A/N:We didn't get to see what the characters were like when they weren't in a war/killing Orcs/stitching up wounds/crying, so Tauriel could have been a very chatty person (I personally believe she was), and our dear king Thrandy could have been even more fabulous than he is in the movies. So this is kinda (more so towards the end) OOC and VERY CRACKISH. Maybe not as crackish as you'd expect, but it's the crackiest I've ever written. So yeah. You have been warned. xD Also, like my other stories, most of the stuff written in italics are thoughts and noises. Anyway, reviews are appreciated, and enjoy!
*disclaimer* I don't own any characters or places. Except Finduin. He is mine.
It was that time of year again.
Every year, as they had done for the past 1,247 years, the Woodland Elves would go down the river in boats, as was tradition, for the annual feast with the Rivendell Elves. A nasty custom really, but it had to be done to keep the peace.
Thranduil sighed, sitting on his magnificent antler throne. He was really too fabulous for this. Elves were rushing this way and that, preparing for the day long journey. As the king, he wasn't required to prepare his luggage (he had several dozen Elves that were hired just for that purpose), but it was very tiresome watching them dash about, asking for instructions on which food he would like to have on the journey, what kind of bedding he would like to take, and what colour of robes he would wear to the feast.
"Sir!" A guard appeared before him, giving him a slight bow. Thranduil acknowledged him with a move of his hand.
"Yes, Finduin?"
Yawn.
"Your boat is almost ready." The guard looked nervous; he knew his king did not like this annual trip into frienemy territory. Not because he was scared of his Rivendell brothers, but because they were just so boring.
"Thank you, Finduin. You may go." Thranduil rose from his chair, and the guard scampered away, thanking Iluvatar that the king didn't get mad at the reminder of the day's events and take it out on him... like last year. Finduin shuddered at the thought, but then skidded to a stop at he rounded the corner.
"Yes, Finduin?"
He slowly turned around, mentally hitting himself for forgetting an important piece of information. "The guard who usually accompanies you died last fall, as you probably remember, so we got you a new one! She's the best, really, she can fight 100 Orcs by hers-"
"Who did you assign to me, Finduin?"
"We would have got your son Legolas, but he's away and we can't find h-"
"Finduin."
The guard seemed to shrink three sizes. "We chose Tauriel, my lord." He gulped. He knew how Thranduil would feel about this.
Thranduil raised a majestic eyebrow. "Tauriel? The Tauriel that Legolas is in love with?"
"She's the captain of the guard, sir. Does it matter wheth-"
"I know that she's perfectly capable of taking care of me, Finduin," Thranduil said, pacing around his throne, "but I literally told her last week that she wasn't good enough for my son. Do you realize how awkward this will be?" For there was nothing more that King Thranduil hated than an awkward situation.
Thranduil grumbled as he stepped into his boat. An unpleasant destination, and now an unpleasant companion! He shook his head. He really must have done something wrong to displease Iluvatar enough to give him such bad fortune.
He heard her before he saw her. Chatting. Always chatting. He looked up, and he saw her laughing face looking down at him silhouetted by the sun. What a sight, he thought sarcastically. He moved over, not to make room for her to sit beside him, but so he would be as far away from her as possible once she sat down.
She stepped in and seated herself, and said her goodbyes to the guard she had been talking to. She let down the small sail, and pushed off with an oar.
"Beautiful day, isn't it, my lord?" She asked, turning to him. He straighted, not going to give away in his demeanor how much this boat trip was going to slowly kill him.
"Yes; yes it is."
They sailed in peace for several minutes; the wind was doing most of the work so there was no need for Tauriel to use the oars, save for steering.
She's going to mention Legol-
"How's Legolas doing?" Tauriel asked, breaking the silence.
Called it.
"He's... fine." He said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "He won't be coming to the feast, you know."
"Oh?"
"Yes- he's off fighting... Orcs or... something." Darn you, Legolas.
"Oh?" She said again.
She's just playing with me now, Thranduil thought. But before he could make a reply, the boat bumped against something. They both peeked over the edge, staring down into the dark, murky water, but nothing was there. At least nothing that they could see.
"Must have been a rock or a branch." Tauriel said. Thranduil swore he heard a hint of fear in her voice, but chose not to comment on it.
"So where is the Orc attack?" Tauriel asked, finally looking up from the water.
"Orc attack?"
"Yes, you said Legolas was off fighting Orcs." She sounded slightly miffed, for she hated to be left out of all the fun. Also, as the captain of the guard, she should know about these things.
"Oh! Yes, um... I believe it's somewhere north of here. I only have received word that he and some others are battling Orcs, and not the exact location." He replied, somewhat stiffly.
Thunk.
"Ok. That's no branch." Tauriel lifted her bow off the floor of the boat and retrieved an arrow from her quiver.
"Do you not think that a sword or something similar would be better for close range?" Thranduil asked.
"Yes, that's why I brought this." She tossed him an axe from the bottom of the boat.
He caught it somewhat clumsily. "How am I supposed to use this?" He questioned, holding it upside down.
"Like this." She turning it right side up, and made a swinging motion in the air with her hands. He mimicked her, and almost threw the axe into the lake.
"Yeah. Just keep a good grip on it." She giggled. Seeing high-and-mighty Thranduil holding an axe was just too good.
"I'm better at sword fighting, not axe fighting. This is too heavy on the end. And axes are for Dwarves," he grumbled, but then jumped in surprise as again, something hit the boat. This time, it was so strong that it pushed them slightly to the left.
"It must be some enormous fish..."
"Good. We'll have something else to bring to the f-"
Suddenly, the boat tipped over, sending a shrieking Tauriel and Thranduil into the icy water. They came up spluttering and gasping, clinging to each other for dear life. Legolas lay atop the overturned boat, the grin slowly fading from his face.
"I... I thought this- I thought this was Irudion's boat!" He choked out. "Father... Tauriel?!"
They said nothing, but gave him a glare that made him feel like they would kill him, given the chance. Thankfully, Tauriel's bow had floated out of reach and the axe was at the bottom of the lake.
"Legolas... what?" Tauriel finally managed to say something.
His words came out in a rush. "Well you see, Irudion and I always play pranks on each other at the feast, so I thought that he wouldn't expect his boat tipping over. You got to admit, it's a pretty good one..." His forced laughter died away.
"Help. Us." Thranduil said darkly. Clearly, he was not amused.
Legolas managed to get them back in the boat and blankets around their shoulders. By that time, some of the other boats caught up.
"Everything alright?" Someone shouted, wondering why they had stopped.
"Yes, thank you!" Tauriel called back, not wanting them to stop. It would be best to forget about it. Thranduil also didn't want to draw attention, for some of the Elves going to the feast were blabbermouths and if this story made it to Elrond, he would never live it down. But he wasn't going to forget about this.
"Legolas?"
"Yes, father?" Legolas whispered.
"Get out."
Tauriel could hardly suppress her laughter as Legolas took one last look at his father glaring at him and jumped into the water, making for shore. Better to be cold and wet than face King Thranduil's wrath.
Thranduil watched his son swim frantically to shore with emotionless features. But when he looked up into Tauriel's laughing face, this time he couldn't help laughing too.