A/N: Hey, guys. This is a new account and I was a little pissed when I read I had to wait two days to post this but hey, what can you do? Anyways, this story popped up in my head a few days ago and I forgot all my info about my last account so I decided, "Hmmm, time for a fresh start. BWAHAHAH! XD" lol So here we are.

Summary: Set during Eclipse. Bella is being babysat by none other than our favorite little pixie! ;D Hilarity ensues when Alice makes Bella do naughty things... Illegal, naughty things... ;] Follow our favorite best friends as they discover the fun of drinking, drugs and hot hot lesbo sex... AU OOC B/A Rated M for a reason.

Chapter 1: Are you kidding me?

Bella POV

It's late, I'm tired and I'm ready to sleep. But no. I can't. Why you ask? Edward. That's why. He told me to wait up for him tonight and I know he'll get angry if I don't so here I am. Waiting for some unknown reason.

Ed always pulls this crap with me, calling me every ten seconds when we're not together, asking what I'm thinking about, barely touching me when I need it the most. To say it was frustrating would be an understatement.

So I sat there and waited for his pansy ass to get here. I know I sound like a bitch but I'm effin tired.

tap tap tap

'FINALLY!' I think to myself. I hobbled over to the window, while avoiding things I could hurt myself with in the dark. I open it and stumble back to my bed.

"Hello, love," He said as he appeared next to me on the bad, giving me a chaste kiss. I repress a sigh. "Hi, Edward." I tried not to sound upset but he saw through it.

"What's wrong? Are you ok? Who hurt you? Was it me? It's all my fault! I'm sorry. I'll leave!" I reached for his arm and gave a small smile saying it wasn't him and I was ok. He returned the gesture and continued on to tell me the surprise.

"So, Bella, I told you to wait for me and for that, you get a little surprise..." He said with a wink. My heart started pounding and my thoughts went to the gutter when he said that. I nodded for him to continue. He took my hand in his and kissed it gently and leaned in, kissing my waiting lips. I returned his kiss, hungrily. My tongue tried to make it into his mouth but he pulled away swiftly.

"See? Wasn't that great?" He said proudly, probably of himself. I was not impressed. Was he serious? Did he think a ten second make out was good enough after all the teasing he does? "Are you kidding me? You know what? I'm tired. Time for sleep. GOODnight." I said with finality, leaving no room for discussion or argument.

I can't wait to see Alice, tomorrow. That was my last thought before sleep overcame me.

Alice POV

I blinked out of my vision of what Edward was planning tonight, with Bella. I can't say I was too thrilled with what he was planning but was doubling over in laughter at the outcome.

I thought to myself, as I sat in my room on my useless bed, I wonder if Bella will end it after that. I was hoping she would so I could make my move. I've loved her since I first saw visions of that beautiful, brown eyed, human girl.

Edward was alone, though. I stepped aside for him, without his knowing. Jasper knew, though. He stayed with me for the company.

When we left her, I couldn't believe the amount of pain it brought to me and to her. She didn't deserve that and neither did our family. I kept tabs on her against Edward's wishes. I went back once a month to check on her. I could tell that when we officially returned, she didn't feel the same for Edward as she once had. There was a distance that I kept my hopes in. I thought that maybe I could woo her.

Tomorrow is going to be perfect. I already have some surprises of my own. This time, Bella won't be let down, though... Edward and the rest of the family will be going hunting. I of course, go hunting at seperate times so I can always be Bella's babysitter. I know she doesn't mind, mostly, excluding the Bella Barbie time.

I felt so excited, Jasper gave me a knowing look and chuckled.

"Alice, please calm down. I can only keep the calm for awhile before the whole house goes crazy!" He said laughing lightly.

I love Jasper. He was such a great friend. I can always count on him. "Sorry, Jazz. You know how I get when I think about good things awaiting me," I said between squeaks and giggles. We laughed for most of the night thinking back to old memories of me blowing up from excitement. None of those times will top tomorrow's fun.

A/N: Ok so I know it's short but give me some time to get back into my writing groove. :] Haha Please review. I know it doesn't start out that funny but next chapter will be longer and more funneh. lol I hope you liked it. Bye, for now... *winks*