In My Field of Paper Flowers

In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullaby

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me

Hazel eyes slowly opened, gazing up at the sky above her. The sky was completely blue, not a cloud in the sky. The breeze was nice too, slowly blowing over the tall grass and flowers that surrounded her lying form. Her eyes closed as dark locks blew into them and she opened her eyes when her locks fell away from her eyes.

How long had it been?

Days, weeks, months? Maybe even years?

It couldn't have been that long. She couldn't have been there that long...

She considered the thought of staying here, in this world, where everything was peaceful and she didn't have to worry about a single thing. Her own little world. Maybe he was here as well, with her, wanting to stay by her side and act as though nothing happened. She hoped he was. She closed her hazel colored eyes yet again, just listening to the sound of the breeze.

"Shell."

Her eyes opened yet again and she found herself looking into the direction of the voice. Deep, having an Irish accent to it. She'd recognize that voice anywhere. She didn't see anything, but she could hear him, feel him, he was there with her. The voice called out her name again and she looked above her.

A pair of soft, but slightly chapped lips pressed against her forehead softly. Green orbs stared into her hazel ones.

"It's time to wake up."

Her eyes opened and she blinked, seeing the slithers of sunlight coming through the curtains of her room. Though it wasn't the room she had lived in before, in the apartment she shared with him. She slowly sat up, bringing a hand to her head. It was that place again, the place where she went to escape from the real world. It was a world she had created after he...

She closed her eyes, hanging her head a bit. "I miss you..."

The day would be as normal as ever, shower, appointment with her doctor/psychiatrist, eat, fuck around for the rest of the day and then go to bed and escape to the paradise, like she did every night when she went to sleep. Shell sighed once again and walked right out the door. The doors were always opened about eight AM every morning and then closed at ten PM every night. Though the doctors in the building had no need to lock her in her own room, she had asked them to.

After all, it was a hospital for the mentally ill.

No, she wasn't exactly crazy. Just broken. Heart-broken, mentally and physically broken. She barely had any strength to get through the day sometimes. Sometimes she would just sit on her bed and stare at the wall, just staring and sometimes not moving for hours at a time. It would make doctors and orderlies concerned that maybe she was having an 'episode'.

No, it wasn't one of those where she would snap and go crazy. It was just an episode that involved her being in a catatonic state and just not...doing anything. She had even scared her doctor once when she wasn't breathing, but she was, through her nose.

Nobody was her friend here at the hospital. She didn't want new friends. She kept to herself and people left her alone. Though there was this one girl who just seemed jealous of her and just so furious at her all the time. Her name was Tilia. She had been committed to the hospital by her boyfriend, because she had gone psycho on him at the time when she accused him of cheating on her with another girl. Tilia was one of those girls who was a cheerleader, popular in high school and demanded that everyone and everything bow down to her and lick her feet.

Shell was not one of them. She ignored Tilia and her nasty remarks and comments. Tilia was just nothing but a bully that wanted to stomp on people to make herself feel better.

After her shower, Shell dressed in a pair of dark blue, faded jeans and a long sleeved shirt that hung off her left shoulder a bit. She put on black socks, but no shoes. She hated wearing shoes unless she went outside. She brushed her hair away from her face. It had gotten longer since she admitted herself to the hospital eight months ago. It was nearly reaching her knees now. She hadn't bothered to cut it.

She headed to the office of her psychiatrist, Dr. Ruth. He was one of the nicer psychiatrists in the hospital and he understood her more than others would. He was a man in his late thirties, with graying blonde hair and soft green eyes. The eyes reminded Shell of HIM, just a bit.

"How are you today, Shell?" He asked her, sitting at his desk while she sat in the chair just right across from him.

She thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Okay...I guess."

"Did you go there again?" Dr. Ruth asked softly.

"Yeah."

Dr. Ruth knew about her 'paradise'. She told him when she first had the dream and told him about...

"Was Jones there, Shell?"

He could instantly see the sadness in her eyes and he was afraid that she might start crying. But she didn't. She nodded once. Dr. Ruth felt so much sympathy for her. She was broken, not crazy. She wanted to get better, wanted to put the past behind her. She wanted to be who she was before she met Jones. She wanted to be normal.

There was silence between them for a few moments and then Shell jumped when Dr. Ruth's buzzer went off. Had it been an hour already? "Alright, you can go, Shell. Just remember...I'm here for you when you need me."

Shell nodded and got up, then left the office to head to the cafeteria. She wasn't very hungry nowadays. Being depressed all the time had made her lost her appetite. She picked up a tray and grabbed some bacon, sausage and french toast. She was about to head over to an empty table when a foot came out of nowhere and tripped her, sending her flying to the floor and her food all over the floor as well.

"Whoops! Maybe you should watch where you're going, loser!" Tilia's shrill, high voice echoed all around her.

Shell didn't speak, nor did she get angry or yell. Hell, she didn't even bother getting up for a few moments. She gave a soft sigh and got up slowly, glancing over at Tilia.

The girl smirked. "Aw, are you gonna cry? You gonna cry for your mommy and daddy? You gonna cry, loser? Or are you gonna cry for your little lover, Jones?"

Shell twitched.

Next thing Tilia knew, she was thrown onto the floor, the side of her face throbbing. Some of the patients in the cafeteria gasped and looked to Shell, who had her fist in the air. Thing was, she had the most calmest look on her face. Tilia whimpered and put a hand to her throbbing face, then looked to Shell.

"You don't know anything about me." Shell spoke, before she left the cafeteria calmly. No one dared to speak, or even get up to help Tilia.

