I long for sleep and yet I dread it.
You come to me in my dreams every night now, as you have regularly during the last few years. We talk, we laugh and we love. I am happy, at peace, just being with you, holding you, seeing your smile. Sometimes we talk, about everything and nothing. Sometimes we sit together in silence and watch the stars go past. Sometimes we even argue. And in every mood, every expression I love you even more. I would do anything to stay here with you. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face.
Then the pain stabs like a knife to my heart, as I remember that I have lost you. That I will never again know even the bittersweet joy of seeing you every day, of hoping that one day, maybe, I would get the courage to tell you how I felt, and that one day, maybe, you may tell me that you could feel the same for me. Now there is no hope, and all I have left are my dreams.
I see them watching me, concerned about my reaction. And I try, I really do, to keep going, to accomplish the dream you came to share with me. In your honour. Yet it is harder than any battle I have ever fought, harder than I could have ever dreamed possible. How am I supposed to carry on without my heart.