"How long was I gone?" Buffy's hands were resting in spikes as they sat across from each-other in the dimly lit living room of the Summers' house. Spike looked into her eyes softly with overwhelming joy and understanding.
"'Hundred and forty-seven days yesterday, 'Hundred and forty-eight today… but I guess today doesn't count does it?" He lets a slight breath of relief escape his lips with a smile. His thumbs lightly brushing back and forth on the sides of her bruised and battered hands. He paused looking down at them. "How long was it for you," looking back up into her green eyes he continued, "Where you were?" being careful to keep eye contact, careful to make sure she couldn't look away and think about what she had gone through.
"Longer." Her voice was soft but more confident than just a few moments earlier.
"Yeah?" Spike was sitting there, his head tilted to the side, looking at her … but she didn't want to look away. Looking at everybody else was too much, it made her head hurt. The rest were frantic, full of questions Buffy wasn't sure she wanted to answer… but Spike, his eyes weren't searching in hers for answers, they were resting on her, taking her in. He understood.
Just then, Dawn came into the room with the bandages and antiseptic Spike had asked for. She kneeled down next to Spike putting it all onto the coffee table.
She reached for the antiseptic when a cool hand met hers.
"I'll get it, little bit." Spike took the bottle from her hands, and Dawn reluctantly let go looking up at them. Buffy appreciated Dawn's calmness; even if it was the type that originated from shock and overwhelming emotions. While Buffy was trying to think about anything but the harsh world surrounding her, she traced Spike's cheekbones with her eyes.
He could feel that her eyes were still on him as he opened the bottle of disinfectant, pouring some of its contents onto a cotton round.
"I don't know if this will sting." He hoped it wouldn't, she'd been through so much it didn't seem fair for her to be in anymore pain. Buffy let Spike lift her hands one by one, cleaning them and wiping away the blood.
As Spike wrapped the last bit of gauze around Buffy's left hand, Dawn felt her need for Buffy to say something reach a boiling point.
When Dawn stood she spoke as softly as she could manage, "Buffy? Is- is there anything you need? Food? Water?" Dawn was struggling to keep her voice even.
"No." Buffy's eyes had moved from Spike's face down to her lap. She looked at her hands, wishing Spike was still holding them; his level head made her feel safer. She wanted him close.
"Maybe a bit of rest then, love?" Spike's voice brought her back into a calm state. He put a hand over hers.
"Okay," Buffy saw Dawn's shoes in her peripheral and followed them up to her sister's face. "Is my room still-"
"Yeah. We didn't move anything." Dawn started to think about all the days she would sit on the floor of Buffy's room looking around at everything, just thinking of how much she wished Buffy could walk back into that room… back into her life. Tears started to creep up on Dawn, filling her eyes. "Spike, can you take her?" She turned so Buffy wouldn't see her cry.
"Yeah," His attention turned back to Buffy. "Buff?" He stood, Buffy's hand in his, pulling her up to her feet. He began to release Buffy's hand as they walked towards the stairs and she grabbed on tighter. She wasn't ready for him to let go.
Spike was sitting next to Buffy on the edge of her bed, her hand still holding his. She was staring blankly at the wall of pictures in front of her. All those years fighting to be alive, to win the fight… she didn't get it anymore.
"Maybe I should get going, pet, leave you and Niblett to find your footing." Spike looked at her face wishing he could stay and just hold her. He wanted to make sure she wouldn't disappear again, that this wasn't a dream.
"I don't-" Buffy stopped mid-sentence, she didn't know how to tell Spike without him thinking something else. He does seem to understand though…
"Buffy?" Spike looked at her trying to figure out what she was going to say. Too many damn things start with 'I don't' "I don't want you here, Spike" she did grab my hand though… "I don't need to be babied" am I smothering her? I'm trying to give her space… no, I couldn't be *smothering*. Maybe-
Buffy realized how long she'd been quiet.
"I don't have a footing to get." Buffy looked down at her feet; god, who chose this polish color?… I wish I had socks.
"You just have to find it." Spike wanted to know what she was thinking. Buffy shook her head.
"I'm not supposed to be here. I don't want to be here." Buffy was trying to find an emotion besides the mind numbing depression that was eating its way through her. Spike brushed the bit of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear.
