Even Idiots Fall in Love

This a a joint fanfic between DivineSerenity and SylphStarWind.

Disclaimer: We don't own Resident Evil, or Cookie Crisps.

Summary:

A mountain community in the Mid-West, Raccoon City. It may seem quiet and lonely, but there is something astir in this little town which is now taking place in a little grocery shop off the corner of another ordinary road in Raccoon.
And from this story we learn that even fools can find true love...

Chapter One

Introducing:

Albert Wesker - He may have lost his humanity, but he still has human feelings. And it still hurts when he's kicked in the nads...

Ada Wong - She went into Raccoon, pretending that she was looking for her boyfriend. She met Leon along the way. There was a spark, and she even sacrificed herself for him, but she ends up rejecting him for Wesker.

We now find our favourite super-powered, sunglasses-wearing blonde, Albert Wesker, together with female spy, Ada Wong, who apparently seems to be doing some shopping in a nearby grocery-store. Of how they wound up together, shopping, is not a story one would like to know, unless one would like to throw up in front of their computer right now. But, nonetheless, we shall reveal the true story of how both villains got stuck together, going shopping.

"Damn that Ada. She always makes me do the shopping. She thinks she can boss me around, just because I slept with her... once," Wesker grumbled to himself.

"What was that, love?" Ada asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing, dear," Wesker said, smiling. When she turned her back, he scowled and stuck out his tongue. Then he continued pushing his cart down the cereal and pet products aisle. Some guy in a plaid shirt was giving him a weird look.

"What are you lookin' at!" Wesker snapped.

"Oh, nothing. It's just that... Do you realize that it's night time, and you're wearing sunglasses?" the man asked quietly, clutching a box of Cookie Crisps to his chest, as if he hoped it would protect him. He seemed to sense that something was just... wrong with Wesker.

Wesker gritted his teeth. He heard that question at least ten times a day, and it really pissed him off. It was all he could do to keep himself from snapping the idiot's neck with his bare hands. But he managed to smile.

"I have sensitive eyes. I need to wear sunglasses wherever there's light, even artificial," he explained for about the hundredth time.

The man didn't answer; he merely "eep"ed. The smile that Wesker was offering him was more of a feral grin. The guy practically tripped over himself trying to get away from him. Ada sighed.

"Do you always have to scare people when we go out in public?" she asked.

Wesker rolled his eyes behind his shades. "I do my best, Ada. I wear the sunglasses, I don't use my powers, and I try not to kill anyone. It's not my fault if these sheep get frightened out of their minds so easily."

"You must do better, Albie dear, if you would want to remain in my good book." Ada threw Wesker a sinister grin, a grin that sent shivers up his very spine.

"Yes, dear," He managed to mumble out, and got back to the task at hand; choosing the suitable brand of shampoo, out of the hundreds that were for sale, for Ada's pet dog.

"Keep up with the pace, love. You're lagging behind," she called over her shoulder. His face was hardly visible at all, considering the mountain of grocery and provisions that was piled on the cart Wesker was pushing. Which he would have to pay for, of course.

"Easy for you to say, you sadistic psycho-bitch," he whispered under his breath. He kept going for a second, but then the cart ran into something.

"Dammit, I can't see a thing," he said. He peered around the cart to see Ada's face glaring at him, with a look that could melt steel. Wesker hurriedly took a few steps backwards.

"What did you just say... dear?" she asked. Veins were popping out on her forehead and she was twitching with pure anger. Wesker could picture her head slowly turning three hundred and sixty degrees.

"I think I've been watching a few too many horror movies," he mumbled meekly, before getting the ass kicked out of him. If he hadn't been superhuman, Ada probably could have killed him.

"May that be a lesson to you, love, unless someone looks forward to another beating," she said, cracking her knuckles for an extra emphasis.

"Yes dear...," a pulp of what used to be Wesker replied weakly.

"Great! Now, let's see, what's next on the list?" Ada cheered up almost immediately, bringing more shivers up Wesker's spine.

On The Other Side Of The Store...

Here, in a secluded area, namely the organic products aisle, we find two grown men and a woman giggling like a couple of five year old girls, as they sit in front of a monitor that displayed the events which took place in the last five minutes. As they re-played the incident, in which a superhuman blonde man got the crap kicked out of him by a mere woman, a fit of giggles broke out, which eventually turned into roars of laughter.

Introducing:

Chris Redfield - A former member of the STARS Alpha team, who shall be Wesker's sworn rival for all eternity. Despite the fact that both are constantly trying to murder each other, this doesn't stop them from flirting around, getting drunk, and having both of their sisters always getting on their case of being single.

Jill Valentine - She was in the STARS with Chris. Rumors are that she's dating both Chris and surprisingly Brad. Although, Nemesis doesn't seem to be taking this news happily.

