"Lily?"
The scratching of Lily's quill stopped. I could feel her eyes travel in my direction until her glassy green orbs met mine. She seemed happy for the break, though, because her lips held a small smile. I gave a small sigh of relief. Good.
"What is it, James?" She asked, amused. "Having trouble with your homework?"
I glanced down at my lap to see that my Potions essay sat there, waiting to be finished. I gave a silent groan. I was so preoccupied thinking about what to say to Lily that I didn't notice that I needed to do my homework.
"Not exactly," I answered, not meeting her eyes. She must have noticed this, for she frowned, and sauntered over to the table where I was sitting. The Common Room was devoid of people, so no one looked at us strangely.
"What's bothering you?" A crease appeared in her forehead as she dropped into the seat next to me. "Most nights you're jabbering your head off."
"Sorry," I said, and I meant it with sincerity. "I just…have a lot on my mind."
"What?" Lily asked. "I promise I'll help you in any way I can."
"Well…" I hesitated. "It's about us, actually. We seem on so much better terms than last year."
"Of course we are!" Lily said, grinning. "You are so much more mature now, and I can actually have a civilized conversation with you."
"And you're not screaming about how much you hate me," I laughed, and she imitated me, her green eyes rolling back into her head in amusement.
"I know," She says. "I really like being your friend."
"The thing is…" I hesitated, not wanting to offend her or risk our newfound friendship. "I kind of want to be more than friends." I winced, waiting for her reaction.
Her eyes widened fractionally. "Oh," she said; her voice hollow. Not cursing me yet – this was good. "Well, that changes things, doesn't it?"
"Look, Lily," I said, standing up so I was towering over her. "I really like you. I always have. And now…You don't hate me anymore. We're friends."
"I never hated you," Lily said softly, standing up so that we were of equal height again. "I simply decided you were an arrogant little prick unworthy of my attention."
"I believe the word for that is 'hate'," I quipped, though my stomach was churning. She still hadn't said anything about me liking her again.
"James, I don't want to risk our friendship," Lily said with a small smile. "It's a miracle we've even made it this far – I think we should just stay like this for now."
"For now?" I said weakly, my shoulders slumping in defeat.
"Until I can work out my feelings for you," Lily said, smiling sadly at me. "I'm just not sure. Sorry."
She picked up her bag and exited up the girl's staircase.
I sighed, putting my head in my hands. Holy shit, I had it bad for her. And I may have just screwed up everything. I'm such an idiot.