The Great Turkey Protest
A/N: We've already established that I don't own Digimon…except for Lia. She's mine, so there. The other thing I wanted to say is I know there is no Thanksgiving in Japan. Humor me here, people. The Digidestined are going to have Thanksgiving, whether there is any in Japan or not. There, now that that's taken care of…
"So…what's everybody doing for Thanksgiving?" Lia asked casually, sitting on the table in the computer room. Of the thirteen Digidestined, twelve were present. And eleven of those twelve began groaning simultaneously.
"What? What's wrong? Is it something I said?"
"Thanksgiving at our house sucks," Tai moaned. Kari nodded.
"Yeah. Mom's such a health food nut we don't even get real turkey. It's a tofu turkey!"
Sora shook her head. "My Thanksgiving is worse. Nobody says anything at the table. I get stared at if I ask for the gravy."
"I can do better than that," Izzy stated. "All my relatives treat me like I'm three. 'Oh Izzy, can we cut your turkey for you?' 'Here, Izzy, we'll butter your roll.' Argh! It's so annoying!"
"Nope, my Thanksgiving sucks more," Joe said, shaking a finger. "I'm allergic to everything on the table. I can't eat turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, any of that. I end up drinking water the whole time."
Nicki rolled her eyes. "Sorry, Joe, I have you beat. Try having Thanksgiving at Team Rocket. Last year James got his head stuck in the turkey."
"Nope, not good enough. Do you really think that beats having to eat an entire meal with my sister? Sitting there, staring at Jun for an hour and a half!" Davis cried.
"Huh, that's not as pathetic as mine. My parents always try and cook the perfect turkey and they always burn it and we always end up eating pizza!" Yolei whined.
"Oh yeah?" Cody asked. "Well, we don't even have a turkey! My mom cooks chicken and tells me it's a turkey, but I know it's not turkey!"
"Aw, Matt and I have you all beat!" T.K. said triumphantly.
"Yeah. Since T.K. and I live in a broken home and neither of our parents can cook our Thanksgivings always end up as a turkey sandwich, a football game, and calling each other at four to scream 'help me help me help me.' Yup, that's our Thanksgiving."
"Wow, now I feel really guilty. I've always had a great Thanksgiving, and I talked to Mimi and she seemed really excited about Thanksgiving too," Lia sighed.
"Did somebody say my name?" Mimi asked, entering. "We're home for Thanksgiving, isn't it great?"
Everybody groaned again.
"Lia, what's with them?"
"Everybody has terrible Thanksgivings except for you and me."
"Well…how about the thirteen of us have a Thanksgiving dinner in the Digiworld? Ya know, smuggle a turkey and some stuffing and stuff through the digiport and spend time with our digimon family."
"Mimi, you're a genius!" Lia cried, jumping off the desk.
"Wha?" the others asked.
"We're spending Thanksgiving with our digimon. Meet me here tomorrow after your usual Thanksgiving stuff and everybody has to bring something. I don't care what, just as long as we don't get fifty pounds of cranberry sauce. Joe, bring whatever you can."
"Kay."
~*~
After spending a "normal" Thanksgiving with their relatives, the Digidestined met in the computer room, everybody holding a steaming Tupperware container…well, not everybody.
"Matt, where did that turkey come from?" T.K. asked in shock.
"Uh, a turkey farm?"
"We know that, but where did you get it?" Yolei asked.
"Uh, a Stop and Shop?"
"What they meant to say is how did you get a hold of a turkey when nobody in your family cooks?" Joe said.
"I cooked it, same as anybody else. You don't know just how freaking long it takes to do one of these things!"
"You didn't have to," Lia pointed out.
"Yeah, but I figured we were going to need a lot of food, considering the fact that the digimon are pigs."
"I am not a pig!" Patamon shouted.
"Can we go already? This pan is hot!" Mimi squealed.
"Here we go! Digiport open!" Davis yelled, holding up his D3. The usual goofy music plays, they all jump through the computer, ya know, the usual routine.
"Hey everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!" Tai shouted as the digimon assembled. They stared at the kids quizzically.
"What's Thanksgiving?" Agumon asked.
Lia smiled, set down her pie and helped Nicki unfold a blanket. "It's a holiday where you spend time with your family and give thanks for all the blessings in your life. We wanted to spend our holiday with you, since you're all part of our family."
"Who's in charge of carving this sucker?" Davis asked, practically drooling over the turkey.
"Not you," the older kids said. Davis groaned. Biyomon and Hawkmon gaped in shock and disgust at the turkey in the center of the blanket.
"What's wrong, guys?" Yolei inquired, sticking a knife in the butter.
"We refuse to celebrate this holiday!" Hawkmon stated indignantly.
"How dare you! Thanksgiving is the mass slaughter of our kind! It's turkey genocide!" Biyomon squawked.
"Oh Biyomon, you don't have to eat the turkey, at least sit with us," Sora said calmly.
"I won't! Just watching you eat our family members is cannibalistic and gruesome and Hawkmon and I are protesting this holiday!"
"Yup! We refuse to take part in anything that promotes senseless and inhumane treatment of turkeys!"
"Oh give me a break and pass the gravy!" Gomamon groaned.
"Gomamon, you flesh-eating sicko! How can you sit there when thousands of kids are going around and eating tuna fish sandwiches and murdering your kind?"
"Hey, for one, this turkey is wicked good…nice job, Yama-chan, and two, I'm not a tuna fish and I could care less if a bunch of kids are eating sandwiches!"