Leon Scott Kennedy - Over four years ago, he joined the Raccoon City Police Department right before the outbreak of the T-virus. He joined up with Claire to get out alive, but his eyes were on Ada. Unfortunately for him, she wasn't too interested, and she was working for Wesker. He still claims that she was his one true love, and he was hers. He always seems to be one step behind when it comes to winning her heart, but maybe his luck will change today.

"Good thing... the captain... can't... see us now... he'd... have our heads... for... sure," Chris Redfield managed to blurt out with much difficulty in between.

"I dunno," Jill replied, grinning ear-to-ear. "Maybe he isn't as tough as we thought."

"Oh, don't underestimate Ada," Leon said, pausing in his hysterical laughter to sigh wistfully with hearts in his eyes. "She's as tough as she is sexy."

Chris tried to breathe deeply. His cheeks were flushed from lack of air, after he'd laughed for almost eight minutes straight. "Much as I'd like to replay that video over and over, we need to put our plan into action. Let's start operation 'Catch the Scarlet Butterfly' now, before they get done with their shopping." Chris pulled out photos of Ada in bed with Wesker. They had taped a picture of Jill's head over the Ada's face. The 'photographic evidence of Wesker cheating on Ada' looked totally fake, but Chris, Jill, and Leon didn't seem to realize.

"Wait a sec," Jill said, staring at the screen. "What's he doing now?"

Back with the mutant blond and the crazy bitch...

"Hey honey, what do you want for dinner tonight? Should I get some ground beef or some chicken breasts?" Ada asked, standing in front of the meat section. When her questions were only met with silence, she turned around to find the cart abandoned. She found Wesker standing near a woman with reddish-brown hair, who had a baby in her arms. There was also a young man with red hair standing nearby, looking awkward with the situation.

Introducing:

Claire Redfield: Chris's brother, duh. She's just a civilian, but she can somehow kick ass. She met Leon in Raccoon during the outbreak, but he was busy making googley eyes at Ada. After they got out of there, she went to look for Chris in an Umbrella lab in Paris, and got captured. She was taken to a remote island where she met the love of her life, Steve.

Steve Burnside - He's about Claire's age, maybe a little younger. He may act tough, but he's got strong feelings for Claire. In fact, the two got married. Yeah, we know he mutated and died in CVX, but who cares? Magical resurrections are fun!

Baby - Nobody cares who this little boy is. He's Claire and Steve's child. Enough talk about this useless character.

Wesker was down on one knee in front of Claire, telling her that he could change his evil ways.

"I seriously doubt that. Besides, I'm married now, and I have a baby. And aren't you dating that Asian woman over there? Plus I'm not attracted to you at all. What are you, like, forty?" she said, frowning.

"Baby, things like that don't matter. Just say the word, and I can get rid of the kid and the idiot," Wesker replied. He snatched Claire's child out of her arms and tossed him to some far region of the grocery store. Then he punched Steve unconcious.

After observing Wesker's actions, Claire just stood there, rooted to the spot, her mouth agape. Then, her face started turning many shades of red, both fists were clenched tightly.

"Who the hell... do you think... you are?" Claire had to pause between words as it was taking her everything she had to restrain herself from choking that asshole right there, on the spot. Hell, she survived waves after waves of zombies back in her time, taking this blond asshole out wouldn't be much of a trouble.

Ada was already stomping towards Wesker, brandishing a whip in her hand, as she knew situations like this would arise, what not with Wesker being the flirt he already was. "Oh, Albie, dear!" she called after him, in her most evil yet charming voice ever. Be noted that she has a devillish look plastered on her face.

"So, has anyone told you that you have the best set of rosy cheeks in the world?" Wesker commented, pushing his sunglasses further up the bridge of his nose, which he thought was seductive. To Claire, however, it made him look like a punching bag, ready for a good ass-kicking.

This remark had immediately earned him a flying hook to his face, knocking probably 4 or 5 teeth loose. Who could tell? It also sent his sunglasses flying through the air, landing right in front of Ada's warpath. Time slowed to a crawl, as Wesker was knocked to the ground. He looked up to see an enraged Claire Redfield, cracking her knuckles and neck, but his yellow, cat-slit eyes -- was that the color of his eyes? He couldn't remember. Damn brain damage. -- had focused on something entirely different.

Ada was shouting. However, Wesker could only catch a bit of what she was actually saying, as it contained rather 'big' words such as, "prick", "asshole", "bastard" and so on... His attention was further diverted as his ears caught wind of the lashes of Ada's whip.

&&&&& End of Chapter &&&&&

Hey! Hope you all liked it! We'll try to get the next chapter up soon.