Authors Note: I don't own anything of Harry Potter. The AMAZING J.K Rowling does. I also don't own the song "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. I just love the song to death and love Harry Potter. ENJOY!
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
She remembered it like it was yesterday; memorizes flooding back into her mind. All the days in class when he criticized not only her, but her work as well. All the detentions she had received from him. Seven bloody years she had to deal with this man! She remembered falling in love with her potions professor in her seventh year. She remembered the first time he said her name and how it sounded so good coming from his lips. The first real compliment, he given her, without the sarcasm in his voice. She remembered the strong friendship and bond beginning to form. It was something amazing.
Hermione smiled to herself as she laid bed, thinking of all the wonderful things that were in her past now.
She closed her eyes and went back to her thoughts. The first night he held her while she let the tears fall, the first time he told her he cared for her, the first fight they had, which led to their first kiss, they first time he told her those three amazing but simple words. "I love you."
Hermione opened her eyes as the tears started to fall again. She was tired of shedding her tears over something that was so long ago that could have never worked. She turned over on her side and wiped the tears off her face.
"It would have never worked Hermione, it would have never worked" she said to herself as she drifted off to sleep.
Hermione told herself that every time she would think of Severus Snape. She would try and convince herself that it was the best thing for him…for her to leave and say "Goodbye."
Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die
********************10 years ago******************
Hermione was scanning the bookshelves for the perfect book to read the last day of Christmas break. No one was really around the castle, and especially not in the library. Hermione was probably the only one who would actually spend her free vacation time loading her brain with extra knowledge.
Once she realized she had already read all the books on the first two shelves she turned around and began scanning the first three shelves. She was about to reach for a book when someone wrapped their arms around her belly and kissed her neck.
She was about to scream, but Professor Snape placed a hand over her mouth and whispered in her ear.
"It's only me love." Once he felt the tenseness of her body evaporate he released her.
She turned around with a very serious look on her face, although her insides were trying hard not to laugh.
"Someone could have seen us!" She said snapping at him.
He looked at her for a minute and then looked down. "Sorry." He mumbled.
Hermione was about to tell him she was joking but Snape was going along with her little game.
He could easily read her like an open book; he was one of the few that could. He could tell the difference when she was actually mad, and her playing mad.
Before she could get out a word he grabbed her arms and pinned them above her head.
"You little witch…" he said "I really don't give a damn even if the headmaster walked in on our little love game."
She smiled at him and then kissed him with such passion, his knees went week.
She loved this man with every fiber of her being.
"Let's take this to the dungeons, shall we?" He asked fondling with her breast.
She followed him to the dungeons quickly. Once they reached the door and walked through, Severus slammed the door shut. He walked over to Hermione, scooped her up into his arms and carried her off to his private chambers.
He laid her on his bed, and followed, resting on top of her. He started kissing her neck and rubbing his hands up and down the sides of her rib cage.
Hermione just laid there, her mind beginning to think ridiculous things. He went to kiss her lips, but when she didn't respond it worried him.
"Hermione, what's a matter?" He asked searching her eyes for an answer.
When he looked into her beautiful brown eyes, he saw confusion, among other things.
"Hermione…."
She cut him off…. "I'm Fine."
He supported himself on his elbows and brushed a piece of her hair away from her eyes. He took the tips of his fingers and traced the bottom of her jaw…
"You see love…that's where you're wrong."
"Severus…."
"Hermione listen to me!" He said sternly but softly. "Every time I try and make love to you, you push me away or stop me. I don't know how long it has been since I have gotten to show my love for you. We have done this before, is something wrong? Do I not satisfy you anymore? Is there…" He gulped before he finished his sentence. He needed to ask her, but he was scared to death to hear the answer come out of her mouth. "Is there….someone else?" He asked forcing his eyes not to show the tears that were building up. Just the thought of her leaving him for another man crushed him. Could she see how much he loved her?
"No Severus, there is no one else but you." She said placing a gentle kiss upon his lips.
He let the relief rush out of him. He was so happy to hear that.
"Then why…" But Hermione cut him off.
"Severus…just hold me." She said closing her eyes.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. He felt her breathing go into a rhythm which he new she had fallen asleep. He laid there looking at her and admiring her beauty. He just wished that she wasn't so good at Occlumency so he could use legitimacy to see what was really going on in her mind.
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop
Hermione woke up during the middle of the night and went back to her dormitory, making sure she didn't wake her potions professor as she left. She hopped in the shower before she went back to her own bed. She didn't know what was happening. She loved him so much, but she just didn't feel good enough to be with him. She looked at the clock and it read 2:00 AM. She needed to get to sleep. Term was starting back up tomorrow.
