Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin isn't mine: but the utter weirdness and randomness is, indeed, a product of my own unusual imagination.
Author's note: I'm up late (again) and decided to go through an old folder of general stuff, and stumbled across a couple of 'Premonitions' written by myself and a friend a couple of years ago. After laughing for about ten minutes at the things we came up with, I thought it'd be fun to apply similar treatment to the cast of RK. If you don't like/get randomness, you'll probably hate this. If you're a little strange like me, you might like it. Anyhoo, R+R please!
^_^
Prologue
"So where do you think you'll be in a year's time, Yahiko?" asked Kenshin, as he absently fished his car keys out of a bowl of mixed junk in the dressing room.
Yahiko scrunched his face up thoughtfully.
"Dunno, really. With the series finally over, I'm thinking maybe some travelling is in order. How about you, busu?"
Kaoru slapped the younger boy across the back of the head with a faintly irritated expression. "Don't call me that. And as for the future… I don't know. It's up to Kenshin." She smiled sweetly at her long-time co-star, who looked ready to oro his way discreetly out of the trailer.
"I'm gonna wait and see," announced Sanosuke, chewing on a fishbone as usual. Megumi just rolled her eyes from her perch on his lap.
Kenshin tried to prise his hand from Kaoru's grip.
"Well, whatever I do, come a year's time, I hope I'm happy," he said with a smile.
A Premonition
(from the cast of Rurouni Kenshin, recorded by the speculating and inevitably strange mind of Akari)
Himura Kenshin continues his dazzling acting career, which has picked up significantly in recent months. Following the success of 'Rurouni Kenshin', he went on to star as 'Mr T' in the block-busting production 'Living by the Sword', the latest offering from Samurai Studios. Incidentally, this studio, co-founded by Kenshin and Shinomori Aoshi, started out with the little-known short animation, 'Little Bubbles'. The Academy sniffed derisively when critics speculated about a possible 'Best Short Film' award, and Kenshin lives in the hopes that the world will forget about the dire film's existence with an amazing acting career.
Kamiya Kaoru still lives in the hope that Kenshin will stop oro-ing long enough to propose to her. Rumour has it that Kenshin has developed a speech disorder following his inability to rebuff the advances of his past co-star, and can say nothing but 'oro' unless he is delivering lines for a scene. Certainly, stock footage of the young star at various events and award ceremonies are marked with shots of the redhead saying 'oro' in an oft-confused tone. Young girls everywhere are crying 'kawaii', while the media yet have their doubts about the validity of the rumour.
Miss Kamiya has drowned her frustrated sorrows in cherry coke, and it has been suggested that her month-long holiday to California last autumn was, in fact, a month-long stay at a rehab centre for soft-drink addicts. The hyperactivity, and ensuing damages, caused by exposure to cherry coke has led to a 100 metre restraining order for Miss Kamiya. When appearing in court three weeks ago, she claimed that cherry coke had nothing to fear from her, and that the restraining order was ridiculous. Pictures in the paper the following morning showed Kaoru knocking a young blond to the ground in the court's lunchroom while on a tirade to a drinks machine containing cherry coke. The blond has not been named for legal reasons.
Incidentally, Kaoru was rumoured to have had a secret love-affair with Hiko, another member of the 'Rurouni Kenshin' cast. Apparently he was visiting the AA convention in California when he met up with Miss Kamiya, and several incriminating photos have been released, picturing Hiko with a bottle of sake in one hand, and Kaoru's waist caught by the other. Kaoru was said to have been 'furious', though many speculate that she is in denial and should give up on Kenshin for the wealthy, if oft-drunk, Hiko. Kenshin has never commented on the report of the affair.
Shinomori Aoshi, one of Kenshin's co-stars in 'Rurouni Kenshin' and present-day business partner, has recently eloped with Makimachi Misao, another member of the 'Rurouni Kenshin' cast. It all began at the infamous 2003 Anime Society Ball, where Misao created social mayhem when she drank all of the (spiked) punch, leapt to the chandelier and dangled upside-down singing her love to Aoshi for forty minutes. After passing out, she landed on the unfortunate Aoshi, and they were both rushed to hospital. It seems that, in the ensuing two days of confinement within healthcare walls, some kind of bond was formed between the unlikely pair, and they departed in the night for Gretna Green, in Scotland, two days ago. When asked to comment, Himura Kenshin expressed his surprise at the sudden development, while sending out a message to Aoshi signalling that he would help him escape if Misao had, in fact, kidnapped the icy-eyed star. The media is still divided over this statement.
Yahiko has embarked on a journey to recover the Hope diamond. The last news of his quest had him trekking through the Amazon rainforest with a pack of specially bred fox hounds, intended to sniff out the elusive, and priceless, jewel. His previous co-star, and rumoured girlfriend, Tsubame, is said to be flying out to find him in the coming weeks, following the closure of her acclaimed restaurant, the Akabeko.
This closure, which dismayed eat-outers and food critics alike, results from the unscrupulous actions of Sagara Sanosuke, known for his determined vanishing acts at the restaurant. His tab has been entered in the 2004 Guinness Book of World Records for Largest Debt at a Culinary Establishment. Sanosuke could not be found to comment.
The elusive Sagara Sanosuke was last known to have gone on a worldwide fishing expedition in search of new bones to chew. His fiery-tempered fiancé, Megumi, accompanies him on the trip, hoping to de-lice poverty-stricken sea creatures in a bid to save the planet and demonstrate her love for health. Green Peace wishes to contact her about an award for her contribution to global animal welfare. The NHS regrets grossly underpaying the ex-doctor in her term of work in England, which was, supposedly, the turning point at which the 'Rurouni Kenshin' star decided to turn from human medicine to veterinary action.
Seta Soujiro has gone from strength to strength in the business world. His latest success is the 'All-Smiles' plastic surgery, recently opened in Kyoto. His own award-winning smile can be found in a suburb of Tokyo, where he is currently spending more of his millions on another children's home. The compassionate star and entrepreneur is rumoured to have plans already for his next project: a centre for abused children, set to be constructed in his hometown. The media still aren't sure where exactly that is.
Shishio Makoto has been moved to a category A prison following an attempted breakout two months ago. Prison psychiatrists are hard to come by now, because of this crazed criminal: most can be found wandering the countryside muttering 'strong live… weak die…' and nursing bleeding teeth marks in their shoulders. No official statement has been released by the government yet, but the army looks set to round up the zombie-like psychiatrists after a group of children were put into therapy themselves, when they came across several of the ragged individuals in a local park and were 'scared out of their wits' – The Daily Scandal.
The cast of 'Rurouni Kenshin' look set to gather for a much-anticipated reunion this September, as group hosts for the Global Anime Awards 2004. Kenshin will be heading up the group, while Kaoru looks set to make a grand entrance involving a motorbike and a group of redheaded samurai dancers. Security is already beginning their strict anti-cherry coke checks. Otakus worldwide look forward to what should be a fantastic evening: it is still only speculation as to whether it could bring on a memorial series of the legendary 'Rurouni Kenshin'.
Author's note: Wow, that was actually fun! Dunno if it was fun to read, though. Probably not! But I fancied doing it, so there you go. Hope you liked it, despite the pervading weirdness! I might do a 'five year' premonition as a second chapter if this is well received… who knows!
Leave your thoughts, please! I lost an extra two hours of sleep for this! *groans when she sees the '5:04 am' on the computer clock* ugh…