Summary: Lloyd's ghost visits his love once more. For starters, I hate Wink, and she does not deserve Lloyd (for Lloyd is too hot!!).
Pairing: Lloyd/Shana
Disclaimer: nope, don't own LOD
I can remember that moment like yesterday. The time when I was allowed one last hour on the earthly plane. I remember that all I could think of doing was going to see her. I wanted nothing more than to see that girl that I stole away to make a utopia that would never exist.
I know that I flew right to Seles; I don't even recall stopping in my old forest to see my dear sister one last time, to tell her that I was sorry for leaving our small village of winglies, for leaving her. When I got there, I noticed that the villagers of Seles had been quite busy. The town was rebuilt, and there were people going about their normal business.
I didn't even know where to start looking for her. I put my feet down on the ground and became visible to the humans around me, but they didn't take notice. There was a group of small children running from behind me, and I stopped one of them, a young boy. I asked him, "I'm looking for a woman named Shana, where might I find her?"
The boy looked at me and said, "Do you mean Ms. Shana Feld? 'Cause that's the only Shana that I know." I figured then that Shana's last name must have been Feld, so I nodded. The boy pointed down the street in the direction that he was originally heading and continued, "She lives a little ways past my house. Come, follow; I'll show you where." The little boy tugged at my hand until I complied and followed him.
I saw all the destruction that the Sandoran men had caused before when I had been watching them had been fixed. There was no way that anyone could tell that this town had been attacked only a little while ago. Everything was either new or remade from older material, but nothing from the attack still stood. But, there wasn't much that stood after the raid that was very livable, so it seemed fitting that they rebuild everything.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I ran into my guide who had stopped a moment before I ran into him. I said my apologies quickly in case he might get offended and not show me where she lived. He didn't get offended, so I was reassured. I remember feeling a wave of relief flow through me when he said that it was all right.
"That house, right there, sir," the boy said as he pointed to the third house down. It was very quaint, and I was surprised at how such an important being- the bearer of the soul of the Virage Embryo- would allow herself to be housed in such a modest place. But, I thanked the boy and went toward the house.
Then it dawned on me, what would I do if someone other than Shana were there? I laugh now as I think back on it. What would I have done if Dart were there? I might have had to fight him, especially if he had found out that I loved Shana. I didn't know it then, but Shana had married Dart as soon as they had gotten back into the village. But, as it turned out, only she was home.
As I knocked on her door, I wondered about what I was going to say to her. Again, remembering this, I laugh at myself for acting so foolishly. I had a whole hour on this plane, and all I wanted to do was see her. I was thinking of nothing else other than seeing her again all while I was flying to Seles, that I took no time to think things out. That certainly is not like me, but I guess that when you're in love, you don't think of very much else other than seeing that one other person.
The door opened, and she stood there in front of me, brown hair perfectly framing her face and a light aura radiating off of her. She is so pure, even now as I think back, I don't know of anything that could be more pure than that girl. It seemed that when she opened the door, the sun made an extra effort to shine brightly so that she could be illuminated by the purity of its light.
And I stood before her, a menacing wingly who had her taken from her home, which had killed a friend of hers, who had died with the Moon that Never Sets. She looked petrified that I was standing before her, so I quickly pushed her back into the house and followed. I sensed that she was about to scream, so I covered her mouth and told her to hush. I wanted to tell her that I wasn't there to do anything bad to her, but she beat me to the talking. She wiggled out from my grip (mostly because I could stand to hold her captive by myself) and said to me, "What do you want, Lloyd?"
I recall feeling quite hurt; her tone suggested that she was still scared of me, even though I had said before that I was only acting under someone else's request and didn't understand his motives at the time. She was still unsure of my personal motives then, but I made sure later that she understood me. But, calmly, I said to her, "I want nothing but to see you one last time before I finally cross over to the next world, Shana."
Shana looked at me like I had grown a gigantos' head. She turned around and went to sit on the couch that was in the next room over. I followed her, not thinking about the fact that I wasn't invited to follow. She gave me a dagger-filled look when she saw that I had copied her path into the sitting room. I remember shrugging it off; I had to tell her right then, or I now know that I would never have had another chance to tell her that ever again. "What do you mean, 'see me one last time'?" she asked me.
"Shana, ever since I saw you for that first time during the raid, I knew that there was something… different… about you. You- well, I know no other word- attracted me, and I only evaded the dragoon's reach because I had to. I wanted to see you again because I feel I am in love with you." I remember seeing a look of shock on her face when I said that. I didn't want her to stop me while I was still trying to explain my case, so I quickly continued. "But, it cannot be; mostly because I am dead now. But, I still love you, even though Soa calls me to the next world. I don't ask that you return my love- however it would be gladly accepted- but only for you to understand that Dart is not the only one who ever did." With my head hung, I turned for the door. I didn't know then that a small voice would ever stop me.
"No, please don't go yet." I perked up; and suddenly wanting to stay after what I had planned to do was done. I turned to her and waited for her to speak again. "I know quite well that Dart is not the only one who ever loved me, or ever will. But that doesn't change the fact that we're married now." I recall being shocked after that statement was said. "So, to say that I loved you as well would be correct, but not acceptable." I remember thinking, did I hear that right? Did she just say that she loved me, too? "So, in respect to my husband, I can't speak without telling a lie." She gave me a sly smile and got up and went to the kitchen.
Without question, I followed. The door to the cooking area closed in my face, slowing me down a bit. I pushed open the door and was pulled to the side by an unseen Shana by the scruff of my shirt. She pulled me close and gave me a quick but fiery kiss that I gladly returned. When we parted, I stood back and quietly asked what she was doing. "I can't talk, remember? To speak would be to cheat on him, so hush."
She moved in for another kiss, but I couldn't return it that time. She pulled away when she noticed that I wasn't kissing her back and gave me a questioning look. "I'm sorry, but after the first, I can't kiss a married woman. It's a moral problem." I backed away and went through the door out into the sitting room. I sat down in one of the chairs and wondered what I was still doing in the house. What was I still doing there? Why, when I had told her that I couldn't, did I stay? I ponder this now, I do so everyday.
She came to me and picked my head up from where it was cradled in my hands. "How long do you have here, Lloyd?" she asked me. I told her that I had less than half and hour left, and she got up and looked out the window. "Well, Dart isn't expected back in the town for at least another hour." She turned to me, "If you don't want to kiss me, we could always just talk."
"Shana, I just wanted to see you. I didn't plan on anything getting so far as us kissing, seriously. I do love you, but if Dart loves you more, than you should only be kissing him." I got up and went for the door. I wanted nothing more than to get out of that house before Shana could try anything on me that would destroy her marriage if the neighbors were to eavesdrop on us.
But, she got in front of the door. Normally, that wouldn't have stopped me, but this was Shana. I stopped and asked her to move aside, but she didn't. "If you love me, you will stay."
"Shana, I can't. My half-hour is going faster than it was supposed to. I don't feel like I have that long; it feels so much shorter now. I'm going to disappear soon."
"Then you can disappear in my sitting room. Please, I insist."
"No, it's almost gone. Shana, I love you. Good bye." I pushed her aside and walked out the door. I can remember her fading voice yelling to my vanishing figure that I never truly loved her; I just said so.
I only wish now that I could've seen her face when she went back inside to see the platinum roses on her sitting room table that I had sent down with a worldly messenger just the other day. I do hope that Dart never saw them…