Severus woke up the next morning, finding the cold empty space next to him where Hermione should have been. The indentation of her small body was still aligned in the sheets and pillow. He sat up and stared at the space for awhile before groaning and slamming his fists down beside him.
"WHY!" He yelled grabbing his pillow and throwing it at the wall. He was not only frustrated but confused as well. After taking a couple deep breaths he held his head in his hands refusing to cry. He had a horrible feeling that his relationship with Hermione was falling apart. The worst thing was, he didn't know IF it was because of him, or something else.
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Hermione was dreading her last class all day. It was advanced potions. She knew it was going to be difficult trying to avoid her Potions master. She knew she probably hurt him by leaving like she did. Especially with no explanation. It was eating her alive with guilt that she had done that, but she just needed to get away to think. She walked with Harry, Ron and Neville down to the dungeons. When she entered the class room she could feel Snape's eyes upon her as she took her seat in the back of the class.
"Hermione you alright?" Harry asked her.
"Yeah I am just not feeling that good, didn't have a good enough sleep." She
Gave him a smile.
(Snape was eavesdropping on the conversation)
Harry obviously believed her.
"Well let's sit in the back of the class today so you can catch up on some sleep." Ron said.
"Yeah we will sit in front of you; Snape is bound to be busy grading all the homework he gave us over Christmas Break." Harry said smiling at her.
"Today…" Snape began. "You will be taking notes on Chapter 9, 10 and 11; I expect them to be done by the end of class. Get to work!" he snapped.
There was a shuffling of papers and books; along with moans and groans from students. Hermione had already taken notes on all the chapters in the book during Christmas break. Hermione pulled out her transfiguration homework and began working on it.
Snape was watching Hermione under hooded eyes. She had not looked at him once since she walked into his classroom. He didn't like the feeling he was getting in his stomach. He now knew for sure that something was wrong. He stood up from his desk and began walking around the classroom, making sure the students were working on what the were supposed to be.
Hermione was so absorbed in her transfiguration homework that she didn't know Snape was standing right behind her.
"Miss Granger…" He said loudly. Everyone in the class including her jumped. "Can you please explain to me why you are not working on the work I assigned you?"
Hermione didn't look at him. She simply responded.
'"I apologize sir, but I have already taken notes on all the Chapters during Christmas break."
Snape felt his heart sink when she didn't look at him. However he didn't let it show and was still the basterd Potions Professor everybody knew him to be.
"We all know you are an insufferable know- it- all Miss Granger, but that still is an unacceptable excuse not to do the work I assign you in class, even if you did complete it over break. Detention tonight 8:00."
"Shit." Hermione thought to herself.
Class was dismissed and Hermione hurried out as quickly as possible. She knew the detention was his way of going to talk to her.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
She went to her rooms and laid down on her bed. "What am I doing?" She thought to herself. "You love him don't you? More than life itself, and you're going to throw it all way tonight." "I can't have him love someone like me, he deserves someone so much better, someone who he can spend the rest of his life with. There are plenty of witches better than me out there, plenty of witches he can fall in love with and live a happy life." Hermione fell asleep on her bed.
About four hours later she was rudely awakened by Ron pounding on her door.
"Mione! It's 7:50! You're going to be late!"
"Shit." Hermione thought to herself. "Thanks Ron, I'll be out in a few."
After using the loo and throwing her hair up into a ponytail, she had five minutes left to spare. She booked it down to the dungeons in recorded time.
She knocked on the door and it immediately swung open.
"Professor?" She asked trying to find her way through the pitch black classroom.
"You're late." He said lighting a candle.
"Really Severus?" Hermione asked annoyed. "By 10 seconds." Hermione could see the candle light flicker over him as he sat at the edge of his desk.
"Grab a book and begin taking notes on Chapters 9, 10, and 11." He said standing up, retreating back to his desk.
"You've got to be kidding me! Hermione said.
"I'M NOT!" Snape yelled slamming his hands on his desk.
Hermione jumped at his sudden rage. "But…"
"No "Buts" Granger. Get to work."
Snape was feeling horrible for snapping at her like that, he was planning on talking to her, but he changed his mind and made her do the work. He needed time to get his thoughts back on track and calm down. The frustration of her not talking to him was making him go nuts.
After an hour of silence and nothing but the sound of ink being written onto parchment, did he stand up and walk over to Hermione's desk. She was just beginning Chapter 11, but he closed the book and gently took the quill out of her hand.
She didn't look at him. He placed a hand under her chin and lifted up to meet her eyes.
"Hermione…Tell me what's wrong …"
She wanted to cry. All she wanted to do was tell him she loved him and have him take her on the desk right then and there, but her brain was telling her to let him go, he deserved better.
