"You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."
-Prologue-
She could no longer cry. She had drained herself of tears. Even though she longed to shed the tears that she has come so accustomed to, Chou new there was no use in crying anyway. It doesn't make the things you hate or fear go away, it draws them in. It doesn't make the ones you love come back. She had learned that the hard way, not too long ago. Crying only makes everything worse. So, she stopped. She stopped shedding tears. And she stopped caring. Life seemed to appear better that way. Every day, Chou fights to keep her sanity, to not lose control. She can't afford to lose it all now; not after everything she has already been through.
Love has many ways it can be expressed. The love Chou knew was not spoken with words, but by the way her heart skipped a beat every time he looked into her eyes, the way her skin felt like fire every time he touched her, and the way he protected her, holding her close in an embrace so tender that not even the softest of silk could compare. That was then. This is now.
Her feet stride in a slow motion on the concrete done the side walk of the Tokyo city. Brushing past people as they walk by, Chou does not smile. Chou does not think. Chou just walks, not really going to any place specific. She just walks.
She distances herself from all her friends, making them more worried for her.
At times when Chou seems her worst, she cuts. Thinking about him, she figures that if she were to die, she would be with him for all eternity. That sounded perfect, until she said it aloud. Her friend Ichigo was startled by Chou's words, and called 911. Ever since, Chou has been on suicide watch, and seen hundreds of psychiatrists. Nothing seemed to change her appearance, or attitude. Nothing will ever change.
At times, Chou would think back to her favorite things he had said to her….
"Look at me. Look directly at me and tell me you don't love me."
"I thought by now you would have realized that I'm not going to leave you…"
"You're going to be the death of me."
Sometimes, when no one is looking, she would smile. The smile was real. Not those fake ones that she would pull whenever she would comfort her worried friends. But now that she has distanced herself from her friends, she is completely alone. She doesn't really smile anymore.
The image of his face fills her mind, and nothing else. Chou sometimes wishes she could turn back time, and change how everything had happened. But then, what would life be without a little drama, right?
Sometimes Chou wonders if this fight is worthwhile. And when she is on the brink of losing it, she thinks of him. She reminds herself of how much he loved her and maybe…just maybe…she'll be alright.