Teruki stopped speaking and looked at him curiously, forcing Mob to relearn how to use his voice so he could ask Teruki:
"Hanazawa-kun? Is something wrong?"
To which Teruki responded, "You haven't touched your work for fifteen minutes, and you've been staring at me for the past five... Is something wrong, Kageyama-kun?"
Mob blinked. He didn't think he had zoned out for that long...
He looked down and played with the hem of his shirt, running his thumb over it and noting how the texture tickled his skin
He decided to ask Teruki another question.
"Do you ever feel...like...you're not fully connected to your body? Like...Your spirit...its just floating somewhere above your...self...and no matter how hard you try to focus...it's only ever catching every other thing?"
Teruki looked...puzzled? Mob wasn't sure, he was never any good with judging facial expressions. He decided to just ask for Teruki's thoughts on his words.
"Hanazawa-kun...am I making sense?...Is this a normal feeling for espers?"
Teruki opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. Like he was still trying to process the information he was given, and Mob allowed himself to grow a little hopeful but...
"No...I...I don't think so...not on the level you're talking about..."
The feeling of hope dissipated, and the familiar feeling of nothing gripped his soul.
Teruki blinked and looked at Mob.
"Do you feel like this right now?"
"I don't really feel anything right now...I just..."
Mob trailed off, trying to find the right word. Teruki touched his shoulders and Mob noticed that two minutes had passed since he last spoke.
He shrugged. He didn't know how to respond.
Teruki offered tea, saying that it might help him clear out his head.
Mob accepted the drink, even though there really wasn't anything in his head to clear out in the first place.
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So...this feeling?
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It wasn't normal?
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His explosion meter rose again.
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He sighed and his fingers dug into his arms as Teruki made the tea.
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So...Even by esper standards, he wasn't normal.
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Though...He's always known this...
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So...Why does this realization hurt so badly...?
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He doesn't know