"Please…" He begged her.
She pulled away from his gentle grasp on her chin and stood up still not making eye contact with him.
"What did I do wrong? Please tell me, I promise I will do everything I can to try and change it!" He was trying to get her to look at him, but she would not take her eyes off a certain spot of the desk.
Severus was starting to break down, he loved her so much and she wouldn't tell him what he did or didn't do, she wasn't telling him anything.
"I love you Hermione, with all my heart, I want to spend the rest of my life with you…I…I don't know what I would do without you, I mean if there is someone else, if he makes you happy then…then I have no choice but to let you go, I want you to be happy Hermione, I would do anything for you."
Hermione's heart was screaming at her to tell him she loved him to, but her brain was telling her that it would never work out between them. In the end, everything would be for nothing.
Tears were starting to leak from the corners of Severus eyes. He was trying so hard not to give up. He hated the fact she was acting like this. He hated seeing her so confused, he hated the fact that he didn't know if he was the cause of it because she wouldn't talk to him.
Severus finally got up and grabbed hold of both of her hands, and forced her too look at him.
"Say something, anything, please."
She looked into his eyes for the first time that night. But said nothing. Her cheeks were so wet from all the tears falling down her face.
"Don't cry baby, please don't cry." He said whipping away the tears. Also trying to hold back his own. She looked back up at him and that is when he kissed her. Kissed her with everything he had.
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go
It took all her power not to kiss him back. Snape pulled away, running out of ideas on what to do.
Hermione finally spoke. Her voice was full of regret of what she was going to say and doing to him. But she couldn't let him love her any longer. She was just not good enough for him.
"I can't do this anymore Severus, I love you so much, and that is why I am letting you go. You deserve someone so much better than me, someone that won't put you through things like this, someone wonderful and special and…"
Snape backed away from Hermione. He didn't care about holding back his emotions anymore. He let them all crumble to the ground. Along with his heart.
"You don't mean this Hermione, you're the only one for me, I'm begging you, don't do this to me, I can't loose you like I lost Lily. Please…" He begged.
Hermione looked away from him. She couldn't stand the fact that she was hurting him this badly. But he would thank her someday.
"I Love you so much Hermione, more than anything, how in the hell did you ever get this idea in your mind that you weren't good enough…."
"IT WOULD JUST NEVER WORK SEVERUS!" Hermione yelled. Her voice cracking and more tears rolling down her face.
"If we work together Hermione we can make it work! I promise I will do everything I can TO MAKE IT WORK JUST DON'T LEAVE!" He yelled.
Hermione walked to the fireplace and grabbed a handful of floo powder.
"I'm Sorry." She whispered and threw the floo powder into the fireplace stating her destination.
"HERMIONE! NOO!" He yelled, but he was to late. She was gone.
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone Already gone, already gone, already gone Remember all the things we wanted I want you to know that it doesn't matter
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
Hermione sat up straight. Breathing heavily, panting and sweating. She relived that horrible night in her dreams once again. She would never forget Snape's face when she left him. It would haunt her in her dreams forever. Hermione still, 10 some years later, felt like she would have still never been good enough for him.
I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone
Severus Snape couldn't take the pain any longer. He wanted to see Hermione for himself, not just have Potter and Weasley give him updates on her for the rest of his life! He had enough of it! After 10 years of trying to move on and let her go, he just couldn't. Hermione was his one true love and soul mate. He wasn't going to let another minute of his life be wasted without her. He was going to prove to her that she was good enough for him, and that she was wrong. He couldn't move on. Not without her in his life. Harry agreed with Severus. He told him that Hermione had never been the same since she left him, and it was time Severus chased after her. Harry gave Severus Hermione's address and he was gone in a heartbeat. Harry knew Hermione was going to kill him for this. But he wasn't going to let his two close friends live in heartbreak any longer.
Little did Hermione know, that Severus Snape was standing outside her front door. Ready to take her back, and make her realize that she was the only woman for him. He wasn't going to let her slip out of his arms again.
(DING DONG! KNOCK…KNOCK…KNOCK!)
"Who the hell could that be!" Hermione said to herself, jumping out of bed.
(DING DONG!)
"Hang on a sec!" Hermione said grumpily.
She threw on her bathrobe, slipped on her slippers and opened the door…..
THE END! SEQUAL ANYBODY? REVIEWS PLEASE!
I KNOW IT'S A CRAZY STORY AND HERMIONE IS REALLY STUPID FOR THINKING SHE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH! SORRY SNAPES ALITTLE OF CHARACTER BUT WE ALL KNOW HE HAS A SOFT SIDE. (somewhere)
I wonder what Hermione's reaction was?