A/N: Okay, so this is a little weird, and ramble-y, but it's just something I wanted to write after watching the movie for the millionth time last night. Hope you like.

I'm telling them all what they need to hear. Well, not all. Verne's a little too slow to realize he's got problems.

Maybe he's the lucky one.

Teddy, man… God, that kid is one big ball of fucked up. Daddy sure did a number on that one. I mean, he nearly burned Teddy's ear off 'cause the kid asked him what he said. Fuck, he was five. Almost nine years later, and he still can't hear right. But don't dare say anything about the old man being a loony tune. Damn near breaks the kid's heart. All he can talk about is how his dad served his country, did a 'great service for his country'. The kid's just as screwed up as his dad, and I don't think he even realizes it.

Then there's Gordie. Kid keeps tryin' to be his brother, and doesn't realize that his father doesn't care. No matter how Gordie changes, he'll never be as good as Denny. All because Denny could throw a ball. And yeah, I mean, the guy was pretty good, but it ain't like football is really all that tough. And it's just something you practice, you know? Any dumb-ass can work hard, and get good at football.

But Gordie… Kid's got a gift. I mean, he writes, and whole other worlds just… they just come alive. That's not somethin' you can really work on, you know? You either have it, or you don't. But old man LeChance, he don't care. All he sees is that Gordie isn't Denny.

I've always been the leader of the gang. It's my job to keep my boys happy, you know? Fix their problems. Make sure they're taken care of. I don't know why it fell to me. Wasn't really planned. Not like we voted or anything. Just kinda… happened, I guess.

But there are times when I wish it hadn't. Happened, that is.

I'm tellin' Gordie that his writing's real good. That he needs to take college classes. That he's goin' places. And it's killin' me, 'cause I know I'm just as smart as him. But I don't say that. I tell him he's gotta move on. Get away from me and Verne and Teddy. 'Cause we'll only drag him down. 'Cause as smart as I am, I ain't goin' anywhere. And he's gotta move on, and use his gift.

And the whole time I'm tellin' Gordie this, I can feel the rope from my sleeping bag diggin' into the cuts on my back from my dad. Can feel the bruises from Eyeball knocking me down the staircase when dad was done with me.

I ain't whinin' about it, and I ain't askin' for no one's pity. But just once, I want one of the guys to ask how I'm doin'. Ask if I'm doin' okay.

I mean, yeah, I'd tell 'em I'm fine. Everything's goin' great. But it's the point, I guess.

I guess it's 'cause just about everyone in this whole fuckin' town knows my last name. Knows I'm one of those Chamber boys. And everybody knows that the Chamber kids need a good lickin'. Yeah, sure, maybe Old Man Chambers takes it too far once in a while, but… well… they're only Chambers kids. Not like they were gonna be anything anyways. Not like a hiddin' was gonna make 'em any worse, right?

I mean, Gordie doesn't think like that. But he doesn't ever ask, 'cause he really doesn't wanna know. Ain't nothin' he can say is gonna make it okay. Nothin' gonna make it hurt any less.

So I guess it doesn't really matter that he doesn't ask. 'Cause what the fuck am I supposed to say? "Oh yeah, man, I'm okay. Oh that? No worries: my dad just got a little pissed 'cause the chair broke while I was sittin' it. Only belted me for a half hour."

Yeah. I'd feel like a pussy, and he'd feel useless. So what's the goddamn point?

It don't bother me so much now with my dad, I guess. It hurts more with Eyeball. 'Cause he knows what it's like. Dad and our oldest brother Jimmy used to do the same shit to him. Way back before there was Eyeball, there was just Stevie Chambers, who was never too cool to hang out with his little brother Chris. Stevie, who stuck up for me, no matter what. Stevie, who always made sure I was outta the way when our old man came lookin' for an ass to beat, or when Jimmy came home from a bad date, and wanted to take it out on someone who didn't matter.

Then along came Ace, and Stevie was gone, and all that was left of him was a dime-store punk, along with the shitty ass haircut, nasty ass cologne, and mean ass attitude to go with it.

All of the sudden, I wasn't allowed to hang out with him anymore. Fuck, wasn't even allowed to speak to him. Then… Well. Let's just say this wasn't the first time I've had a trip down the stairs courtesy of Eyeball's Foot Express.

I don't know why I'm worryin' 'bout all this. Ain't like none of it matters. Maybe that's why I keep pushin' the others to be better. Try to keep 'em all happy.

'Cause I know I ain't goin' nowhere. I ain't escapin' nothin'. I guess the only thing I got left to hope for is that maybe I won't treat my little brother the same way Eyeball treats me.

Here's to hopin' that somethin' might go right in this shithole town.