Shell wandered to the court yard, where she sat down at one of the stone tables. She folded her arms on the table and laid her head on top of them. She stared out into the distance, mind blank. Her hand hurt a bit, but she paid little to no attention to it. She stared out for what seemed like hours until she got too cold. It was winter after all.

Once she got too cold, she ventured back inside and went to her room. She was only in there for a few minutes before an orderly came and got her.

Her test results were in.

Shell could already feel in the pit of her gut that it was bad news. She headed to her doctor's office and the moment when she got there, she saw the look of sadness on Dr. Ruth's face. The orderly closed the door behind her once Shell was in the office.

"...How bad?" Shell asked quietly as she sat down in the chair.

"The cancer...it's spread. Massively. Two years has probably turned into just a few days, maybe even a week at most."

Shell didn't bother looking surprised. She wasn't. She had been diagnosed with cancer a few months before the incident with Jones. Before he...died. She had told him and he had been shocked, to say the least. She remembered, that even know he lost his memories of her, he had been willing to do anything, anything to make the last of her time more comfortable. She remembered when she would be too weak to even get up sometimes, and he would help her.

"Shell?"

Shell was snapped out of her thoughts and she glanced at her doctor. "Do you want to leave here? Go home and say goodbye to your family?" He asked her.

"...I need some time to think." She replied quietly.

He nodded.

She left the room, quietly, trying to process everything. It was just too much. She headed back to her room and was there the rest of the night. And even then, she couldn't sleep. The thought that she was going to die in a week was just...breathtaking.

She could kill herself now and they wouldn't know until morning. She could make a noose from the bedsheets and hang herself. They wouldn't know until morning.

"Don't you fucking dare."

She jumped when she heard the voice and she looked around.

"You don't live just to fucking kill yourself so young. That's not how it works, Shell. You know that."

"Jones...?"

She felt large, warm hands touch her own, gripping softly, letting her know she wasn't alone. She couldn't see him, but she could hear him, feel him. He was there, with her. "Who else would it be? Look, you're not going to kill yourself. You're going to live out the rest of your life."

"What life...? I don't have one anymore..."

She heard a sigh and felt a hand brush against her neck, messing with the pendant around her neck. It was in the shape of a lock, golden, with a gold chain. She remembered that Jones had gotten that for her 21st birthday as a gift.

"Don't spend it here, Shell. Don't spend the last of your days here."

Tears rolled down her cheeks. Her eyes closed when a thumb brushed them away, then cupped her face gently. He was very close, almost inches away from her. She hiccuped, wanting to hug him, wanting him to hold her. She closed her eyes when she felt lips press against hers gently, then pull away a few moments later.

"I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through." His voice was a mere whisper.

"I forgive you." She whispered.

She could sense him smile and she felt his lips press against her forehead. "I'll see you soon, Shell."

With that, he was gone.

Shell went to her doctor the next morning and told him that she was going to check out and leave. Her doctor let her and as she walked outside, clad in heavy, but warm clothing. She had a small box in her hands, holding it close to her chest.

"Shell." Dr. Ruth caught up with her as she was walking out. "Where are you going to go?"

She looked back to him and smiled a bit. "I've got someone to go see."

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Footsteps lightly echoed as they walked along the snow covered sidewalk. It was a bit late into the day, around dinner time now. The sun was setting, allowing the soft snowflakes to reflect in the slithers of sunlight. The cemetery was quiet. Not many people visited it when it was so cold out.

The cold really didn't affect Ark.

He walked through the cemetery more towards the back, then raised an eyebrow when he saw a girl lying on Jones's graveyard. As he ventured closer, he realized who the girl was. Shell was lying on her left side, her left arm propped under her head and her other arm close to her chest. She was motionless, not even a sign that she was breathing.

He slowly walked over, kneeling down beside her. He reached out and put two fingers to her neck, feeling for a pulse. There wasn't one. Her skin was cold, very cold. He took his hand away and brushed some of her hair out of her face, seeing the peaceful smile there.

She died happy.

Ark's eyes traveled down a bit, seeing something in her hand. A folded piece of paper. He opened her hand and took the paper out, then unfolded it. It was a letter.

Ark,

If you're reading this, it means you've found my body. There's some things I wanted to explain in this letter. While I was in the hospital, I escaped to a bit of a paradise, where things were normal and happy and Jones was there with me. He may have lost his memory, he may have not remembered me and he may not of loved me before he died, but I loved him. I don't know if you would understand that.

I was diagnosed with cancer a few months before Jones died. Terminal lung cancer. Years of second-hand smoking. Then just while I was in the hospital, I was told I would have a few days to a week left to live. I didn't want to die there...in that hospital.

So I checked out and came here. I just laid here, waiting to fall asleep. I suppose when I did, the cancer took me and I died in my sleep. At least I didn't suffer...much.

Since I trust you to take care of my things, I want you to take my money and donate it to charities, orphanages, hospitals...anywhere that needs money. Whatever's on my computer, delete it. Erase my computer and sell it to someone who needs it.

One more thing...bury me next to Jones.

I'm sorry I caused you and the Butchers so much shit. I hope you can forgive me.

Sincerely.

Shell

Ark looked down at her body.

"I already have." He said softly.

He would do everything she wanted.

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Alrighty, so this story is actually based on a ship between my character, Shell and another's character, Jones. Their relationship did glow and they were both pretty much in love with each other...until Jones left and came back, with no memory of her. Currently, Shell is suffering from the loss of who he used to be and how they used to be and also from lung cancer. I wrote this oneshot based on the song Imaginary, by Evanescence. Basically the plot of the oneshot is that Jones was killed on a mission and Shell admitted herself to a mental hospital to get better. She wanted to forget it all and get better...until Jones tells her not to, in the form of a ghost.