In the pitch black, I searched for a savior. A real reason to go on living. I searched through my heart and had no more tears left to spill, and now here I was again. Alone.
As I saw his mangled body, my legs gave way and I fell to my knees, not focussing on the blood, but on your sworn promise. That you would never leave me. And yet, still, here I was.
You never looked at me, how could you? You knew it was the end, you also knew somewhere in your heart that this was the last battle. Nothing more. No wonder you made the good-bye long and sweet. A kiss, a meaningful touch, and you looked me in the eyes and professed your undying love. That was when you promised. In the light of a blood soaked moon, barely able to light the darkened blue waters, you lied to me.
You swore you would be safe. You swore on everything I believed in. You swore on our love, and in the end, I lost both.
You, my beloved Captain, and me, a poor girl who merely caught your eye. Never aquainted with the amazing miracle of love, you showed me a new world. A place of safety, of purity, laced with regret and hidden cruelty. And I suddenly found myself never wanting to leave. After I promised myself I never would. Not after my parents and saw how much it destroyed my family. If you really hurt the ones you loved, you must have loved me to death and beyond, or we would not be here now. And for a love so true, sadness would not show his head.
The dawn lifted her majestic fingers and gave birth to a new dawn and there I found myself, freezing in the sunbeams. I looked and saw your frail form, now in plain view, and I didn't recognize you. Your warm eyes closed forever, your raven-like hair strewn across your face. And your blood. Blood everywhere. Taken in bits across the wood of the deck, a puddle surrounding you as though it wanted back in. I crouched in a corner against the ship. I didn't understand.
Love lies bleeding infront of my eyes and here I was, suffering just from the sight of it. And for the first time in a long time. I screamed. Into the fog that covered the waters that seemed lavender. I screamed at myself, I screamed at the moon, I screamed at you. I hated you for leaving me, but I hated myself more for letting you go.
Then I cursed God.
Why wasn't he here? Why didn't he do anything? I knew you were destined for me, and I for you. Did God not see that fit? Two sinners can't be together? Was that what was so bad that God didn't want us together?
The Gods forgot they made me. So I forgot them too.
Over the next few nights, sleep never found me. I hid in bottles upon bottles of anything I could get my hands on. Rum, Ale, Absinthe, anything that I saw fit to help numb the pain.
And then one night, I found myself on the dock. Jack's pistol in my hand. One shot. That's all I needed anyway.
I couldn't go on living. Not like this. Not alone.
I know to most people it seems like a great gift, but it hurt. It hurt deep. So much, I couldn't help it, though it does seem not such a good reason to others, but looking back, it was worth it.
I looked at the sky, hoping to see something more than the moon. The stars twinkled, the time passed slowly. I thought, surely, someone must be looking for me. No. No one did.
Who cared anyway? One less person in this world to add to the troubles of others.
I looked up to the sky, and cocked the gun. The stars seemed to have shown brighter than normal. And suddenly, I'm sorry. Sorry I wasn't strong enough, sorry for have being weak. And then, I didn't care.
What a fine night to die.
They'll all say it's wrong, but I know it's right. It's over, and I'm done and I'm leaving tonight.
I aimed it to my temple, and fired. I remember falling into the water, breathing in the water and slowly, everything faded and was suddenly gone.