Wizardmon rolled his eyes. "How long are we going to have to listen to them complain?"
Armadillomon nudged the stuffing over towards Cody and replied, "Aw, they'll give up eventually."
"One quick queshtion. What happensh if we're shupposhed to be having thish party here and the Digimon Emperor deshcidesh to crash it?" Veemon asked.
"We ask him if he wants cranberry sauce," Nicki replied simply.
~*~
"Biyomon, you and Hawkmon are really ruining it for us," Tentomon complained.
"We'll stop if they start serving ham at Thanksgiving!"
"Don't even say that! I resemble that remark!" Patamon cried.
"Did anybody break the wishbone yet?" Izzy asked.
"What's that for?" Palmon inquired.
"Breaking the wishbone is a tradition where two people make wishes and pull on the wishbone of a turkey until it breaks. Whoever gets the bigger piece will have their wish come true," Tai explained.
"So which two get to break the wishbone?" Kari asked.
"We'll decide this like mature adults," Gabumon advised.
"Ooh ooh ooh! Me me me!" Davis shouted.
"Doesn't the wishbone need to dry out first or something?" Sora asked.
"Yeah. We'll give it a little while," Yolei replied.
"I brought a football. Anybody up for a game?" T.K. asked.
"I am not a football!" Patamon shouted.
"I didn't mean you."
While the guys went off to play football…Cody included as the smallest lineman in the history of football, and the girls were busy discussing politics…
"No Mimi, Gore did not lie."
"He did so lie! Bush is so much smarter and the Florida recount says so!"
"Palmon, if you could vote who would you pick, Gore or Bush?"
"Actually, I'd vote for Nader."
…Biyomon and Hawkmon continued their turkey protest.
"Birds have a right to live! Eat veal, you Nazis!"
"The Pilgrims never really ate turkey, so why should you?"
~*~
Meanwhile, in a really big hideout with great cable reception…
"Mmmm, turkey. Wormmon, go get me that turkey!"
"But Master, it's those kids' turkey and they got it themselves and it's not fair if we take their turkey."
"Wormmon, are you contradicting me?"
"N-no sir."
"Because if you're contradicting me then I'll just have to call up Santa now and tell him you can't have any Christmas presents. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"No Ken, don't call Santa! I want my Christmas presents! I'm not a bad little caterpillar!"
"Then get me their turkey…and some pumpkin pie while you're at it."
~*~
"Ohhh, I ate way too much," Davis groaned.
"Shervesh you right, Davish. I told you not to have three helpingsh of pie," Veemon scolded.
"But it was good pie!"
"Yup, my own personal recipe," Lia said with a grin. "Step one, open can. Step two, place pre-mixed pie gunk in pre-baked crust. Step three, cook."
"Hey, pie is pie," Agumon said between mouthfuls.
"Well, pie could be P-I-E pie or P-I pie. Take your pick," Izzy stated.
"What's the difference?" Shadowmon asked, batting the can of whipped cream.
"One is a dessert and the other is a number…oh God, I've been listening to my teacher again! No!" Nicki yelped.
Just then Wormmon jumped out of the bushes.
"I have come to take your turkey by orders of the Digimon Emperor!"
"Take that turkey far away from here! It is the symbol of all that is evil in the world!"
"May turkeys fly free all across this land of ours!"
"Uh, I don't think turkeys can fly," Cody pointed out.
"Wormmon, why does Ken want our turkey? It's like half eaten anyway," Mimi pointed out.
"I dunno, he just told me to bring him your turkey."
"Heheh, I have an idea," Tai said, snickering.
~*~
"Wormmon, where is that turkey?"
"Uh, I brought two turkeys, is that all right, Master?"
"Two turkeys! Sweet! Bring the tasty morsels in here!"
Just then the bag started moving, and Ken watched in disbelief.
"Wormmon, what is wrong with my turkeys? They're cooked, aren't they?"
Biyomon and Hawkmon jumped out of the sack, gasping for air.
"How…dare…you…treat…us…like…that!" Biyomon panted.
"What…do…I…look…like…a…Perdue…chicken?" Hawkmon gasped.
"Wormmon, what is the meaning of this? I asked for turkey!"
"The kids said these two were real turkeys and I could give them to you."
"Thanksgiving is an evil holiday! I bet you made it up, Ichijoji!"
"We'll pummel you, you…you…turkey molesting meat eater!"
"Huh?"
"Get him!"
~*~
And so, Biyomon and Hawkmon finished their Thanksgiving by chasing Ken Ichijoji, the omnipotent Digimon Emperor (Or Kaiser, whichever you prefer. I actually think he should be called the Digimon Chalupa, but that's my opinion.) around his secret hideout. Davis never got to break the wishbone, it was broken by Cody and Wizardmon, who got into a huge fight afterwards because Wizardmon insisted Cody cheated. I don't know how you can cheat when breaking a wishbone, but hey, this is Wizardmon we're talking about, the guy who is technically still dead.
~*~
Author's Notes: Okay, for those of you who read "Still Hurting," here's a little something for you. One, if I was Japanese, I'd write my stories in Japanese. However, since I'm not Japanese, I'm stuck using catch phrases. Besides, I think they make more of an impact than good old English. Two, I get my indentations to work because I hit the tab key. I don't know what you people are doing. Three, yes, Nicki, I know you don't eat turkey. Humor me. And finally, have a happy Thanksgiving from all the Digidestined and their digimon.