Warning: Sad. Just unbearably sad.
Disclaimer: Gorilla owns it. I play with it. It's all about sharing and caring.
A Flutter of a Smile
My love called mercy came to embrace me for the sake of wiping away my tears.
On my death bed, I saw his swallowed words and his bitter blue – eyes that snatched souls away including my own.
I motioned for him to near, but he shifted. Turned, to go away, as if he was called by a soundless voice.
And then, gaping doorway opened its mouth to swallow me.
Hazy shadows approached closer and I knew I do not have long.
I suppose this is how I will leave, unable to tell him that it was alright; everything is alright now. That he did not break my love because he still had it and what he took was only the soul of a man who gave me affectionate pity for the me I was becoming.
My heart have always lied on his sleeves but he will know it none of the better because…
I am leaving this world that had been unkind.
I am leaving behind the people that had been kind.
But my little brother, what will become of him? He may be big and he may be tall but he was still the baby that I sang the lullaby to on the porch of a Midsummer's breeze. He was naughty, yet he was kind.
His laughter pealed in the summer air.
In the faraway meadow, of yellowing tall grass and scorching sun. Of chirping cicadas and a running boy across the paddy rice. Laughter, and cries, and shouts of delight.
That is how I want to remember him behind the back of my eyelids but echoes of rain on the windowsill filled my mind.
He would cry.
Yes, he would cry.
Still, I placed hopes and trust to the bleached white ceiling.
White, or grey? Perhaps it was the colour of ash. My eyes have started to fail me but it was because I was tired.
Yes, I am tired.
There were noise now, arrived on the opening of the doorway. I could not rest yet. I have to see his face for at least one more time.
They filed in as if they are mourners attending a solemn procession. He stood there, like the reaper that I have waited for.
The man that I had always fallen in love with, covered with the red from the blood of one who should have been my husband. The irony of it all, was that it was not done for my sake.
Shinsengumi.
I wish I could curse that word.
But protecting and belonging and everything they seek in themselves were all contained in that one word.
Much like how my love and care and everything that I treasure are all contained within his name.
If only he knew…
I saw his swallowed words and his bitter blue – eyes that snatched souls away including my own.
They weep for my cause. They carry my sorrows upon their shoulders.
He was the only one who would not meet my gaze.
I motioned for him to near, but he shifted. Turned, and went away as he was called by a soundless voice.
I have foreseen this.
It did not come to me as a surprise that there were still unsaid words between us. I hope it was enough. I hope he saw.
It was my all – a flutter of a smile.
Though tears escaped me, it was not out of sadness.
The darkness descended and I suppose it was my love calling me home. My love called mercy came to embrace me for the sake of wiping away my tears.
And I sleep.
A deep, deep sleep.
A/N: umm, well,… I'm sorry for all these depressing lines. I feel like I have to apologize for this.
Also, I'm sorry I haven't continued the other fics but that's because I'm still on exam and this is just for a stress-reliever^^
Anyway, reviews appreciated.