Buffy couldn't stop herself from saying what she was about to, it just came out, "You need to stay here." The words came out soft and hushed even though she meant to say it with confidence and authority. Spike didn't even have to think, he got up. He went to her dresser and pulled out a pajama set for Buffy. She wondered how he knew where she kept them. He walked back over to her and placed them where he had been sitting. He crouched down to be at eye-level with her, placing a hand on her knee.
"You get back in you nice comfy things and I'll get you some water." Spike straightened up and turned to go, taking his hand off her knee. She grabbed the sleeve of his jacket.
"Don't." it was almost a whisper. Spike was mad at himself for loving the attention. This is not about you, you prat. She's in pain. At that moment it hit him that she was here. Buffy. She was back, heart beating - even if she didn't want to be alive again.
"Gonna tell Dawn I'm staying over. Get changed. I'll be right back." He words were a bit more forceful than he had meant them to be.
Hoping he wasn't taking things too far, Spike bent down and kissed the top of her head before he walked out of the room. Buffy had calming tingles run down her body; she felt how much he cared. When the door closed she started to get changed.
"Buffy?!" Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya came crashing through the front door; Spike appeared at the top of the stairs and began descending down them. He spoke in a slightly hushed and irritated tone.
"Oi, Red, why don't you just try and keep it down." Spike reached the landing and was amused to see a vein angrily popping out of Xander's neck.
"Where's Buffy?" Willow started to push past Spike but he moved her back. "Hey!" Willow swatted Spikes hands off of her.
"Look, she finally having a rest and I would greatly appreciate it if you didn't wake her up with your bellowing."
Spike started to maneuver the Scoobies and himself into the living room. Tara looked back at the stairs
"A-and Dawnie, Is she-"
"Snug in her bed a few doors down from big sis." Spike sat down in the armchair and Tara and Anya sat down on the couch behind them.
"Are you sure that Buffy's okay?" Willow kept taking glances back at the stairs.
"Of course she's not okay." Spike looked at Willow with a face of disbelief. Willow got a look on hers like someone had just slapped her across it. Spike softened his featured and slouched down in the chair. "But I reckon she will be if she gets time to process" Spike and Willow shared a look of agreement before she joined Tara on the couch behind her. Tara rubbed her hand lovingly.
Xander was still standing.
"Get out." Xander pointed at the door doing his best to act tough.
"No." Spike put his feet up on the table in defiance.
"Spike we're back now you don't have to stay, you should get home before the sun comes up."
"I'm not going anywhere, Willow."
"You don't get to start up your little obsession now that Buffy's back Spike. If you lay one hand on her-" Xander stops talking as, in one fluid movement, Spike's feet come off the table and he stands grabbing Xander's collar and pulling him close.
"Hey!" Anya squeaked standing up behind Xander.
"You'll what? Stake me?" Spike suddenly remembers he has to play nice to get back upstairs to Buffy; where Buffy asked him to stay. Spike releases Xander's collar and sits back down resting his arms on his knees, back hunched over. "She's never gonna love me but that doesn't change the fact that I love her." His voice gets quiet and serious, "I'm always going to keep my word when it comes to her."
"Right, because you're so good at that." Xander sits down with Anya, feeling that he's going to lose this fight without backup. Spike looks at him.
"Buffy asked me to stay with her; she doesn't want to be alone." He says this as calmly as he could desperately wanting to get back upstairs in case Buffy woke up.
"We can watch her" Tara gives Spike a little smile after saying this, still holding Willows hands. Spike lets out a breath. God I need a smoke.
"Buffy doesn't need to be watched," Willow opens her mouth to interject but Spike keeps talking. "She didn't ask Niblett to stay with her and she didn't ask me to send you up. She asked me to stay. So I'm staying" Spike gets up.
"Where are you going?" everyone got tense at Xander's question, praying there wouldn't be another fight.
"Upstairs. Don't want her to wake up alone."
"Fine." Xander pulled Anya up and walked out of the front door; Spike closes it behind them and turns to the two witches on the couch.
"Any issues?"
Willow and Tara shake their heads and Spike walks back upstairs.